Indestructible Sedans: 1977 Mercedes-Benz 300D vs 2001 Ford Crown Victoria

Welcome back! This week, we’re looking at apocalypse-proof rides, the sort of thing you can use to flee from zombies or battle Lord Humungus. Yesterday we looked at trucks; today we’re giving the four-door sedans their moment to shine.

I don’t know what I was expecting yesterday, but a close race wasn’t it. I thought one or the other would emerge as the clear victor, but instead we have another result decided by a handful of votes. By a razor-thin margin, you chose to ride the Express to the end of the world, largely due to its higher security, smaller size, and better maneuverability, it sounds like.

That’s the right choice for this assignment, I think. That dually would be a lot more fun – as long as you didn’t have to park it in tight quarters – but the van is the smarter idea here. (Stupid apocalypse, ruining everybody’s fun.) In this scenario, a big enclosed space is more useful than a big open bed, and since it’s an automatic, there’s no worry that your plucky sidekick won’t be able to drive it out of a tight spot if necessary.

One of the toughest assignments you can give any car is taxicab duty. They get driven hundreds of thousands of miles over the same roads over and over again, spend hours idling or sitting stuck in traffic, and are usually treated badly, both by riders and drivers. So it stands to reason that two of the most successful taxicabs of all time would make good choices for a tough end-of-the-world ride. And here they are.

1977 Mercedes-Benz 300D – $2,500

Engine/drivetrain: 3.0-liter overhead cam diesel inline 5, four-speed automatic, RWD

Location: Oakland, CA

Odometer reading: 171,000 miles

Operational status: Runs and drives well, but sometimes starts hard

Imagine a car so versatile it’s equally at home carrying mid-level executives to meetings in San Francisco as it is taking tourists from the airport to their hotel in Nairobi. Imagine a car so well-built that its company’s marketing department reportedly told the engineers to knock it off and build them cheaper because repeat customers were taking too long to replace it. And imagine it’s powered by an engine that will not only run for a million miles but can do so on fuel made from waste cooking oil with a little modification. That car is the W123-chassis Mercedes-Benz 300D.

The secret to the 300D’s success is its brilliant engine, a five-cylinder diesel with a mechanical fuel injection pump. It’s a cast-iron monster of an engine, with very little to go wrong, as long as you keep it oiled and cooled. This one has only 171,000 miles on it, which is about a fifth as much as most of the 300Ds still running around Africa. Probably a lot easier miles, too. It has had a bunch of recent work done, and it runs fine, but there is something wonky with the ignition switch, or wiring. You sometimes have to hold the key down for a bit before it starts cranking, according to the seller. But if necessary, you could probably exorcise that particular gremlin with a push-button for the starter.

It’s not as nice inside as it once was – it’s definitely more on the “Nairobi taxi” end of the spectrum than the “junior partner” end – but most of the fabled M-B Tex upholstery is intact, and the seat cushions don’t look saggy. It has a few issues with wiring in the instrument panel, namely the fuel gauge and oil pressure gauge, but neither of those will keep you from driving it. There’s no radio, and whether or not the complicated vacuum-controlled HVAC system works is anyone’s guess.

The W123’s only real natural enemy is rust, but a northern California car like this should be pretty clean underneath. The paint is fried, but for our purposes that doesn’t matter. That timeless Bruno Sacco styling doesn’t really matter either, but you would hope that the bands of marauders would take a moment to acknowledge your fine taste.

2001 Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor – $3,500

Engine/drivetrain: 4.6-liter overhead cam V8, four-speed automatic, RWD

Location: Gilroy, CA

Odometer reading: 133,000 miles

Operational status: Runs and drives well

At one point, it looked as though the Crown Victoria might very well be the “last of the V8 Interceptors.” Chevy was peddling front-wheel-drive V6 Impalas as cop cars, and Ford’s own replacement was a V6 Explorer. But then Chevy brought out the Australian-built Caprice PPV, and Dodge offered both the Charger and Durango Pursuit, all of which kept the V8 faith for a while. Chevy bowed out in 2017, leaving the final V8 cop car in this country wearing a “Hemi” badge. But when you mention a “cop car,” the first thing that comes to most people’s minds is still a Crown Vic. And the whole time they were the de-facto cop car in the US, they were the de-facto taxicab as well.

The Police Interceptor, or CVPI or P71 for short, looks like a standard-issue Crown Vic, but it has a whole bunch of little improvements that make it stronger, faster, and better-handling. I’ve driven both, and while the P71 is no sports car, there’s a night-and-day difference between this and the floaty grandpa version. It’s a little quicker, due to a slight horsepower bump and a lower rear-axle gear ratio, and it shifts a little harder, too. It has a bigger radiator, as well as external coolers for the oil, transmission, and even power steering. This one runs and drives well, and has only 133,000 miles on it, which is nothing compared to some taxis I’ve seen.

Most police cars had plastic back seats, a divider between the seats, and a whole bunch of holes drilled all over for various bits of cop equipment. This one, however, was an undercover detective’s car, so it never had any of that. Of course, it still screams “cop car,” but that can’t be helped. It’s still pretty clean inside, and the seller says everything works.

It’s rust-free, straight, and has a clean title, so it seems like a good starting point for whatever you want to do to it. Ironically, the seller mentions the lack of a front bull bar as a positive, but for our purposes, it would be better if it had one. Oh well. All you have to do is find some weird guy with a grizzled beard and a welder, and he’ll fix you up.

Thriving in tough environments is what these cars do, so it makes sense that they would be good choices for the toughest environment of them all. On the one hand, you have a car that can run on garbage fuel, but can only outrun George Romero zombies, not the speedy 28 Days Later kind. On the other hand, you have plenty of speed and power, but you’ll have to find gasoline for it. Which one seems like a better way to go?