You know what car I’ve always liked but hardly anyone thinks about here in America? The Simca 1000. It’s really a charming little car that, even if it didn’t make much of a splash here in America, was quite successful over in Europe, and I can prove that without resorting to crutches like “sales numbers” or “facts.” I can prove it because there was at least one song written about the Simca 1000, and it was even a little risqué, so even better.
I always forget that the Simca 1000 was imported to the US, sold through Chrysler dealerships, since Simca was part of Chrysler’s European operations. It would have been an interesting choice here, mostly due to its small size, but styling-wise, I think it would have felt pretty familiar, since it was one of the many cars that were acolytes to the Church of Corvair.
You remember the chart, right? Sure you do:
See the Simca 1000 up there, third down from the top? Very Corvair-ic. But back to the Simca 1000’s presence in America, which leads us to our first silly thing, which I saw in one of the Simca 1000’s early US-targeted brochures. Most of the brochure is pretty straightforward early ’60s clean-European-design sort of thing, like this:
All very rational stuff: sensible black-and-white photography free of adoring models, text about proving grounds and road testing, all that. But then there’s also this:
I love this. I love the visual of that Simca driving on two wheels, but then the reveal in the text that someone drove it like this for 60 freaking miles really pushes this above and beyond. The driver was in this thing for well over an hour, I bet! On two wheels! Making turns, I assume?
The driver’s position in there is interesting, too:
He’s kind of sitting in the corner of the car, oriented normally/vertically to the road. It looks like much of his weight would have to be on the door?
I really like this because not only is it an impressive achievement of stunt driving, but also what exactly is this demonstrating to people who may want to buy this car? Is anyone considering 45° angle, two-wheel driving as they try to decide if they want to go with a Volkswagen or Pinto or Simca? Were lots of young families looking at cheap cars in 1964 and thinking hmm, it’s roomy and good on gas, but what if I lose both wheels on one side?
Okay, that’s silly thing one. Silly thing two is this song, from a 1988 Spanish pop-rock band Los Inhumanos, and titled (translated from Spanish), “It’s so difficult to make love in a Simca 1000.” (I think this was suggested to me by a reader, but I can’t find the reference, so I’m sorry about that!) Here’s the song:
Here’s a translation of some of the lyrics:
How difficult it is to make love in a Simca 1000
Que dificil es hacer el amor en un Simca 1000in a Simca 1000.
en un Simca 1000.
The seat does not go back
El asiento no se echa para atrásand the position to be sought is difficult.
y la postura a buscar tiene dificultad.Put your leg here I’ll put it there we’ll have to
Pon tu pierna aqui yo la pondré alla tendremos queopen the back door.
abrir la puerta de atrás.
The steering wheel annoys me again
El volante me vuelve a fastidiarThat’s not the whistle you should blow.
ese no es el pito que debes tocar.When I’m rich I’m going to buy
Cuando sea rico voy a comprara bus to catch.
un autobus para pillar.
The car does have a back seat, buddy. That would at least help with the steering wheel problem. Let’s look at a cutaway:
I think the problem here is that they seem to be trying this act of beautiful lovemaking up front. Go in the back! It’s a bench seat, I know you can figure something out. This can’t be much smaller than the rear seat of a Beetle, and I know you can make that work.
Still, good on them for trying, regardless. I suspect the band is referring to the Spanish-built version of the Simca 1000, which was built starting in late 1965 by the Spanish truck and car-maker Barreiros Diesel. That company also made Dodge Darts, and one of those has a fascinating story I’ll get to someday.
I hope two silly Simca 1000-related things is enough to get you through your day. If not, I suggest seeking the counsel of your clergyperson.
Top graphic images: Los Inhumanos; Simca
I didn’t have “my favorite car website performs an in-depth exegetic analysis of well known Spanish 80s drunken song” in my bingo card for today.
Joe Mannix’s secretary, Peggy had a Simca 1000 for a season or two.
I’ve known about Simcas most of my life because in first grade we had puzzles with pictures of cars and most were French
This reminds me of these absolutely bangin’ Peak Bubble Era Isuzu Gemini adverts:
https://youtu.be/QaP0ZMWBFY0?si=EoR0rAj-jf72dSSl
These long-form versions were apparently shown in dealerships:
https://youtu.be/5dNmAyVjcM0?si=jxzR3dpnARrnHPku
Love me some Remy Jullienne!
However, some of that looked like it did not involve cars fresh off the assembly line. I’ve never seen a stoppie performed on four wheels. Well two, I guess.
Here you go
https://youtu.be/bTwxHCHaoMo
Thank you so much for the link! That’s quite wonderful.
Most stunt driving is like hockey, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but this is like ice dancing.
Thank you!
I was lucky enough to be already living in Japan at the peak of the bubble economy. The car adverts were consistently brilliant.
Check out these S13 Silvia ads, starting from before the car was announced to build up expectations. You get a feeling of absolute confidence that Nissan had created an outstanding product, which they had.
https://youtu.be/i7CPvezwUJc?si=Sf3WZrjh64lmbncd
Wow. Japan gets Art Force and a beautifully sculpted automobile, and we just got the Space Force.
Love that song, but
“We skipped the light fandango
Turned cartwheels ‘cross the floor
I was feeling kinda seasick
But the crowd called out for more.”
And all that beach and ocean imagery just in case you missed the seasick line.
WTF? Sort of like those lower back tattoos that read “taste’s like chicken” in Chinese I guess .
Almost as good as that Rolling Stones Rice Krispies ad
https://youtu.be/jGKVQNtkdzw
Dang, 60 miles on two wheels?? Mighty extraordinary! Guess I’ll have to look into that, as I’m wondering how often (if at all) that Simca ended up either on its side or back on all four wheels and had to make use of a ramp to get back on two wheels to continue its journey.
Meanwhile, here’s a video from a 1978 Dutch TV program covering a two-wheel-driving competition with a Messerschmitt Kabinenroller providing a remarkable performance: https://youtu.be/InlFaERcPeA?si=RAKhd28h8KeN1Rjm
Note to self: Check the wheel bearings on any planned purchase of a used one.
In the Sixties my parents knew a couple who owned a Simca. Very nice people, very large people. Watching them climb in and out of the little car was a sight to behold. The man mentioned it was French every chance he got.
My parents bought a magnificent 1960 Chrysler Windsor new, and as a lad I remember being at the dealership and seeing a little Simcas in the corner of the showroom and wondering, “How did that thing get in here?”
You need to look for “Je te prendrai nue dans la Simca 1000” by Les Chevaliers du Fiel.
Perhaps Otto was conceived in the back of a Beetle.
Do the Spanish Dodge Dart article Do it!
I remember seeing them when I was in Spain in the 80s.. Very cool cars, clearly Dart-derived but also clearly adapted to Spanish and Euro tastes in a way that made them special on their own.
My mum had a green one of these – strangely enough, it replaced another of the Corvair chrome-strip round the belt line cars you listed, a Hillman Imp (also green). Really comfortable seats but the engine couldn’t hit the “70mph in 3rd racing a mainline train” thing she did with the Imp just past Prestonpans going to North Berwick. She beat the train, by the way!
Greetings from Scotland.
Some day, y’all are going to do the detective work to determine exactly which model Damaskas’ “Making Love in a Subaru” was based on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-IKoGt-Pk8A
“Don’t touch that for goodness sake, you’ll release the parking brake, and then we’ll go rolling down the street aieee!”
I was going to make this reference, but you beat me to it. “Making Love in a Subaru” was released in 1979. The Subaru cars that were sold in the US at that time were only badged by their trim level (DL or GL) but elsewhere, the model was called “Leone”. The Leone models sat on a 96″ wheelbase and were fairly cramped.
The first generation of Leone (A21/22/62/64/65) were the only Subaru models sold in the US from MY 1973-1979, so I have to assume that was what Damaskas was singing about. It’s also possible the song was about earlier models, like the “Kei” Subaru 360, which were even tinier.
That’s good detective work! 🙂
“What, like the back of a Volkswagen?”
– Mallrats (1995)
Simcapatico
I suspect the most difficult part of attempting to make love in a Simca 1000 is get your date to stop laughing.
Sounds like a personal problem here. /s
You’d at least have a little more street cred if it were a Simca 1000 Rallye.
I’m guessing the translation should be “that’s not the horn you should blow”, as that fits with the steering wheel being in the way and is also appropriately dirtier.
As my main car in high school, my dad’s Simca did not have a working fuel gauge. I did get good at faking it running out of gas while on dates, but was too good of a boy to do anything beyond “rescuing” us after confessing.
Being old as dirt I remember these very well when they new to the US.
My old man considered these vs a Beetle in 1960.
We got the Beetle. One of many to come.
And we all know given enough effort that may things are possible in a Beetle, right?
I say “blow the whistle!”
Do it now.
Now I say…
Consumer Reports really needs to start rating vehicles for sex-a-bility so songs like this don’t need to happen.
rear seat cramped, -2 points
dome light has hook for trapeze, +1 point
No squeaks in the suspension +1
No fixed rear armrest +2
Crotch vent +8
Bubble-dome windows -6
“Will it Baby(make)?”
Consumer Reports, After Dark edition
I took this photo of a photo on the wall at Kennedy Space Center because of the fascinating cars. A Ford Prefect, Simca 1000, and Peugeot 403 parked side by side in Florida must have been a rare sight, even when these cars were new.
https://imgur.com/a/BX1ADIF
Why on earth is this a 14-man (+1 caveman) band??
“Pillar” has a second connotation in Spanish, more fitting with the theme.
Not to kink-shame, but frunks & amber signals are a common theme for love by authors here.
This checks both boxes, so there are no surprises this makes a list.
The only thing I know about the Simca 1000 is that my grandparents owned one when my mom was little. For not being a car enthusiast, my mom sure does remember all the weird cars her parents had when she was young.
So the steering wheel is on the right side driving toward us, but on the left side when driving away?
AI has been hiding in the shadows for decades, waiting for it’s moment. The clues are there but nobody has been looking…
Good catch! The steering wheel in the front view looks like it was drawn in with a dying sharpie. Not sure what’s going on there.