One of the hardest and most clichéd facts to accept in life is that all good things must come to an end. The encore at your favorite artist’s concert, the final bite of that perfectly prepared steak from the fancy chophouse you’ve been saving up for, or the rollercoaster returning to its launch bay after 60 seconds of adrenaline-pumping, undulating thrills.
Maturing, at least for me, is recognizing that the low point that comes after such an insane dopamine rush is part of what makes the initial excitement worth it. Currently, we at The Autopian are going through our own “return to base” falling-action on one of our greatest sagas: It’s time for us to sell the Aztek.
The quirky crossover from the long-gone American brand Pontiac was welcomed by the car market with the same enthusiasm as one might welcome a kidney stone, with many calling the SUV one of the ugliest cars of all time. It was a car so cemented as the world’s collective punching bag that it was driven by someone whose very nature can only be looked at as the worst scourge in our society: a teacher. Only someone as sick as an educator could drive such a machine. (This is a Breaking Bad reference for those who don’t see the hyperlink).
The car was a bit before my time with this lovely publication, but watching from the sidelines and catching up on it after the fact gave me nothing but heavy belly laughs every time it was spoken about. Who else but us would be stupid enough to put it in hypercar parades in Monterey?
And while the car might not be that beautiful (although pretty enough for Hyundai to copy Pontiac’s homework), it was a rallying cry for the site. David didn’t just promise that we’d buy one if we got 200 new members, but he also said he’d daily the thing for a month and even live in it for a week. It may have been a lofty, masochistic ambition, but you all did it, and David had to pay the hilarious price for your commitment and generosity.
As for when I came along to the Aztek days, I had to put on a brave face and go to Porsche Santa Clarita with David for the launch of the Macan EV, all so I could watch him set up the factory tent and mattress pad (arguably GM’s rarest ever parts) so that he could camp in the PSC lot in the middle of a frigid December.
And on the note of beautiful tent, did we mention that we’re selling it with not one, but TWO of them, ready to go and deploy in parking lots everywhere?! And look at how small it folds up!
It’s taken us on trips that had me accompanying David to a haunting middle-of-nowhere town outside county lines so that David could buy an (admittedly awesome) ratty old truck; a night that saw me alone in the dark for what felt like hours with zero visibility and a sincere escape plan if I never heard from him again.
That drive home was also the first time I got to deal with the car’s self-driving eccentricity, which was easy to adapt to but still not recommended. Here’s Mercedes talking about it during the team’s trip here for last year’s Galpin Car Show:
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This is all a long way of saying: the car has been through so much and has been graced by nearly all of our sweaty, flatulent rears, but now, the jig is up. This beautiful beast could be yours, and if you don’t have the moxy for it, that’s fine too! Just look at the photos below and reminisce on the good times we had with it.
The Exterior
Overall, the exterior is pretty dang clean. Closer inspection will show some scratching and cracks on the front right fender from wild barbed wire that jumped in front of the car when we drove to get DT’s truck, and the headlights are a tinge foggy and yellow. Still work plenty fine though!
The Interior
Pretty much nothing wrong with the interior! Clean as can be; the only hangups you could really levy against it is whether or not you like old GM interior quality, especially some of them plastics (which I’m on record of being fond of). It’s even got a great condition center console lunch box!
The window switch on the driver’s door isn’t well secured, as the door plastic seems to have expanded a bit. The dash is decent, but the front edge may have also expanded a little, and the driver’s seat has a few extra creases than when new due to all the seat-time. But otherwise, the interior is nice!
The Elephants In The Room
Okay, its tires probably need to be replaced relatively soon here, and there’s a not zero underbody rust, but take it from me: it rides really well!
If you’re interested in making this historic machine yours, you can find the listing for the car here.
[Ed Note: We decided early this year to auction the Aztek off for charity, with all proceeds from the sale donated to Watch Duty, a volunteer platform and phone app for real-time wildfire information that proved essential during the recent Southern California Wildfires.
I was living in Santa Monica, which borders Pacific Palisades, and my wife has family near Altadena. Being able to track where fires were at any given moment, almost real-time, was a huge deal, and almost certainly saved lives.
Also, thank you Cars & Bids for a really nicely-done listing. -DT].
Rust? You call that rust?
That’s pretty damn clean from a Midwestern perspective.
I was gonna say, here in Ontario Canada, that’s the underbody of a 2 year old lease return.
That’s factory fresh by British Leyland standards.
Needs more un-loomed wiring running through the body with zero grommets.
Considering DT was around this it didn’t catch too much iron oxide
You know when the Aztec first came out I too thought it was the ugliest car that wasn’t in a Chevy Chase Vacation movie. Although once I discovered the Autopian and was introduced to so many ugly cars from Europe I decided it was only the ugliest car in America. Hell it is prettier than anything from France.
Peugeot 406 Coupe says you’re wrong buddy.
After going through Ssangyong, Aztek, Murano and Nissan NV200, how about finding a car with style, grace or beauty?
Yugo it is!
Been there, dumped that.
Yes, yes. We know about first Yugo. But what about S E C O N D Yugo?
What about elevensies? Luncheon? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Supper?
It’s just Yugos, all the way down.
Piece of car culture right here. Awesome C&B listing, and fantastic photography Griffin!
Is David throwing in the center console cooler he found at a junkyard?
I believe they said it included the lunchbox which I prefer is the same thing. Two tents and the lunchbox might be worth more than the car
If you’re trying to sell a car and you’re taking photos, you should either hire a photographer or talk to someone who knows how to shoot them. #1 easiest way to make photos look better it to ALWAYS turn the front wheels to show the rim, not the tread. You don’t want to see the car turning away from you, always turn them to show off face of the wheel. These pics look super amateurish, because of that. Hope this helps, I’ve auctioned a lot of cars for myself and others, and done all the photo/videography.
Yes I am sure the staff appreciates your expertise
I mean… Autopian is a pretty big site. Selling one of their cars is a big deal. Having someone just snap photos instead of doing a decent shoot is… not ideal.
As one of the “enthusiast poors” who would be in the market for something like this…not ONCE have I looked at a listing and thought “wow, this idiot turned the wheels the wrong way for the photo!” Nobody actually notices or cares.
As someone that’s made a significant amount of money flipping turds, hard disagree. Professional presentation helps command higher prices.
A professional photographer took the photos and wrote this story…
We think Griffin is great, because he is.
Wasn’t trying to offend anyone, sorry
Oh wow, of all the mistakes I could make today, this is easily the most appealing.
I laughed out loud at the pictures of the underbody disclosing the “rust”. This would automatically be, the least rusty Aztec in all of Upstate NY.
Cars And Bids literally just completed a sale on an Aztek yesterday for $16,400! Now it had just over 5,000 miles, was a great shade of yellow, and it’s a later model with the cladding painted to match the body color (I know this is one of society’s most divisive issues: is the Aztek better looking with the body matched or black cladding?… but I personally prefer the body matched cladding).
So yeah, that was likely the nicest specced Aztek you could possibly find in 2025 (who only drives an Aztek 5,000 miles in 20+ years?). Hopefully the Autopian association/marketing/charity will drive your price up a bit…but I gotta think $16,400 is now the Aztek ceiling in 2025.
https://carsandbids.com/auctions/3O1m4V6j/2003-pontiac-aztek?ss_id=a04e2ed9-eb7e-40cf-8e14-d5f04fca00e0&ref=pr_1_1
I guess the other bidder on that one might push the price up to 8K on this one.
Someone with pride and dignity?
Don’t know why but if I had the money and place to store it…..
You guys still have that? I thought you would have shipped it off to Adrian by now.
There appear to be zero Pontiac Azteks in the UK.
No wonder this country is going to the dogs!
If someone on the East coast were to buy this fine steed Would members of the Autopian staff drive it across the country for last madcap adventure?
If so, as a fellow east-coaster, I’d go in on that! 🙂
You’re trying to kill me here with these road trips, aren’t you?
Think of the bright side: If the CrossCab’s roof blows, you’ll get to stay nice and warm in the self-driving Aztek! 🙂
Yes, didn’t you realize it? I mean until you get an intern you’re it. Lol
No, we’re helping you see the country in your youth. We’re expanding your horizons, giving you memories that will last a lifetime (of therapy) and providing ample opportunities to document the world as it is today through street photography.
You’re welcome!
I’ll bring my Fred Herzog book with me for endless inspiration!
Bravo for donating to Watch Duty!!! Everyone around here in the flammable foothills of CA knows that identifying chime. When that sound is heard while in a store eveyone stops and whoever’s phone made the sound first, is looked at for the latest update. Great app, a really great cause to support.
Until it starts requiring seeing ads until you get to the information
We currently have 4 cars in my barn and 2 in my garage plus a Kubota tractor so I don’t think I have room for this plus I could only give you like tree fiddy for it.
Did y’all ever fix the acceleration problem that rendered this car a hazard to yourselves and everyone around you?
(I mean the excessive acceleration, not the lack thereof, which as I recall was a factory feature.)
Sadly, we did not.
You may want to disclose that more clearly in the ad. Y’all’s description made it sound like a genuine safety issue.
I do disclose that the engine revs on its own when warm, but I’ll specifically state that this yields acceleration that increases braking distances.
Thanks – happy you guys are auctioning it for such a good cause (also a Californian, also enjoy not being on fire), just wanna make sure we’re not also adding to the running tally of fires ????
You and me both.
David in the comments on the sale: “Here’s a video of me sleeping in it for a week!”
I’m beginning to understand why he has trouble getting rid of the cars he’s trying to ‘let go’
… true.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a solid tactic. “I promise honey, I posted it for sale, I included videos and everything!”
Truly if DT wasn’t such a Saint he would be the I know what I got guy selling a pile of rust for thousands of dollars
We all know that some eccentric millionaire will buy this, harvest any remaining David Tracy residue, and clone him to be a rust wrangler.
Right now the Russian military is cackling in anticipation of releasing their army of DT clones as field mechanics.
Little do they realize the DT is driven to fix anything at all with rust – a thousand years from now, the survivors of the war that never ended will pursue each other across the wastelands in a shockingly diverse collection of almost-but-not-quite-identical jeeps (this one has a manual! That one has a special diff!) in a never-ending slow speed chase that consumes the planet, as a swarm of DTs strips the remains of civilization for a baffling array of items useable in a pinch as a clever replacement for a part that stopped being available sometime before the Carter administration.
But they are all Holy Grails so we can’t use them to fight the war.
Bad idea DT creates rust he doesn’t stop it
The temptation is high, a festive gift for Adrian.
I was hoping we could get David to do some more camping in it before selling it off. Lol.
My exwife’s aunt had one of these when they were new. They are so ahead of their time they were unfairly criticized Are they ugly? Absolutely. Did they do everything they said they would do? Yup. Especially the AWD model. You can do (very) light offroading, it’s based on that gen’s minivans which were decent handling for what they were. Plus it was great for outdoor use with the rear speakers, tent, cooler console, etc. My ex and I almost got one but found a year old fully loaded Olds Silhouette she liked more, that unfortunately ate steering racks like breakfast cereal. If it had been released 10 later it would have probably been a hit.
You didn’t wonder why they were selling a nice van that was only a year old? I hear color blind people can’t see red (flags)
The best comment I ever read on the styling of the Aztek (paraphrasing): “It was as if two separate designers, completely unaware of the others existence started at each end and met in the middle.”
I believe the actual rarest GM part it has are the little plastic caps that fit over the seat’s jagged metal parts when folded down, so you don’t puncture your factory air mattress. That’s the autopian level of detail here!
Did the engine/transmission issues ever get fixed?
Indeed; I am happy to have contributed to the car community that bit of information about the rarest GM part of all time (88959212). It’s important stuff!
Sadly, engine still revs, transmission still bang-shifts.
Mercedes has a great laugh. And what’s more, she’s laughing at CERTAIN DEATH!
Aztek: “Does this tent make my butt look big?”
It’s good that both Aztents are included, and even better that the proceeds will go to a worthy cause. Huzzah!
If the Aztek (or anybody for that matter) asks, “Should I get bangs?,” break off eye contact and back out of the room. There is no right answer.
Or if it asks will you call me?
A rusty Aztek up to $3,400 already! It must be the celebrity owner.
Proof that “rusty” is subjective!
I grew up in Michigan. It isn’t “need a torch to get off every bolt rusty” but I certainly wouldn’t touch it after living 25 years in the South and West.
“It’s time for us to sell the Aztek”
*cough* pump and dump *cough*
Well, we can’t pump the gas because the engine does that for us already.
Maybe not but the tent appears to be doing its own pump and dump.