I’m Gonna Need Someone To Buy This $3500 Edsel So I Don’t

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I’m supposed to be moving from metro Detroit to LA at some point, but I’m buried in cars, many of which don’t move under their own power. For this reason, I’m writing this article appealing to you, dear readers, in an effort to get someone to buy this 1959 Edsel Ranger before I do. Because I am impulsive and lack restraint, but that’s not the main issues here. The main issue is: This Edsel is too perfect. Check it out.

I’ve always loved Edsels. They’re the perfect blend of quirky and classy, and — because of their rather unfortunate reception back in the 1950s (which led to a quick demise) — I see them as underdogs. They spent far too many years not receiving the love they deserve, and I want to make up for that. But maybe now, shortly before I’m supposed to be moving to LA, isn’t the ideal time. Or maybe it is? I mean, think about how much stuff I could cram into this 1959 Edsel Ranger:

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I know, I know — those of you from out west are screaming at your monitor, frantically banging at your keyboards to write something to the effect of “Dude, don’t buy a rustbucket when there are so many Fe2O3-less cars here! You fool!’

But come on; this rust isn’t even that bad — rear quarter panels are almost entirely intact!

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The wheels are not the right ones for this machine, there’s obviously a decent amount of brown on the outside (and I bet the underside looks like the present-day Titanic), but look at how nice the chrome looks! Plus, the glass is in good shape and the $3,500 asking price is more than reasonable!

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I can just imagine driving this thing down Ventura Boulevard with all my stuff crammed into it, the suspension resting on its bump stops making the car look like the baddest low-rider in town. Oh yes — I need to buy this car.

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Unfortunately the engine, which I assume is a 292 cubic-inch V8, is backed by an automatic transmission. But honestly, if there’s any vehicle for which I’d make an exception to my “no automatics” personal rule of vehicular purchasing, it’s a classy machine like this Edsel. It’s a quirky chrome yacht, and it’s about to create a tidal wave that tips over the precarious canoe that is my wallet, spilling 35 $100 bills into the owner’s hands.

Hell, I bet he’d take $3,000.

[Bites knuckle]

Images: Edsel and Facebook Marketplace/Eric Lindemeier

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55 Responses

  1. You know what you should do, David. You should call your sponsor and get to a meeting. You DON’T need to troll the classifieds looking for temptation any more than a opiate addict needs a job at a compounding pharmacy. You should change the bookmarks for Bring A Trailer, Facebook Marketplace, etc to a schedule of your local rust on wheels addict support meetings and always, always call your sponsor when you’re struggling.

    That’s what you should do. I look forward to your article about trying to fix the Edsel on a live fire artillery range, or whatever crazy place you find yourself in.

  2. No, young man. Just no. You’ve been here before, and the whole family knows how it will end. Sure, at first she’s all interesting and flirty, then you start spending your allowance and all your free time on her. She might even be pretty when she cleans up. But sooner or later she’s going to make you mad, and then she’ll fail you.

    And then you’ll be hurt like never before. You’re a good guy, you deserve better. I’m just trying to help. Would you like some ice cream, with maybe those cupcakes you like?

  3. Whatever happened to that electrified FC Jeep thing you were working on? Maybe this car would be a perfect recipient for a Tesla drivetrain. But knowing you and rust, this is probably a bad idea anyway. Seeing as it would provide a lot more content, GO FOR IT! Sad I didn’t get to meet you while you were down here in Aus!

  4. 1. Buy it. Never a bad time to buy a cool old car.

    2. Always good to have one automatic for the time when age has eroded the athletic ability you still think you have. Next thing you know, your right ankle is wrapped and you can’t put any weight on it.

  5. I think I see your perverted line of reasoning. If you take this car to L.A. you can sell it for a tidy profit. The buyer won’t have to spend thousands of dollars to have it painted in that wonderful fake rusty finish. “Chad, that patina looks so real!”

  6. The taillights in the brochure image show as red, red, white, while the image of the actual car shows red, white, red. The whatever, whatever taillight society needs to look into this.

  7. Considering the amount of cars you already have, and you’re moving to a rust free state, I can’t fathom why you would want this. There are probably 100 rust-free more-door Edsel’s which are generally worthless in California.

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