A lot can ride on a name. It can be the difference between making it through middle school fine or not, the reason for seeing blue text under the “family” section of a celebrity’s Wikipedia page, and in the world of cars, the difference between a success and a flop. After all, could you imagine having to explain to someone you’re collecting from the airport that you’ll be arriving in a Daihatsu Naked? Anyway, names often mean something, which is why we want to know what car drives the most like its name.
Earlier this month, a reader named Bobby emailed in with a great question: “What vehicle’s name is the most fitting description of what it’s like to own or drive it?” Think of it as taking the high end of the Parisienne Index and expanding it out across all possible experiences. The Pontiac Parisienne feels more like Paris, Texas than Paris, France, although early ones lean more towards Paris, Ontario. The Renault 4 Parisienne, on the other hand? That thing’s ready to rub fenders with the finest sheetmetal circling the Arc de Triomphe. See what I mean?
Thanks to product planning departments’ tendencies to go with evocative names, we’ve had a lot of good candidates over the years, very few of which are alphanumerics. I suppose the McLaren MP4-12C is a bit of an exception because it’s rather complicated and serves up speed with the ease of microwaving a Hot Pocket, but that’s a bit contentious.
Now, that’s not to say that all car names that are words fit the experience perfectly. A Ford Probe sounds more uncomfortable than it is, a Chevrolet Celebrity probably won’t make you feel famous, and while I don’t know what a chimera between a tiger and an iguana would drive like, it probably wouldn’t have much in common with the Volkswagen Tiguan.
Instead, I’m going to kick things off with something obvious: the Lincoln Town Car. Indeed, this lineage of body-on-frame behemoths from the luxury arm of Ford all share one core component of DNA, the fact that each one drives like a car the size of a town. Even in the smallest 215.3-inch-long 1998 to 2002 model, you still feel like you’re sitting at least two zip codes back from the front bumper, and the trunk is large enough to qualify as a subdivision.
So, what car do you reckon drives the most like its name? Perhaps something with the name of an animal, or a verb as a name, or something that reminds you of the rugged outdoors. As ever, leave your creative answers in the comments below. I can’t wait to read them.
[Hat-tip to Bobby Pridgen!]
Top graphic image: Lincoln
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Subaru STI. Now that STD’s have been changed to STI’s (sexually transmitted infection)
A cybertruck with FSD
The MR2? Cause it can seat two misters, sort of
Jeep Llanero – rides like you’re always driving across open fields. Or riding on horseback.
Cadillac Brougham. Nobody ever pronounces it correctly, its always the ghetto cringe BRO-HAM.
The worst part is the car will even tell you how to correctly pronounce its name if you ask it. Give it a quick stab of the gas while its in park. The engine goes BROAM.
Mazda Roadster drives like a roadster.
The Honda Fit, because you can fit lots of stuff in them.
And it fits wherever you choose to park it, too.
My mom’s 1979 Mercury Grand Marquis was pretty grand, with its power everything and sumptuous burgundy velour interior.
Suzuki “Low-Self” Esteem
Matra Rancho, an excellent compact vehicle for inspecting your ranch
I always felt like my Fleetwood D’Elagance drove exactly like it sounded. Soft and floats in the city, absolute lavish leather accommodations, many cool power features that many cars didn’t get until the late 90’s and some pretty good speed on the highways.
Dodge Die-Nasty
Was my company car in early the 1990’s. It was teal. It was nasty to drive. It was always wounded but would never die.
Acura Legend, since they kind of are in the OG hip hop crowds.
ah man there is one for sale in my area, it only 5 grand asking, and it looks like it has been kept perfect, like absolutely spotless, all stick and just under 200k miles.
i am so close to just getting it.
In case you need help, just go get it.
Dodge Aspen. Very accurate to say its a pen containing your ass.