The late 2000s through the 2010s were a novel age for German luxury cars because it really was the try-anything era, with no niche being deemed too small. From coupe crossovers to large liftbacks to luxurious four-seat grand touring cabriolets to new entry-level models, we really had a bumper crop. One of the best to come out of this mentality is the Mercedes-Benz GLB, which replaced the dowdy B-Class with a boxy little three-row thing. Now there’s a new one on the horizon, and it dials up the weird substantially. Let’s take a look.
The outgoing Mercedes-Benz GLB is spiritually the closest thing Americans could buy to a brand-new Dodge Colt Vista, a compact car stretched into an almost minivan-like silhouette with traditional doors instead of sliders. Sure, Mercedes-Benz calls it a crossover, but that’s really just plastic cladding lip service. This is, after all, a machine 3.4 inches longer than a Honda Civic hatchback that offers 1.1 more inches of third-row legroom than a Toyota Highlander. Plus, you could even get it as a 302-horsepower AMG GLB 35 that made hilarious turbo noises, or as a sensible EV. See what I mean about strange?
It gets stranger. There’s now a new Mercedes-Benz GLB, and it makes the old one look downright conventional. Let’s start with the powertrain. While the old electric EQB featured front-wheel drive on the base model, Mercedes-Benz has literally done a 180 with the GLB 250+ with EQ Technology. Yep, it’s a rear-wheel-drive mini-MPV crossover sort of thing, with a single 268-horsepower motor on the rear axle. Fed by an 85 net kWh battery pack, Mercedes-Benz claims it’s good for 392 miles on the WLTP cycle, some 111 miles more than the old EQB 250. Thanks to an 800-volt architecture, it will DC fast charge at up to 320 kW, which is right up there with models like the Porsche Taycan. Plus, you even get a frunk so your charging cable doesn’t go flying about the rear cargo area.
If that isn’t quite enough juice for you, the GLB 350 4Matic with EQ Technology adds a permanently excited electric motor on the front axle to boost total output to 349 horsepower and slash the claimed zero-to-60 mph time from 7.3 seconds to 5.4 seconds. Come to think of it, not only does “permanently excited” sound like a reason to visit the doctor, “EQ Technology” in itself is bizarre because even though it means electric power, it sounds like Stuttgart is boasting about a massive graphic equalizer in the middle of the dashboard. Sort of like when Pontiac used to put the letters “ABS” on its wheels and hubcaps.
It’s also worth mentioning that electric cars don’t typically have gears, but thanks to the new GLB being a CLA in cargo shorts, it has two. The rear drive unit boasts two ratios, 11:1 for quick low-speed acceleration and 5:1 to keep the motor in its efficiency sweet spot on the highway. This means that you should be able to feel a shift, although when you’ll feel it probably depends on how late you are to your next appointment. Oh, and in case electric power doesn’t suit you, an equally weird 1.5-liter hybrid model is coming. It may only be a 48-volt hybrid system, but its 27-horsepower transmission-mounted motor promises to glide along at city speeds without involving the gasoline engine. That’s not normal.
In addition to a shift in propulsion, the new Mercedes-Benz GLB looks weirder than the old one, too. There’s a whiff of recent Kia to the giant L-shaped taillights, a strange rotundness to the front end, and a massive faux grille that lets the world know you’re leasing this thing at 6.99 percent. It’s still a boxy little thing, but some of the details are simply odd, and that’s before we get into the cabin and electronics.
Slide behind the wheel of the new GLB, and the first thing you’ll want to do is look up. See, Mercedes-Benz is offering this thing with an illuminated panoramic moonroof that features a bunch of logos above your head, so you’ll know what it’s like to drive a gaming PC. Shift your eyes back to the horizon, and the dashboard in your peripheral view will be pure CLA, including an available passenger screen that nobody asked for because everyone has phones these days. Speaking of screens, inside the infotainment sits settings for something called SoundExperience, which seems a bit like Hyundai’s Sounds of Nature except with less nature but is actually a series of propulsion noises and chimes. Here, I’ll let Mercedes-Benz explain using its description of two new sound collections:
- “Fractal Fusion” embodies a hedonistic, futuristic lifestyle, combining nostalgic sounds from 80s arcade games and synthwave music with modern, vibrant synthesizer textures.
- “Granular Fuzz” offers an expressive, organic style that emphasizes simplicity and straightforwardness. This sound combines fat guitar tones, epic orchestral soundtrack elements and post-apocalyptic electronic effects.
You’ve probably never wondered what it would be like to drive a car that sounds like a 2015 Adam Sandler film, but here we are. That’s a novelty you’ll use once. Speaking of novelty, Mercedes-Benz is proud of ChatGPT4o and Microsoft Bing integration, but voice commands already rarely work entirely as promised, and the possibility of AI hallucinations probably won’t help with that.
Speaking of things that make you go “hunh?”, there are some more weird-bad surprises here to go with the weird-good ones. The use of two window switches and a capacitive touch pad to control four power windows is not so nice, nor is having hardly any physical dashboard controls. However, Mercedes-Benz does seem to be learning. The steering wheel now features physical controls for volume and adaptive cruise control distance, a step forward in the right direction after going capacitive-touch crazy.
So, the Mercedes-Benz GLB is still small and still available with three rows of seats, but it grows even weirder and greener for its second generation. Not only should it still be reasonably inexpensive by Mercedes-Benz standards, but short of tippy-top models like the S-Class and G-Class, it might be the most exciting thing to come from the brand. Expect to see it go on sale later next year.
Top graphic image: Mercedes-Benz
I worked on a few of the first run GLBs and I wouldn’t trust either the engines or transmissions as far as I could throw them.
This is so incredibly fugly, it blows my mind that people are badge-horny enough to buy such a hideous heap of rubbish.
Sad but true state of the industry. A large percentage of people will buy whatever they can “afford” from certain brands, despite not actually being able to afford it, or having done any research about the specific vehicle prior to purchase.
I didn’t think Soul until reading all these comments and now I can’t unsee it. You are all correct.
I disagreed at first but the moonroof bling swayed me. Nobody will care but the GLB was not a replacement for the dowdy B-class, which is still made in other markets and barely sold in the U.S. That’s a W-chassis vehicle. The GLB replaced the GLK, another X-chassis Merc that I think was an excellent luxury Forester.
If this is the most exciting thing coming from the brand (and I don’t necessarily disagree) what has Mercedes got utterly wrong with supposed showstoppers like the SL, the GT, and whatever is happening with the electric G-wagen? Also, is it weird that I’d prefer an electric GLB over literally everything else in Merc’s electric lineup? Seriously, a base EQS at $90K? Shoot me in the head.
I used to think that I was ‘permanently excited’ but then I entered my 50s. 😉
*taps mic* “is this thing on?”
Seriously… the exterior is a bit smoother and less kludgy-looking, so I guess that’s a plus. The butt reminds me of a Rivian R1S, but whatever. The illumnated headliner seems par for the course with recent Mercedes vehicles: nothing suceeds like excess. Gaudy and tasteless IMO.
Chat GPT and Microsoft Bing? Could you come up with two terms more likely to make me want to buy your car less? Was ‘colonoscopy’ already trademarked for that purpose?
I didn’t think so.
It’s insane how much Mercedes and Audi have totally lost it over the past 5-10 years.
I’ve always liked BMW the best out of the 3, but Merc and Audi were at least worthy competition back in the day.
This thing is offensively ugly inside and out, but worse, it looks cheap as hell.
Agreed on all counts. It’s the automotive equivalent of all the gold-painted crap and doo-dads in the (formerly dignified) White House.
I have not ever not once seen a stupid three pointed star light up logo that looked like all the LEDs were on. And this was on current model years where I knew they were on, but it always looks like the bottom-of-the-parts-bin white LEDs got crammed behind the logo in a crippling gaudy fit of insecurity.
If it’s priced right, I think the EV version will be a strong seller.
Mercedes-Benz have lost the point.
It’s been at least a decade since I’ve found any of their models attractive.
Please don’t malign the Colt Vista like that.
It really does look like the Smart #5 and Kia Soul had a baby
Contrary to most other of your reviews, this is not very coherent. Just calling different things weird without much explanation. If there is a place to feature and honor weirdness, it would be the Autopian. Some of the features and the design are pretty average and mainstream. If anything, this could feature on beige cars we have been sleeping on.