I realize that when I started this site, I made a promise to our readership: I would never ignore a story that involved animal scat and automobiles. I feel like lately I haven’t been living up to my end of the bargain. Happily, there’s a bit of vitally important news happening that fits this mandate perfectly: in the UK, a Ferrari 448 GTB owner has caught, via doorbell camera, a fox (Vulpes vulpes) taking multiple dumps right on the clear glass engine cover of the roughly $250,000 Italian GT car. The question, of course, is why? What does this fox stand to gain? Is it making a statement? Is it a Lambo fan, or perhaps even Ford, and it just caught most of Ford vs. Ferrari through someone’s open window? Perhaps! But, after a bit of research into fox behavior and a little chat with an animal behavior specialist, I think there’s another reason for this, and the Ferrari’s owner is not going to like it.
The saga of the fox shitting on the Ferrari came to the world’s attention via a Tik Tok post by a user named Azidquidditygroup, someone who seems to be in one of those lines of business that involves money being used to get real estate properties and then from there more money somehow shows up, in an ever-increasing and confusing cycle that, I guess, lets you buy a Ferrari, eventually. I don’t know how all that crap works, I just hope if I take a reverse mortgage and a regular mortgage out at the same time they’ll cancel one another out, you know, like math. Then I divide by zero, and profit, or something.
Anyway, who cares about money when we have fox shit to focus on! Here’s the first recorded incident of the fox shittery:
@azidquidditygroup This fox definitely doesn’t like Ferraris! Watch what he does next!!???????? #ferrari #488gtb #fox
Remember I said this has happened multiple times? Well, it’s true, because it’s been recorded to have happened twice, which is the smallest possible amount you need to use the word “multiple” so that counts. Here’s the fox going number two the number two time:
@azidquidditygroup WTF 4 days later Mr ????Fox comes back to tell me what he really thinks of my Ferrari! This definitely feels personal now!???????????????? #fox #ferrari #poo #foxhatesferrari #quiddditygroup #propertyinvesting #personal #shit #memes #funnyvideos #foxvideos #ferrarivideos #funnymoments #funnytiktok
This is very strange! I’m not an expert on fox behavior, nor am I currently or have ever been a member of the fox community, but this all still seems odd to me. Here, let’s watch this fox shit on a Ferrari via YouTube, in case the government bans TikTok before you see this:
The fox had to really go out of its way to climb on that Ferrari and take a healthy dump right there, right over the engine. You’d think normally foxes would want to take their dumps in safe, secluded spots in the underbrush, but, as I stated, I don’t know, so I reached out to people who might. First, I tried the famous Kukekova Lab at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, where they have been working with foxes and studying fox behavior for decades.
Here, why don’t you take an hour break (tell your boss I said it’s cool) to listen to this talk from Dr.Ana Kukekova called “The Fox Domestication Project and the Genetics of Complex Behavior”:
Anyway, they didn’t get back to me. I made a number of other calls and sent more emails but the only person who spoke with me was from the NC State Small Animal Behavioral Medicine department, and they mostly gave me other places to contact, but also clued me in to one very important detail: if a fox is pooping somewhere out in the open and obvious, it’s for one very clear reason. To mark territory.
Now, I’d say this is pretty open and obvious, wouldn’t you?
That fox has marked that Ferrari as his. Or hers. I’m not sure how to tell fox genders. But it’s their Ferrari now. It’s important to note the location of the poop, right over the engine, the very beating heart of the Ferrari, so there is no question about the intent. This is deliberate. This is a choice.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: you’re noting that this is in an urbanized area, and you’re likely wondering about the distribution of food sources like voles, and are probably wondering if all this could be related to an increased risk of transmission of Echinococcus multilocularis? I mean, look, I get it, but like everyone else, I’ve read Robardet, Giraudoux, Caillot, Augot, Boue, and Barrat’s paper Fox defecation behaviour in relation to spatial distribution of voles in an urbanised area: An increasing risk of transmission of Echinococcus multilocularis but I’m telling you, this is not the same situation.
There’s just no way getting around the fact that if you see fox scat, it’s because the fox wants you to see it, and that’s because it’s a territorial marker. This fox isn’t shitting on that Ferrari because they don’t like it, it’s precisely the opposite. The fox likes it so much that they’ve claimed it.
Here’s some video of foxes claiming some real estate, just like the Ferrari’s owner does himself!
As far as this real estate guy’s claim on his Ferrari, I think he’s just out of luck. Sure, he has the title to his car or whatever, but what is that worth when compared to 400,000 years of fox history and territorial marking precedent in Europe? Jack shit, that’s what. Clearly, to any respectable court of law, the fox’s claim would easily override any dinky human-law claim to the car, because what are the laws of man compared to the majesty of nature?
If this real estate bro has any sense, he’ll get a special seat fitted for the fox so the fox can drive the Ferrari safely and happily, and then he can go out and buy himself something more reasonable, like maybe a used Audi Fox, just for the irony.
Sorry, dude. It’s the fox’s Ferrari now.
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The fox can because it can and gets away with it. Many of us would also if we could get away with it.
Where there’s a will there’s a way.
Go for it!
Peeing on the ground is not that impressive. It takes real guts to shit on the ceiling.
I’ve been washing my Mercedes every other day lately because a stupid robin thinks its mate is stuck in the mirrors. Sometimes it helps to know it could be much worse.
I park under a massive silver maple and there is so much bird shit on my car every day.
LUCKILY, I am such a boring person that getting Starbucks and going through the carwash (the one with the rainbow soap!!) is an enjoyable daily activity for me. Pro tip: if you put your car in reverse for a second right before going into neutral, you can see behind your car as you go through the wash. Very exciting stuff.
Daily outings to Starbucks and a car wash? You’re living the dream brother!
Wait, I’m confused. Is it because your reverse lights are still on?
No, the backup camera turns on! I don’t know. Kind of cool to see what’s going on back there.
I’m guessing the switch that tells it to turn the reverse camera off is drive, so neutral leaves it on?
Honestly every car needs a dedicated button for the camera, GM does (albeit on the screen) and I use mine all the time
JL Wranglers have a camera button, but it’s sort of buried in a menu on the entertainment/climate control screen. I use it more than I expected.
As it turns out, birds don’t actually know what they look like so it’s attacking your mirror because they see what they think is an intruder. You can solve this problem by folding your mirrors or putting a bag over them for a couple months until breeding season is over and the American Robin once again has no reason to defend its territory.
We had a bluejay that we affectionately named “Poopy” who did the same thing. Haven’t seen him in a few years now. I can only assume he’s shitting on cars in bird heaven. RIP, Poopy.
Maybe the Ferrari owner should stop parking under fox poop.
Fantastic, Mr. Fox!
That Ferrari has seen some shit, Man…
…good thing there’s not a fan nearby.
Luckily I only have to relinquish tomatoes for the neighborhood cat that poops in my garden boxes and not a Ferrari. Now if I can capture it doing it’s business on camera I can become a millionaire on the interwebs. Do I get bonuses if I capture the cat also using my bushes to comb it’s fur when its shedding?
I hope for the owner’s sake that the color is distorted by the camera, because in the eyes of Ferrari, the owner already shat on the car by applying a pink wrap, and this kind of attention will get you banned.
the human has to poop on it themselves to battle for dominance of the Ferrari.
Fox shits on everything. Sometimes they have to pay dearly for it. Just ask Dominion.
Bravo *claps*
I once owned a Fox. The throw-out bearing crapped out from me standing on the clutch at stoplights. I am so glad it never shit on any Ferrari’s.
A better question is: why is a quarter-million dollar car being parked where Triumph the Insult Comic Fox can get to it? Ever hear of a thing called a “garage?”
This was my question. How does someone who can afford a Ferrari not have a garage?
I see you have a nice Ferrari, for me to poop on!
Ooh, a garage? Well la-di-da Mr Frenchman.
The car hole?
Stop giving it attention! It’s just doing it for the social media engagement.
The Ferrari Mr. Fox strikes again.
This is the kind of hard-hitting journalism that keeps me coming back to the Autopian. Keep it up!
More like Vulpes vulgaris, amiright??
As the fox is mostly colour blind it has no concept of ‘pink slip’ it has decided to mark the Ferrari as theirs in the normal fox method. Soon come mating season he will be cruising the woods in his new ride looking for lady foxes to join him
They’re dichromatic, like most other mammals, lacking the red cones we have. The Ferrari would probably look kind of pale yellow to it, so it probably just thought it looked like a puddle of urine and assumed it was an area of defecation. Though, joking aside, it looks like this was shot at night, so it would be grayscale regardless.
After looking at the close-up of the scat, I guess today I learned that they sell Natty Light in the UK.
Even in Europe, it seems odd to me that someone who owns a 488 wouldn’t own an enclosed garage.
Perhaps the garage is where they’re storing their exercise machine and various household detritus, I’ve been told that’s what lots of people apparently do with theirs instead of parking a car in there, seems odd to be, but I suppose any odd behavior is possible
I’ve lived in a house that had a 2-car garage for 10 years and you’ve never been able to park a car in it. 🙁
Before I moved into the neighborhood, I remarked to the real estate agent that unlike all the neighbors, I intend to park in the garage.
11 years in, neighbors 1, me 0.
My old neighbor and best bud claimed he was going to sue the developer of the neighborhood: he bought a 2 car garage and was never able to get 2 cars in it. And any car that was parked there was unmovable after a couple of weeks. I not only has 2 cars in mine, but en engine from my 510, a workbench, a filing cabinet, a lawnmower, a chest freezer and a couple of shelf units. OTOH, my wife backed the Honda into the rear fender of the Impala trying to put the car into the garage. 🙁
My grandfather always said “buncha dumasses leaving their $50,000 car outside while the garage holds a $400 lawnmower and some broken beach chairs” (I adjusted grampas comment for inflation)
I feel bad I do the same now that I have a garage, but mainly because it’s a single and it’s not worth the argument of whose car gets it.
Sure, but this is a 448. Entry level.
I wonder if the car is being kept outside because they want it to be seen. Conspicuous consumption might be the goal, rather than driving enjoyment.
Isn’t the whole reason for buying a Ferrari in first place to attract foxes?
It’s The Crap Fox, not to be confused with The Crack Fox
Wow, these Carfax viral marketing campaigns are all over the place.
Binmen to the rescue!
The real takeaway here is that if I want that 308GTS I’ve always wanted, I don’t have to grow a mustache and become a private eye (sorry, investigator) for a wealthy and reclusive author. All I need to do is find one, poop on it, and it’s MINE.
I think you need to live among the foxes first, to establish that you are governed by their laws and culture. Otherwise, your plan seems sound.
Indeed. In order to claim foxlaw, you first have to show that you identify and live as, a fox.
Why not both? That way you can still hang out with a cool helicopter pilot best friend in Hawaii!
I mean, that’s still the plan, but it’s nice to know I have options!
Alternate headline: AI fox video saves owner caught engaging in secret fetish.
I don’t know Saul Goodman has a practice in the UK.
I would like to suggest that our Goth Uncle Adrian has trained this fox to physically express his derision on vehicles he doesn’t like in the most literal way possible. Have there been cases of E-Type Jaguars also being shat upon? Further investigation is required!!
When you love Ford and Calvin peeing on a Chevy logo just doesn’t quite cover it, you have a literal fox body crapping on a Ferrari.
Sounds like someone’s been questioned by Congress once or twice. And maybe has something to hide…
Do you now or have you ever pooped conspicuously in an effort to claim territory?
Can’t believe everything you see on fox news.
You’re right. Human news seems to be reporting that Jason’s conspicuous pooping is attention-seeking behavior, not territorial behavior. My mistake.
“I am not aware.. nor would I be at liberty to discuss my involvement in the fox community .. if the involvement did, in fact, exist..”