This old 1955 brochure for the Ford Squire – an inexpensive little two-door wagon (not a shooting brake, in this case) that was closely related to the Fords Prefect and Anglia – reminds me of the cover to some pulpy mystery novel. Car parked, full of a guy and two ladies, and a very serious-looking dude in a rust-colored sportcoat is out there, unloading rifles from the back. What’s going on here? Is that dog with him, or did it just show up to check things out?
I mean, sometimes these old British ads like to show hunting scenes, and maybe the dog supports it, but the guy’s outfit doesn’t, really, and neither does the location. Usually when they want to show someone taking their car to a genteel fox hunt or whatever, they’re out, you know, where foxes live. In a forest. This looks like an apartment building? If this is a hunt, it’s for the ultimate game, which lives in apartment 3B and maybe owes someone money.
Another page in the brochure shows off the split tailgate design of the Squire like this:
Huh, it looks like it has a raised load floor, too; I think the spare tire slides in below, which is a nice solution for that. But look at the background of that farm. Intellectually, I realize those stacked rectangular things are like big crates full of berries or something like that – cherry tomatoes, radishes, strawberries, miniature red cauliflowers or whatever. But I can’t help but see them as stacked mattresses.
That’s what it looks like. They drove their squires to the mattress farm, to get a nice pair of farm-fresh mattresses, right where they’re lovingly grown. This is a real farm-to-bed type of situation, and it’s fantastic. They just need to stop by the box spring orchard on the way back to finish the job.
And you know where one of these mattresses are going? To apartment 3B, to replace the blood-soaked one that was found there earlier that day!
Dunn dunn DUNNNNNNNN!