I realize that when I started this site, I made a promise to our readership: I would never ignore a story that involved animal scat and automobiles. I feel like lately I haven’t been living up to my end of the bargain. Happily, there’s a bit of vitally important news happening that fits this mandate perfectly: in the UK, a Ferrari 448 GTB owner has caught, via doorbell camera, a fox (Vulpes vulpes) taking multiple dumps right on the clear glass engine cover of the roughly $250,000 Italian GT car. The question, of course, is why? What does this fox stand to gain? Is it making a statement? Is it a Lambo fan, or perhaps even Ford, and it just caught most of Ford vs. Ferrari through someone’s open window? Perhaps! But, after a bit of research into fox behavior and a little chat with an animal behavior specialist, I think there’s another reason for this, and the Ferrari’s owner is not going to like it.
The saga of the fox shitting on the Ferrari came to the world’s attention via a Tik Tok post by a user named Azidquidditygroup, someone who seems to be in one of those lines of business that involves money being used to get real estate properties and then from there more money somehow shows up, in an ever-increasing and confusing cycle that, I guess, lets you buy a Ferrari, eventually. I don’t know how all that crap works, I just hope if I take a reverse mortgage and a regular mortgage out at the same time they’ll cancel one another out, you know, like math. Then I divide by zero, and profit, or something.
Anyway, who cares about money when we have fox shit to focus on! Here’s the first recorded incident of the fox shittery:
@azidquidditygroup This fox definitely doesn’t like Ferraris! Watch what he does next!!???????? #ferrari #488gtb #fox
Remember I said this has happened multiple times? Well, it’s true, because it’s been recorded to have happened twice, which is the smallest possible amount you need to use the word “multiple” so that counts. Here’s the fox going number two the number two time:
@azidquidditygroup WTF 4 days later Mr ????Fox comes back to tell me what he really thinks of my Ferrari! This definitely feels personal now!???????????????? #fox #ferrari #poo #foxhatesferrari #quiddditygroup #propertyinvesting #personal #shit #memes #funnyvideos #foxvideos #ferrarivideos #funnymoments #funnytiktok
This is very strange! I’m not an expert on fox behavior, nor am I currently or have ever been a member of the fox community, but this all still seems odd to me. Here, let’s watch this fox shit on a Ferrari via YouTube, in case the government bans TikTok before you see this:
The fox had to really go out of its way to climb on that Ferrari and take a healthy dump right there, right over the engine. You’d think normally foxes would want to take their dumps in safe, secluded spots in the underbrush, but, as I stated, I don’t know, so I reached out to people who might. First, I tried the famous Kukekova Lab at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, where they have been working with foxes and studying fox behavior for decades.
Here, why don’t you take an hour break (tell your boss I said it’s cool) to listen to this talk from Dr.Ana Kukekova called “The Fox Domestication Project and the Genetics of Complex Behavior”:
Anyway, they didn’t get back to me. I made a number of other calls and sent more emails but the only person who spoke with me was from the NC State Small Animal Behavioral Medicine department, and they mostly gave me other places to contact, but also clued me in to one very important detail: if a fox is pooping somewhere out in the open and obvious, it’s for one very clear reason. To mark territory.
Now, I’d say this is pretty open and obvious, wouldn’t you?
That fox has marked that Ferrari as his. Or hers. I’m not sure how to tell fox genders. But it’s their Ferrari now. It’s important to note the location of the poop, right over the engine, the very beating heart of the Ferrari, so there is no question about the intent. This is deliberate. This is a choice.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: you’re noting that this is in an urbanized area, and you’re likely wondering about the distribution of food sources like voles, and are probably wondering if all this could be related to an increased risk of transmission of Echinococcus multilocularis? I mean, look, I get it, but like everyone else, I’ve read Robardet, Giraudoux, Caillot, Augot, Boue, and Barrat’s paper Fox defecation behaviour in relation to spatial distribution of voles in an urbanised area: An increasing risk of transmission of Echinococcus multilocularis but I’m telling you, this is not the same situation.
There’s just no way getting around the fact that if you see fox scat, it’s because the fox wants you to see it, and that’s because it’s a territorial marker. This fox isn’t shitting on that Ferrari because they don’t like it, it’s precisely the opposite. The fox likes it so much that they’ve claimed it.
Here’s some video of foxes claiming some real estate, just like the Ferrari’s owner does himself!
As far as this real estate guy’s claim on his Ferrari, I think he’s just out of luck. Sure, he has the title to his car or whatever, but what is that worth when compared to 400,000 years of fox history and territorial marking precedent in Europe? Jack shit, that’s what. Clearly, to any respectable court of law, the fox’s claim would easily override any dinky human-law claim to the car, because what are the laws of man compared to the majesty of nature?
If this real estate bro has any sense, he’ll get a special seat fitted for the fox so the fox can drive the Ferrari safely and happily, and then he can go out and buy himself something more reasonable, like maybe a used Audi Fox, just for the irony.
Sorry, dude. It’s the fox’s Ferrari now.
Audi Once Had Fun Typography, Colors, And Dogs: Cold Start
This Fox News Segment About A Tesla Road Trip From Chicago To New York Is A Bit Silly
If you have watched the movie Never Cry Wolf, you know the owner’s only recourse is to shit on the car themself.
After watching the Ferrari movie yesterday on my flight back to Detroit, this screams Maserati all over the place.
Very much off-topic, but,
This manages to sound more sensible than many of the modern forms of investment – crypto, NFTs, meme stonks, etc – and it’s an absurdist joke in a car website. That should tell us a lot about our financial system, and how it has become nothing but a tool of trickle-up economics.
On topic: I’m #TeamFox.
Hey, I was wondering about the distribution of food sources like voles, and if all this could be related to an increased risk of transmission of Echinococcus multilocularis because of that Robardet et al. Thanks for dispelling that doubt.
For sale, used Ferrari. Good condition, slightly foxed.
First, this is a great article and the comments section doesn’t disappoint.
Second, it’s a Ferrari 488, not 448, independently how shitty it is.
Third, the Fox wants a V12
Pretty sure the fox is saying “PARK YOUR FERRARI IN A GARAGE YOU TWAT” (using twat because they are a UK Fox…)
This is why I’m here. I could get my scat news elsewhere but I come here for the in-depth reporting on scat. Lately, my faith in journalism has been waning and I find myself longing for the days of yesteryear when I would take for granted a hard hitting investigative series like “Goat Pellets – Food or Poop?”. Now, too often I settle for a fluff piece on a central American Labrador’s poop shaped like the Virgin Mary just to get by. Jason, please keep up the good work and feel renewed that you’re making a difference out there. With every crap article you squeeze out, you’re helping to flush bad journalism out of my news intake. Oof, I’m not sure I like where that ended up. Time to get off the pot.
I like cars, too.
Excreta! Excreta!
Read all about it!
No war but class war, Comrade Fox!
Am I the only person who is somewhat irked that they called it the Fox Wagon and not the Foxwagen?
How ’bout a VW fox. Perhaps the fox prefers a little Brazilian flair
The owner had better send a cease and desist to the Fox before Ferrari gets word that yet another Purrari or Furrari has been made. They didn’t like the Nyan version, I bet they will certainly give 2 shits about this one if they learn of it.
No offense, it’s a great article and all, but shouldn’t this piece of news have been reported in The Morning Dump?
This is why every time my dog has an accident in the house I pee in the same spot, to remind him who’s in charge around here.
Why yes my house smells bad and my wife is leaving me, how did you know?
Classic Aesop’s Fable, “The Fox The Ass and The Stallion”.
I don’t recall the intended moral of this one.
The moral: shit happens.
The oil filler cap makes a great bullseye.
Does anyone else wonder why a person who can afford a $250,000 Ferrari can’t afford a garage? Or even one of those bubble tent garages?
Also I don’t think the territory has been won until a. The owner takes a bigger dump on the Ferrari to show dominance. Or b. Fox hunt
This is in London, a garage is about £100,000 (I’m not even exaggerating).
PS, fox hunting is banned in the UK.
There are some staggering cars casually street parked in London due to cost and scarcity of garages in the areas where people can afford these sort of cars.
I’d love to visit but not drive there. I question I can drive rwd but maybe not rhd.
Eh, driving opposite side isn’t too bad once you adjust your internal sense of where you sit in the lane. Even gear changes in a manual weren’t too bad, and I’m hardly the most coordinated chap. I’d just avoid early mornings where there are fewer cars out to remind you which side to drive on (actually had a family friend do this, old habits kicked in and happily driving on the wrong side of the road for a few minutes…)
Because you buy a Ferrari for it to be seen, not garaged away.
You raise a good point but it says Come rob me to me.
And here I thought Scat Packs were unique to Dodge.
“This one weird trick can save you thousands on a new Dodge!”
You think foxes are bad, I have a triumph tr3 full of raccoon poo. Years of it.
Clearly the owner yelled at it previously and told it to “scat”. The fox – being the renowned literalistic thinker that it is – obeyed the request, rather than the intended meaning of “go away”.
Britsh fox fires “Fox Two” at Italian target, makes direct hit.
While your thesis has merit, your conclusion is based on a faulty assumption. You assume that the real estate bro’s only recourse is dragging the fox into the human legal system to seek relief, a measure doomed to failure. That this is his only recourse is not true. He could engage the fox in the majesty of nature’s legal system – by relieving himself mightily upon his own Ferrari and thereby establish the dominance of his own claim.
“.. by relieving himself mightily upon his own Ferrari..”
Mightily?
The word I would have chosen is ‘Lavishly’.
Nay nay. He’s not decorating the car, he’s establishing dominance. Bigly and with authority. MIGHTILY I say!
The followup car to LaFerrari – the LaTrine?
This is all just a big misunderstanding. It’s a pissed off vixen (female fox) who found out her footballer boyfriend was cheating on her.
Case of misidentified Ferrari 448 GTB. Happens all the time in certain London neighborhoods.
… I’ve always considered Fox News to be pretty shitty.
Fact: Foxtons is a well known realty chain in the UK
Lesser known fact: Their secret motto warns competitors, “Fox with us and your motor gets foxed on”