I don’t really know what I did to anger some god or gods who may be in charge of regulating and managing human body temperatures, but I clearly did something, because I’ve been saddled with some weird fever at the worst time, when I need to do this Hemmings Road Rally with my kid. The fever is making everything a bit, you know, weird, and our Nissan Murano CrossCab is joining in on the fun, just a bit.
Also, I have this painfully infected finger and some weird something happening on my palate; I’m sort of a mess here. I think Road Madness is setting in, too, and I haven’t even started yet. This is going great.
Our Nissan Murano CrossCab I think will be an interesting choice for this rally, one I expect will be filled otherwise with some really appealing, lovely cars, because the CrossCab has that rare and magic combination of awkward looks, dissatisfying handling, and questionable comfort that make it what people in the parcel totality business call the Total Package.
Speaking of, what are these odds: I happened to drive by another CrossCab today:
Holy crap, right? There’s hardly any of these things still lumbering around, and two of them were right next to one another outside of LA today? This means something!
When I had the car handed off to me earlier, I found that the battery had died unexpectedly and the car had to be jumped, which for some reason caused the annoying beeping alarm for the top to blare anytime the car was in forward motion, which just so happened to be exactly the sort of motion I was planning to use for most of this rally.
To sort it, I eventually had to undertake the very risky move of opening the top and closing it again, a wild gamble seeing as how this top has an extremely limited number of open/close cycles left in it. Possibly none.
Thankfully, it worked, and my son Otto and I won’t have to do this rally with a soundtrack that sounds like an alarm clock moments before you smack SNOOZE for the fifth time.
So I think we’ll be okay there. I’m less confident about my own mechanical stability, as I have some kind of miserable fever thing happening; it’s making me not feel great and the overheating is Doing Things to my brain.
For example, over the toilet at this hotel is this photo of some seashore, seen from above:
But all I can see is an alarmed demon, sitting on his knees. Look, do you see him? Here, I’ll show you better. Computer! Zoom and enhance!
See? See him now? He’s looking right at me with a big eye, he has horns and a big snout. He’s sitting on his knees with his tail hanging down, and he looks shocked or worried or something. He knows something, probably something about this rally.
Clearly, he’s there to warn me of something, or threaten me? One of the two. maybe he’s letting me know that they’re all plotting against me in this Rally, and I need to make sure they don’t succeed, whatever it is they’re planning.
Is he the one making my finger and mouth and teeth hurt? Making me all fevery and achey? Probably. I can’t let him win. He’s probably working with the other drivers, leading some sort of unsavory cabal! It’s up to me to expose them all! I have my kid here to protect, after all!
Maybe by the end of this Otto will be doing all the driving as I stand ready in the back, the CrossCab’s roof frozen in the half-open position, my arms full of eggs stolen from a Ralph’s, ready to launch at any other Hemmings Motor Club rally participant in the Paso Robles area who dares approach to close, because they must be stopped.
This must be it; my purpose here has been revealed! I’ll get a little more sleep now and see what the morning brings, but if it’s going how it has so far, I think it’ll bring over-the-toilet-demon-picture excitement.
Unrelated: I’ve seen more Cadillac Lyriqs on the road here than I have anywhere. I looked at a parked one and realized something: Is Caddy hiding the reverse lamp in the badge at the rear?
Is that what’s going on here? If so, this would be Caddy’s first time incorporating a taillight function into a central-rear badge since the third brake lamp of the Allanté way back when! This is a big deal.
But now, sleep, and then the rally. Will I still have fevery madness come morning? I guess we’ll just have to see.
“Also, I have this painfully infected finger”
This is why I keep my fingers covered in XPEL PPF at all times!
(Partner Post)
Doctor, antibiotics, pronto. Your infected finger is likely messing all of the rest of you up.
Yes, this. Torch, no need for your 10w-30 to dip into sepsis territory. That Jatco Xtronic CVT can wait for you to get checked out.
Go to a fuckin’ doctor, man. It’ll take an hour and they’ll either tell you you’re fine or catch something that could seriously fuck you up.
This…
“An hour”
That’s if one gets lucky. Lol.
Have you seen the state of health care in this country??
Walk-in urgent care clinic? 3-4 hour minimum
Some in my area let you call and get on a wait list, and then they give you an estimated time to come in.
Woah that’s bad, what area is that? Maybe my quickcare is just good, in and out in an hour.
Get on a video to medical advice.
When you start seeing a demon my little pony and another Cross Cab you may be fine, but seek medical advice.
Torch, doctor. Now.
If that means scrubbing the rally and Otto staying with David until your flight home, at least he could use the extra set of hands getting the Brand New WW2 Jeep up and rolling.
I know you’re supposed to be heading to the HRR, but before you end up in the ER, you may want to flex your HSA.
Otto has his license?!?
Does it matter? This is an emergency!
Concur with all the backseat docs here. Given your history, get to a doctor, stat. At least you have Otto to drive you.
In order to prevent a recurrence of the infamous Ambulance shit scene, you should get your butt to the Dr asap, if not sooner.
Hey! It sounds like you’re about to tick off the “Broke Off From a Road Rally to Go to the Doctor” achievement! Welcome to the club! We do not have snacks. Do not share your snacks with me. I do not want to catch what you have with my garbage single-ply immune system.
If you’re not about to unlock that achievement, we’re all going to annoy you until you do. It’s best to get it over with just in case.
Hey Torch, with all the medical issues you have had recently, you need to get to the doctor right damn now. An infection and a heart issue are a really bad combination. One that led a good friend of mine to have a MASSIVE heart attack that he was very lucky to survive.
I was once traveling with my partner near Joshua Tree, determined to get us to the campground at Jumbo Rocks to show her just how amazing it was…with a fever much like you’re describing. We finally relented and rented a hotel room in Twentynine Palms, and she couldn’t understand why I was so upset until the next night when we did make it to Jumbo Rocks to camp. She said “Okay, yeah, I get it why you wanted to bring me here so badly…but you were just so sick, I thought I was going to have to leave you in the desert to die or something”.
It’s not a demon, just a seahorse.
The “demon” looks vaguely beagle-y to me.
Agree with Palmetto Ranger. I see a dog of some sort in the enhanced close up.
At least it wasn’t the water in the toilet that looked like that.
Hope all ends well.
Go to the Doc, Torch!!!
I’m not a doctor, so grain of salt here:
If you have a fever and no better way to explain it than the infection, I think you’re supposed to seek medical help ASAP. If there’s any swelling, aching, or warm feeling further up your hand or to your arm, even faster than ASAP.
Also, those wheels REALLY need some center caps.
See. A. Doctor. An infection with a fever is nothing to ignore. Especially given your history.
I’m enjoying how many of the autopian’s, er, project cars are oddball Nissans.
Hope next it’s a jacked up Cube, or maybe a decrepit Pulsar NX missing a t-top…
If they can find an NX2000, I will buy it from them after.
I too enjoy this fact, as they’re both well equipped in the case of their transmission. The Autopian really does know the best!
There was no second CrossCab. It was a glitch in the matrix.
“Do not try to repair the CrossCab, for that is impossible. Only try to realize the truth: there is no CrossCab. Then you will realize that it is not the CrossCab that is repaired, but yourself.”
Do you really think that that car has a top that you’re opening?
Hallucination is my guess.
Please get better quick. Shades of Hunter S Thompson.
Fear and Loathing in Torch Vegas
My advice? Let Otto drive, then start drinking tequila. It may not make you feel better, but it WILL make you care less.
Well, 70.0% alcohol will sterilize most surfaces, so, if you can just get your blood alcohol up high enough, you’ll be fine.
What’s that? Levels at/above 0.40% are usually fatal? That’s quitter talk!
If the alcohol plan doesn’t work, temperatures around 140° F will also kill most bacteria. Just need to spike the fever to that temperature for a few minutes then he will be bacteria free.
Good luck Jason. If you still have a fever today, I would go to urgent care.
Definitely let Otto drive. Maybe eat a lime.
Oy, that’s a lot. Hoping you experience, in the best way, a truly cold start to your Friday, Torch!
Also, if the Murano Cross Cab is NOT the most painful and unpleasant symptom you are experiencing, please see a doctor.
Whatever you do, take care of yourself!
Jason, you know more than most about pareidolia, but did you know advanced cases can cause fever, infected extremities and toothache?
In all seriousness, take care of yourself!
Torch. Buy and take some extra strength Tylenol. It’ll keep the fever at bay and make you feel/function better.
Source: My wife is an RN.
I hear that could endanger his kid.
According to RFK, it depends on his wang, and any procedure possibly done to it as an infant.
I always wanted to be an Autist!
Pretty sure you can’t acquire autism as a teenager. You can simulate it with effort and/or a career with a railroad.