A day or two ago (this whole end-of-year time is kind of a blur, I think we had two Sundays last week) I got an email from an Autopian named Jeff who found an old ad for a Mini – the Morris-badged version, which they decided to call the Super Mini-Minor, because I think they just liked adding words to words, like I’m doing right now. Jeff sent the ad to me because of a peculiar turn of phrase used on the ad, one that sort of confused me as well.
It’s called out in the top graphic there, that weird line that notes “they’re tailored inside like a conjuror’s hat.” They’re what like a what?
I think I sort of see what they’re getting at here, but it’s still a strange way to say it. I think this must be some sort of reference to how big the Mini is inside, given how small it looks on the outside. But that doesn’t quite square with the use of “tailored,” exactly, which really isn’t about size, is it? Here’s the whole ad, which seems to be from 1961:
When I think of a conjuror’s hat, I tend to think of, like, a wizard’s hat, like Merlin or Gandalf or some other conjurer of cheap tricks. Normally, I don’t really equate this sort of hat with, like stage magician stuff that involves pulling improbably-sized things out of it. For that, I usually think of the classic magician’s top hat.
That said, I do recall that both a stage magician’s top hat and a wizard-type (pointy, festooned with astronomical icons/Lucky Charms shapes) hat were used together in just this sort of larger-on-the-inside context (though here they seem to be actually two ends of some quantum wormhole in spacetime) in what may be Pixar’s best slapstick-comedy short, Presto:
I think that’s what we’re dealing with here. I looked through other old Mini ads and brochures to see if they ever returned to this theme, and I think I found that they did, or, rather, they already had, as this brochure dates from 1959:
Here they’re using the “magician’s top hat” verbiage, which I think is a little more clear, but they’re still saying “tailored,” which, again, is weird? Why not say “as roomy inside as a magician’s top hat” or something similar? No one ever talks about how nicely appointed the inside of a magician’s hat is, because it’s usually just populated with rabbits, whose standards of interior luxury are, let’s be honest, pretty limited.
But that has to be what they mean. The 1959 brochure starts off by touting “Wizardry on wheels,” and makes a big deal, justifiably so, of the Mini’s then-revolutionary packaging and layout, with its transversely-mounted engine and transaxle, leaving a good 8o% of the car’s length available for people and their stuff.
I mean, that is impressive. Is that what tailoring inside of a magic hat is like?
The brochure also covers some other interesting, non-magic hat details, like this novel way of describing that you won’t be flashing anyone your unmentionables in a skirt getting in and out of a mini, since the car can “ensure elegant exits and entrances.”
I also like the attention to the lighting equipment, and how turn signals get no less than two nicknames: “winkers” and “flashers,” which, combined with “dippers” for the headlights makes them sound like some trio of elves: Dipper, Flasher, and Winker. I bet they could kick the crap out of Snap, Crackle, and Pop.
Finally, I just want to point out that really futuristic jetliner in the air there, a nice little bit of exaggeration in the service of intense futurization.
Still, tailored like a magic hat? Someone should have read these over more.
Ah 1959, when a car maker could proudly proclaim door pockets molded for “flasks” and “orange squash”. Everything a parent needs to make a vodka squash while the kids play in the park.
I’ve been looking for a sign to finally pull the trigger on importing a Mini. This must be it! (Or at least that’s how I’ll fail to justify it to my wife).
What a cad! He’s not opening the door and helping her in. No second date for that fool.
Who says car safety suites are a 21st century invention? The brochure clearly states the “Co-pilot” has everything under control, though I’d usually refer to such as a front seat passenger, or worse, a back seat driver. Good use of those “cunningly moulded door pockets” to keep things organized there during the trip, sweetie.
These ads are pre-TARDIS so a magicians hat may have been the best reference.
Brings to mind those Popeye cartoons from the 50’s where he could look all around a small tent but inside it was a huge hall.
I have a magicians hat, it is an impressive piece of millinery, tailoring and engineering. From the outside it is a large top hat, on the inside the lining is full of pockets, hidden pockets with space for artfully folded strings of flags, spring loead bunches of flowers, packs of shaved card and more. When combined with it’s table it can produce rabbits, the top is cunningly hinged and there are magnets involved.
If someone had asked “hey, guess which member of the commentariat has a magician’s hat?” I would have 100% picked you.
Should I be flattered? Ah, no that would be an Opera hat, the other hat, not the rabbit hat, watch the rabbit watch the rabbit do not watch the hat because the rabbit hat is not the flattened hat.
You should absolutely be flattered, and definitely not flattened.
I think a Magician’s top hat was an object which was more front and center in the consciousness of the general population at this time. I do always envision such a hat to be silk-lined at the very least.
If at an antique shop or similar, top hats are easy, and yes they are silk lined, Black silk? check it out.
I think a wizard’s hat, or that of a fancy stage magician, is NICE, so it’s lined, so to me it literally means “careful attention to stitching/assembly.” I feel like I can picture a rabbit being pulled from a nice top hat that has a different color on the inside, and I bet that’s silk or velvet or some other such finery, so the slogan rings true for me.
Years later, Volkswagen considered going to market with the Haberdasher, but wiser minds prevailed.
Also on the cutting room floor:
“Enough space to bring the whole clan with their big, pointy hats!”
“Fancy dress or fancy dress — Mini handles it all!”*
“Ich Bin Ein Merliner.”
*first time I heard the phrase “fancy dress party” I thought it was like an amateur drag show. And speaking of amateur drag shows, Mini’s respectable 0-20 time of just 8.7 seconds ensures you’ll strike terror into the hearts of pensioners around the entire village!