Something that I love about the Autopian readership is that everyone is an expert in at least one thing. Some of you know everything there needs to be known about Scion xBs or Pontiac Vibes, while some of you are talented engineers, lawyers, doctors, and other professionals. If you pay attention for long enough, you’ll witness greatness in our comment section.
I wrote about the people who somehow keep dropping their laptops into voids aboard United Airlines Boeing 767s. Wuffles Cookie offers incredible insight:
Dammit Mercedes, stop posting plane bait for me! So fun fact, I’ve personally had to re-engineer this exact stupid feature on multiple airplanes. A few points:
The void laptops keep falling into is not a cargo area, it’s just an inaccessible gap between the outer shell of the seat pod and the sidewall of the aircraft. The cargo area on the plane is sealed to ensure smoke can’t get out to the cabin in the event of a fire, and to let the halon fire suppression system work properly.
If a laptop did fall into the void and catch fire, it would be unpleasant to the passengers and maybe cause some issues with those with respiratory issues, but wouldn’t crash the plane. Everything used in the cabin is both fireproof and self-extinguishing, and rated for far worse fires than you can get out of a single laptop. Also, the pilots have their own independent oxygen supply that lasts for hours, so they would be fine to land the plane.
This issue is the direct result of a difference in rigor between STC (supplemental type certificate) mod houses, and OEM (ie Airbus, Boeing, Embraer) level engineering. When an airline is looking to upgrade/redesign their interiors, they can either go with an external STC house, which is usually faster and cheaper, but not as detailed and can lead to substantial issues down the line like your article details, or they can have the OEM do it properly for what is usually a lot more money, and slightly more time. The use of a simple foam seal to block off the gap is a quick and easy solution, but leads to the lost laptop phenomenon, especially as the foam ages and deteriorates. The proper way to close out this gap is with a bulb seal mounted on a metal seal retainer putting the bulb into compression. Done right, with a seal that matches the sidewall contour (which is data the OEM has but an STC house might not) it’s pretty much impossible to get anything into the gap, even a knife blade. I happen to know for a fact that both Airbus and Boeing will not sign off on a foam seal being acceptable for installations like this, for exactly the issues mentioned, but STC houses generally aren’t held to the same standard despite the fact that they are supposed to be under both FAA and EASA rules.
Side tangent: this gap lead to one of my favorite work moments- not only is the gap an issue for fires, it’s also an issue for security because someone could stash a bomb or weapon there and it wouldn’t be easily detectable. We were working on installing a new airliner interior in a certain state known for it’s cowboy attitudes, and this gap issue came up. Some management types were in favor of the ghetto foam seal fix, while the engineers on-site felt differently. The engineer who actually had to sign for the FAA certification package proved his point running to his truck parked just outside of the hangar, coming back with a full duffel bag, and telling us to look the other way for 30 seconds. Then he asked management how many hijackers did they think he could arm just with the contents of the sidewall gap that he had half a minute of unsupervised access to. Four Glocks and two AR-15s later the message got across.
Jason learned that another autojourno has held a 12-year grudge against him. Livernois:
I may as well say it – I’m still mad about something Torchinsky did to me in 2014 too.
Did the camel suffer permanent injury? Well, no, but she could have. Did it end up costing me only 11 Thai Baht? Sure, fine, but sometimes it’s more than just the money.
I spent a lot of time learning how to dance the Lindy Hop. And when Carmelo Anthony had to push my motorized tricycle out of the mud, I sure was embarrassed.
But the worst thing is that the tuxedo Torchinsky lent me at the end of the night was Kelly green instead of the lime green he knew I needed.
He has my number. I’m still waiting for the call.
Have a great evening, everyone!
(Topshot graphic image: Author)
I’m so glad that you brought my attention to Torch’s article, since I missed it the first time around. The comments from this community were fabulous! Thank you all for making my lunchtime grand!
I feel that we can turn Torch’s professional squabbles into a regular column here for profit. Maybe call it Torch’s Torturers? Gotta be many stories from the taillight bars he frequents.
British comedian James Acaster has a collection of his “Classic Scrapes,” which are more misfortunates/ridiculous situations rather than squabbles. But the concept is similar and sound.
Typical.
Workplace shooters are always blowing up the hijackers’ spot.
Hold up, I am going to run out to my truck and grab my totally normal duffel bag real quick. Got a surprise for you all in there. No peeking! Just need 30 seconds of access to the plane and you guys are going to love it, so fun!
It’s only twice as many Glocks and AR15s than I carry in Grand Theft Auto.
Or in my hatchback.. what?
texas gonna texas
That story is just horrifying if you don’t come from the US.
Some dude, who’s job doesn’t involve shooting anything, has more guns than the average soldier just lying around in his car?! Was he expecting to have to start a war on his way to work?
(The argument that Americans need guns to defend themselves from a corrupt government doesn’t seem to be holding much water right now either).
Man, I’m glad the Atlantic is as wide as it is.
My company supposedly has a strict ‘no firearms’ policy, but there are still enough employees with guns in their cars to form a small militia. One guy had a gun stolen from his truck while it was parked on company property; management never acknowledged that anything had happened.
Because they’d end up going to the Supreme Court and lose.
What a dumb country.
The duffel bag reminded me of the Route 91 Harvest massacre in Las Vegas in 2017. That guy allegedly had 24 firearms and murdered 60 people and wounded 400+ in about 20 minutes.
For many in the US it’s even more horrifying. There’s no Atlantic Ocean between me and this dude.
And afterwards, everyone’s all like, “oooh, what red dot sight you have on that thang?”
Picatinny or Weaver rails?
Exactly!
I’m in the UK where I run a 50mm Walther scope on my target air rifle. 11mm rails. Nice big range finding wheel on the side. Mil-dot reticule, which I think might be illegal in the US because knowing where the bullet is going is bad.