Two Silly Things About The Simca 1000 And One Is A Sorta-Dirty Song

You know what car I’ve always liked but hardly anyone thinks about here in America? The Simca 1000. It’s really a charming little car that, even if it didn’t make much of a splash here in America, was quite successful over in Europe, and I can prove that without resorting to crutches like “sales numbers” or “facts.” I can prove it because there was at least one song written about the Simca 1000, and it was even a little risqué, so even better.

I always forget that the Simca 1000 was imported to the US, sold through Chrysler dealerships, since Simca was part of Chrysler’s European operations. It would have been an interesting choice here, mostly due to its small size, but styling-wise, I think it would have felt pretty familiar, since it was one of the many cars that were acolytes to the Church of Corvair.

You remember the chart, right? Sure you do:

See the Simca 1000 up there, third down from the top? Very Corvair-ic. But back to the Simca 1000’s presence in America, which leads us to our first silly thing, which I saw in one of the Simca 1000’s early US-targeted brochures. Most of the brochure is pretty straightforward early ’60s clean-European-design sort of thing, like this:

All very rational stuff: sensible black-and-white photography free of adoring models, text about proving grounds and road testing, all that. But then there’s also this:

I love this. I love the visual of that Simca driving on two wheels, but then the reveal in the text that someone drove it like this for 60 freaking miles really pushes this above and beyond. The driver was in this thing for well over an hour, I bet! On two wheels! Making turns, I assume?

The driver’s position in there is interesting, too:

He’s kind of sitting in the corner of the car, oriented normally/vertically to the road. It looks like much of his weight would have to be on the door?

I really like this because not only is it an impressive achievement of stunt driving, but also what exactly is this demonstrating to people who may want to buy this car? Is anyone considering 45° angle, two-wheel driving as they try to decide if they want to go with a Volkswagen or Pinto or Simca? Were lots of young families looking at cheap cars in 1964 and thinking hmm, it’s roomy and good on gas, but what if I lose both wheels on one side?

Okay, that’s silly thing one. Silly thing two is this song, from a 1988 Spanish pop-rock band Los Inhumanos, and titled (translated from Spanish), “It’s so difficult to make love in a Simca 1000.” (I think this was suggested to me by a reader, but I can’t find the reference, so I’m sorry about that!) Here’s the song:

Here’s a translation of some of the lyrics:

How difficult it is to make love in a Simca 1000
Que dificil es hacer el amor en un Simca 1000

in a Simca 1000.
en un Simca 1000.
The seat does not go back
El asiento no se echa para atrás

and the position to be sought is difficult.
y la postura a buscar tiene dificultad.

Put your leg here I’ll put it there we’ll have to
Pon tu pierna aqui yo la pondré alla tendremos que

open the back door.
abrir la puerta de atrás.
The steering wheel annoys me again
El volante me vuelve a fastidiar

That’s not the whistle you should blow.
ese no es el pito que debes tocar.

When I’m rich I’m going to buy
Cuando sea rico voy a comprar

a bus to catch.
un autobus para pillar.

The car does have a back seat, buddy. That would at least help with the steering wheel problem. Let’s look at a cutaway:

I think the problem here is that they seem to be trying this act of beautiful lovemaking up front. Go in the back! It’s a bench seat, I know you can figure something out. This can’t be much smaller than the rear seat of a Beetle, and I know you can make that work.

Still, good on them for trying, regardless. I suspect the band is referring to the Spanish-built version of the Simca 1000, which was built starting in late 1965 by the Spanish truck and car-maker Barreiros Diesel. That company also made Dodge Darts, and one of those has a fascinating story I’ll get to someday.

I hope two silly Simca 1000-related things is enough to get you through your day. If not, I suggest seeking the counsel of your clergyperson.

Top graphic images: Los Inhumanos; Simca