Home » If 200 People Become Autopian Members In April I Will Purchase A Pontiac Aztek, Daily-Drive It For A Month, And Live In It

If 200 People Become Autopian Members In April I Will Purchase A Pontiac Aztek, Daily-Drive It For A Month, And Live In It

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The Autopian is TWO years-old today, March 32nd, 2024! Thank you all so much for reading! To coincide with this incredible anniversary, The Autopian is conducting a “membership drive” to keep this place’s [points around the website] cylinder walls, cam lobes, and journal bearings in tip-top shape so we can keep running for many, many years. You see, media is a tough nut to crack, and while you could argue that we’ve done the hard part of building a website and setting up ads and creating a brand and building a loyal readership (again, thank you!), we’re gonna need to do a tune-up and put some fresh oil into this air-cooled V-twin motor to keep it going, long term. As such, I have a proposal, and it involves me buying and living in the ugliest car in the world.

I’ll be honest with you: I like the idea of driving a Pontiac Aztek for a few days. I’d get to explore its features, I’d get to ogle at a fascinating point in General Motors history, and I could even put it up against modern cars to see how its legendary versatility stacks up. But as much as I’d like to drive an Aztek, I really, really don’t want to daily-drive one for a month.

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I had to daily-drive my girlfriend’s Lexus RX 350 for six weeks as part of a “One Car Challenge,” and while that car is excellent for what it is, that experience was painful. Painful because I own eight cars, and the idea of driving a boring machine when I could be driving a 1966 Ford Mustang, 1985 Jeep J10, 1991 Jeep Wrangler, or 2014 BMW i3 — it’s just maddening.

Will the glacially-slow, four-speed-slushbox-equipped Pontiac Aztek drive me mad as a daily driver, especially knowing which cars I’m foregoing? Or will I somehow fall in love with its soul and practicality and decent ride quality? How will the fuel economy be? Will it be reliable? I’m worried about the transmission.

Nobody knows.

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But to find out, The Autopian will have to gain 200 new members by April 30. If that happens, then I’m hitting up Facebook Marketplace and buying the cheapest tent-equipped Pontiac Aztek I can find. Speaking of, let’s see…what do I have locally…

Screen Shot 2024 04 01 At 7.57.33 Am

Woh! Are you seeing what I’m seeing?!

“It has the complete camper setup with the folding seats and fold out tray W/Tent”!

Hot damn!:

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If you become a member, I will not only buy an Aztek like this one and daily-drive it for a month, but I’ll live in it for an entire work-week. I’ll even blog from inside the tent!

Our annual membership is 20% off, meaning Vinyl is now $80 a year. That gets you exclusive content like Tales From The Slack, plus a shirt and a rare bumper sticker:

  • As A Vinyl Member You Get:

    • Everything in Cloth, plus…
    • A limited edition Members Only bumper sticker
    • A limited edition Members Only shirt

Velour is now $200 a year instead of $250. That comes with all that^ plus:

  • As A Velour Member You Get:

    • Everything in Cloth+Vinyl, plus…
    • A custom grille badge for your car
    • Invites to a quarterly virtual trivia night
    • A Jason drawing on your birthday

The Jason drawing is worth $200 alone if you ask me. Look at these things!

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Anyway, the other annual plans are all 20% off, too, so it’s possible we’ll get to 200 this month, meaning I’ll have to take up residence in a supremely ugly 2000s-era General Motors product. Who wouldn’t want to do that?!

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Njd
Njd
11 days ago

Does it count if existing members move up to a higher level?

The Artist Formerly Known as the Uncouth Sloth
The Artist Formerly Known as the Uncouth Sloth
11 days ago

I’m all for you selling all 8 of your vehicles so you can afford your i3 Grail, but even I can’t get behind this. April Fools!!

I_drive_a_truck
I_drive_a_truck
11 days ago

David, If you get 201 signups would you please NOT do this? We don’t need this, you don’t need this.

JShaawbaru
JShaawbaru
11 days ago

The discount was enough to get me to upgrade to Vinyl from Cloth, so while not a new member, you did get a membership upgrade out of me!

Temporarily embarrassed millionaire
Temporarily embarrassed millionaire
11 days ago

It should be easy to find many low mileage examples given how difficult it is to safely drive an Aztek while wearing a paper bag on ones head.

Greensoul
Greensoul
11 days ago

Live out of Mercedes and Cheryl’s Scion IQ for a week and well talk about an upgrade

Fix It Again Tony
Fix It Again Tony
11 days ago
Reply to  Greensoul

Stretch goal!

SNL-LOL Jr
SNL-LOL Jr
11 days ago

Just upgraded from Vinyl to Velour. I look forward to seeing DT in his elements.

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