I guess this week has been one for some bad ideas, like my rush-job Econline-based Viper-fighter from a couple days ago. That was a bad idea. And I think I had another bad idea in my system I needed to expunge, and it’s a pretty obvious one. Today’s bad idea was about using old traffic lights as taillights, which is, of course, a terrible idea, as you can see above.
I mean, I think they look pretty cool, and they already have three lights, two of which are probably close enough in color to be legal…ish. Just swap that green lens for a clear lens for the reverse lamp, and boom, you’re good!
Of course, there’s the size issue, which is why I think we’ve almost never seen this actually done, because traffic lights are about two and a half feet tall and weigh about 30 to 40 pounds. That’s an awful lot of metal to be slapping on the back of your car for taillights; 60 to 80 pounds of taillight is a lot to ask, even for me.
But what about on a car that can maybe handle the size and weight?
Sure, that Renault 5 may be pretty compromised by these huge traffic lights, but what about an H1 Hummer? Those almost look natural on there! They have that similar sort of beefy-exposed-fasteners and industrial-grade hardware look of the whole machine, so I think they feel at home on a Hummer, stylistically. All you Hummer customizers should take note, and start scouring your municipal scrapyards for old traffic lights!
Really, though, I think there should be more light/lamp repurposing overall. What about railroad-type lamps! Trains have had taillamps since the 1800s; a vintage pair of rail taillights could really class up a Jeep:
It’d be fairly trivial to convert them from kerosene or oil to electricity – unless you really want kerosene lamps, in which case I’m not going to tell you how to live.
Or what about nautical lamps? Look how cool some old ship navigation lamps would look on my beat-up old F-150:
They could add just that right touch of old-school maritime class, right? It somehow fits. And, fresnel lenses! Who doesn’t love fresnel lenses? And then if I decide to throw a bunch of old rope nets and plastic crabs on there, it’ll just feel right.
There have to be other lamps from non-automotive applications that are just begging to be made into taillights, right? I bet you have some ideas, so let’s hear ’em!
Brass-era acetylene gas lamp taillights powered by calcium carbide and water.
Two comments:
Christmas tree lights would be a nice change of pace.
Your AI crap is pissing me off. STOP IT!
How about combining two or your ideas and using a traffic light with a fresnel lens? Historically they were often used at intersections where two roads met at an angle significantly less than 90 degrees. The fresnel lens meant the lights were only visible from nearly straight-on, preventing confusion for drivers on the other path. The problem was that a decent breeze would swing the lights enough so they would often be invisible to the drivers they were intended for, too.
They’re not as common as they used to be, but last I knew there was one relatively close to the Torchinsky homestead. It’s on Lumley Rd where it passes under US 70, near the north entrance to Raleigh-Durham Int’l Airport. I’ve never been able to figure out the justification for it in that spot, but it’s been there as long as I can remember.
Just the green light has the fresnel lens, though. I’m serious.
About ten years ago I worked with a guy who made questionable life choices that had him perpetually strapped for cash. He had a 2008 Dodge Charger that he both cherished and abused. We didn’t work in the same office, but I would travel to his site every couple of weeks. One day I rolled in and saw his car had a broken tail light. He wouldn’t tell me how it happened, but when I pointed out that he could get a ticket he just smiled and winked. A few weeks later I showed back up at the site and noticed the red lens on the parking lot traffic control lights was missing, and then I saw his Charger’s broken tail light had a red, circular stop light lens duct taped over it. It worked surprisingly well!
I expected someone to have suggested this one by now given that it’s such low-hanging… well, let’s just say fruit, but tiki torches on the back of a Cybertruck. I was going to say they’d be “enlightening,” but they probably wouldn’t tell us anything we didn’t already suspect.
Cybertruck?
Maybe little burning crosses?
Call it the Kar Kommunication Kit.
/ It’s a joke! I know there’s a lot of great people on both sides.
On a TESSLA? Why not? With apologies to anyone who purchased before Mussk’s coming out.
Please don’t ruin tiki torches, they are nice for hanging out at the lake.
Rather than trying to find a matching colorless lens, how about just replacing the green with another red to provide separation of the brake and tail light functions?
“Trains have had taillamps since the 1800s.”
I remember a series of about four incidents in my area of nighttime collisions between cars and trains that were already passing through the crossing. Evidently the drivers didn’t see the trains. (Or were impaired.) It made me wonder why railroad cars didn’t have lights on the sides, perhaps powered by the rotation of the wheels. Oh, the additional cost, blah blah blah. But still…
Reflectors might even do the trick
I have to say, never in my life have I been suddenly surprised by the presence of a train. They’re just….not sneaky things.
They are sneaky if you are directly in front of one. They make a lot of noise but it it mostly gets radiated to the sides.
I have been near the tracks on several occasions and the only noise you would hear before the train was right there was the ringing of the rails.
It’s especially true in a forest or in a snowstorm.
I live a mile from a Union Pacific grade crossing and I hear the trains easily. When I am at the crossing I only hear them for a second or two as they approach.
I would definitely call them sneaky.
You might be surprised. I was crossing the tracks one nice night with my windows open. As I’m on the tracks I hear a rumble out the window, look to the left, and see a train sitting there with its lights out just out of range to trigger the crossing signal.
Of course it wasn’t moving, but my heart rate went through the roof. That is not something you want to see when crossing railroad tracks.
I’m pretty sure this is why every train car now has retro reflective yellow/black stripped tape all along the sides.
This may work for the Fred Sanford MF who lives on my street who always has a headlight and/or taillight missing on his POS Ram. These would be much tougher and harder to smash out
Sometimes I see rat rods and customized motorcycle with weird lights. Mainly residential fixtures sometimes what appear to be modified plastic decorations. The most interesting I saw was a old international truck where someone had had a led sign board on the tailgate for their signals and lights.
I’ve thought about a digital sign board in the back window of my van. I could have preprogrammed messages like PASS ME OR BACK OFF.
I’ve seen a small one of those in a Nissan Altima. If it’s a white full size van and you get amber sign it would probably well.
I have a Rite Lite, the vintage equivalent of this:
https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53533708526_e055edcba8_c.jpg
Changing the message means rearranging the translucent pegs, though, so I’m just using it as a CHMSL:
https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52472774190_d011b247fc_c.jpg
I was thinking along the lines of a tablet.
I wonder how many people you confuse as they try to decode CHMSL
Caution: Strapping traffic lights on your vehicle to serve as taillights may be a signal that your brain is on the blink.
A few years ago I picked up a traffic light at a Volvo club swap meet for no real reason beyond the fact that someone was selling it for cheap. It’s an older design so completing a matched set for this application might be a challenge and a mismatched set would just look tacky.
Let’s not forget that The Munster Coach featured later headlights and taillight.
My Survivor-themed Lemons racecar has tiki idols with glowing eyes as taillights. Does that count?
https://www.jcwhitney.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/winky-the-white-cat.webp
A pair of Louis Poulsen PH style taillights would add just the right raygun look to complement the tailfins of a late-50s car like an Eldorado or New Yorker.
I assumed you already had a bunch of plastic crabs in all your vehicles.
I cannot believe that Torch chose his truck to use as an example for wild taillight modification. Torch, you have a Changli and a Pao! If you’re gonna get weird, get WEIRD.
Pickups and Wranglers are great examples for this, since most of them are so hilariously bad to start with, they might as well be trained rats doing semaphore.
Every time I see a newish Ram and its integrated amber turn signals, I’m reminded that sanity is possible. We must only choose it.
Truly, the (Dodge, dammit) Rams are a breath of fresh air with those. “Amber turn signals? On a pickup? There is hope for humanity!”
If the drivers would use them
One hand to pack some chew, the other to hold the beer. Nothing left for turn signals
My 98 Ranger had amber turn signals, F-250s have amber turn signals, why not thenF-150?!!!
Traffic signals come 8 and 12 inch diameter lenses. So I agree they would be cool but impractical.
I think I will go with keeping my OEM taillights and adding a stage spotlight.
Obviously the additional light would be for your high beam enthusiast.
No one realizes how big traffic signal heads are unless they stand next to one on the ground. Up on the mast arm they look dinky!
Your right. Back in 1990 I worked for a company that sold traffic control products. Before I left I bought a nice 3 head R-A-G traffic light on an aluminum pole with base. It still looks good in my man cave. Also, the aluminum pole gets double duty during Festivus!
Nice it comes pre-decorated.
The town where I grew up had gas lamps on most residential streets, which had been converted to electric. I don’t know about taillights, but maybe they would work as some kind of coach lamps on a ’70s land barge, hanging there on the C-pillars just ahead of the opera windows.
The house I grew up in, had that.
Since on the topic, Baltimore was the first place that had gas street lights
I think I might try the oil lamp taillight conversion on my Pinto – sometimes the best defence is a pyrrhic offence.
They put out oil well fires, using explosives, so this is kind of the same idea, right?
Have you seen Wages of Fear? If not I recommend:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wages_of_Fear
With the proliferation of screens everywhere else on cars, why not just strap a couple old phones or tablets back there and have them display whatever suits you at the time?
Strap a pair of Simon Says consoles to the back, so you’ve got somethign to do when stuck in gridlock?