As you likely have heard from the local newsies screaming EXTREE EXTREE READ ALL ABOUT IT! TOYOTA TO MAKE HIGHLANDER AN EV from outside your window, rising above the din of the fishmongers and steam-powered hurdy-gurdy music, yes, Toyota’s mainstream crossover, the Highlander, is now driven by electrons. That’s the big reveal of this Toyota event I’m at, and I have a chance to see it for “content creation” in about an hour. So, is there anything in particular you’d like me to get a good look at?
There’s a few crucial things I know I’ll be checking out: does it have a frunk? I suspect not, but I’m ever-hopeful. Are the rear turn indicators amber or red? Are there any good Easter Eggs hidden in this thing? How do the floormats taste? Can you sleep in it? What’s it smell like? Is it actually interesting?
In full, brutal honesty, the Highlander has never been a vehicle I’ve been that interested in, at least once I realized that these were not the “there can be only one” sort of Highlanders, and, as a result, were free from the torments and joys of The Quickening:
But now that it’s electric, it has a little more in common with The Quickening, which seems to involve a hell of a lot of electricity:
So, I’ll see how much this dramatic byproduct of immortality relates to these new crossovers.
So, what would you like me to find out? Or test or do? I’ll read over the comments and see if I can manage anything you’ve asked for. Unless you want me to slash the tires. Toyota has already told me not to do that. Again.
Top graphic image: Toyota
Do the glovebox controls require at least 9 inputs on the screen, a PIN, and a biometric scan?
What’s the battery voltage architecture?
What is the estimated 10% to 80% recharge time?
What is the estimated range?
Please, for the love of god, would they just equip all trims with the smallest, most efficient wheels instead of gatekeeping the long range version behind the stripper trim?
Will it be a French car pretending to be Japanese?
Will it make me one of the Princes of the Universe?
Will it live forever, or even want to, if love must die?
Is there anything about it that’ll get me over the disappointment of this Toyota event you were teasing not being the next gen Corolla launch?
Is there a 3rd row?
If so:
How comfortable is it in the 3rd row?
How do the seats fold (as in how much of a PITA is it and how much space do they take up when folded)?
I can’t really think of anything that I want to know about this. It’s a Highlander. It’s an EV. I think I know what to expect.
I want to know if they’re going to make a lot of these because as you know there can only be one.
Plus a number of ever worse sequels, a mediocre TV show, and an upcoming reboot with Henry Cavill as Connor MacLeod.
Thus showing subbrands are ok.
Will it make you irresistible to hotties? Will men who see you in it meekly acknowledge you as their better?
will it baby?
can you bring a doll?
As long as it’s not a time-out doll (besides, there won’t be any tri-five Chevys there so we’re safe)
Do they think there are buyers for a non-premium 3 row BEV? I get the R1S since it has all the power and looks and gee-wiz stuff, ditto the X (when it was new), but I’m not sure Toyota is going to be able to sell the sizzle of a moderate looking, moderate range, moderate power vehicle with moderately lower than high price tag.
Torch, I’m informing you that I ripped two exceptionally nasty farts on 2 parts of the prototype. It is up to you to determine which ones, best of luck.
Does it drive more or less like a microwave than the Highlander?
“I’m Going To Physically See Toyota’s New EV Highlander In About An Hour. What Are You Curious About?”
Absolutely nothing.
It’s a 4-door SUV. And it’s probably as fugly as the new Tacomas and Tundras.
I’d love to know about:
The usability of the 3rd row seats for humans bigger than a toddler. XC90 and CX90 fail here, IMO.Could you actually fit 5+ bags for a road trip with all 3 rows in use? The Tesla Model X really shines here, with the deep trunk and big frunk. Not caring so much about 5 hard-sided carry-ons, but squishy ones.
I often throw my mother in law in the 3rd row of our CX90. In terms of how much space there is, interpret that as you will.
I guess it depends on whether you’re using the word “throw” literally here …
Is there still a third row and if so, will it grownup?
How well does the upholstery hold up to frequent soilings?
Frank, it’s time you start pulling over when you need to go.
If I understand it correctly, the fact most EVs can “only” go for ~4 hours uninterrupted means he’ll have to stop now.
Unlike a real car, where you can go 600 miles without stopping while repeatedly soiling yourself over ~9 hours.
Dang, I tried to reply with a crying laughing emoji but it just posts as four question marks.
Can tall dogs fit in the way back?
Does it look and feel enough like a car and not a design competition submission that regular non-car people may want one?
Is the liftgate glass fixed, or does it open? Is the cargo area a boxy, usable shape or compromised for style/aero? Are there actual, physical controls for commonly used functions?
How does Queen sound on the stereo?
Who dares to drive forever when batteries must diiiiie.
How many Kurgans can you fit in this bad boy?
There can be only one.
Today I learned that the Kurgan, Clancy Brown, voices Mr. Krabs on Spongebob.
I point that out to my wife every time we watch Spongebob. I think she’s getting tired of hearing about it 😉
You should also know Patrick Star is Dauber from Coach.
How easy is it to pocket the shift lever/knob?
Is there an appropriate receptacle for meat-based data storage devices? Does the infotainment system successfully read MP3s from summer sausage?
Good call! I just loaded my Captain Beefheart collection onto a lovely hunk of prosciutto and I want to know how it’ll sound coming through those speakers. I’ll bet it sounds the bent.
How does Bad Religions song “The Quickening” sound on its stereo?
See if they can provide any details on the proper way to remove the battery and, if a chainsaw is involved (it’s almost cliche at this point but by God, we as a community will never let you live this down).
Also, see if it will have a battery-to-Tandy interface. I want to know how many Tandy 1000’s it can run.
I’d argue that the texture of the floor mats are arguably more important than taste.
Also, are there any particularly satisfying knobs, buttons, or switches?
Plenty of other content creators can tell you about the pattern of the floor mats. The autopian is the only one that will tell you how it tastes.
I heard once that you can look at basically any object and accurately imagine what it would feel like to lick it even if it’s not something you’ve ever licked. Go ahead, try it! It’s an amazing ability! I’ve never licked my computer monitor, but here I am, accurately imagining exactly what that would feel like!
Anyway, my point is that just because you don’t have to lick something to know what the texture feels like on your tongue doesn’t mean you shouldn’t lick it anyway. And by dog, Torch ain’t the kind of journalist to leave that stone unturned. I’m nearly certain that anytime he’s ever talked about texture of an automotive material it’s because he personally ran his tongue over it.
But by imagining the licking of the floor mats, you’re only imagining how they’ll interface with your taste buds. You still need to give it a strong lick to determine if your imagination is up to snuff.
At least initially, but eventually you can develop the skill. Like a Master Sommelier of sorts.