Let’s say you have a time machine, why not? It’s not a great time machine, though; you ordered it from Temu, and it feels pretty janky, made of brittle-seeming plastics and terrible upholstery. Plus, what looked like a sophisticated control panel in the ad turns out to be just a decal with two buttons on it. One is labeled “50 YEARS AGO,” and the other says “RETURN TO PRESENT.” The only other control is a long, spindly lever just cryptically labeled “ADJUSTMENT.” There’s no cupholder. The one good thing about it is that, when fully expanded, it’s easily big enough to hold a car.
In reading through the instructions, you find out a few things: it runs on a strange mix of vinegar, goat blood, and paraffin in a 10:5:9 ratio, it can only take you back exactly 50 years, and anything living that wishes to travel in it must be wearing a full latex bodysuit. So what are you going to do with this thing now that you’ve spent almost $138 on it? Going back 50 years isn’t enough for the time machine staple of killing Baby Hitler or anything like that, so what would be fun in 1976? Watch Operation Tall Ships as part of the Bicentennial Celebration? Visit a McDonald’s that still knew nothing of the McRib? Fly on the first Concorde flights? I have a better idea.
Buy a car.
Here’s how you’re going to do it: using 2026 technology, you’ll forge yourself a perfect cashier’s check for $50,000, which should be enough to buy you whatever car you want. You should probably trailer the time machine to locations or cities where you know the most car dealer options are available, so you have as many to pick from as possible. This is a time machine, not a space machine, after all. You may also want to bring clothes other than the latex bodysuit the machine demands you wear; that’s your call.
But what do you pick? There are so many possibilities! What about an MG Midget? 
Or maybe something really ’70s, like a Pacer?
…or a Mercury Capri? Those were pretty fun!
What if you wanted to be a real sicko and get something like a Pontiac Sunbird, so you can bring it back and be almost certain to have the best Sunbird in the world in 2026?
I bet you could do the same with a Volare:
A minty ’76 Suburban could be a fun counter to all the modern SUVs:
How about a really early Honda Accord? You never see those on the road anymore?
You could go weird and get a Lancia Gamma! I never said these had to be reliable cars, after all!
For me, I might be predictable and just go for a nice, fresh, new VW Beetle. I think a convertible. 
What would you pick? Assuming, as I mentioned, you have to physically get the time machine to the location you want it to be in on your own? Sky’s the limit! Well, I guess the limit is a forged $50,000 cashier’s check, which reminds me, you should probably head back to the future as soon as you can after buying the car, in case anyone gets wise.
Top graphic image: Volkswagen
I am going to assume that the magical time machete can hold all that I can buy for 50K. If this is the case I’d buy a bunch of cheap used cars. A Lamborghini Muira, Ferrari Daytona convertible, Ferrari GTO, Ferrari 250 LM, Bizzarini 5300 GT, Alfa Romeo T33 Stradale, 70 Hemi Cuda convertible should fit in the 50K limit.
If I can only have one, then the Bizzarini 5300 GT.
Any of these should be worth a million or more at auction.
I remember reading the classified in the buff books of the day R&T, Motor Trend and Car and Driver. Leno always mentions that back in the day you could buy Euro and North American cars for pennies.
Time machete? ????
Mobile keyboard and old guy fingers.
Just realized my emoji didn’t translate. I thought it made for a funny typo. Encourages the imagination.
280Z.Because I probably couldn’t afford to buy a Pantera back in 1976 either.
You get to take a $50,000 check with you so that will easily buy a Pantera
And although no longer sold int he us you do get the seemingly better Aussie Head design in 76 on the 351.
Looking at the world today… maybe just stay in 1976. With a bit of knowledge one could have made a killing by the ’80s.
Actually, that’s kinda the plot of The Door Into Summer.
A Saab 99, obviously.
If not that, then I’ll take a nice Ferrari 512 BB.
Was scrolling through and seeing if someone already claimed the 99! If I go back in time I just want something weird and unlike anything on the market now, and naturally I thought of Trollhättan.
I’d get a Group 4 Lancia Stratos and try to invest the remainder so I can afford the medical procedures necessary to comfortably drive it once I return to this era.
Loaded 1976 K5 Blazer or Spirit of 76’ edition Buick Century
New: Chevy Monza with the V8. Used, a Superbird, AMC SC360, or a ’70 AMC Amx 401 4 speed.
thing is if we get into used, you could have such things as 73 Super Duty Trans Am’s, but also basically every muscle car of the era, even super cars.
Hmm, I wouldn’t buy a car with a forged check today, and I don’t think it would be any more ethical I’m the past. Luckily, I can spare a couple grand, and with the power of reverse inflation (assuming they don’t look at the dates on the bills!), you can buy a lot of car with that! I’m not really sure what car I’d go for, but maybe an old Toyota Land Cruiser FJ40?
76 model year ? VW thing. Maybe an international pickup and scout. Lots of used super cars that were just cheap old cars. Maybe a super bird and a 340 duster. Hemi cuda.
Jason, reading your articles on a daily basis for several years, your column should be titled “Inside Jasons Head”. I’m always amazed at what is in there.
Personally, in 1976 for $50k I would have purchased 25 pristine used Datsun 1972 240Z’s, transported them back to today and sold them for an average today price of $35k. $35 x 25 =$875,000. Not enough to retire on but certainly more than chump change.
Porsche 911 Targa
Triumph TR6
Ferrari 308
Lotus Esprit
I-H Scout Pick-up
Volvo 245 Wagon
I’d buy a MB 450 SEL 6.9 for about $40k (1976s dollars). Then I’d have two.
Used cars were a much better value even then. I think you could still pick up a Ferrari 250 GTO for about $15,000. You could certainly get a Mercedes Gullwing for maybe half that or less.
I was gonna say, there’s a lot of multimillion GOATs that were considered “just some old race car” in 1976. I can’t think of anything you could buy new in a showroom that year with a comparable level of appreciation.
I remember looking at Porsche 356s around then because you could get decent examples for under $5K.
VW Scirocco.
I’m at least the third person to say it, but Pantera. It’s been my dream car since high school… It was a much newer car then.
I regret not doing the ride a bicycle from coast to coast “Bikecentenial” . It was set up to be so easy. I forget what kept me from doing that.
I tried to buy an Accord in 1976, and after 5 months on a waiting list I got a used VW Dasher. The dasher was a great car.
I feel like if I only get to choose one, new off the lot in ’76, it needs to be a large personal luxury coupe of some kind. I guess Cordoba because my grandfather apparently had one. Although I wouldn’t turn down a Mark IV, Eldorado, Cutlass, Electra, etc. It should really have “Brougham” in the name too, but oh well.
I don’t see anything preventing nested time jumps.
Jump 1 2025-1976
Jump 2 1976-1926
Throw everything into the stock market and instruct your rightfully skeptical broker to SELL SELL SELL in September 1929. Use the proceeds to short the HELL out of the market and to use those proceeds to BUY BUY BUY at the trough afterwards, then to follow a rough roadmap of how and what to trade to trade for the next 50 years assuming even with Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin and Tojo dead ( Because of COURSE they need to go down too) the general trend of the market stays on track.
Return to 1976 and use the massive fortune generated to buy all the cars and all the fancy Bel Air and Beverly Hills climate controlled garages to store them in. Then it doesn’t matter what POS you bring back. Return to present and live large with a house and auto collection even Jay Leno would kill for.
But if there is only one jump allowed it’s hands down a Chrysler Cordoba. That Soft Corinthian Leather is only new once after all.
With $50K? in 1976 to buy ONE car? Easy-peasy. A brand new Mercedes Benz 450SEL 6.9.
If I can have a garage full – I’d love a Beetle convertible, or perhaps a Fiat X1/9, and a shiny new Peugeot 604. Maybe a Mercedes 280CE with the sublime twincam. A Saab 99EMS for giggles. A BMW 2002tii of course. $50K was a LOT of money in 1976 to spend on cars. My grandparents built their new house that I grew up in in ’77 for ~$25k, not including the land. Might be able to get all of the above for $50K new then. Though the 280CE was EXPENSIVE at about $17K. The Peugeot was only $11K or so. Probably make more sense to get a MUCH cheaper 504D wagon instead – need some sort of practical hauler in there. That might leave room for a deal on a new leftover ’74 Series Land Rover! Last year they were sold new in the US. I think my uncle paid about $4K for the one he bought new in ’73.
Except for the Land Rover, your fake garage and mine could be twins.
From the 70’s to circa 2010’s, there are SO MANY cars I would love to have, with the peak probably being about 1990. Some in the 50’s and 60’s, basically zero today.
Series Land Rovers are great fun! I learned to drive in one, so they will always have a place in my heart.
If used cars are allowed, I’m getting the best Ferrari 250 I can find. Either a 250 GT California Spyder, a 250 GTO, or a GT SWB. Not just for the appreciation mind you. Those cars are painfully beautiful.
With $50k in 1976 dollars, why are Torch’s choices so plebeian?
I was going to say Ferrari Daytona or Lamborghini Miura, but they’re too old. I’ll have to settle for a Countach. Or Nikki Lauda’s 312T F1 car from 1975. Maybe a Tyrell P34 six wheeler.
> why are Torch’s choices so plebeian?
Is this your first time reading a Torch article? The man is interplanetarily notorious for loving cheap cars.
1976 me would buy, if I could afford it, a Mercedes-Benz W116 with the OM617 diesel, which I still would be driving today.
For $50K you could have bought almost three of the diesel sedans in ’76. Buy one diesel to daily, and a 280CE to keep for high days and holidays. If you kept them out of salt you’d still be driving both for sure.
$10 for a pair of sneakers to get me to the local Merrill Lynch branch, then the rest of the dough in MNST stock (I would probably have had to pay about $1k in fees though).
If cars mandatory – however many Land Cruisers $50k would buy, hands down.
2002 all the way.
Great answer. I’ve got a treasured Hot Wheels 2002, which is as close as I’m ever gonna get
I have a friend who is working on bringing the carcass of a 2002 back to life. 5 years in and… well, he’d really appreciate a new one about now, lol.
No question – the Capri with the V6. I had a ’72 with the 2 liter four-banger and it was a great car. I loved it, but I never stopped wanting the 6.