My Mom Is Mad At My Lawyer Wife Because She Drives A Tiny Toyota, What Car Should She Buy?

Two years ago, my wife thought she made a sound decision when she bought a 2012 Scion iQ. In her eyes, the iQ was cute and fun like my Smart Fortwos, but should be reliable because it’s a Toyota. Unfortunately, not only has the car been a reliability disaster, but it seems nobody else thinks the car is cute and fun. My mom just revealed that she thinks Sheryl’s car is a massive disappointment and disrespectful to her profession (she’s a lawyer). Now, my wife is looking for a new car that fits her career a little better. What should she buy?

If you’ve been in the car community for long enough, you’re probably well aware of the concept of buying a cheap car that makes you look like you have money. In theory, this is especially handy if you work in a profession where you need to project a certain image, but you might not have the dough to buy a new ride for that purpose. I didn’t subscribe to that idea for a long time. I thought that if you bought a 20-year-old Mercedes-Benz, you wouldn’t be fooling anyone. I thought that you didn’t have to be a car enthusiast to deduce that someone’s driving an old car, no matter the badge that’s on it.

Witnessing my wife’s experiences with her cars has taught me that the concept of “balling on a budget” is shockingly and confusingly accurate. When Sheryl drove a 2010 Toyota Prius, she was seen as a sort of environmentalist lawyer, and she got no complaints. Sheryl told me that she even blended in, as some lawyers do drive Prii and other hybrids because hybrids are green and trendy.

When Sheryl switched to the 2001 BMW 525iAT that we bought from our secret designer, the Bishop, her positive-image score spiked off the chart. Almost daily, she would get compliments about the BMW. There were several instances where guys offered her $5,000 on the spot for the wagon. It blew my mind because that BMW was a rustbucket that I had purchased for just $1,500 – but it did look really clean with tinted windows and fresh wax.

Everyone complimented the BMW, from Sheryl’s clients and opposing counsel to my family. Everyone sort of treated the BMW as a massive upgrade from the Prius. It was almost like Sheryl had won it big or something. Practically overnight, Sheryl was taken as seriously as those lawyers with the billboards and expensive suits, when all she had done was trade a decent hybrid for a cheap and rusty BMW. Clearly, people didn’t care. She really was balling on a budget.

Unfortunately, the BMW’s rust advanced to the point where the car’s jacking points could no longer be used. Worse, driving it 40,000 miles in a single year did a number on the BMW’s engine. So, she decided to pass it on. In hindsight, this was the wrong decision. We could have fixed Wanda the BMW. Even worse, the guy who bought it ended up committing a hit and run with the vehicle after failing to register it for months. Guess who had to mop up that mess? Oh, and then the friend that we loaned the Prius to managed to destroy the car by ramming a deer.

The Cute Mistake

Sheryl found herself in the car market again, and this time, she decided to get weird with it. She adored driving my Smarts, but I warned her that Smarts are way too finicky to drive 40,000 miles a year without major headaches. Sheryl chose the next best thing, the car that was more or less a Smart, but by Toyota.

At the time, I thought it was an okay decision. The example she chose appeared to be in great shape with tons of life left in it. While I didn’t think it was a “lawyer car,” I also knew that Sheryl typically enjoys being underestimated. She sort of plays a character not unlike Peter Falk’s Columbo, and it’s amazing how well it works in real life.

So, she got the iQ, and at first, things were great. The car scored 40 mpg, everyone thought it was oh so cute, and we got a decent deal on it. At first, the car didn’t even give us any issues. It started every single time without failure, even when my own cars failed me. We then drove the iQ most of the length of Route 66, and the car was an absolute joy on that monster of a road trip.

Then, the house of cards began falling apart. We installed an aftermarket cruise control system, which eventually grew a hunger for accelerator pedals. The cruise control managed to kill not just one, but two accelerator pedals over the course of just 10 months.

The problems only get more frustrating from there. The engine had a mystery issue of randomly sputtering and then shutting down while at idle. I replaced the spark plugs and coils, which fixed the issue. Now, the car has an intermittent rough idle. The engine stays running, but something is sometimes unhappy. I went through the work to put the old coils back in, and there was no change.

Update: The iQ has developed a new and fun problem. Last week, it blew both of its low-beam headlight bulbs at the same time. I replaced some somewhat crusty-ish headlight relays and the bulbs. Well, the bulbs just stopped working an hour ago, then came back to life 10 minutes ago. This is fine, totally fine.

As of a couple of weeks ago, gas pedal number three has intermittent failures. This is concerning since we did have the cruise control uninstalled. Previous diagnosis seemingly confirmed that the cruise control killed the gas pedal. But that’s no longer a factor. What’s going on now?

This morning, the iQ presented a new issue when the heater refused to blow warm for 30 minutes of Sheryl’s freezing morning commute. The coolant looks great. Maybe the blend door got stuck? There’s more, from the incessant whining of the CVT and the rust that’s appearing in strange places, to the fact that it occasionally throws traction control errors.

In fairness, the Scion didn’t get like this all on its own. Sheryl crashed the iQ during the summer, and then crashed it again only three weeks ago. Many of these recent issues cropped up after that second crash.

Everyone Hates The iQ

Yet, it wasn’t exactly the unreliability that soured Sheryl’s relationship with her car. Over the past two years, we’ve witnessed how people who used to think of the car as something cute and novel have turned on the vehicle.

The same people who complimented the car or expressed wonder two years ago now call the car a total piece of junk. Clients think Sheryl is a joke because of the car, and opposing counsel have gone from underestimating Sheryl to just openly mocking her. Somehow worse is that Sheryl seems to now have a negative reputation. I cannot begin to type out what these people are actually saying, but they’re calling her a type of transphobic slur who drives the tiny piece of garbage. [Ed note: What is wrong with people? Gee whiz. – Pete]

This negative reputation has reached the point where she lost a lucrative contract, largely because of the car. Her own clients have cursed Sheryl out over her car. Mind you, Sheryl’s law practice is unique in that the client names the price they pay for her work. Many of these people do not pay for her services at all, but demand that she drive a new luxury car. Basically, she’s no longer Columbo.

But the worst sting came from the inside. Not only does Sheryl’s best friend want to commit violence against the iQ, but my mom spent a great portion of Christmas dinner dressing down Sheryl in front of everyone about why she thinks Sheryl’s car sucks.

Seriously, this conversation went on for longer than an hour, and my mom went hard. She said that, by driving the iQ, not only is Sheryl insulting me, but she’s disrespecting the family and me as a whole. Mom also said that if Sheryl cared about me and actually respected me, she’d drive a real lawyer car and make more money. This conversation would normally be way too personal to publish, but it hit me like a ton of bricks because it came out of the blue and was weirdly harsh. Long story short is that, apparently, over the past two years, my mom has lost respect for my wife because of the iQ.

I defended Sheryl throughout this conversation. I have a fleet of crappy, weird cars. I am not disrespected by my wife choosing to drive a weird car. She’s a grown woman and can make her own choices with her own money. But Pandora’s box has been opened. The words that have been said cannot be taken back. It’s clear that everyone now hates the iQ.

Our conclusion is that the iQ is actively harming Sheryl on multiple fronts. She has been depressed about this, and I have been dealing with headache after headache. I honestly have never seen a car cause so much strife before. Yet, most people seem to agree that the iQ sucks. In fact, our very own readers have been saying it for over a year now.

We’ve made the decision to get a different car, but the question is: What car?

So Many Choices

When I posed this question to The Autopian‘s staff and contributors, I used the qualifier that it should be somewhat “lawyer-like.” Ideally, I’d love to pay cash for this car, but that would mean a budget under $10,000. Financing also works, but Sheryl’s not looking to get into a loan on a $40,000 car anytime soon.

First out of the gate was Jason Torchinsky, who recommended a Scion xB. Or, specifically, he said that we should buy a dirt-cheap first-generation xB, and then pay someone to make it the most luxurious xB in the world.

David Tracy was next, and his recommendation was a 1980 Subaru GL wagon. I’m not even sure what to do with this recommendation.

Matt Hardigree returned us to reality with the recommendation for a Lincoln Town Car, but specifically one that isn’t black. The idea there is that Sheryl won’t look like a livery driver. Also, I guess she’d get to say that she’s a Lincoln lawyer?

Stephen Walter Gossin recommended a 2000s Jaguar on the account that they look great, are plenty luxurious, and can be had for dirt-cheap.

My mom said Sheryl’s new car has to be high-end luxury. The wildcard is Sheryl’s best friend, a Honda fangirl, who recommended a mid-2010s Civic, an early 2010s Accord, or an Acura.

As far as Sheryl’s own picks, she wants something like a mid-2010s Subaru Legacy, an Infiniti G37, an Infiniti EX35, a Toyota Avalon, a Lexus LX470, a Lexus LS400, a mid-2010s Mazda3, a Hyundai Veloster, a Hyundai Genesis sedan, or another Toyota Prius. She also wants another BMW E39, but she’s reluctant since the last one didn’t go so well.

The good news is that Sheryl’s mileage has gone down over the past two years. As of now, she puts about 25,000 miles a year on her car, an improvement over her old mileage of 40,000 miles a year. Still, that’s nearly double the national average, so Sheryl needs something that’s at least somewhat durable.

I don’t think a Civic is a good pick. Civics are extremely hearty cars, but I’m not sure it would give Sheryl the image she’s looking for. Likewise, early 2010s Accords are often seen as great first cars, so I’m not sure that will also complete the mission as desired. I know Sheryl also loves the Hyundai Genesis, but will the Hyundai badge turn people off? I also adore Stephen’s suggestion for a highly depreciated Jaguar, but I’m positive my wife will get murdered by repair costs.

The Legacy, Veloster, and Mazda3 are Sheryl’s bucket list cars, so those would be considered in spite of how anyone feels about them.

Since we have direct access to the people who hate the iQ, we started polling them on my cars. I have like 13 crappy cars, so I can easily sell some or give one to Sheryl. Apparently, the most “lawyer” car in my fleet is the BMW E61 wagon that I bought from the Bishop, but that has over 180,000 miles and is already very finicky. I do not trust that BMW to take Sheryl’s beatings without breaking in a hilariously expensive way.

The three cars that both line up with the image goal and with Sheryl’s own desires are the BMW E39, a Lexus LX470, and a Lexus LS400. E39s are easy to find in decent condition for cheap enough. But Sheryl has deep concerns about long-term reliability, which is fair. The two Lexus (Lexi? Lexuses?) are great ideas, but I’ve been gobsmacked at old Lexus values.

Most of the Lexus in my local area have well over 100,000 miles, and their sellers are still demanding $7,000 to $8,000 for them. I could have sworn that these were $3,500 cars back in 2019.

Anyway, I have found some affordable Avalons, Priis, Camrys, and some newer Honda Accords. What’s stopping us from moving forward is just being unsure. I don’t want to blow a ton of cash on a car that fails at improving Sheryl’s image, or worse, is a car she ends up hating.

The shortlist for now is a Toyota Avalon, a BMW E39, a Toyota Prius, a Subaru Legacy, or a Honda Clarity. But we cannot seem to make a decision for fear of making the wrong decision. It’s funny because I’ve purchased cars entirely on impulse before. But that’s me. I can get away with buying a dumb car. My wife doesn’t have that luxury, so I want to get this right.

Whew, it sure took a long time to get here! Now I want to turn it over to you. What car should she buy? Should she just tell my mom and her haters to buzz off? What car would you expect someone who functions like a public defender to drive? Please help me, my brain is melting from the indecision.

Top graphic image: Mercedes Streeter