“If We Classified Cars By Vibes Instead Of Size, What Would The Categories Be?” That was yesterday’s question posed by The Bishop. And with such examples as “Church Bingo Parking Lot” for the Ford LTD Crown Victoria, “Eames Chair Owner” for the Saab 9000, and “Boulder Used Bookstore” for a Volvo 240, I knew the responses would be fun.
Dodworth took it back to the Original Two:
Let’s go way back. Volvo = tweed jacket. Pickups = cowboy Cadillac.
Sofonda Wagons has taken more than one shuttle trip to the rental roundup:
According to rental car companies, a Nissan Sentra gives off the vibe of being a full-size luxury class upgrade.
Autopian author Andrea Petersen called out the very real Hierarchy Of Trucks you’ll find at most any job site:
I’d say vibe classification is reasonable, particularly for trucks. For example, there’s “actually doing something on a job site,” “foreman on a job site,” and “cosplaying as a foreman on a job site, but actually in marketing.” Personally, I go for “entertaining and mostly harmless but surprisingly capable weirdo” vibes. Like Eames Chair vibes on a budget.
I thought vibe classifying might lead to some hacky replies in the mode of “F-body = mullet,” and 4jim took the concept meta:
I would suggest 2 vibe categories:
– Stereotype threat
– Stereotype confirmation
Let your imagination fill in the makes and models.
I’m going to file James McHenry’s reply as “Oh, he’s talking about trains.” Mercedes, James is your people:
I think the new Jaguar 01 has “I come from Crewe” vibes. Not in the same way William Stanier’s designs do, mind, as it’s kinda hard for an EV to have a Belpaire Firebox, but in that Rolls-Royce/Bentley way. It’s probably the square grille in the front.
Carbon Fiber Sasquatch came in hot with sure-fire lulz for anyone who’s ever rolled a D20:
I’ve said before that DnD classes make the most sense. It gives people the right vibes for the car
Artificer – Any vehicle more focused on tech than driving. S-class, 7-series, Lucid
Barbarian – Lifted Pick-up trucks.
Bard – Used luxury cars or anything “baller on a budget”.
Cleric – Practical sedans and wagons and EVs. Accord, Camry, Sonata, Tesla
Druid – Subarus and any soft-roader trims.
Fighter – Pickup trucks, normal and luxury spec.”
Monk – Miata, GR86, Lotus Elise, Porsche Boxster.
Paladin – Compact or 3-row crossover, just following the crowd.
Ranger – Wranglers, Broncos, 4-Runners.
Rogue – Hot Hatches and sport compacts.
Sorcerer – Astons, Ferrari, Lamborghini, etc.
Warlock – Muscle cars and sports trucks.
Wizard – Bentley and Rolls Royce
In my imagination, Adam Schluck said, “I see your DnD, and raise you dogs!”
AKC Breed Groups – For Cars
• Sporting Group: Bred to assist hunters in finding, flushing, and retrieving game birds in water and dense fields = SUVs that are actually capable of going offroad, Trucks that are incapable of actually working
• Hound Group: Developed to track prey by scent or sight, known for high stamina and distinct vocalizations like baying or howling = Midsized cars, Minivans
• Working Group: Large, strong, and intelligent dogs historically bred for guarding property, pulling loads, and performing water or alpine rescues = Vans, Trucks that can actually get scratched up, tractor trailers
• Terrier Group: Feisty, energetic, and fearless small-to-medium dogs originally bred to hunt and kill vermin = compact cars
• Toy Group: Diminutive, affectionate, and sociable lapdogs well-suited to apartment living and companionship = Sports cars
• Herding Group: Intensely smart and agile dogs bred to control, gather, and move livestock = SUVs that aren’t supposed to go offroad
• Non-Sporting Group: A diverse collection of robust companion and utility breeds with varied sizes, coats, and historical backgrounds that do not fit neatly into other functional categories = Everything Torch seems to drive
Great stuff as always, gang. Have you hit up today’s Ask yet?
What Cars Could Have Been Great If They Changed Just One Thing?
Top graphic images: Ford; DnDdice.com
I feel called out as a Subaru-driving Druid. Maybe Rivian too?
Yeah, sorry, I’ve been on a Railway Series/Thomas kick lately and so British trains have been on the brain.
(And Henry was rebuilt at Crewe into a LMS Stanier 5MT after The Flying Kipper Incident, so that was even more prominent.)
You’re a Francis Bourgeois fan, aren’t you? After watching him on Grand Tour and seeing his joy talking about trains, I’m wanting to go full Sheldon Cooper on trains.
…not really heard about that gent, but sounds fun.
My current return to this hyperfixation probably stems from buying Christopher Awdry’s lore book “Sodor: Reading Between the Lines.”
I used to enjoy his videos when he first started, and it was amazing to see him get a car and include it in his videos, and then a girlfriend, and then the Mercedes SL (with diesel engine swap). A remarkable transformation.
I’ve only seen one or two brief clips of the Grand Tour and the other hosts were a waste of air. Not sure who Francis needs to be played against, but he could be epic with the right co-conspirators.
Can you be a rogue warlock?
Asking for a friend.
I mean if your DM allows multiclassing…
“Barbarian – Lifted Pick-up trucks.”
I’d argue Barbarian is more like a 30 year old work pick-up, primitively lacking refinement and beat to hell but still running fine and up for anything.
A true Barbarian wouldn’t trust the sorcery of lift kits.
Ngl, I think the DnD classes are the best way to go, even if I don’t like being a cleric or monk/borderline sorcerer.
Same. Although one would think I would have made peace with the Monk lifestyle by now.
As a Bard alumni, I’m confused.
The parking lots there were stocked with lots of Volvos, sedans with the doors welded shut and the roofs cut off, one girl drove a Triumph Stag, a couple of old Checkers, one girl had a rotating trio of Lancias that she was convinced was some form of punishment by he parents but I think was merely a ploy to prevent road trips. One friend would go to the police auction and get whatever was less than $175 once he got a firebird convertible with the OHC six.
No baller on a budget cars that I remember.
Well there was one girl whose father was a famous movie director who drove a 1959 Chevy that looked like a ten year old car but had a completely new drivetrain and brakes because it was the hero car in a movie. Actually they had two identical cars with the same rust spots and bad paint since if anything went wrong it would cost tens of thousands of dollars an hour to get it fixed. Sort of the opposite of baller on a budget.
Are we going to get a results list for the car companies we’d kill to resurrect another? Or did I miss it?
I’m wondering the same, although reading the comments, killing Chrysler in favor of AMC had a strong contingent.
A small person of my acquaintance has simple car list;
Nic car
Mummy car
Daddy car
Daddy want car
STEAM ENGINE LORRY CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fairly self explanatory.
That sounds great, it’s hard to beat the admiration of a small child.
But what about a College of Swords Bard? Lincoln Blackwood? Lamborghini LM002?
Thank you very much!
The only car vibe I’m familiar with had a Pontiac badge on it.
And a Toyota engine under the hood.
Toyota engine under the hood, GM cash on it. That was the NUMMI cars’ USP from beginning to end.
I thought that was a Toyota
Your manufacturer/model matrix is wrong.
Toyota in all but badge. My daughter had one for a first car.
And it’s probably still someone else’s car right now, but with peeling clearcoat, foggy headlights, and a dent somewhere.
No – it was killed in a T-bone collision. Side airbag deployment – which did their job. She was shaken, not stirred. It had all the above when I bought it for $800.
So glad she was safe.