I’m fine! I feel like I need to clarify that first thing, because of all of the thoughtful yet alarmed comments I saw yesterday when I revealed I was starting this Hemmings rally thing with a fever and some strange infections. You were all telling me the right thing, I definitely should see a doctor, and while I didn’t exactly do that (I did seek medical advice from a Rug Doctor, but he just went on and on about his intense wrath at dirt. He solemnly asserted it, even. Dude has anger issues.) I did manage to awaken the next morning feeling vastly better, so let’s call this a victory.
I will go see the doc when I get home, just to be safe. Can’t hurt, right? I need to get my blood changed and limbs rotated, anyway.
The point is I awoke this morning feeling less like a shaky, fevery mess, and the demon I saw in that picture over the toilet now just feels like some manner of sprite or pixie that’ll help me on my journey.
The rally is starting from two points, one in Southern California, one in Northern California, and converging at Paso Robles (Spanish for a nickname for the damp groin of an unnamed saint), and the group I was traveling with had a nice assortment of cars that broke down into a pack of fast, modern Porsches, a green modern BMW, a nice pair of classics (a ’67 Austin-Healey 3000 and a ’69 BMW 1600), and then the group’s happy shame, our CrossCab.
My favorite cars in my group are, as you can likely guess, the archaic ones. This BMW 1600 is especially charming, as it’s clearly a car that gets driven, and it just looks and sounds fantastic.
The 1600 was the predecessor to the legendary 2002, and shares essentially the same body with that legendary car, but the relative rarity of the 1600 makes these even cooler, I think. They also have an amber-less variant of the fantastic round BMW taillight, a variant only really seen on ’68 and ’69 cars.
The Porsche pack left the rest of us behind pretty early on, which was fine by me, as I like staring at the older cars, anyway. The Austin-Healey is especially fun to drive behind because that car’s co-driver, Willy, is an eight-month-old rescue puppy:
He looked like he was having a blast and, I’m told, didn’t even puke once, which is impressive for anyone.
Was he good at sniffing tires to accurately calculate their tread life to within plus or minus a week? Sure was!
Did he have a belly that required rubs? Absolutely.
The rally route was quite lovely and well-planned, taking us through some lovely terrain and fun, twisty roads.
Was I good at following the route guidance? No, not at all, thanks for asking! I did some doubling back and missing important sections, but I eventually figured it out, at least close enough, and besides, getting lost allowed me to find important things I’d otherwise have missed, like this trespass-ortunity:
View this post on Instagram
See? If I followed the route, I’d have missed that amazing herd of well-behaved, thought-to-be-extinct, creatures. Wow.
I bet you’re wondering what roadside porta-potties are like in this part of the world? Fantastic, that’s what they’re like. Warm, welcoming, with a heady stench, redolent of healthy bladders and kidneys.
The CrossCab is actually doing pretty great. It’s not a great handling car – in fact, the lift we added makes it kind of a hippo on roller skates in the twisties, and somehow the seats aren’t terribly comfortable, but as you can see, Otto figured out how to maximize every atom of comfort out of the interior.
The CVT, despite its terrible reputation, is doing great, even if it, you know, never feels great, but that’s how those things were when new, too.
Otto seems to be having fun, enjoying free shrimp, which is the first, crucial step if he should choose to go into autojournalism himself one day. I’m not pushing any particular path, but it’s nice to see him developing an appreciation of The Finer Things.
And, again: I’m okay!
Perfect start to my day. Jason’s writing, Otto, puppers, curb parked Murano wearing gold painted Mustang wheels. All while sipping a nice coffee. Put a fork in me because I’m done.
“(I did seek medical advice from a Rug Doctor, but he just went on and on about his intense wrath at dirt. He solemnly asserted it, even. Dude has anger issues.)”
Do not let that man bully you into a hairpiece. I don’t think any of us could handle that.
Might as well use that lift and those chunky tires to park on the curb because why wouldn’t you?
He parks like my grandma!
Rescue dogs in classic cars, just perfection. People love seeing mine in the back of my old Mercedes, of the passenger seat of my Alfa when the Merc’s broken.
“I did seek medical advice from a Rug Doctor, but he just went on and on about his intense wrath at dirt. He solemnly asserted it, even. Dude has anger issues.”
May I suggest next time try Dr Pepper?
“the demon I saw in that picture over the toilet” looks familiar:
https://art.ngfiles.com/images/794000/794121_sneakers_luci-from-disenchantment.jpg?f1548047272
And if he needs a 2nd opinion… Dr. Scholls
I heard he stinks!
But he has a way of making people feel comfortable.
But he’s an effective Doctor. He gets people back on their feet again.
I will say one thing about the Murano and it’s CVT – I think it’s the best CVT car I’ve ever driven. My wife had a Murano for a few years and mostly, I never hated the CVT in it. The V6 puts out decent torque and I think that helps a lot. We also made it to 175k without issue before trading it in. But I’ve also driven a Versa which was terrible with the CVT, and a Jeep shit box rental with one which was even worse. So I guess maybe they are better suited to higher torque lower revving engines.
People really should be changing their CVT fluid every ~30k-40k, that’s why a lot of CVT’s fail.
I’ve seen a Maxima CVT last >280k because they did 30k CVT fluid.
I’d be curious if we have any Nissan/Subaru tech’s that could chime in here.
I was just discussing this at work last week – the mistake may not have been the transmission itself (he said with a twitch), but expecting to introduce a “new” maintenance item without proper messaging, or more fundamentally, understanding human nature.
This. Many foreign car service issues in the USA come down to most US car owners thinking doing an oil change at Pep Boys every 5K miles is going above an beyond.
I’ve worked for German and Japanese companies and my foreign colleges simply can’t understand the idea that a car owner would not religiously follow the factory service intervals. They are like “You spend tens of thousands of dollars to buy a car but won’t spend $500 a year to do the maintenance required to keep it running?”
Meanwhile some owners over service their cars. Unreliable cars can be very reliable if you replace everything before it even has a chance to fail.
Can you point me towards some of those owners? Specifically ones who might want to sell their manual wagons, Miatas, Corvettes, 911s or First Gen Tacomas.
Sorry, no manual wagons, Miatas, Corvettes, 911s or First Gen Tacomas. If however you want a nice MGA I can set you up.
Hey! I have 265k on my Altima I bought new in 2011 that got its CVT fluid changed every 40-50k with Redline’s no slip CVT that meets the Nissan spec.
I have little doubt that it’ll go another 100k without serious intervention
I’m assuming that it’s the original CVT?
Sure is
You know I heard Mark said while writing his shit column was doing a Karaoke version of Gloria Estafans the Rhythm is going to get you with fever replacing rhythm. Keep an eye on him. Lol
Interesting that the preserve would corral the dinosauruses so close to the road if they didn’t want Human Nuggets to feed them. Seems like they would save a fortune on dinosaur kibble and human chew toys. Well what do I know.
Glad you’re feeling better Torch!
I love those older cars as well, especially the 1600. Serious “I want that” vibes from me!
A HS buddy of mine had a nice beige 1967 1600 handed down to him from his dad. He loved that car Unfortunately it was destroyed in a traffic incident.
Please tell Otto that I’m absolutely loving his fashion sense. The striped pants with the checked shoes in particular. No sarcasm.
And assuming that’s him filming the Instagram clip, he really is a lot taller than Jason, especially if he’s holding the camera at eye level rather than above it.
As a tall kid with short parents, let me tell you it sucks. I think I matched their height at 12-13 and from that point on, including every visit since college, if it was hard or awkward to reach it became my job. Haven’t lived in the same side of the country for 20 years, and I already have a todo list 4 items deep at Christmas this year.
Christmas Presents idea a step ladder.
I was the short kid of tall parents…I had to pretty much jog to keep up with their normal walking speed. Even now I’m told that I have an unusually fast walk.
There’s a whole generation of Europeans with short parents, because the parents grew up in the 40’s and 50’s with rationing and poor nutrition. Both my folks grew up in 50’s Britain, and they’re both shorter than me and my brothers, have been since we were teenagers.
I believe Otto was taller than Jason around age 4
My first thought was, look that’s what young limber knees look like. Now a days if I don’t have to put a hand to the ground to get up it’s a good day.
I’ve recently learned just how weak my cruciate ligaments are. Like my knees swing right and left as I climb stairs. It hurts so much to strengthen them at my advancing age. You have my sympathy.
I know, right? It’s at least the second time I’ve wanted to know where he finds those boss pants he always seems to be wearing.
I remember when shrimp was a hoity-toity food for fancy feasts.
Sometime around 1995, folks figured out how to farm shrimp, especially the Vietnamese, and it became dirt cheap. By 1998, farm-raised shrimp was cheaper than beef, pound for pound. Given the price of beef today, shrimp is cheaper than beef again.
Problem is, farm-raised shrimp mostly doesn’t taste like much of anything, at least to me. Maybe their diet is too “clean”, I dunno.
If it’s not wild-caught shrimp, I’m not excited.
How do they lasso the little buggers?
Tiny little lassos, duh!
Just FYI, Paso Robles (full name El Paso de Robles) translates to “Pass of The Oaks,” a reference to trees so revered that you get fined if you remove one on your own property without the city’s permission. Despite that peccadillo, it’s a great place to visit or live.
Fun fact in El Paso Texas the gas utilities company is called El Paso Gaso.
This is a true fact I just made up. Actually I just added the O to gas.
You had a clown for breakfast or what?
Does this taste funny to you?
BRPM = belly rubs per mile
That BMW 1600 is excellent, and gives me find memories of riding around in my dad’s grey-markey ’68 2002 when I was a kid.
I came close to buying one as my first car but didn’t think I had enough money when in fact I had saved plenty. I wonder if I had if I wouldn’t have moved to Manhattan where I lived for 35 years.
I did a short, scenic rally last weekend. Except there was sightseeing trivia. So you had your navigator attempt to correctly answer 25 questions about things you would see along the route.
I had no navigator so I had to focus on staying on course with a solution I barely prepped in advance with technology.
We also got judged on a “best automotive encounter with law enforcement story” before we were set off and I got Top 3. There was also “best start” after they had told us fifty different ways to behave. If I had known we were being judged on that a tire chirp would’ve clinched it for me.
What, you’re gonna leave us hanging? We need that top-3 story!
Curious what the cost of admission was of this rally. I’ve watched the prices for these events skyrocket in recent years, especially the ones with picturesque drives up into wine country. They’re like a mortgage payment, two if they include hotel stays. By the way, who’s the vagabond pictured living on the back seat?
“Was he good at sniffing tires to accurately calculate their tread life to within plus or minus a week? Sure was!”
Good, though, that the puppy wasn’t tasked with sniffing tires to determine if they were 1.5 psi off.
If he had opposable thumbs, maybe he could learn to use a digital tire pressure gauge.
I wished I could get time off from work to take all these great trips.
Jason’s at work. I really should hate him for having made the dream happen but I just can’t.
“[T]he demon I saw in that picture over the toilet now just feels like some manner of sprite or pixie that’ll help me on my journey.”
If it starts yelling IT AIN’T VENDELL VILLKIE!! directly in your ear then you’ll know it’s no manner of sprite or pixie and it’s time to start worrying (after all, the convertible top already has a head start):
https://youtu.be/zAPf5fSDGVk?si=r4Q80ECmZKmav3xH
Seeing that hillside view reminds me of “You know what’s remarkable? Is how much England looks in no way like Southern California.”
Yeah, baby!
Very diverse terrain throughout California. You can see a little of everything if you have about 12-14 hours of drive time available.
My favorite would have to be seeing snow capped mountains and palm trees at the same time.
I can better that one. Before there were all these ridiculous social media challenges, there’s was just ‘yeah, let’s do it, it sounds cool’. We’ve skied Mountain High in Southern California and then hit Malibu for some surfing, all in the same day.
We have been known to surf in the morning and snowboard in the afternoon.
An early experience when I moved to California was seeing a dude carrying a Xmas tree in his miata, with the top down.
Less than that. You can drive from the Sierra Nevada mountains through Alpine like areas into rolling hills and then the coast in 6. Down where Torch is you can leave Yosemite and drive through Freseno, hop on 5 south then hit 41 (maybe it’s 45 first but I forget because I just know where to turn) out to Paso Robles area and just south on 101 is SLO and then you can head west and hit Morro Bay.
It’s wild how the temperature can change too, I leave NorCal and it’s 105 and when I get over the coastal range it will be below 60.
My given time was more of a one end of the state to the other, give or take some random traffic. Of course there’s no need to do that to absorb every flavor of nature available.
Morro Bay is so great, don’t tell anyone.
“Sir? Sir! You can’t park here – This is for the people with cool cars”
“But I brought shrimp cocktail”
“Oh, I see – Welcome to the group!”
The parking up on the curb is a nice touch as well.
Ah, a Mach-E driver.
But I brought shrimp cocktail”
IN A WHEELBARROW!!
Ahh, yes, the free auto journalist shrimp. That seems to be the default food for auto journalists at the fancy events. Were they wheelbarrow or frunk shrimp?
Now I really need to know — does having a shellfish allergy automatically disqualify one from a career in auto journalism?
Beats me. I’m sure someone on the catering team will slip you a gluten/nut/wheat free dish when it doesn’t get eaten.
I agree totally with your choice of which cars to follow. That 1600 is a masterpiece and the only change I would make to it would be the paint color. Orange for the win Plus the Austin Healy is beautiful and the Por sha folks? Meh, who cares, look at me I’m fast and a narcissist who can spend too much money on a toy. Good on you and Otto in the purple fuckknowswhat mobile. A sense of humor is much needed in America’s 2025
An orange 1600/2002 is a sight.
One that I would like in my driveway someday
Given your prior health crisis, you need to treat any infection bad enough to cause a fever as potentially life-threatening instead of just trying to sleep it off. It’s not time to be a hero anymore.
That said, this is great news both regarding how you feel, and how the rally has started. It looks like you’re having a lot of fun.
I’d even go as far as recommend he tell his doctor back home that he’s in LA on business about once a month and is there anyone out there he has any connections with.
Cedars Sinai is the place to go for that in LA
Now turn your head and cough
“Doctor? I’m not a doctor.”
But I play one on TV.
Agreed, don’t fuck around with infections.
This. A friend of mine with a heart condition didn’t take it seriously. He was supposed to take antibiotics after visiting the dentist because of his condition. He didn’t, and had a MASSIVE heart attack that he was very lucky to survive. He was 30 years old at the time.