Let’s say you have a time machine, why not? It’s not a great time machine, though; you ordered it from Temu, and it feels pretty janky, made of brittle-seeming plastics and terrible upholstery. Plus, what looked like a sophisticated control panel in the ad turns out to be just a decal with two buttons on it. One is labeled “50 YEARS AGO,” and the other says “RETURN TO PRESENT.” The only other control is a long, spindly lever just cryptically labeled “ADJUSTMENT.” There’s no cupholder. The one good thing about it is that, when fully expanded, it’s easily big enough to hold a car.
In reading through the instructions, you find out a few things: it runs on a strange mix of vinegar, goat blood, and paraffin in a 10:5:9 ratio, it can only take you back exactly 50 years, and anything living that wishes to travel in it must be wearing a full latex bodysuit. So what are you going to do with this thing now that you’ve spent almost $138 on it? Going back 50 years isn’t enough for the time machine staple of killing Baby Hitler or anything like that, so what would be fun in 1976? Watch Operation Tall Ships as part of the Bicentennial Celebration? Visit a McDonald’s that still knew nothing of the McRib? Fly on the first Concorde flights? I have a better idea.
Buy a car.
Here’s how you’re going to do it: using 2026 technology, you’ll forge yourself a perfect cashier’s check for $50,000, which should be enough to buy you whatever car you want. You should probably trailer the time machine to locations or cities where you know the most car dealer options are available, so you have as many to pick from as possible. This is a time machine, not a space machine, after all. You may also want to bring clothes other than the latex bodysuit the machine demands you wear; that’s your call.
But what do you pick? There are so many possibilities! What about an MG Midget? 
Or maybe something really ’70s, like a Pacer?
…or a Mercury Capri? Those were pretty fun!
What if you wanted to be a real sicko and get something like a Pontiac Sunbird, so you can bring it back and be almost certain to have the best Sunbird in the world in 2026?
I bet you could do the same with a Volare:
A minty ’76 Suburban could be a fun counter to all the modern SUVs:
How about a really early Honda Accord? You never see those on the road anymore?
You could go weird and get a Lancia Gamma! I never said these had to be reliable cars, after all!
For me, I might be predictable and just go for a nice, fresh, new VW Beetle. I think a convertible. 
What would you pick? Assuming, as I mentioned, you have to physically get the time machine to the location you want it to be in on your own? Sky’s the limit! Well, I guess the limit is a forged $50,000 cashier’s check, which reminds me, you should probably head back to the future as soon as you can after buying the car, in case anyone gets wise.
Top graphic image: Volkswagen
A brand spanking new W123 300D because I know it will survive the next 50 years.
I was also thinking that a Merc would be just about the only thing worth going for.
At $50k I think you could by all of them. I’d go with a Jensen Healey aor Jensen Healey Interceptor
Used Ferrari 250 GTO. If it has to be new, Lamborghini Countach as I think that would be about the most valuable car from 1976 today.
So many possibilities! Mix ‘n match amongst the following:
Travels 50 years into the past. Misses Earth by around 400 billion kilometers.
(sad trombone)
If you went back EXACTLY 50 years, wouldn’t Earth be in the same spot/orientation, or are there wobble effects?
I’m no astronomer, but I’ve watched enough Neil deGrasse Tyson to know that the solar system is constantly orbiting the galactic center.
I was also being annoyingly pedantic.
Of course. File me as yet another time traveler who never came back.
Earth is screaming through space at 1.3 million mph
https://youtu.be/npq_yb-xLmw
None of the sci-fi scenarios address that. Have to get some theoretical physics theories to determine when and if mass and momentum get isolated in a space-time bubble.
Pocket dimension is necessary, but the energy expenditure is catastrophic.
Just drop all those freeloading Higgs bosons. o mass is soo freeing.
Sure they do, it’s called wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff.
Doctor Who is considered hard sci-fi, right?
Dr.Seuss Who?
That’s why you always have to remember your pocket dimension when you time travel, that way you can emerge back into this universe exactly where the Earth needs to be.
This would of course release so much energy that it would destroy the solar system, but you gotta break a few eggs to make an omelette!
I’m buying a 1976 Plymouth Trailduster and with the rest of the money I’m buying stock in Chrysler, Wendy’s, Starbucks, and VHS.
Heck hunt down Elon Musk and invest in him
Ummmmmm. Cringe
ya no
50g in 1976 is very generous, equivalent to $285g today. I was 12 then and recall a sweet Toyota 2000gt on a lot nearby, and a Lamborghini across the way. I never buy new.
I don’t need fifty grand, and for me there is exactly one choice: a brand-new and therefore completely rust-free 1976 Volkswagen Scirocco. I can’t remember if they had fuel injection by then, or if that came along in ’77, but it doesn’t matter.
I was thinking that myself, since my 78 Scirocco succumbed to rust. I think fuel injection was a limited model in the US, but this is fantasy so grab a first year Scirocco GTI from Germany and get K-Jetronic and more power
Brand new Scirocco does not imply rust-free Scirocco.
I think they were still carburetted in ’76. At least my ’76 Rabbit was carb’ed. My ’78? Rabbit that I had later on, had CIS injection.
The problem is if I have to go back to 2026. 1976 cars have to be smogged in California. Go back a couple more years.
Ugh, the least worst choice is a Civic or Accord.
You’d only need a tenth of the seed money, but We’ll see in a couple of days what kind of investment return that could generate!
Wow.
That period was peak Mercedes Benz. Buy two or three of those and you, your kids, and their kids will have something to drive until they die.
I don’t need to back that far.
The Honda Element is the car that I regret not getting.
Or a BMW E30M3 when prices weren’t stupid.
Too bad it’s 50 years or nothing.
I suspect fifty grand wouldn’t cover a US example even if it was available in the US, since it was priced at $20,000 in 1966 when it won a Car and Driver luxury sedan comparison when Bretton Woods was still a thing, but I’d go for a Mercedes-Benz 600 sedan (as tempting as a Pullman or landaulet would be, those aren’t quite owner-driven kinds of cars.) I imagine it would have to be commissioned, which might be a problem with the forged check even if it is enough to cover it, but a little historical research on exchange rates would let me determine whether or not I needed to make the purchase in Stuttgart. (Given the number of 600s bought by dictators, I doubt there would be that many questions asked until I could high-tail it back to the future, and maybe I could get a dictator to order a spare and leave him with the worthless paper.)
My 560SEL was $60k in 1986 dollars including the options and gas-guzzler tax. And there was a lot of inflation between 1976 and 86. So 50 grand in 1976 should buy you quite a lot of Mercedes.
My quick check says $20k in 66 was about 35k in 76, but jumped to a whopping $68k by 1986.
If budget allowed a LWB presidential landaulet please, cream interior, 904 blue exterior.
Easy… definitely a 76 Chrysler New Yorker!
This is a good car. Fuselage Chryslers are awesome
For me, a De Tomaso Pantera.
Be enough parts to keep the engine running just fine here in the future for some time.
Huh? What do you mean that 50 year old cars aren’t from the 1950s?
</brain stuck in 2009>
The 50s were 60 by 2009.
Volvo 242 with the new for ’76 overhead cam B21 and M46 4+ OD manual. And a spin through the R-Sport catalog.
IF I could swing it, a 262 w/M46, instead. (Not the Bertone Thunderbork, just a plain two-door)
C110 GT-R.
Why? As you said, the destination is 1976.
I’ll stick with your $50k limit, as it lines up nicely with the max 401k loan you can do and is probably the most money I could get on somewhat short notice. I’d then time machine to 1976 and gray market import a euro spec 1976 Countach, which Google says was about $42k-$52k new.
Not sure on price, but a privateer 935, the 3.0 CSL Art Car by Frank Stella, or a Stratos would also be hard to not also pick up.
You may as well get an exotic, such as a Ferrari, since you know it will appreciate like crazy and you could spec it out before you go. Then you can sell it for zillions of dollars, since there would literally be nearly zero milage on it. then you can buy whatever you want NOW!
Hell why stop there just get a Countach LP400
This is my answer.
Too bad the magic time box can’t hold more than one; that’d get you three brand-new Dinos, so you could sell two and still have a million bucks and a driver.
Ya but by 76 the only New dino was the 308.
I bet you could still scoop up some ’74 246s! Or half a dozen lightly-used 206s!
Ya but I thought the exercise was NEW cars. Hell if you open the coffers to the used car market, ya buy every used 246 and 206, every old Porsche and a half dozen other cars that were worthless in 76 but are million dollar cars now, not to mention all the Type 2 safari’s you can.
I wouldn’t mind a Ferrari Daytona
If I could make it 55 years ago, the choice would be a 1971 Fiat 124 Spider. That year has the well-loved 1608cc engine and the small, chrome bumpers. Bellissima! Or, if I were somehow well-to-do, a Porsche 930 turbo.
All of the 911s. As many as I could afford. It is insane how they could barely give them away at one point but they’re worth six figures a piece today
I think you could get at least 50 356s for $50k. Talk about worthless back in the day.
Oh that’s even better! Yes, I would get as many 356 Porsches as I could. They’re worth even more money!
Its a tough question to ask because you would have to assume that I would be in the same life position that I am in today at 50 years old. I just sold my GR Supra for a Genesis G80. That would mean I traded in my let’s say my 260Z for something like a Volvo 240 OR Mercedes-Benz 280 (Imported sports coupe for an imported luxury car).
Honestly if given that choice I would really rather have the 280Z in 76 because that is such a cool car but the MB is the choice for me.
On second thought, maybe a BMW 630CSi
Ekzellent choices, both.
That came out in ’77 no?
The 630CSi came out in January 1976
Here in the US the first model year was the 1977 630csi
Based on what i make, uhhhhh. Shit ’76 is a ROUGH year for cars.
High-Boy F250 RCLB with a stick i suppose.
I’m interpreting RCLB as Rich Corinthian Leather Boi and I will not be corrected.
Porsche 914. I so wanted one back then.
Good call, I’ve always liked them too. I know they’re a headache, but they’ve always just screamed German version of a British roadster to me.