As you’re likely quite aware, tomorrow is Christmas, a shortening of Christ’s Mass, which, for those of you unfamiliar, is somewhat similar structurally to Michaelmas and Candlemas, but focusing on some very different liturgical elements. I’m sure you can learn more about the holiday at your local library. However you choose to celebrate, just know that we’ll have the day off most of today and tomorrow, and, let’s be honest, probably most of Friday.
But still check in; we’ll have some stories up, and I’d hope you’ll want to break in all the fun new presents you get that are capable of going online by visiting the Autopian! I hope we see a surge of internet-connected refrigerators and shoehorns and personal massagers and pneumatic drills pinging the site tomorrow!
For today, though, I just want to wish you a very happy, peaceful, joyful day, whether you’re celebrating Christmas or not, and to remind you of one of my favorite examples of Ford throwing Christmas Shade at Chevrolet. It’s part of this dealer-training filmstrip from 1959, comparing the Ford Falcon to the Chevy Corvair:
Of course Ford wanted to show the Falcon in a better light than the then-new Corvair; the Corvair was a revolutionary (well, for American cars) rear-engined, air-cooled design, and Ford’s very conventional Falcon looked pretty tame next to it. I went over all of this before, but since it’s Christmas, I wanted to revisit one significant frame of this filmstrip:
In trying to show how the Corvair’s front-mounted trunk was a disadvantage, Ford brought up the example of buying a Christmas tree, and then trying to shove it into the trunk to get it home. The front trunk absolutely introduces some real visibility issues, and the tree lot owner is a pretty opportunistic old dude, attempting to sell the Corvair owner a periscope to drive home.
Was this guy getting so many Corvairs (and, perhaps VW Beetles and Renault Dauphines) that he started to stock periscopes?
I think it’s time to really scrutinize this idea, a mere 66 years later. Was this really a valid concern? Let’s see:
Hm. While there’s no question that there would be significant visibility issues in trying to transport a Christmas tree in the front trunk of a Corvair, I think it barely matters, because you’d have a pretty precarious tree-in-trunk situation in the Falcon, too, with over half the tree bouncing around outside the back of the trunk, which is also hardly ideal.
Both cars had fairly high lift-over areas to get into the trunks, so the angles those trees would be sitting at would be fairly dramatic, which could cause trunk breakage where it rests on the trunk’s lip.
The truth is the only sensible way to transport a Christmas tree is on the roof, trunk first, and well-bound in, very likely, a shibari-style. With this in mind, I think we can call this petty rivalry done, with both cars happily capable of taking a tree to your home to prop up in your living room and cover in lights.
See? Finally, peace between Ford and Chevy! Let this be an inspiration to us all, and, once again, have a positively delightful holiday.
Thank you Torch! I have been going crazy trying to figure out what my next new car should be, the Falcon or Corvair, and, like any rational car buyer, my number one priority was how to cram a Christmas tree into the car properly.
Finally after 66 years it’s clear to me and I can start my search for a new Corvair! I chose the Corvair over the falcon as I am a bit of a risk taker and like the new fangled tech it comes with. I can’t wait to try out that swing arm suspension I hear people raving about!
Chanukah ends, just in time for a pagan solstice romp. Bring us daylight Torch. More daylight
Keep Saturn in Saturnalia! Preferably a manual first-generation SW2.
Manual 2nd gen Vue is pretty nice. I might need to go for a drive after New Years- just need some new tires
Watched the video. . .now I want an old Ford Falcon, because it is a better car, no contest.
Merry Christmas everyone!
Merry Christmas to all who observe. Perfect time for those interested to attend Mass for the first time. Bless you all, and much love to all Autopians regardless of race or creed.
Merry Christmas to all here and the entire staff at this site. Really.
And a most happy Hannukah Bush to the Torch family. We are blessed to have him here for another year, despite the ill fated chainsaw incident of days gone by. And of course the widow maker heart incident and the most graphic shitting of the pants.
And a rusty wrench to the Tracy family as well.
My memories of Christmas (before marriage) were pretty brutal.
They make the celebration of Festivus look holy in nature.
My fav is the year the old man made us drive 1500K to Grandparents. Non stop.
Then about 2 hours after our arrival, he gets in a shit mood after downing about 10 scotch and waters.
It’s Christmas Eve BTW…
So all 6 are stuffed back into the 73 Ford wagon. And back to Colorado we head.
But stopped in Houston for a week so he could hang with his soon to be new wife.
Number 2 of 5…
While the 5 kids were confined to a couple of rooms at the damn Ramada that week.
We convinced him to leave us the damn car so we could go get stuff to eat.
And a lot of cash for gas..
When we hit the road back to Colorado it was a 1K mile sprint.
I did 90% of the driving hauling ass bigly.
My old man made Frank Costanza look like a damn saint.
Thankful to have had 4 decades with my wife and her family.
They were wonderful people and I learned fast how to actually celebrate what it was all about.
Thanks for triggering more PTSD memories Torch…../s
Torch might have the ultimate in bad ’70s Ford related memories. I’m convinced that he was the baby who had his bris in the backseat of a ’78 Cougar sedan.
Belated Happy Hannukah, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year (Gregorian version), and Happy Many Other Holidays to everyone at our favorite automotive website. I hope you all get the car part, tool, detailing microfiber, or any other accoutrement you wished for!
Happy Holidays to EVERYONE in The Autopian neighborhood.
Merry Christmas to all who observe, and Happy Chinese food to those who don’t!
%&*)*)# BUMPUSES!!!
And since our kitchen is under active remodeling, we sought outside sources for nourishment for Xmas day. Calling around, the only places that are open are an Asian restaurant that has gone downhill with new owners and a Lumberjacks (blech). We’re still calling around to see if a different Asian restaurant is open. At least we obtained too much food from a Thai restaurant today. And as per usual, we bought much more than we need for one meal, so at least we have delicious leftovers!
If you’re in MD, we’re having ham and scalloped potatoes with a garden salad. Only four of us, so plenty of food if you want to join us. spikersaurusrex@gmail.com
Since we are roughly 2700 miles away, it would be rather inconvenient for such a drive. Many thanks for the invite though!
In the spirit of this site, we must celebrate a “Festivus, For the Rest Of Us”. All we need is a Festivus pole.
I assume the comment section is for the airing of grievances?
There’s an entire TV channel for that. It’s called C-SPAN.
Feats of Capitulation.
I got a lot of problems with you people.
But what’s the best way to carry a Festivus pole in a Festiva?
Sun roof for the win.
Having worked on a Corvair, it was really ahead of it’s time in many ways. Some very clever and innovative engineering. I now fully understand the derision ’70s and ’80s GM earned by squandering this innovation.
A Falcon was just a smaller full size Ford.
I love how they consider the engine impact absorbing. Pretty sure that cast iron block is just gonna pass those sweet sweet impacts on to the consumer.
Merry Christmas! Enjoy the time off!
But it didn’t break!
Christmas trees should be artificial and stored in a box when not in use. Leave the living ones alone.
But I would have been all over the Corvair had I been in the market back in the day. The Falcon was rather poverty-spec for my taste. Maybe, possibly – though I think a loaded “rope drive” Pontiac Tempest with the Sprint Six might have been even more my speed than a Corvair.
Merry Christmas!
Such a beastie didn’t exist, the rope drive was gone before the ohc six came along.
I stand corrected, thought they overlapped.
“just know that we’ll have the day off most of today and tomorrow, and, let’s be honest, probably most of Friday.”
Enjoy the rest, you’ve all earned it!
It will give me a chance to read the huge list of long-read articles in my Autopian Glovebox
Happy Festivus to you all.
I as well have a backlog to work through. Happy Festivus.
Obviously it’s not an objective comparison, but give Ford credit for showing everywhere the GM bean counters made their mark.
It gave the Ford bean counters ideas. Which worked until Honda and Toyota ruined their party.
As a long time owner of cars with small clearance, I am stunned by the worry about the front clearing curbs. Did they mean planters? Just where are they driving this?
But overall is like a warm up comic, its not funny enough to stand on its own.
Yeah sorry Jason but AI videos are annoying, AI narration is infuriating. I made it through 20 seconds of that before I noped right the hell out. Maybe just post the film strip without the extraneous bullshit?
I want my MTV…. “Money For Nothing” quality leadin video.
‘Course it was AWESOME in ’85
The main video is not AI narrated! That’s prime 1959 VO work!
You can skip to about 0:55 to get to the real clip
The final deciding factor is which car is easier to get into once you discover that, in the process of tying the tree to the roof, you’ve tied your doors shut?
Speaking from experience?
no comment
Yeah, same here. 😉
Dad’s already asked for a new suspension design, but unfortunately the only tucking under is from the rear tires.
True Celebratariates know you WEAR the shade, never throw it.
Merry Christmas to all Autopians. In the spirit of car culture worldwide I’m in Scotland, and of course I’ve rented a car. I was hoping for something we don’t get in the US, but I’ve been given a Nissan Juke. Driving on the Adrian side has been interesting, especially during our trip from Inverness to Skye. A 2 plus hour trip? No problem, right? I drive an hour and half one way at least once a week, so it shouldn’t be an issue.
Driving back to Inverness was the biggest white knuckle drive of my life. Pitch dark. Wrong side of the road. Single lane roads. Mountains. Trucks. 60mph speed limit. Finally getting back to Inverness meant dodging insane drivers in the traffic circles. I needed at least 2 glasses of scotch when we got back to our place.
Car spotting has been fun. Biggest shock a full size Ford Raptor. How they keep it in the narrow lanes is beyond me.
Merry Christmas, and thank you to the Autopian staff for everything.
Agreed. The “national speed limit” of 60 when it’s not otherwise posted on cart track B roads is completely mental. So was the seemingly randomly parked cars in the lane all over the place. Enjoy! The highlands in the dead of winter is certainly a choice (albeit one I would also make.)
Your way is how Clark Griswold transported his, in his less-noticed-except-here late 80s Wagon Queen Family Truckster.
Always wondered why he doesn’t have that one in the garage when he loans a vehicle to adult Rusty.
The Vulcan V6 likely blew a head gasket and the transmission disintigrated.
He clearly bought another one at some point, probably from nostalgia when he retired and moved to California. Their original* was clearly totaled in the first movie, and the one in the reboot has different exterior mirrors so is probably a later model year
*in deleted scenes from the original edit, Clark shoots the instrument cluster with the bb gun in frustration over the poor fuel economy calculation, causing sparks and smoke to shoot out, then rams Roy Wally’s gate,careens up the winding driveway, sideswiping the stone retaining walls on both sides, then crashes through a grove of trees and lands in a pond in the back yard. After making up and apologizing, Wally offers to fly them home, and the very last scene is them realizing they got on the wrong plane. Even though all that was cut, the final montage does show a still photo of them all on a plane wearing Wally World hats, which is taken from that, so we are meant to assume they disposed of the Truckster in California and flew back.
Even without that, the damage to the frame, suspension, and axles from that 50 yard jump would be really severe, the car might have hid it relatively well and remained driveable, but had to be pretty horrific underneath when put up on a lift
And this is why I come here. Thank you – I’d give you a subscription to the jelly of the month club for this if I could!
Chaos in the streets, dogs and cats living together.
Happy belated Haunukkah or Festivus to you too Torch. Thank you for all you have done over the last year.
The steel was likely going to bend anyhow. These things had the structural integrity of a wet noodle. Part of why we have tanks of cars today and had to specifically write out that injuring pedestrians too severely is a no-no*.
*does not apply to anything considered a “light truck”.
Doesn’t apply to anything at all in the US at the moment.
From strapping a Christmas tree on the roof? That’s 18 gauge steel and an overbuilt unibody structure, due to the lack of modern stress analysis and overreaction to a new construction technique. Not at all safe in a crash, but extremely hard to dent vs modern vehicles with 20-22 gauge construction