Something I love about this community is that our commenters either add context to a story or bring jokes. And sometimes you get both! This week, we had tons of jokes, and amusingly, a ton of them were for the last Comment Of The Day.
Yesterday’s COTD featured Nsane In The MembraNe’s joke about how Dodge and Ram have largely marketed their vehicles over the past two decades. Today, we have a COTD within the COTD! Ash78:
THE NEW RAM V8 BRAWNDO: IT BURNS WHAT PLANTS GAVE™
It also has LED “electro-lights” to blind oncoming drivers, which in conjunction with the new Steviewander Lane Assist can help ensure you drive straight and true while everyone else around you dies slowly in a miasma of regret for their beta cuck lifestyles!
Taargus Taargus:
Boy for someone who owns a Chrysler van, I sure have done well beating up Stellantis this week.
I kid because I care.
Mechjaz:
Huh. I kidded because I wasn’t careful enough.
JJ:
…and that’s how you end up with a Chrysler van.
Aaronaut:
Oh snap! Why DON’T we get a Hemi Caravan??
Ash78:
“Erm, actually, the torque steer in the regular Pentastar version is already approaching our acceptable limits of…”
PUNCH
Transverse V8 Vans for Everyone!
Yesterday evening, I wrote about the world’s first solid-state battery electric motorcycle. I was skeptical, but Arch Duke Maxyenko figured it out:
Turns out it’s actually just 1,000 gerbils in a trench coat.
Finally, have you ever wondered how folks in Germany saw GM’s front-drive sport sedans? Martin Dollinger:
Being from Bavaria and barely a teenager in 1987, I thought the Bonneville was one of the best-looking cars, period. I still think the slim headlights and pointed indicators look really good.
Fun fact: The Bonneville was available in Germany back then through certain big Opel (GM) dealers, but I would be surprised if they even sold 100 of them in all of Germany.
However, I still have a German edition Bonneville brochure in my collection.
Have a great evening, everyone!
Top graphic images: stock.adobe.com; Stellantis
I want to meet those Germans who bought Bonnevilles new. The mind boggles.
100 ex-pats. Zero Germans
Seems extremely likely, but there has to be at least a few oddballs. And I have to assume that in Germany these would have been rather expensive.
The heart wants what it cannot have. The Fiat 126p has been having a moment recently. Ask any Polish person age 45+ how they feel about that.
LOL – those things are a riot. Got to drive one in Hungary back in ’91. Like a little purse dog that thinks it’s a German Shepard.
funny bc in real life I have a German Shepherd that thinks she’s a purse dog (squint in my profile pic and you can see her).
Joke in the title is so meta, does anyone remember that Beau was on Pimp My Ride?
Steviewander lane assist. Appropriately named and funny to people my age. Wow it just hit me how kids in grade school are so insensitive and Stevie Wonder was that generation’s Ray Charles. He was likely their first exposure to someone who was blind. In my mind’s eye I can still see him tilting and swaying his head as he makes music. Kids are mean.
You made me go watch “Fingertips”. Thank you.
As a member of the (high school) class of 1984, I realize that any kid today listening to “Purple Rain” would have been like me listening to Glenn Miller.
Happy to pile on! I mean, uh, to be included!
It’s truly been a Stellantis (not pictured) week for us.
Almost 22 years since I first joined The Old Site and I love to see the spirit is still going, along with so many of the old familiar users (Archduke, Mechjaz, countless others).
Also, I still have no idea how Mercedes does it.
“Can you give us 1500 words on the RV show?”
“Yep, I think I have one working car out of 26…”
“Wait, you have 26 cars?”
“Technically some bikes and a bus.”
“OK, so how about that article?”
“Sure, can I knock it out on my phone while sleeping in the back of a Murano CC?”
“You do you.”
I had a really bad day on Thursday, and I want you to know that being namedropped by you, an Old Site OG, almost made me cry. I think about you people in real life, for really real, and hope that I’m someday of the means to meet so many more of you than I have in my little radius so far.
I know I’m a grumpy old cuss about many things, but the community here means the world to me. I’m so grateful to DT, Torch, Mercedes, and Matt for keeping the dream and the spirit alive, and for so many of you brilliant, lovely, opinionated, wise people for making this a place I’m proud to call one of my carefully curated, highly selective few internet-homes.*
*It’s literally just here and Ars Technica that I comment and participate, and I proudly subscribe to both.
LOL — I know what you mean. It’s pretty crazy to have known all of these “semi-anonymous” people for such a long time now, and that so many of them have made their way here (both founders, editors, contributor, and commentators) as well as opposite-lock.com . Both places are keeping the culture alive so well and I’m really grateful for it!
I know the feeling. For me that’s here, an unnamed drummers’ forum, and… end of list.
Maybe the Bonneville would have sold better if rebadged as the Guttenburg
This June….Hugh Bonneville…and Steve Guttenberg return to the big screen in Paddington Academy
They said the Ursine Police Force would be brutal, insensitive, and hungry. And they were right. Join the adventure…if you can bear it!
I would support this if the Ferrari 250GT Breadvan was renamed “Der Glutenburg” for Germany.
And an American version called the Gluttonburg.
Johannes or Steve?
Damn that’s good. I didn’t get it until I read the comments afterward, and I have to say, per Spikedlemon’s recommendation, *baker’s kiss*
Crazy to think:
1970s-me would be like, “There’s England, and Europe”
1980s-me would be like, “I might go to England some time, and I might go to London, and see a weird German car I’d never see in the US”
1990s me would be like, “I might go to Germany some time and see a weird English car”
2000s me would be like, “I might go to Italy some time and see awesome cars in contrast to weird other-European cars”
2010s me was “oh wow, there’s a shit-ton of random cars in Europe.”
2020s me is “yeah, whatevs, how many kinds of EVs you got.”
My first trip to Europe I sat in the Zurich airport sooooo excited to see some of the trucks I had only seen in Euro Truck Sim 2. Man, I gotta get back into that game. I bet it’s come a long way since I last played.
Each of the major EU countries tend to be a bit proud of their local brands. But what surprised me most about the last time I was in France is not the French cars, the EVs, and not the funky quadraycles but the sheer number of Toyota Corolla wagons roaming the streets.
Talk about an ideal car that can do anything. Reasonable size for tight city streets & parking, hybrid for fuel efficiency and serious pep off the line, and large enough for being a taxi at the airport to pickup a family with luggage.
“…the sheer number of Toyota Corolla wagons roaming the streets.”
Leftovers from the cars supplied for the bicycling teams at the Paris Olympics?
A perfect vehicle for taking the whole family to watch the TdF, or to bring your own bikes for a ride in the countryside.
So much this. I spanned out my European travel across three phases — late 90s (as a single student studying abroad), late oughts (married couple), and then a few trips in the past couple years (family of 4).
I used to marvel at how many SEATs I would see around Spain, or how Lancia seemed to only exist within the borders of Italy.
Last couple trips — Corolla Hybrid Wagons. Everywhere. And suddenly I wanted one because we can’t get them.
I mean sure the French are More patriotic than Americans when it comes to their cars, but sooner or later they decide I want to get where the fuck I’m going.
Also reliable, which translates to a (good) resale value even with high km’s. Hybrid is also very frugal in urban driving.
Any time any of us has a chance to be heard by TMC we need to stress how much more brand credibility a Corolla Hybrid Wagon generates than any halo car.
Absolutely. It’s probably also worth mentioning that the RAV hybrids are also huge in Europe (literally and figuratively) and it’s much more likely that Toyota US would tell us to go pound sand because we’ve already got that model here.
Realistically, the tradeoff to downsize slightly to a Corolla probably isn’t worth the modest improvement in efficiency, but I can see how a European cabbie would take whatever improvements they could get.
Lower center of gravity let’s you have the same roll couple with more compliant springs etc. for a better ride. I’m so tired of all the off-road cosplay …