What If Jaguar Applies Its Controversial New Brutalist Aesthetic To A Palace-On-Wheels SUV?

Picture me showing up to some Autopian shindig in a battery-powered, electroluminescent fuchsia jacket that glowed brightly enough to be spotted from a full quarter-mile. “Geez, that’s horrendous,” says Torch. “Your bald head is distraction enough, but this thing will cause nearby aircraft to crash!” I go back to my suite and return some minutes later, now in a pale pink jacket; everyone seems to really like it. “Much better, we’ve got a Palm Springs realtor among us now, very nice!”

You see what happened there? Had I appeared in the pink sports coat first, it likely wouldn’t have been as well received. But as plan B to a literally neon fuschia jacket, suddenly plain ol’ pink is much more palatable. By pushing boundaries nearly to absurdity and then backing off, you can reduce the shock of something different.

I think Jaguar might be doing the same sort of thing with its Type 00. To bolster my theory, I’ll apply the controversial new aesthetic to a rather mainstream vehicle – a luxury SUV – which may well be the brand’s ultimate goal. See if you agree.

Put That Cat Back In The Bag?

Advertising is one of the few places where you can legally mess with people’s heads and get paid handsomely to do so. Often marketing just tells us what we want to hear, how something will make us popular and happy if we sign up for sixty months’ worth of payments. Other times, brands challenge us to question our opinions of what is “right” with an Emperor’s New Clothes approach. “I see what’s happening here: you’re too basic to understand what we’re doing here.” You reluctantly follow along, and then, without warning, they even change the script halfway through. There are those who believe Jaguar is currently playing such a game with us now.

Jaguar’s controversial rebranding and launch of the block-like Type 00 concept have many of us thinking Jag gang have lost their minds. Some thought it might have been a joke or an attention-getting scheme; if so, it certainly succeeded in providing more press for the Coventry firm than they’ve had in years. The car itself is almost irrelevant.

Even if the 00 were The Most Beautiful Car In The World In Everyone’s Book, a massive, very-high-dollar, low-slung fastback car is never going sell in significant numbers (even though we are told the production version of this thing will have four doors). The whole market for such a body style has virtually evaporated. Only a boutique brand can survive on the 10,000 or so of these things they could likely shift at best in today’s world.

It crossed my mind the other day that maybe this 00 concept isn’t what this new brand language is about after all. No, this vision is for a totally different kind of Jaguar vehicle; the one that will sell in bigger, far more profitable numbers.

Jagrover

Many signs point to my possible end-game conclusion. Adrian Clarke’s insightful review of the Concept 00 mentions that many of the aesthetic elements of this new design appear to be rather Range Rover-like.

Also in the side view, particularly in the bottom half, I’m seeing some Range Rover. The crisp shoulder line, the kick-up of the tail behind the rear wheel, and the feature line along the bottom of the bodyside all scream Range Rover. This is exacerbated by the verticality of the front and rear of the car – the new full-size Range Rover and Sport have sharply docked tails.

Indeed, that observation is very evident with a quick look at the legendary off-road brand’s flagship:

Of course, a big and blunt front end with a heavy side profile probably should have no place on a sports GT, or at least not on one that’s supposed to be a descendant of Sir William Lyon’s masterpieces.

Yet what about a new Jaguar SUV with that so-called distorted Range Rover appearance? We know that the Jaguar brand is already a player in that field with the “Pace” crossover models. They’re nice-looking rides, though nothing about them really stands out to put them on my list of must-drives in the luxury crossover category. The 00 aesthetic would make them stand out, but would it be like a sore thumb? Let’s find out.

Jag-Off Road

Time for some AI design work, and that’s “AI” as in A-hole Idiot work with a Pilot Razor Point and Photoshop. Yeah, no “prompts” into Midjourney here; it’s old school for me or, well, no school. I’ll start by superimposing a shape like that Jaguar 00 onto a current Range Rover, as you can see here. By the way, if you want to draw cars in any manner that even remotely resembles how professionals work do NOT EVER do things this in this arcane screwed-up way.

Now let’s do our coloring book work and see how this “00-Pace” thing fleshes out.

Well, would you look at that. The exaggerated, long hood of the 00 GT car is now nicely truncated, and that blunt front end seems right at home on a light truck. Thick side profile? Perfect for an SUV. Still not my ideal aesthetic, but it doesn’t look as cartoonish as on that poor E-Type-adjacent 00. I did move the low front “driving lights” up higher to help break up the front mass, but I kept that downward sloping arc on the rear fender that sort of matches the front and “pinch” both ends of this big Jag.

In the back, the strange residential-HVAC-return-vent grille of the 00 works better on the SUV, and it serves as a lower tailgate section of a two-part rear hatch opening.

The upper section might feature a real rear window, but I’m imagining that we could use glass with either body-color-one-way-tint or even an LCD system that would turn it to opaque body color with the push of a button. The lack of a rear window doesn’t even look as delivery-van-like as I feared.

The end result is a bit of a cross between a clean, tapered-in Range Rover and the imposing and blocky Rolls-Royce Cullinan. Considering that this Jag SUV would likely land somewhere between the mid-$100,000 price of the Rover and the half-million sticker on the Rolls, then this style might be perfect.

Hold on, though. This Jaguar crossover will offer features far above its station and challenge the one with the Spirit of Ecstasy on the hood for conspicuous and hedonistic luxury options. Step inside…

Pull Up On The Leaper And Let’s Go

The interior concept that we’ve seen for the Jaguar 00 is rather striking, though it’s very much a concept. At least, that’s what we would assume since I don’t imagine travertine marble plinths supporting cantilevered seats and brass guillotine-style blades along the center console and doors being part of a production car.

There are giant screens that flip up, which means they’ll likely be raised the entire time the thing is being driven, plus no visible switches or controls anywhere in sight.

I’ll try to preserve as much of this aesthetic as possible, but make it more functional.

That center console will drop down a bit, and the knife-edge brass will now be an inset horizontal surface trim, part of which will serve as a touch-sensitive touch pad. What about “gear” selection? Well, one thing that is missed about Jaguars is the old “bonnet leaper”, or silver Jaguar cat ornament that sat on the hood above the grille. We won’t put a hood ornament on this new-age Jag, but plopping it on the brass section of the console would make for a really cool “gear” lever. That’s right; yank up on the chrome cat to engage drive, push down to go backwards (actually push twice, since once is neutral and three times is park). To stop you from inadvertently activating it, there’s a sensor that detects your pinky located in, well, the chrome cat’s private parts area.

An EV really doesn’t really require many instruments, so the thin strip of gauges and prominent HUD will be all a driver needs. Displays at the extreme ends of the gauge strip show driver and passenger cabin temperature settings, adjusted by switches on the door panels. Outside temp and weather forecast are displayed dead center.

If you want a map or additional display that’s more than the strip or the heads-up, a screen can rotate around in the center top of the dash. If Jaguar really wants to “copy nothing,” then the whole trend of full-width LCD dash is the first thing they should ditch. Like those calculator watches in the eighties with a bunch of buttons on them, just because you can make it doesn’t mean that you should. Note that the brass finish trim piece terminates at the dashboard with an analog clock, since I think a timepiece with physical hands is crucial for any luxury car.

In all, it’s a drastic departure from the Range Rover and a far quieter and restrained display of opulence than the Rolls. However, there are still options to let you upstage the Cullinan at your next outdoor “do” as the Brits say. Check a few boxes on your Jaguar 00-Pace order form, and you’ll be rewarded with features that turn this luxurious SUV into a dining and cocktail destination.

So, you show up at the polo match in your British Racing Green E-Type, followed by a few of your staff members in your 00-Pace. These trusted employees of yours open the tailgate and hatch; a panel on the hatch opens to allow “hanging” lights to fold down. On the tailgate, a multi-tier base folds out to create a surface for all of your lovely treats, hors d’oeuvres, and crustless sandwiches.

What about some much-needed libations to go with these eats? Mosey around to the front of the 00-Pace and you’ll see a fully stocked bar setup in matching decor (including the same style of hanging “chandelier” lights) with a sink and small refrigerator below.

Mind you, the entire bar unit can unclip and slide out of the frunk on fold-down legs with wheels to move away for storage at home, when it isn’t being used.

Another option includes seating in the tailgate or frunk areas, because we all need a place to rest our legs at a polo match. For the record, I would have yelled at Princess Diana for sitting on the bonnet of my 1969 DB6 Volante just like Chuck did. That’s fragile al-you-min-ee-um a bunch old guys beat perfectly into shape with a mallet, ma’am!

00 and 00-Pace? Is That A Double “No”?

If Jaguar’s rebranding is meant to revive the brand, it’s almost guaranteed that a crossover-type vehicle will be part of that plan. In fact, it will likely be the most important part of that plan; a volume seller product is the only thing that can truly bring this great marque back to life. It must be remembered that essentially any substantially new Jag is going to be a lightning rod for controversy; many hated the XJ-S when it debuted in 1975 or the so-called “neutered cat” XJ40 in 1986. Also, if the plan is to move upmarket into the rarified air of near-$200,000 vehicles, then they’ll need something special to do that.

As jarring as some might find the appearance of this big pink SUV to be, at least now the public has already seen a very polarizing 00 GT-style concept. Like it or loathe it, they’ve certainly become more attuned to the look. With this brand language applied to an SUV as I’ve done, where it arguably fits much better, it’s possible that the market will be ready to accept it with their checkbooks.

Maybe we’ve all been played after all?