Nissan Just Created The Weirdest Merch But Doesn’t Have The Guts To Sell It

When car companies attempt to reach younger, trendier audiences through cross-promotional lifestyle branding, the result is usually a branded hoodie, an overpriced wristwatch, or perhaps a sleek electric scooter that nobody asked for.

Nissan’s motorsport division, NISMO, has decided to leap straight past the conventional swag bag and instead head directly for dental cosmetics.

As it bids to celebrate the finale of the ABB FIA Formula E World Championship in London this weekend, NISMO has partnered with London-based custom jeweler LOUD MOUTH LDN to craft a set of bespoke “grillz” inspired by iconic Nissan performance cars.

While it reads like a rejected April Fool’s gag, this collaboration is literally putting grilles on your grill as it takes the front ends of four well-known performance and motorsport Nissan machines and reinterprets them for your front teeth.

Ordinarily, grillz are silver- or gold-based tooth jewelry, and there are pretty wild designs out there, some even with precious gems embedded in them. These four Nissan pieces are much more brightly colored than the norm though, based on the subject matter.

That begins with the bright blue of the R34 Skyline GT-R, with Bayside Blue enamel laid over the silver base. The design includes the intakes of the lower front end and little amber accents to mark the indicators on the only set inspired by a road car.

A second R34 features on a yellow set, based on the Pennzoil livery of the two-time champion GT500 race car from the All-Japan Grand Touring Championship (JGTC) series. This slightly less complex design features the race car’s deeper air dam and the stripes of the livery complemented by sponsor-inspired roundels.

There’s a red set taking its cues from the more modern Nissan Z GT500, used in the successor Super GT series. This set looks like it includes the Z’s headlights and something that could be an attempt to replicate the front wing stays.

Finally there’s the most relevant vehicle, the outgoing Gen.3 Evo Formula E of the NISMO team, with a detailed design featuring the car’s sakura livery, #23 race number, and a full front wing assembly. This car is in with a chance of securing a second successive driver’s title for Barnsley-born Oliver Rowland in the season-ending double-header, though he currently sits in fourth.

Before you run out to schedule a dental impression kit, there is a catch: Nissan is treating this absurdly detailed project as a one-off artistic showcase rather than something destined for even limited production.

The collection will be put on public display at the Westfield Stratford City mall before moving a couple of miles down the road to ExCeL London for the Formula E race weekend (August 15-16), where attendees will have a chance to win a custom piece created by the jeweler.

There’s been some strange promotional automotive tie-ins, but NISMO placing Super GT styling cues directly onto your teeth feels like a high-water mark for factory-backed weirdness.

It may not add horsepower, but it gives new meaning to “smiles per gallon.”

Top graphic image: NISMO