Home » This Rolls-Royce/Ford LTD Mockup Is Incredible And Doesn’t Seem To Be On The Internet: Cold Start

This Rolls-Royce/Ford LTD Mockup Is Incredible And Doesn’t Seem To Be On The Internet: Cold Start

Cs Ford Royce 1
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I guess I myself am making that headline inaccurate, because you and I are here on this internet right now, the home of websites like this and Wallace Shawn’s Instagram page. So that means this car, built in 1970 at the behest of Anthony Paolino of Providence, Rhode Island, is now on the internet, in some small capacity. And that’s a good thing, because this gleefully unholy mashup of a 1969 Ford LTD two-door coupé and a lot of Rolls-Royce parts is just too amazing to keep hidden in the pages of a physical publication.

That publication was volume 8, number 4 of Automobile Quarterly, which I bought a copy of at a used bookstore. I also bought my kid some Nintendo 3DS games there, and a few weeks ago I found an Atari 810 disk drive for $20 there, too.

Vidframe Min Top
Vidframe Min Bottom

But that’s not important now. This is:

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Let’s look at that top image of it again, too:

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Cs Ford Royce 1

What are we looking at, here? That’s a 1969 Ford LTD coupé that has been extensively modified with Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow parts and a lot of careful and creative bodywork from some Providence-area bodyshop. I think they did a fantastic job; for comparison, here’s a 1969 Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow:

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…and, so you know what an LTD looked like prior to Rolls-Roycification, here’s a commercial from the time:

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That front end is very different–covered headlamps, quite different detailing, very different proportions, everything is different, which is why the Rolls-Royce costume is so impressive.

In the brief article about the car, Paolino mentions his dissatisfaction with the Silver Shadow, and he would know, as he owns a ’67. He felt the Rolls was too tall and narrow, and far, far too needlessly complex for what it was, with systems upon systems for every feature of the car – forty systems too many, according to Paolino’s estimate – and what was the benefit? It was just harder to fix, and parts took too long to get.

So, he had his LTD transformed into an approximation of the Rolls-Royce, only this Rolls was lower, wider, and a fraction of the cost of the real one, even after all the cosmetic surgery. Paolino mentioned that at highway speeds, the genuine Rolls was quieter, but at city driving speeds, he really couldn’t tell the difference.

I think Paolino’s experiment is kind of brilliant, and lays bare the myth of ultra-luxury cars, namely that they’re not really all that much better than more mainstream cars, or at least they weren’t in the late 1960s/early 1970s. You’re still paying a lot for that flying lady hood ornament and all the considerable status she drags along with her.

Ford seems to have taken this idea to heart in the later 1970s and early 1980s, as you can see in ads like this one:

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I mean, I’m sure the Rolls is better, but is it $220,000 better? Because that’s the price difference (adjusted for inflation). I think mechanically, physically, practically, the answer is no, but in the stranger, more unquantifiable realm of status, the Rolls probably still has a considerable edge.

Mostly, I just would like to see more people taking low-to-mid-range cars and getting body shops to make them look vastly more expensive. Because it’s fun, dammit.

 

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Slow Joe Crow
Slow Joe Crow
8 days ago

This is the upscale version of a Beetle with a Rolls-Royce grille or maybe the refined version of a pimpmobile

Albert Ferrer
Albert Ferrer
9 days ago

Round about the mid-tens I bought a Giulietta JTDm TCT (175bhp, diesel, dual clutch auto, 5 door front wheel drive hatchback) while my uncle and aunt had an A220d 7G-DTC (170bhp, diesel, dual clutch auto, 5 door front wheel drive hatchback). The Mercedes was fourteen-thousand-euros more than the Alfa.

Except for the ride, and possibly handling, and the noise/smoothness of the engine, the Benz was vastly superior to the Alfa Romeo. Was it a 14k better car? This question can only be answered by those people who can spend the price difference.

In my opinion it was probably not worth it, but in part because the A-Class was not my type of car.

You could also argue whether a normal (i.e., non-car enthusiast) would actually be able to notice those differences. But I guess this is a discussion for another day.

Drive By Commenter
Drive By Commenter
9 days ago

This is what “heck with it” money is about.

Ramblin' Gamblin' Man
Ramblin' Gamblin' Man
9 days ago

If you’re a GM fan, this ones for you, there were about 100 made before they were sued by RR to cease production.

https://gmauthority.com/blog/2020/04/this-1976-chevrolet-monte-carlo-is-doing-its-best-rolls-royce-impression/

Last edited 9 days ago by Ramblin' Gamblin' Man
TOSSABL
TOSSABL
9 days ago

I didn’t know about those: thanks!
Honestly, it’s pretty decent for that time frame. I remember many, many bad kits & kit cars from that time in my childhood

Ramblin' Gamblin' Man
Ramblin' Gamblin' Man
9 days ago
Reply to  TOSSABL

You’re most welcome!

Canopysaurus
Canopysaurus
9 days ago

Why do I picture William Conrad when I look at this car?

JT, you still have Beetle somewhere on your property, right? I know they make Rolls front end kits for those. What are you waiting for?

Urban Runabout
Urban Runabout
9 days ago
Reply to  Canopysaurus

Because William Conrad was known for his silver-blue Mark III/Mark IV in his show, “Cannon”
Which were pretty much just Thunderbirds with RR grilles.

Geoff Buchholz
Geoff Buchholz
9 days ago

Bro could have bought a ’71 Grand Prix and saved himself a bunch of cash.

Also: are we no longer calling these “Cold Starts?”

Canopysaurus
Canopysaurus
8 days ago
Reply to  Geoff Buchholz

Always liked those SJs.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
9 days ago

Its like a 70’s blaxploitation film pimpmobile but with less garish makeup. It looks kinda.bland.

Something like an illuminated fish tank “radiator” with live fish swimming around behind the RR grill (as symbolic, gilded cage prison bars), snow leopard fur trimmed side mirrors and trunk mounted spare tire cover, and a gold lame Landau roof would really make it pop.

Data
Data
9 days ago
Reply to  Cheap Bastard

You forgot the curb feelers.
I’m mentally envisioning the Cadillac from the beginning of Magnum Force (second Dirty Harry movie).

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
9 days ago
Reply to  Data

I dunno, I only saw those on cars driven by bluehairs, not pimps.

Last edited 9 days ago by Cheap Bastard
Shooting Brake
Shooting Brake
9 days ago

Ultra luxury cars still aren’t THAT much better.

Maymar
Maymar
9 days ago

A bunch of Silver Spirits even used AC Delco radios in the 80’s (just like you’d find in your grandpa’s Chevy Caprice), so really not beating the accusations.

Ranwhenparked
Ranwhenparked
9 days ago
Reply to  Maymar

And also Hydramatic transmissions (which Rolls-Royce manufactured themselves under license)

10001010
10001010
9 days ago

Maybe because I’m reading this on my phone but between the small screen and the reflection of a tree on the hood I thought this car also had a TransAm Screaming Chicken on the hood, which would have only made this more awesome.

Mechjaz
Mechjaz
9 days ago

Man, that guy must be really into arroz con pollo to have a custom plate made up for it.

MaximillianMeen
MaximillianMeen
9 days ago

Mostly, I just would like to see more people taking low-to-mid-range cars and getting body shops to make them look vastly more expensive.

Surely you haven’t forgotten that Mitsuoka still exists, have you? The Ryugi, Galue, and Viewt fit this to a tee.

Matt A
Matt A
9 days ago

Why didn’t he just buy a Lincoln MKIII? Ford already did the hard work of strapping a rolls grill on a Ford car (Thunderbird)

MaximillianMeen
MaximillianMeen
9 days ago
Reply to  Matt A

Yeah, that was my first thought, too. Maybe he really hated covered headlights?

Matt A
Matt A
9 days ago

If so, he could have screwed the covers shut, and put the rolls headlights right on there. I could go back in time and save him a bunch of money, haha

V8 Fairmont Longroof
V8 Fairmont Longroof
9 days ago
Reply to  Matt A
Bob the Hobo
Bob the Hobo
9 days ago

Ford had a marketing campaign claiming the redesigned Galaxie platform was quieter than a Rolls-Royce in 1965 as well. Perhaps Mr. Paolino took it to heart.

Ranwhenparked
Ranwhenparked
9 days ago
Reply to  Bob the Hobo

That’s right, the slogan was “Quiet” is the Sound of a Well-Made Car

TOSSABL
TOSSABL
9 days ago
Reply to  Ranwhenparked

From the time, ‘quiet’ was the signal you’d killed the battery flat trying to start your Ford

I drive a boring SUV
I drive a boring SUV
9 days ago

I wonder whether mr. Paolino got to enjoy a nice chat over tea with Rolls Royce’s lawyers like John Dodd did.

Drive By Commenter
Drive By Commenter
8 days ago

Nah, those lawyers knew they’d be fitted for concrete Wellingtons during a “scenic tour” of Providence’s dockyards. A sternly worded first class letter from an anonymous PO box would be just fine in this instance.

AlfaAlfa
AlfaAlfa
9 days ago

I do not know this Anthony Paolino person, but I would guess that he has concrete lion statues at the end of his driveway, wears velour track suits with no shirt underneath, and for some strange reason he is always dumping bleach into the trunk of his LTD and hosing it out.

StillNotATony
StillNotATony
9 days ago
Reply to  AlfaAlfa

Excuse me, but Mr Paolino most definitely wears a tank top (no longer referred to as a wife beater) under his velour track suit, not like those lousy Russian gangsters who wear nothing under their gold chains and Addidas track suits besides a solid carpet of chest hair.

Michael Beranek
Michael Beranek
9 days ago
Reply to  StillNotATony

Excuse me, but a wife beater is a plaid button-down shirt with the sleeves ripped off. Think Larry the Cable Guy.
A white tank top is a kind of Tee. I won’t say what kind, in honor of my Sicilian grandmother.

Ranwhenparked
Ranwhenparked
8 days ago

No, wife beater was always a white tank top undershirt, the nickname came from the association with Marlon Brando in a Streetcar Named Desire

Michael Beranek
Michael Beranek
8 days ago
Reply to  Ranwhenparked

Oh I can see that. Two meanings from different time periods.

Flyingstitch
Flyingstitch
9 days ago

Impressive overall; I imagine in profile it looks much like a contemporary Monte Carlo, just stretched a bit. But where the leading edge of the hood meets the grille? How to put it nicely…they tried.

Alexk98
Alexk98
9 days ago

Finally, a Rolls Royce more awkward and ungainly than the Camargue, absolutely genius!

Michael Beranek
Michael Beranek
9 days ago

Great, now all I can hear is Al Czervik’s car horn.
Interesting how him and Smails both drove Rollers, but the difference was profound.

Jack Trade
Jack Trade
9 days ago

I was always partial to (I think) Dr. Beeper’s 911 myself.

Michael Beranek
Michael Beranek
9 days ago
Reply to  Jack Trade

I’m trying to figure out what Webb drove. Did he drive?
Lacey Underall had an SL. How did they get from the ball to his place?

Jack Trade
Jack Trade
9 days ago

It’s funny how SLs were the car of attractive young movie/tv women in the ’70s. It wasn’t until the ’80s when you’d see men driving them as much – Rick’s silver one on Magnum PI comes to mind.

Matthew ONeill
Matthew ONeill
9 days ago

Hey! What’s with the pictures, Wang?! It’s a parking lot!!

Ranwhenparked
Ranwhenparked
9 days ago

Well, Czervik had a flamboyanty red early ’60s “Chinese Eye” convertible that was RHD for reasons, Smails had a conservative, boring, brown, 8 year old Silver Shadow sedan

yeah that’s still the commonly used nickname for the slanted quad headlights in Rolls-Royce and Bentley circles, yeah, I’m surprised a non-racist term hasn’t been settled on to replace it by now

Michael Beranek
Michael Beranek
9 days ago
Reply to  Ranwhenparked

If they were level the car would look like a Checker Marathon.

Urban Runabout
Urban Runabout
9 days ago
Reply to  Ranwhenparked

Yes – That was a Series III Silver Cloud Mulliner-Park Ward Drophead Coupe in St James Red.

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