A day or two ago (this whole end-of-year time is kind of a blur, I think we had two Sundays last week) I got an email from an Autopian named Jeff who found an old ad for a Mini – the Morris-badged version, which they decided to call the Super Mini-Minor, because I think they just liked adding words to words, like I’m doing right now. Jeff sent the ad to me because of a peculiar turn of phrase used on the ad, one that sort of confused me as well.
It’s called out in the top graphic there, that weird line that notes “they’re tailored inside like a conjuror’s hat.” They’re what like a what?
I think I sort of see what they’re getting at here, but it’s still a strange way to say it. I think this must be some sort of reference to how big the Mini is inside, given how small it looks on the outside. But that doesn’t quite square with the use of “tailored,” exactly, which really isn’t about size, is it? Here’s the whole ad, which seems to be from 1961:
When I think of a conjuror’s hat, I tend to think of, like, a wizard’s hat, like Merlin or Gandalf or some other conjurer of cheap tricks. Normally, I don’t really equate this sort of hat with, like stage magician stuff that involves pulling improbably-sized things out of it. For that, I usually think of the classic magician’s top hat.
That said, I do recall that both a stage magician’s top hat and a wizard-type (pointy, festooned with astronomical icons/Lucky Charms shapes) hat were used together in just this sort of larger-on-the-inside context (though here they seem to be actually two ends of some quantum wormhole in spacetime) in what may be Pixar’s best slapstick-comedy short, Presto:
I think that’s what we’re dealing with here. I looked through other old Mini ads and brochures to see if they ever returned to this theme, and I think I found that they did, or, rather, they already had, as this brochure dates from 1959:
Here they’re using the “magician’s top hat” verbiage, which I think is a little more clear, but they’re still saying “tailored,” which, again, is weird? Why not say “as roomy inside as a magician’s top hat” or something similar? No one ever talks about how nicely appointed the inside of a magician’s hat is, because it’s usually just populated with rabbits, whose standards of interior luxury are, let’s be honest, pretty limited.
But that has to be what they mean. The 1959 brochure starts off by touting “Wizardry on wheels,” and makes a big deal, justifiably so, of the Mini’s then-revolutionary packaging and layout, with its transversely-mounted engine and transaxle, leaving a good 8o% of the car’s length available for people and their stuff.
I mean, that is impressive. Is that what tailoring inside of a magic hat is like?
The brochure also covers some other interesting, non-magic hat details, like this novel way of describing that you won’t be flashing anyone your unmentionables in a skirt getting in and out of a mini, since the car can “ensure elegant exits and entrances.”
I also like the attention to the lighting equipment, and how turn signals get no less than two nicknames: “winkers” and “flashers,” which, combined with “dippers” for the headlights makes them sound like some trio of elves: Dipper, Flasher, and Winker. I bet they could kick the crap out of Snap, Crackle, and Pop.
Finally, I just want to point out that really futuristic jetliner in the air there, a nice little bit of exaggeration in the service of intense futurization.
Still, tailored like a magic hat? Someone should have read these over more.
Dipper, Flasher, and Winker sound like some real dirty elves
A “conjurer” == a magician in mid-20c England. No Gandalf, just basic magician hats with rabbits springing forth from them.
The “tailored” word is a little odd.
What’s even the question here ?
Built like a magician’s hat, because it has infinite space inside. I used to have one, it’s enormous inside, given the outside.
I believe that the futuristic airliner in the brochure represents a De Havilland Comet, the first commercial jet airliner, which would have been period correct with the Mini.
Thanks for sharing “Presto”!
Something tells me that is just the tip of your fabulously fathomless, fantastically festooned fedora.
I’m the aforementioned Jeff, and while Jason pored through the Morris archives for its origin within the org, I let our new AI overlords have a go, which got me nowhere. So then I just Googled “like a conjuror’s hat,” and lo and behold, apparently H.G. Wells used the phrase in 1917 in a book called The Soul of a Bishop, which is not a title I would’ve associated with that guy…
That’s a story about a possessed automotive designer.
I had to check with Gemini to be sure that wizards hat isn’t used as the same type of euphemism as wizards sleeve is. Apparently Mini isn’t being as strange as I feared. Cary on.
First thing I thought of lol
I believe they were trying to envoke upscale clown car. A well dressed gentleman with a bounty of goods on his person. While their main competitor had already been in the clown car business for some time some would argue since it’s inception.
I suppose the wizard hat analogy is better than the silk drawers analogy.
“A young lad’s twig and berries are gently conveyed by the silk-like quality of the seats. And when m’lady climbs aboard there is sufficient capacity for the twig having become a trunk.”
“Is loose, like sleeve of wizard.”
“I put on my robe and wizard hat” is still one of the best phrases to come out of the Internet 1.0 era.
Came here to mention this, leaving satisfied.
“Blood Ninja” is my username on another site.
Ah 1959, when a car maker could proudly proclaim door pockets molded for “flasks” and “orange squash”. Everything a parent needs to make a vodka squash while the kids play in the park.
I think “orange squash” is just British for orange soda and “flask” meant Thermos which is (still) a trademark.
They knew their clientele! A vodka squash is perfect for washing down some mothers little helpers. Where do you think all the young dudes got their ludes? 🙂
Having played with kids at the park on multiple occasions, this is how it should be done. A little numbing goes a long way…
I’ve been looking for a sign to finally pull the trigger on importing a Mini. This must be it! (Or at least that’s how I’ll fail to justify it to my wife).
What a cad! He’s not opening the door and helping her in. No second date for that fool.
Who says car safety suites are a 21st century invention? The brochure clearly states the “Co-pilot” has everything under control, though I’d usually refer to such as a front seat passenger, or worse, a back seat driver. Good use of those “cunningly moulded door pockets” to keep things organized there during the trip, sweetie.
These ads are pre-TARDIS so a magicians hat may have been the best reference.
Brings to mind those Popeye cartoons from the 50’s where he could look all around a small tent but inside it was a huge hall.
I have a magicians hat, it is an impressive piece of millinery, tailoring and engineering. From the outside it is a large top hat, on the inside the lining is full of pockets, hidden pockets with space for artfully folded strings of flags, spring loead bunches of flowers, packs of shaved card and more. When combined with it’s table it can produce rabbits, the top is cunningly hinged and there are magnets involved.
If someone had asked “hey, guess which member of the commentariat has a magician’s hat?” I would have 100% picked you.
Should I be flattered? Ah, no that would be an Opera hat, the other hat, not the rabbit hat, watch the rabbit watch the rabbit do not watch the hat because the rabbit hat is not the flattened hat.
You should absolutely be flattered, and definitely not flattened.
I think a Magician’s top hat was an object which was more front and center in the consciousness of the general population at this time. I do always envision such a hat to be silk-lined at the very least.
If at an antique shop or similar, top hats are easy, and yes they are silk lined, Black silk? check it out.
The Alliance of Magicians is going to coming after you after revealing all those secrets. They demand to be taken seriously.
I am old, wise and oft lean on a staff of gilded ancient smooth wood, the warlrus tusk finial carved as to my visage was a lucky find but fun. Bring on the Magicians, I have it on good authority that I am a real Wizard! (that authority may or may not be entirely drawn from a small group of people under the age of seven).
The waist lenght beard and hair might help, but the steam engines are probably the magic.
I think a wizard’s hat, or that of a fancy stage magician, is NICE, so it’s lined, so to me it literally means “careful attention to stitching/assembly.” I feel like I can picture a rabbit being pulled from a nice top hat that has a different color on the inside, and I bet that’s silk or velvet or some other such finery, so the slogan rings true for me.
Years later, Volkswagen considered going to market with the Haberdasher, but wiser minds prevailed.
Also on the cutting room floor:
“Enough space to bring the whole clan with their big, pointy hats!”
“Fancy dress or fancy dress — Mini handles it all!”*
“Ich Bin Ein Merliner.”
*first time I heard the phrase “fancy dress party” I thought it was like an amateur drag show. And speaking of amateur drag shows, Mini’s respectable 0-20 time of just 8.7 seconds ensures you’ll strike terror into the hearts of pensioners around the entire village!
The villagers cried out, “we have to pass the hat!”