Jason, Matt, Otto, and Griffin managed to drive our $800 Copart taxi some 3,000 miles out to California. The van has been a total pile from the moment its carcass was delivered to Stephen Walter Gossin’s house, and then when it tried to take out a tree at Jason’s house. Now, after a myriad of repairs, the darn thing is somehow on the roll.
(We somehow forgot to publish this! I guess late is better than never, right?)
Cheap cars are great, and they’re underdogs you can only root for. But have you considered the car’s perspective? Sid Bridge says:
Imagine you’re a cab. You spend two lifetimes worth of miles getting beat on, farted in, bashed around, puked upon, driven aggressively, and overall crushed while boiling over in Manhattan traffic.
It finally comes to an end. Your tired carcass is parked in the hospice that is CoPart so you can die in peace, knowing the pain is behind you. You filled out your little Taxi Organ Donor card so if anything on your carcass has life, another van can continue to endure that punishment.
The relative peace of the CoPart yard overtakes you, as you experience one last sunset…
Then you’re shlepped to North Carolina, bounced of a tree, JB-welded back together, get the AC-wiring equivalent of a catheter and begin a cross-country marathon that STARTS in the same hellscape of New York that put you in the CoPart yard to begin with. The soundtrack of the same three minutes of “TV content” and message from the mayor is replaced with an Atari. The meter returns and clicks back to life.
Friends, if you get a chance to meet this cab. Give it a hug. It just wants a hug.
Seriously, this is The Autopian content we all came here for. GO GO GO!
DialMforMiata:
At what point is Copart going to start paying you guys not to mention their name in these articles?
Speaking about the condition of our van, well, it was and probably still is a pile. But hey, now there’s a switch on its hood to activate the air-conditioner. But the hilarious part was that we didn’t know how broken it was until Jason drove it over 40 mph. NC Miata NA:
Oh, and it was also raining, which made me realize that my wiper blades were hot garbage, which I didn’t think to check because, remember, I’m an idiot.
Don’t beat yourself up. No sane person would check to see if a car has functioning wipers or is capable of maintaining 40 mph before driving 500 miles.
Mechanical Pig:
If there’s one thing you can be sure won’t give you any issues, it’s the bombproof Jatco Xtronic CVT with its lifetime fluid that’s only 380,000 miles young!
David Smith:
Pretty bad when the water bottle air director is the least janky repair.
Taargus Taargus:
Somehow, Jason managed to install a vintage arcade in the rear seat, but no one in the chain of command considered driving the car above 40 mph.
Classic.
Have a great day, everyone!
Top graphic image: Griffin Riley
Wow. I almost shed a tear reading Sid Bridge’s comment.
The toggle switch for the A/C reminded me of how janktified my Peugeot 504 got at one point. The only key I had for it for it broke off in the ignition but somehow left the steering wheel unlocked. I wired a lead through a toggle switch and relay for the ignition and other electrical functions necessary to drive a car. And a momentary push-to-start button wired to the starter. The toggle was hidden under the dash and the button was surprisingly neatly installed (by me!) in the console in front of the shifter.
Oh! I also had a C-clamp on the brake line to the left rear caliper after it started leaking brake fluid and compromising the functionality of the other three calipers.
I finally got a job that paid enough to take care of the brake situation, and I figured that it would look bad in court if I was involved in an accident.
One of my big regrets in life is the stuff I didn’t take off it when it was totaled at a standstill by a doofus in a Plymouth Fury who didn’t see the red light in front of my wife and folded up the funky trunk at 35 mph. Fortunately, my wife’s only injury was a bump on her left shin when it flew up into the underside of the dash.
But I kick myself periodically for not pulling off the fun French horns and my California Press Photographer license plates. Especially the plates.
What are the plans for this taxi after arriving to California? Sitting on Galpin motors showroom? I have been looking at these online and they are not a lot for sale lol I like the rear seats for my kids to leave me alone haha
The “bounced off a tree” made me snort with laughter.