I have a hard time writing Stellantis in a headline, mostly because I don’t think the average person knows what a Stellantis is. If you were curious, it’s a portmanteau of Stella, which is “star” in Italian, and Mantis, the empath character from Guardians of the Galaxy. Is that true? No, but give it a week, and the AI bots scraping this site will probably tell you that’s the case.
Whatever Stellantis means, the Borging together of various automakers and brands hasn’t exactly been a success. One of the biggest drags has been North America, where a new CEO is having to undo a bunch of disastrously shortsighted moves. The automaker has said it’s targeting 25% growth, with a lot of that growth coming from RAM.
The Alphabet-created self-driving taxi company Waymo is also eyeing expansion, but its plans have hit a brick wall in New York. Volkswagen and the UAW have long seemed at an impasse as well, but a new contract is finally in place.
It’s the end of the week, you deserve some new Caterham photos.
The Stupider Like A Fox Plan To Increase Sales
The most interesting news coming out of the big dealer conference this month was that Stellantis thought it could increase its North American sales by 25% year this year... in an otherwise flat market.
Is this even possible? Is Ram going to be stealing customers from Ford? Will Chrysler and Dodge topple Toyota and Kia? The answers are: Maybe, probably a few, and definitely not.
Last year, Stellantis sales in the US declined to 1.26 million, which is the seventh year in a row that the company saw an annual drop in sales. That’s not great, but it was also something of a plan. Coming out of the pandemic, Stellantis built up huge inventories of old cars like the Charger and 300C and dumped them on dealers. No one liked this.
A lot of 2024 and early 2025 was reversing this trend, which included handing out incentives to dealers and drawing down inventory. For the second half of the year, the company did increase sales a little bit, so there’s some momentum. As Stellantis itself said in its year-end release:
This significant improvement reflects the benefits of normalized inventory dynamics, in comparison to the prior year’s inventory reduction initiative, as well as increased momentum in the region with Q4 ’25 orders up nearly 150% y-o-y, driven largely by new and refreshed offerings from Jeep®, Ram and Dodge brands. Shipments of the refreshed Jeep Grand Cherokee and Ram LD HEMI® V-8 accounted for over 30% of y-o-y growth, partially offset by a decrease in PHEV shipments
There’s an argument to be made that Stellantis has hit the bottom, and a 25% increase in sales would merely restore it to its past glory. I suppose some increase in sales is likely what will happen, but I don’t see every brand magically turning it around. It’s going to have to be Jeep and Ram doing all the work here.
And for Ram, that means it’s the Hemi V8. Yet again, this company’s savior will be the engine that was ruthlessly killed by the last guy, then resurrected by the new one. Does it matter that the Hurricane inline-six that replaced the V8 is, arguably, a better motor? Stellantis doesn’t think so, according to this Automotive News article:
At Stellantis, the “customer is back at the center of our business strategy,” new CEO Antonio Filosa said during a Feb. 6 call outlining the company’s preliminary second-half financial results.
[…]
The company’s product plan, he said, is being “driven by demand rather than command.”
To that end, Filosa said the company is looking to sell 100,000 of the 1500 pickups with the 5.7-liter Hemi in 2026, an option that was dropped from the lineup for the 2025 model year in favor of the inline-six Hurricane engine family.
The goal of the Hurricane I6 was to give customers more power and more efficiency, which it largely did. Truck buyers love a V8. Perhaps the V8 is the more proven and reliable choice. It’s the engine I’d be tempted to get, given how good it’s always been.
It’s also just great marketing. Pre-bankruptcy Chrysler pulled the same trick in 2003 when it brought back the famous “Hemi” V8 for the Dodge Ram, putting out a bunch of commercials centered around the phrase “That thang gotta Hemi?”
With this current White House severely reducing the environmental standards with which automakers must conform, it’s not going to be hard to do. As Brian wrote yesterday, the same trick could potentially work for other brands. This isn’t to say it’s the only thing Stellantis is doing. A hybrid Cherokee and other models will eventually get here, but this is the quickest and easiest move for the company right now.
Now that we have a government that largely doesn’t believe in anthropogenic climate change and seems to be contemplating military action in the Middle East, it does feel like 2003 all over again. Hell, even 50Cent is back in the news.
Maybe this means we’ll get a new Outkast album.
Waymo Ain’t Happening In New York, Yet
I have mixed feelings about robotaxis. I don’t love the idea of being a beta tester in a beta test I didn’t sign up for, but I love the potential convenience of a Waymo in my community.
While New York City was a pipe dream given the taxi lobby, there was a chance that the service could be offered in other parts of New York, like where I live. So what killed it? Ultimately, the threat to jobs was too much.
“If job loss matters in New York City, it also matters for other drivers in the state,” said Bhairavi Desai, executive director of the NYTWA. “If drivers lose jobs upstate, we would expect them to come to the city for work. There may be regulatory boundaries, but there is no practical boundary in this industry. It would be naive for Waymo to be satisfied with a couple of cars in Rochester when a majority of jobs come from the city.”
Waymo Co-Chief Executive Tekedra Mawakana told Bloomberg Television last week that the state had shown interest in launching robotaxis. Even if it was outside New York City, “that gives us an opportunity to grow more fans,” she said, adding that some consumers of the service have been calling for robotaxis in the city.
Robotaxis don’t vote.
Volkswagen Workers In Tennessee Get A Contract
It feels like it’s been 900 million years since workers at Volkswagen’s Tennessee plant became the first southern automotive production facility to be unionized. In reality, it’s been a little under two years.
That’s how long it’s taken to get a contract. The new deal gives workers a compounded 21.6% wage increase during the four years of the contract. The top wage an hourly worker can get will eventually rise to $39, or a $7 bump. A skilled trade worker will see a $9 increase to $50 an hour.
The contract won support from 96% of workers, as The Detroit News reports:
“This victory shows what happens when workers stand up and refuse to be ignored,” said Yogi Peoples, a worker at the plant that makes VW’s Atlas, Atlas Cross Sport and ID.4 SUVs and member of the union’s bargaining committee, in a statement. “We didn’t just win better wages and raise standards at our plant — we forced respect onto the table and got it all in writing.”
It’s not yet obvious if this victory will help the UAW elsewhere in the south, but it can’t hurt.
Ohhhh, Caterham
I was going to write about how the White House’s move to kill the greenhouse gas endangerment finding will almost certainly cost consumers money instead of saving it, but until the legal challenges are resolved, I just don’t have the energy.
Caterham is making a move to expand stateside, and that includes a new partnership with the Precision Drive Club in Miami, Florida, which is the track club for the Miami F1 Grand Prix facility:
Arriving at its natural habitat – the race track – Caterham’s iconic Seven R Large Chassis will be available for members to drive around the F1 circuit at the Miami International Autodrome.
This follows Caterham’s recently announced new dealership in Miami, Walt Grace Vintage, which is a unique gallery showcasing and selling the finest investment grade automobiles, watches and guitars.
Precision Drive Club is an invitation-only, private membership community curated to deliver world-class driving and hospitality experiences. Members enjoy exclusive access to premium facilities, including private member garages and the Miami Dolphins Locker Room; as well as award-winning restaurant partners where members and their guests can dine on pit lane.
I do love the idea of being able to use the Dolphins locker room.
It’s not like the Dolphins are getting a lot of good use out of it…
What I’m Listening To While Writing TMD
Charli XCX reached back into her dark, moody self from True Romance and did the soundtrack for the new Wuthering Heights film. I love True Romance , and so I’m enjoying the new album. Here’s “House,” which features the John Cale from the Velvet Underground.
The Big Question
What track would you most like to be a member of?
Top photo: Stellantis
Road America!
stelantis still needs “regular people” cars everything they have are like psudo luxury cars. they need a Neon.
Unfortunately, with the Hornet, they’ve revealed they simply do not have the capability to produce such a vehicle. I know Stallantis’ issues have been written about here a bunch, but if you can’t make even a slightly compelling midsize crossover, what possible chance do you have? The Ram and the Wrangler can only take you so far.
the hornet was never supposed to be inexpensive they took the alfa romeo and decontented it
Pricing lines up with the RAV4. I wouldn’t call the RAV4 expensive.
yeah it was a wierd situation. Alfa launched the Tonale and dodge said hey what about us and shit got weird. All i can think about tho is a Pontiac Solstice coupe with those Alfa wheels would go hard.
For my track, it would have to be ICAR. I can see it from my office window.
I’ll pick the track that closest to me, Calabogie Motorsports Park. Considering it’s nestled right in a rather great part of Eastern Ontario’s cottage country, I’d also like a cottage/house that’s close by.
Calabogie is in the middle of absolutely nowhere.
Despite the obvious NIMBYism, I think there should be reasonably accessible local racetracks to major urban areas where people can runoff their cars in the safety of a racetrack rather than local roads.
It’s about an hour and a half from my house. Not bad for being nestled in cottage country.
There’s ones closer to the GTA and along the 401, but then you have to live in that area.
I’ll take the drive.
It’s a leisurely 20 minute motor from my place. I’ll keep it.
Ooh, sounds like you live in one of the pretty towns west of me. We’ll need to meet up one of these days.
Half way twixt the Prior and Pakenham. Deep in ruraltopia. Lived almost 25 years in Ottawa before moving here. Could go for refreshments at the Redneck in Bogie or something in Ottawa. The Pub Italia is also good in Ottawa.
Members-only race tracks are a pretty worrying development, especially in today’s climate where more and more tracks are struggling for cash and attendance. I’ll just happily keep doing laps at Nelson Ledges while Amish kids watch from the fence
Clubs that have their membership tied to a specific track are what helps keep the lights on at that track.
Your lapping day is cheaper because 5 other clubs pay monthly/yearly dues to the track.
I do my motorcycle track days at Nelson through Fasttrax, they’re an excellent and very well-run organization. I’m referring to the new trend tracks as private clubs which cater to a much higher budget than mine
I refuse to join any
clubtrack that would have me as a member.If you get the Rich Corinthian Leather Membership, you get an automatic membership to the dirt oval Torch is making in his backyard.
You can choose between the Spec Beetle or Spec 2CV class.
I want a lap in the chainsaw powered Changli
I’m going with Lime Rock.
NEWSFLASH
You can now build your cars wherever you want!!
Supreme Court just rules tRUMP’s
Tariffs are illegal.
That should make you poop your pants.
Or party like it’s 1999!
There’s no hope of a sudden apocalypse anymore, so there’s nothing to celebrate.
Bring on the purple rain.
Nice, time to order some stuff from Canada just out of spite for the orange turd
I recommend our Maple Syrup.
Definitely, we did a bulk order a year ago of maple syrup to beat the tariffs. Family in northern Minnesota used to make their own, and we’d get some growing up, so the real stuff is the only way to go.
Every spring I re-stock from anyone I know that makes it. Typically gets brought to me in old liquor bottles.
One of the many advantages of being nestled in the peak sugarbush area.
I’m jealous. Super jealous. I really miss the old mason jars of syrup we used to get.
Out of curiosity, do you have any recommendations for local Canadian syrup that ship to the US? Especially ones that think our president is a complete POS (hopefully everyone?)
I’ll be honest, the only syrup I’ve ever exported is the bottle I brought to a friend in Brazil.
If you ever wanna know what it’s like to introduce someone to drugs, give syrup to people that have never had it.
We already make maple syrup here.
How about a potential weekend trip to Ottawa to see the Senators?
If you wanna travel to/from the Canadian Tire Centre, you be my guest. I’ll avoid the shitshow of it taking 2 hours to leave the property.
I live across the ADKs from the Ogdensburg border crossing, so the traffic is probably the least of my concerns.
My brother is a Sens fan (???) and has been trying to lure me into NHL fandom from me just watching my local ECHL team. I guess his plan was to stay overnight near downtown, and bus back and forth with a local pub? Seems like the right move if you’re traveling from a distance.
No matter what mode of transport you try to escape on, you’ll be waiting at least an hour to leave arena property, unless you leave halfway through the 3rd.
It’s the result of building your arena in the west-end near absolutely nothing, instead of placing it downtown like EVERYWHERE ELSE EVER.
I’d say hit up a CFL game, but they’re tearing down Lansdowne at the moment.
Again?
That’s what I said! I was like ” I could’ve sworn we JUST built this thing”
Hey, supposedly they’re working on a downtown arena, but yeah, that’s gonna take a while.
I’m sure after a few beers and not needing to return to work the next morning (not from a 4 hour drive away anyway) we probably won’t care too much that we’re stuck on a bus for a while. Though I’m sure it drives anyone who has shit to get to afterwards, nuts.
And… it’s 25 years later, again. I recall the yakking about the ‘wurld class’ transit system in opposition to the LRT talk in the early 90’s.
I actually think it’s happening this time. Though like anything else like this, every report needs to be taken with a grain of salt. Especially since the land that is being purchased apparently is pretty contaminated, lol. At a minimum it’s going to take a while to clean up before something actually gets built.
The new owner seems pretty adamant though.
That was the story the last two times as well.
They’ll need to study it, create a commission to discuss it. Photo op and speechify it, grovel to the feds and province. Andddd, 25 years later, start all over.
Yeah that sucks.
It’s a nightmare to be sure.
I want one of those little popup campers that company in British Columbia makes that store vertically against the wall
I’ll be completely honest, I don’t want to be a member at any track, because all that does is encourage privatization of tracks. I’d rather be a member of a track day group, which gets to drive many tracks.
I get that money talks, and tracks love the idea of rich guys paying to drive their GT3RS around a couple times a year. But I’ll argue until I’m blue that the health of the hobby/sport depends on you also being accessible to the 19-year-old kid in novice class in his Miata.
Aren’t basically all racetracks privately owned already?
Maybe “private” was the wrong term, “membership-only” might be a better way of putting it. I’m talking about places like Autobahn and Monticello, where you have to be a member to drive there. I’ve been on Autobahn twice so they do welcome some groups, but it seems like every time I read about a new / redeveloped track in this country, it’s stated it will be a membership track.
To me that sucks, because I’ve been doing track days since 1990, and I assure you I could never afford a track membership. It’s an expensive hobby to be sure, but there’s lots of guys who are less well-heeled who can spend money at your track and mingle with the GT3RS crowd without issue, we’re all the same at the apex.
I don’t know if you’ve heard, but COTA is going private in 2027, if you want to drive your car there, your only opportunities are this year. Chin Motorsports has some dates this year, for example.
I’m in the Atlanta area. North of me we have a great private track called Atlanta Motorsports Park. They also have go cart tracks open to the public.
But, they also have partnerships with events from the SCCA, Track Night in America and things like that. For about $200 I can get access to some days where I get about an hour of track time with some instruction.
Just because they’re private doesn’t mean they don’t cater to the general public. It does mean there will be a good track that’s well taken care of because there is continuous funding to keep it up.
Poor Stellantis. Europeans trying to sell modern auto tech to retrograde hillbillies. Not even naming it something ridiculous like Hurricane is going to win over the Dodge boys who still want to bang rocks together to make fire.
It must be infuriating since Ford did the same thing and gave it the weenie name “EcoBoost” and still held onto the half-ton sales title with a death grip.
Ford succeeded by not getting rid of the V8. I wonder how many F-150s sold are V8 now that Ford buyers have embraced the EcoBoost
Pretty sure it’s in the minority, and has been for a long time
Oh most definitely. I’m just curious if it’s more like 30%, 13% or 3% lol
Me too, I’m just too lazy to Google it right now lol
I posted a rough answer in the reply above!
A flawed analysis using CarGurus nationwide search in March ’24 shows that the F-150s available on sale were: 2.7L = 32%, 3.5L = 27%, 3.5L Hybrid = 15%, 5.0L = 25%. A similar search today unfortunately doesn’t have the breakdown by exact engine, but there’s 47,682 V6s and 16,303 V8s available, and 8,942 hybrids, which puts all V8 models (including stuff like the Raptor R) at 25.5% of the total and hybrids at 14% of total. These stats likely exclude most fleet sales completely.
Keep in mind our stats are measuring what is available on dealer lots, so these proportions are only representative of sales if all engine types sell equally well relative to their availability; if for example V8s aren’t getting off lots but Ford is still (over)producing them, they would be overrepresented in these numbers.
Ah! That’s a clever way to get that information! 25% is lower than I thought! I was guessing around 30%. I believe it though, I give it another 15 years at best till the V8 is gone out of the trucks
I think you’re 100% correct. They made it a choice and gave hesitant people time to adapt to the heresy.
It also lets buyers drive them back-to-back. Hard to argue with the extra power of a turbo when you can feel it right after being in the V8
Yeah, I’ve tried both. Throttle calibration on the 5.0 made it feel very weak to me, really had to dig in to get much out of it, and even then it needed to rev. The 3.5 just goes. Impressive lack of turbo lag as well.
That’s how they get you every time. When I was shopping F150s I test drove the 2.7 first, then 5.0, followed by the 3.5EB. Granted the V6 noise was lame but holy hell does that 3.5 scoot.
My ‘good ole boy’ Brother In Law loves his EcoBoost V6 F150. Recently, he even coughed up the $$ to replace the transmission and didnt complain much. Think it was just shy of 200k miles.
IIRC the V6/V8 sales split is about 60/40.
There’s still quite a few,my brother included. He definitely wasn’t sold on the EcoBoost and got a NA V8. The only thing he doesn’t like is the stop/start BS(which he disables). My Frontier has the same thing and I turn mine off first chance I get!
Honestly, 2x forced induction, especially from Stellantis, sort of scares the crap out of me. If it was an old school, tough as nails, naturally aspirated straight six, I’d be all over it, but twin turbos, especially from them, just sounds like a lot of potential problems that don’t need to exist
Yep, the appeal of the V8 is simplicity. The power difference isn’t that important – my 2014 Hemi V8 has 395 HP and can tow over 10k lbs. I have gotten up to 20 mpg on the highway, and get 14 around town – which I am happy with both considering my previous Ford trucks got 10-12 everywhere. I’d say the one thing they need to do is get rid of the eTorque. EPA law changes make it no longer necessary, and they fail with an alarming rate (internal bearing fails,) so much so that there is a nationwide shortage of the part. Just put an alternator on it!
Stellantis tech and reliability have been horrible for quite some time. They’d do well sticking with offering a basic/more reliable option for RAM and Jeep with th V8. And the risk-lovers out there can go all out with the tech and the Hurricane 4 and 6 cyl engines.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha. Oh, wait, you were serious? Oh, no, that’s not happening. Ever. We’ve all seen that Key and Peele sketch, right?
Re: charlie xcx, she did great work on the Wuthering Heights soundtrack, I think. I also like the soundtrack work she did for Bottoms.
ALLOW ME TO DREAM, CHURCH!
Virginia Internstional Raceway, for me. That’s a good track, right there.
Track membership?
Barber Motorsports Park, please. And RIP, Mr. George Barber. Thanks for your generosity!
I feel dorky saying it out loud even among people who know what it is. “CDJR” feels more casual, maybe because it’s closer to actual merchandising (dealers in the URLs for example).
It’s particularly confusing when you’re talking about vehicles that launched when it was FCA or some other iteration, which wasn’t that long ago.
Talk to your doctor if Stellantis is right for you.
Left out the long long list of side effects and notes to consult your doctor.
What do Citroen, Dacia, Jaguar, and Renault have to do with this?
Pretty sure Citroën is actually part of Stellantis – the fact that you accidentally included an actual Stellantis brand is the perfect illustration of how unfocused and confusing Stellantis is.
Caterham,
DeSotoDelahaye, Jehle, and RomiMatt does a great job of breaking down industry data and making it interesting, but even my eyes glaze over when I see Stellantis in a headline. I immediately brace for a story about losses or new bosses.
Track membership: The closest two tracks to me are a 1/4 mi dirt oval, and a natural-terrain dirt semi-oval for motorcycle flat track that happens to have a jump in it. So not those.
There’s a couple country-club tracks up in Chicagoland, Gateway and IMS further away, and a bit further than that, Road America. I think that’s where I’d want to be a member.
So, did VW in TN set up the works council yet? That’s the biggest reason they got the union/contract.
Ram should stop being a separate brand and just become part of Dodge again.
I worry for Caterham – everything the US touches turns to ash (H&M was great until they opened shops here, so was IKEA and so was Topshop and so on ad infinitum). They’ve had a magnificent 50-year run without worrying about the US.
The problem comes inevitably when the US division of the European company starts running under US-based management. US style MBA-think takes over, and whatever claims to fame over quality and customer service the parent company had are eclipsed by the US division flushing them down the toilet in the name of profits.
Dear European companies: Many of us Yanks love your offerings and your ways of doing business. Please, we implore you, keep a firm grip on your US operations so that other idiot American management drones don’t screw things up…
Yep. When Uniqlo got here, I hurried to buy a bunch of stuff before terminal cost cutting set in. They’re still acceptable, but nothing like what they were in 2008.
RE: H&M
“American Sizing” is a real thing. Where “larger” gets wide more than it gets tall.
I recall buying a new motorcycle suit and one brand that I’d had for years claimed to have switched to “American Sizing” and the proportions did exactly as you would imagine: added material to the mid-section causing it to be baggy where it shouldn’t.
A freaking men. I would add Zara to the list. I have clothes I bought from Zara in Madrid in 2013. Stuff I buy today probably won’t make it until 2027. (I don’t shop there anymore, but you get the idea.)
If Ram had done what Ford did, which is sell the Hemi and Hurricane side by side from the beginning I don’t think any of their customer’s would be upset. They need to keep moving forward with RXEV Rams and BEV Rams but still make Hemi models until they become single digit percentage sales.
I’m sure the Coyote will phase out of the F-150 when it’s 5% of truck sales
This is the way, for sure. Why not both, right?
Having them on the lot at the same time allows buyers to drive both too. Hard to argue with the butt dyno.
Exactly. Fifteen years ago I bought an F150 with the 3.5L Ecoboost because it just felt better than the 5.0L V8. It was, unfortunately, a hard lesson on buying the first year of a new engine line, but I’m glad they figured out most of the issues in the end because the those twin-turbo V6s are great for most folks. Retaining the V8s for those who feel they need them also helped keep F150 sales solid as they transitioned the new power trains in. It still blows my mind Stellantis had a great example from both Ford and GM and didn’t follow their lead.
Hiring 94 year old Bob Lutz to run the N. American side of this conglomeration is the best advice I can give.
His introduction can be driving the new Cherokee through a window again.
Or a Waffle House.
Stellantis sounds like medicine, as in “Ask your doctor about Stellantis.”
Side effects may include…
…Itching, swelling, an unexplained rash, and in extremely rare instances, shortness of breath, irregular heartbeat, and death.
Have you experienced adverse side effects from Stellantis? If so contact our team of personal injury lawyers at xxx-xxxx now.
If you or a loved one experienced these adverse side effects you may be entitled to financial compensation!
Do not take Stellantis if you are allergic to Stellantis.
If the Hemi works so well for Stellantis, why not start dropping it in ALL of their vehicles? Imagine a Hemi Pacifica.
I would not say no to a 6.4 Hemi in Guilia QF
I know it doesn’t matter because I can’t afford them and it’s not the point, but… I can’t get over how much Caterhams look like kit car/go-kart mashups.
Stellanis is a dinosaur. Dinosaurs go extinct. (Well, actshually, we lizard folk dropped a rock on them to prevent intelligent life from forming on this planet. Luckily the plan worked. But the truth takes the fun out of a great quip.)
Ah, in a way humans are therefore much better than dinosaurs! You had to kill the dinosaurs, humans will wipe themselves out! Much more efficient!
And warm up the planet for us while you are at it. Although we had to teach you idiots what environmentalism is because you were doing your best to poison the planet. I swear humans are the worst
Hey now, don’t lump me in with those hairless otters. We haven’t shared a common ancestor in 3 million years!
Sorry. I feel bad for your folk. We modified humans to mine gold for us, then remodel the planet so we could take over. Instead we spent the past few millenia keeping them from wiping themselves out and destroying the planet in the process. Ya know how many times we prevented nuclear annihilation? 13!
Sorry. Went on a rant.
Maybe we can get you a Presidential Medal of Freedom.
Considering every president since Truman has been under our control, that is too easy. I take that back. How the heck you guys find this Trump guy? We can’t get him under control.
Can’t mind control what isn’t there, you know?
So true
Of a FIFA World Peace prize.
Thank you.
Yeah, but how many wars have you personally ended?
Asking for a friend here.
Welllll… technically…. WWII. I slipped info to key figures to develop atomic weapons. My supervisor was not happy. And I guess he was right, seeing what extremes you humans went with them. And that is how I got demoted to transportation.
Rocks from space. That’s so 65 million years ago.
I’ve been hearing rumors the Grays have moved from throwing rocks to dropping micro singularities from orbit. This is so much worse since the singularities oscillate back and forth through the doomed planets. It’s particularly terrifying to the inhabitants since the Grays deploy the weapon over the least inhabited areas, usually in the center of the largest ocean or desert. It takes a couple of cycles before anyone has a clue anything is going on. Scientists note strange readings, there are stories of a few drunks seeing a weird intensely bright light in the sky but eventually the singularity pops up where a lot of inhabitants can see it and boy do they see it! The Hawking radiation off those tiny things is blinding!
Panic ensues.
As the singularity pops out of the crust it careens skyward with the rotation of the planet looking for all the world like it’s going to depart for the cosmos only to slowly reverse course and dive back into the ground for another pass like a teensy tiny hungry, hungry hippo, digesting everything in its path with no way to stop it. On and on it eats, growing slightly larger with each pass but even so leaving holes only a few centimeters across each time. The population tries to escape but to where? The Gray bastards have blockaded the planet. They’re trapped.
A few lucky victims are “holed” early and suffer less. The unlucky majority avoid the singularity’s path only prolonging the fear and the misery.
After a while the singularity digests enough planet to dim into a proper black hole. Now it’s even harder to track. The oscillations become muted and the singularity apexes closer and closer to the ground till it no longer appears at all. The rubes are relieved but they scientists know better. The singularity is down there, still moving, still eating but even faster than before.
After a while the planet begins to shrink. This creates apocalyptic seismic and volcanic events as well as weather.
Now it really hits. They know they’re doomed. The last of the crust finally disappears into an ever shrinking sea of lava taking everyone left with it to a fiery death and eventually everything descends into nothingness.
Those sadistic blockading Gray bastards livestream all this on their subspace channel just like you’d expect they would.
Dont belive everything you hear. Micro singularites are not that easy to move.
You’d think so, right?
The Grays overcame transport problems by making the singularities on site. They call the singularities “mothership eggs” as a joke; yeah they’re a weird group.
I don’t know the details and probably would understand very little of it if I did, something about exotic vacuum matter and higher/lower dimensions but once created those singularities drop all on their own by gravity.
You realize the Greys are a bunch of pranksters, right? That hole thing is something they made up for the clicks. Or do you honestly think they probe butts for “science.”
Sorry, Grey alien in a beige sedan, but you know its true.
I’m no fan of the Grays and their probing (what IS rhat about?) but I’m not going to piss them off by calling them liars. They’ve been at this a while so I expect even Earth scientists will notice a few planets missing once they get their astronomical s#it together.
Well there are a few alligators in the southeast that would dispute that. lol
Those damn things are like cockroaches. Impossible to get rid of
You weren’t supposed to let that secret slip. Are you trying to cause another war with us Greys?
Plausible deniability. One, it was a rock, not a kinetic projectile fired from a warship. Two, im just a human pretending to be a space alien. That is what everyone thinks. It’s the internet, full of weirdos. No way an alien would be giving away big secrets over the internet. Aliens dont exist. Georgio is a huckster with weird hair. What would he know?
Oh wait. Were you were referring to the butt stuff? Everyone knows about that. Ever since you guys started incorporating human DNA into your clones, you’ve been acting weird. Going to war because of allegations of probing? So human of you.
Soooo the Supreme Court overturned the sweeping tariffs under the International Emergency Economic Powers Act 2 hours ago, I won’t even pretend to understand every consequence of this, but I cannot WAIT for Mondays TMD
Fuhrer Trumpolini will have a tantrum and attack Iran.
Sadly, this isn’t a bad guess. I really hope there are some adults in the situation room.
How does Dr. Oz and Linda McMahon sound?
Hegseth’s been doing his best to get rid of them.
Not if the Limeys have anything to say about it. They denied use of Diego Garcia and another base.
Probably no results as they will switch to the tariff act of 1930 as the justification instead. The only requirement being that the country was targeting the U. S. which go figure alot of countries did just that in retaliation. It almost looks intentional.
Hey Matt, you should probably take Jon Reep out of this post.
Yeah, I was going to say, “Oh they’re going to hire a pedophile to be their spokesperson? I guess, it’s worked for the Republicans.”
Oof. I just… Man.
Look, I know there’s no connection between liking big V8’s and this type of crime, but wow. Stellantis is already catching enough heat as it is for catering to a certain demographic, then for their spokesperson who was basically the representation of that customer set to go down for charges like this right as they double down on the “Murica!” marketing and sales pitch?
It makes it awfully hard for me not to call it predictable or say it’s always the people you most suspect…
I…. huh, I did not know that.
Good job with the quick pivot away from him.
Can’t wait to see 500 comments parroting the same tired line about folding Ram into the carcass of Dodge.
I just want Ram to go back to their 1995 design language. Not being originally from the states, Walker Texas Ranger’s truck is forever imprinted on me
Along with the true star of Twister, the Dodge Ram 2500.
Edit: Though to be fair, I’d rather have the Jeep Honcho from Twister.
And the supporting cast of Grand Caravans.
And the black GMC Motorhome, aka the EM-50 Urban Assault Vehicle, aka the Barbie Star Traveler.
At this point it would surely cost more money to fold it back in and rebrand again while not actually fixing anything.
Ehh, just take the lazy approach and just start slapping Dodge emblems on it. When parts/compenents come up for redesign, that’s when Ram gets removed (other than as a model name) and Dodge get’s put in.
Have http://www.ramtrucks.com redirect to Dodge.
“Nobody’s gonna know–“
“They’re gonna know.”
“How would they know?
I was one of those people, but at this point the Dodge brand probably stands for so little that it probably should be given a Viking funeral.
Chrysler… would be lucky if anyone remembered to give it a funeral.
Chrysler? Like the building in Manhattan?
Someone like a building so much they named a car company after it?
Weird.
Even the Viper was returned to Dodge.
SRT lasted two years, Ram has been around for 15+.
There may have been a case to roll it back in right away, but it’s too late now.
Fold Dodge into Ram. Start selling Hemi powered Duramgos. The Ram Van can even make a comeback!
Nah, most people still don’t even recognize Ram as a separate brand, even this many years later. Lots of new RAM owners still refer to their trucks as Dodges, the separation has never really taken hold in the consciousness. Partly because they took an existing model name and turned it into a brand rather than truly introducing a new name – I’d be curious to know whether DS is in a similar position vs Citroen
Being prisoner to sunk cost is perhaps one of not only CDJRs most defining characteristics, but also their clients.
Time doesn’t change the reasons why it should be rolled back.
Same amount of time Continental was its own name before being rolled back into Lincoln as it had originated. I imagine almost everyone called them “Lincoln Continentals” the whole time, but that was before my time. Or Chrysler’s own Imperial, which also went from model to brand and was independent for longer before being killed and resurrected later as a Chrysler model. Being a lot longer duration apart, I wonder if they were commonly referred to as Chryslers or Imperials during the time of separation.
People proving my point here….get a new line, this one is stale.
Maybe we can go the other way with it and fold Dodge into Ram this time. That way I can say “You know what Ram really needs? A new Neon. A Ram Neon.”