Time To Listen To Some 1980s Car Commercial Music, I’m Afraid

Sometimes I need to remind myself that the medium in which we communicate is more than just a static, visual medium, like a magazine or newspaper or poster or Sharpie scrawls on a scrap of drywall. It’s a medium that allows for audio and moving images! Like an electric zoetrope with an integrated gramophone right in your hand or on your lap or on your desk or rocky outcropping! It’s magical! So today we’ll take advantage of this by watching a bunch of ’80s car commercials.

Specifically, I was thinking about the jingles and musical hooks I remember from that era, and even more specifically, I was looking for one I remembered from Subaru that I think had a line like “Ooh new Subaru, got a lot of strength and a beauty, too” or something along those lines.

I can’t find that one anywhere. Did I hallucinate that? If so, why the hell am I hallucinating crappy ad jingles for Subaru? They should be paying me for ad space in my brain!

While looking, though, I came across a number of other carmaker jingles I remember, so now I’m going to subject you to them, too. Perhaps the most famous is Chevrolet’s kind of cloying “Heartbeat of America” song:

This one was used in many, many ads; above is the full song, which was heard less often. I think we tend to associate it mostly with Chevy trucks, but as you can see, everything from Cavaliers to Corvettes were included in the heartbeat.

I’m. not sure why, but Heartbeat of America always felt a little cynical to me, a little too much like some executive made a phone call to some studio in Burbank asking for something that sounded like a country song and they want it by Friday. Oh, and make it about Chevys, though if that doesn’t work, see if you can make it about soup and they can reach out to the Campbell’s people.

Ford had a little jingle at the end of many of their commercials, inquiring if anyone had driven a Ford, lately? There was a whole song that came from!

It’s kind of strangely saccharine? Look at those Tempos and Escorts! Also I wonder if they actually got a real Michigan personalized plate with LATELY or if they had the props people bang one out.

This has to be my favorite of the Big Three’s ’80s songs:

Hell yeah! Ride, Pontiac ride! It’s overdone and ridiculous in all the right ways. I feel like there’s modern bands sleeping on doing covers of this. Maybe, you know, the Foo Fighters could give it a go. Even the shots of that LeMans don’t derail it.

Toyota’s jingle I don’t think was part of a larger song, but I suspect many of you remember the “oh what a feeling” choral-sung jingle, associated with that ecstatic, raised-arm leap:

This ad is interesting because the Corolla Tercel – also often just called the Tercel after Toyota stopped doubling up model names so much – was Toyota’s first FWD car. They were pretty late to the FWD game, but that’s always been how Toyota works: they’re very conservative about big technical changes, and wait until they’re very sure a new approach makes sense. This early Tercel also had a longitudinal engine!

Also, does the skinny guy really get to control the actions of those three muscle dudes all the time? Seems like a recipe for abuse.

Volkswagen had a well-known jingle in this era, too, the “Volkswagen does it…again!” one:

The pause between “it” and “again” is just a hair longer than you may expect, a bold choice on VW’s part, as is their decision to use a fussy, condescending jackass curator or whatever he is to shill their cars, though I do have to say it looks fetching in those earthtones.

While I was looking at these, I happened to discover something exciting. Watch and listen to this Dodge truck commercial, if you will, and pay attention to the music:

Doesn’t that sound familiar? Where is that music from? I bet I know where you’re recognizing it from; it’s from this, isn’t it:

The opening to Intergalactic by the Beastie Boys! I’m sure it’s some stock music that’s been used in even other things, but I don’t think I ever encountered it in other contexts until now!

Okay, finally, just to be cruel, I’m going to show you a somewhat more recent commercial for a now-defunct brand that, while not strictly a jingle, has a soundtrack that manages to get stuck in my head and I for whatever reason, can’t stand:

There’s something about the way these well-scrubbed young people say the model names of their cars “tC”, “xB,” “xD”, “FR-S” and whatever that just grates. And “limited edition.” I can’t put my finger on why but it always made my skin crawl. I say this as someone who loved his xB!

Anyway, this is already late, and I’ve tortured you enough. Forgive me.