Hello, dashing readers! As you may be aware, today is Indigenous Peoples Day in many states, Columbus Day in others, but whatever you’re choosing to pretend to recall and carefully reflect on, it’s a day off. And days off are important, as we need to let our writers brains marinate and re-absorb their creative juices, gels, and, occasionally, custards. So, yes, we’re not going to have the full buffet of stories today, but to let you know we still care, here’s a fascinating concept car named Columbus for you to consider.
Columbus was an Italdesign concept from 1992, and the initial goal of the project was to make a “sailing ship for dry land” because, of course, that’s what everyone was clamoring for. I bet people really wanted more hardtack and salt pork in their diets, too.
The result was something really remarkable, and, even more so, bonkers. Italdesign envisioned Columbus as being something ideal for “the urban scenarios of the United States,” though I think if anything it would have excelled in the non-urban scenarios of the United States, as this thing would make a fantastic long-distance, across-America road trip machine. I mean, look at it:
It’s sort of like a smaller tour bus, in a way; the driver sat centrally up high in the front, oddly removed from the six (expandable to eight) passengers behind. The layout sort of suggests a hired driver as opposed to, say, a parent or something, seeing as how they’re sort of removed from the greater population of the van. But maybe not; there’s actually three seats on the “upper” deck, so the driver isn’t really that alone:
Look at the layout of this thing! That’s a BMW V12 mounted transversely in the middle there, driving all four wheels. The rear wheels are capable of turning as well (up to 15°) a quality it shares with some of the seats, which are Captain’s chairs and capable of turning as well.
As you can see, everything is very early ’90s swanky, and I can imagine that beige carpet getting nice and filthy over less time than you’d likely think.
The exterior design is a little clunky, being a sort of merging of two very ’90s smooth, biomorphic, river-rock-eroded masses, but it sort of works in it own odd way.
It’s a pretty massive beast; it’s no wonder Italdesign was targeting this at the American market. Something this size in Europe would probably require zoning permits and landscaping.
It tends to look oddest in profile, where it feels like a sleek, almost sporty minivan got fused with a sort of fastback, kind of. Or maybe it was a van that was melted and stretched, kind of like those ’70s carnival prize melted and stretched soda bottles.
The front also has the face of a sort of grimacing or leering snake?
I kind of love this ridiculous thing, and while I couldn’t really picture anyone owning one, I could imagine a world where a family that normally had little city cars would rent one of these for a big road trip. In that context, they kind of make sense!
Anyway, I hope there’s lots of you out there with the day off, and I hope it’s fantastic. We’ll be back in full force tomorrow!
Wow, look at those lines! It’s kind of scurvaceous…
Alright, I’m leavin, I’m leavin.
As a father of 5 kids, the thought of being all alone separated from the noise would be amazing. Take all of my money
You’d be sitting on top of a 30 year old German V12. The break from kid noise would be offset by the worry about how expensive any unfamiliar engine noise is.
Worth it.
I could see this being a decent starting point for a camper. The position of the driver’s seat leaves a lot of space in behind the three front seats. According to the interwebs, it is ~19.5 feet long (which is shorter than many pickup trucks), so it would be relatively easy to park. I like the idea of a small camper that can be driven almost anywhere, even if it is hideous.
Oh boy would I ever love to own such an awkward space-age van like that. And look at that interior! Tons of glass! Tan leather thrones that swivel!
If you ever wanted vacation road trips to feel more like piloting a spacecraft, this is your van.
I’ll add that it’s sort of weird driving something called the Columbus? It should be the Nina, or the Pinta, or the Santa Maria right? And the driver would be Columbus? And I guess the cargo would be smallpox?
It was a very POSH affair:
Pox Out, Syphilis Home
It looks like a normal minivan that is wearing a 2nd gen Prius as a hat.
Well that’s it winner COTD right here. I can absolutely see that 100 percent
It looks like it’s perfect for road trips, until you consider the cargo space looks extremely limited. You’re not fitting 7 carry-on sized bags in there.
If it’s mid-engined, is there a frunk?
I’m gonna have my own ship! With hardtack! And salt pork! And scurvy!
Bring limes
…and a blender.
Where’s my shaker of salt? And a bandage for my heel.
I see you had a flip-flop blowout.
Gotta watch out for those pop-tops…
Where’s my [censored] pemmican?
I don’t have any need for this. I don’t want to own this. But I really want to drive one on a good road trip.
Favorite detail; it’s designed specifically for the US but the rear bumper is designed exclusively around a European-size license plate. I’d also sub out the BMW V12 for a Chevy V8 (a Caprice/truck-spec LT1 since the LS wasn’t around yet in 1988) for field serviceability.
Would gladly sit alone up front in command of this vessel, ensconced in my own music and HVAC. Let the crumbgrabbers sqabble amongst themselves in the way back.
Happy Indigenous Peoples Day!
How lopsided is the weight distribution on this thing? And what effect would that have on driving dynamics? Hubert Meas, please chime in.
Looks like somebody took a look at the Rodius and said “hold my beer”.
I had more comments of WTF under my breath reading this article than any I can remember, so good job, Torch. This looks like something the Bishop would come up with if he accidentally ate the ‘wrong’ brownies.
Happy Indigenous People’s day.
Yeah, happy Indigenous Peoples Day!
Here’s a pretty good post about why not to commemorate it as Columbus Day (the website can get a bit Rabelaisian, even more so than the Autopian, lol. So some of it is rather NSFW though the article itself is pretty SFW):
https://theoatmeal.com/comics/columbus_day
FWIU the most legitimate argument to keeping Columbus Day is that Italian-Americans celebrate it as their ethnic holiday, like St. Patrick’s Day or Cinco de Mayo.
We need more midwinter holidays, so I suggest January 28 in honor of the Fiat 128.
Ah, yeah, though Columbus was *always* a singularly awful person (in fact he was arrested and imprisoned for his brutality when he was a colonial governor, which is really saying something given that this was during the time of the Spanish Empire) hence the call for better role models. Plus, Columbus wasn’t even really Italian, as it’s generally agreed that he was actually Genoese.
Oh, yeah, great idea about January 28 in honor of the Fiat 128 (though that only works with the American date convention of m/d rather than the European convention of d/m but it’s all good since it’d be an American holiday anyway.)
I read the link and got an education.
Thank you
Perfecting opening. A day off is a day off.
That van is the type of innovation we need to see in the car world!
OMG the startled look on that thing in the pic with the cyclist! This is obviously a van having its prostrate examined very thoroughly by another van.
Happy Oh So Close Day, since Columbus never quite made it to America in three tries.
Given that the Columbus is slightly reminiscient of the Rodius what would it take for you all to get Adrian Clarke to drive it?
What did I do to deserve that? Have I ever been anything but good to you people? And now you insist on using me as some kind of human pin cushion, a punching bag for you to exercise upon the drugery of your own miserable lives?
Dude, shh let them go with this.
They only made one, you won’t need to live with it, if they let you drive it at all it’d be around a test track in the middle of an expensed business trip to Italy.
Are you saying you DON’T want to drive an AWD mid engine BMW v-12?
It is out of deep respect for your exquisite verbiage when subjected to abhorrent circumstances. Damned by talent. The half gull-wing mid doors are an interesting choice.
Ha ha, ’tis all in jest, ’tis all good.
Plus, as Nlpnt pointed out, you’d get an all-expense-paid excursion in Italy.
And you’d have the opportunity to reenact some of the supremely jingoistic British film The Italian Job where the English with their Minis bested the finest the Italians had to offer and you’d get to drive on the Lingotto rooftop track.
Verily, the cloud would be rife with silver linings.
Like David would spring for any of that.
Alas. Yeah, given that David is a self-described ‘cheap bastard’ it’d be hard to pitch anything that involves actual expenses, lol.
Could try pitching it as a partner post kind of thing, like with the ignominous partner posts done with the fash-owned Copart and the NYC taxi, the partner posts with XPEL and the CrossCabriolet, or the partner posts currently running with eBay and the Tamiya kit Jeep.
Maybe (said with the requisite mano a borsa pinched fingers gestures) XPEL-a or eBay-a?
I am here for any Tamiya UK tie-ups. That’s the limit of what I’m willing to build.
Day off? Surely you jest. This is one of them there banking holidays that normal people wonder why things are closed. My co-worker called in because his day care is closed.
I think schools are off in a lot of places?
You’d think that more people would have the day off rather than having to take the day off, but I also heard recently that Americans have too many days off and the people want to work more, so who knows.
Too bad David and Torch don’t live in the same place, the site could run at full capacity even if they gave everyone else off. Otto could watch Delmar, childcare problem solved.
Shout-out to all the teenagers off school today and “celebrating” by caregiving for younger kids.
When I took my current job I negotiated for more vacation time rather than a higher salary. The new job was offering significantly more money already, so I argued to keep my 4 weeks paid vacation (experienced engineering role, far from entry level). I have not regretted my choice.
It’s crazy how some companies will gladly give you the vacation time because they “can’t” budge on salary and then others will absolutely refuse to allow more vacation days.
Probably because they’re betting you won’t take those days off.
As someone how gets 5 weeks vacation and uses, checks notes, 10 days a year. You’re right.
SAME, I came from a small business where we had “unlimited Vacation Time” as policy, but in reality it was get your work done and just be an adult. I told my new employer my agreement with my Director was one week a quarter, and that was my expectation here, it delayed my offer by a week, but ultimately they gave me what I asked for 🙂 I just got back from my first real vacation in years and it was amazing.
“I also heard recently that Americans have too many days off and the people want to work more”
Methinks you spend too much time on LinkedIn.
Translation:
Those non working holidays are hurting the stock portfolios of the idle rich!!
I would road trip this to hell and back. Those seats look comfy and the driving position gives a commanding view.
Happy October 13th everyone!
I suppose the upper deck is reminiscent of the poop deck on sailing ships. Understandable that they didn’t position it in the rear, but a missed opportunity to give it a lavatory.
Look at the seating layout for the pilot and the two co-pilots: this thing is practically a McLaren.
Also Happy Thanksgiving to our Canadian friends!
I like it.
It feels like it should have six wheels.
No idea why, but this feels right.
But quad front or quad rear? Or just an extra pair in the middle to pivot around?
This thing looks like a cartoonish vehicle from a mid-80s video game. The game was probably published by Jaleco.
Because you can’t spell “Columbus” without “bus”.
Side note: this looks like something Pete from Goof Troop would take on a road trip.
I was about to say it put the “bus” in “Columbus”.