Renault Will Sell You A Twingo Pinball Machine That Costs Almost As Much As The Car

There are cars the internet likes, and there are cars the internet loves. While most enthusiasts tend to agree that the Subaru BRZ is a pretty good entry-level sports car, there’s a rabid enthusiasm around Mazda MX-5s that I still don’t quite understand. Still, it means the MX-5 is an icon, and while a direct French equivalent doesn’t quite exist, the closest thing out there is the Renault Twingo. With the launch of a new retro-inspired model, Renault has rolled out a whole line of Twingo-themed branded tat, and we need to talk about it because some of this stuff is ridiculous.

The reborn Renault Twingo E-Tech looks fabulous. A sincere throwback to the ’90s original, its seats might not fold into a bed, but it’s a genuinely small EV priced under €20,000 and bestowed with innate desirability. When your great-granddad’s a style icon, why not bite his look? Judging by the popularity and quality feel of the Renault 5 E-Tech and Renault 4 E-Tech, expect to see the new Twingo everywhere in Europe soon. It’s a cultural moment of sorts, and Renault is cashing in.

Let’s start with the most expensive thing in the Twingo collection, a made-to-order Twingo-themed pinball machine. You know, for simulating traffic around the Arc de Triomphe. Custom-built in Bordeaux, it seems to be a rebranded Hexa Space Hunt machine with new artwork. The playfields look nearly identical, the dimensions, power demands, and player count are identical, and while the Twingo-themed machine seems to be largely meant as an in-showroom attraction, you can buy one for €17,000, or about $19,784 at current conversion rates. Considering a Space Hunt machine retails for €7,499 before VAT ($8,727), something tells me we aren’t looking at around ten grand in taxes. The Twingo machine’s cool, but it’s also outrageously expensive.

So, how about something more reasonably-priced than a pinball machine, something you could simply tote around in a Twingo as you please? That’s right, it’s a Twingo-themed surfboard, because most cars don’t work so well if you try to use them on water. Obviously, Renault doesn’t make boards, so this thumb tail, seven-foot-four-inch board is crafted by Shapers Club in La Rochelle, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it comes from the hands of UWL. Frankly, I have no idea who the target audience for this €3,000 (roughly $3,491) branded board is, but it’ll make a great display prop in showrooms.

Speaking of weird, how about channeling your inner Tyler Durden with a little Twingo soap? Disappointingly, it does not make you smell like a Twingo. Instead, it smells like apple blossoms, which sounds nice, but why? Why spend the money on Twingo soap that’s only going to disappear as you use it? Admittedly, it’s made by Ciment, which makes wonderful stuff, but not only does Ciment have its own apple blossom soap, it has a whole range of scents to enjoy that don’t require visiting a Renault dealer.

Alright, time to cut it with the truly ridiculous stuff. You can’t buy a new Twingo in America as a daily commuter, but you might be able to get a little one for your kids. Yeah, it’s a little unpropelled ride-on car for children, but with all the cutesy Twingo styling cues we know and love. Is €110 still a little pricey? Sure, but it’s more justifiable than a €3,000 surfboard or a freaking €17,000 pinball machine. I mean, come on, €17,000 is almost as much as an entire Twingo E-Tech.

By now, you’ve probably got the feeling that I’m not the biggest fan of automaker merch, and you’d be right. My general personal rule is that if it doesn’t have any functional automotive purpose or isn’t a well-designed heritage play, I’m probably not game. However, Renault has somehow found a way to warm the lump of coal I have for a heart. It’s a new Twingo E-Tech plush toy, an officially offered, new-style riff on the original Twingo plush offered by Autoplush. I’d have that as a throw cushion in a heartbeat.

Still, though, who is much of this for? Is it just window dressing for dealers to show off in showrooms and occasionally (in the case of smaller items) bundle into Twingo sales? Who’s spending €3,000 on a Twingo surfboard? Answers on a postcard, please.

Top graphic images: Renault; DepositPhotos.com