I Just Learned What The First Chimp In Space Did While He Was Up There, And What Was Up His Rectum

My friend and longtime collaborator Carrie McLaren, who I’ve been working with since the ’90s ‘zine boom, has a new physical ‘zine she’s writing and publishing called Ape Shit, which focuses on, you know, monkeys and apes and non-human primates, and how we humans interact with them. It’s interesting stuff, and I’m excited to help out with the next issue by writing about Ham, the first chimpanzee in space.

I actually met Ham when I was a kid, at the Asheboro Zoo in North Carolina. I think he’s the only astronaut I’ve actually met? Definitely the most hirsute.

While researching the article about Ham for the ‘zine, I happened to find some old NASA documents that answered some questions I’ve always had about the two Great Ape-but-non-human-crewed Mercury flights, Ham’s suborbital flight, and fellow chimp Enos’ orbital one. Specifically, the questions answered were What Did Those Chimps Actually Do On Those Flights? and What, If Anything, Was Up Their Asses? And since at least one of these questions is relevant to a subject we do cover here, space travel, I think I can talk about it here in Cold Start.

Here’s a good video about Ham’s flight, if you’re curious, though it doesn’t address specifically what he did or what was up his ass:

Okay, let’s get these questions answered, starting with the one you likely find the most important: the rectal one.

You see, one of the ways that Ham was a more badass astronaut than the humans that followed him is that he did everything he did with an eight-inch metal temperature probe shoved up his ass. How well can you do anything with a metal rod up your ass?

Other smaller probes were considered, but it was found that animal subjects tended to “extrude” the smaller probes.

I tell you this so you’ll be sure to put some respect in your tone the next time you bring up Ham or Enos or any chimp astronaut. They did much the same things their human astronaut colleagues did, but with that thing up their butts and without the benefit of having any idea of what the hell was going on.

So what did they do while they were up in space? The whole goal was to see if a close-to-human organism could perform actual tasks while in the environment of a capsule in space, so they needed things for these chimps to do. I’d always heard that they did some kind of lever-pulling tasks, rewarded with banana pellets if they did well, and given electric shocks if not, but I had no idea just what that actually looked like. Now I know, thanks to a 1963 NASA report titled Results of the Project Mercury Ballistic and Orbital Chimpanzee Flights.

Ham’s console was simpler, as he was only on a shorter, 16-minute suborbital flight. It consisted of two levers and three lights. The tasks were about having Ham pull a lever in response to those lights. The left lever had a blue light which would come on intermittently, and when that light came on, Ham would need to pull the lever. If he did it right, the white central light illuminated. If not, he got a shock to the soles of his feet!

The red light on the right would light every 20 seconds and require a lever pull each time, so we had one more random task demand, and one regular. Ham’s console was all stick and no carrot, though, with no reward beyond that white light illuminating.

Enos’ console was more complex, which made sense, as his flight was longer. By the way, I should address the persistent rumor that Enos was nicknamed “Enos the Penis” because he would jerk off nonstop; Mary Roach, in her excellent book Packing for Mars, dispelled this rumor and revealed that Enos had that nickname because he was, well, kind of a dick.

Dick or no, Enos’ console did have a reward system, dispensing banana pellets or a drink for correct answers, though the shock to the feet was still an option as well.

Enos’ console had three levers and three little simple displays/lights and had multiple “programs” that the chimp-astronaut had to interact with.

These programs were more involved than I ever realized! One involved a blue light coming on every 15 seconds, requiring a lever pull to inhibit getting a shock; another would deliver a drink if a lever was pressed only after exactly 20 seconds had elapsed; one illuminated a yellow light and required a lever to be pressed 50 freaking times to get a banana pellet; the most complex program used the three small displays to display three symbols, two of which would be the same, and one different. Enos had to push the lever of the odd symbol out, or he would get a shock.

That’s more than just pushing a lever under a light! These would be tricky for a disoriented human with an 8-inch probe up their ass!

Ham’s flight was not easy by any stretch; malfunctions caused him to be unfairly shocked, and he experienced up to 17g of force! Ham was a badass astronaut, and deserves to be treated with as much respect as any of the Mercury 7, and I’ll defend that with my monkey-sized fists if I have to!

Top graphic images: NASA