Sorry, I don’t mean to dunk on Altima owners here, or the Altima itself. Nothing wrong with driving an Altima of any vintage. That said, Big Altima Energy has been a thing for a good long while now, and even if the model association isn’t truly deserved, the specific energy being attributed to it is certainly real, and predates the Altima itself. We have all encountered the type, as well encapsulated in the Reddit post below: “BAE means being as trashy as possible, as overly confident as possible, and as egotistical as possible while not having a reason to.”
Spacer
I think the additional detail in a reply to the post is apt:
An Altima driver doesn’t care that their front bumper is missing. That RAM that was tailgating them? Well, the Altima brake checked them and speed off to “teach them a lesson.” They’ll gladly weave in an out of traffic whilst scrolling on their phone […] If you are in the way they won’t mind collecting another dent. All that matters to them is getting to their destination ASAP, and as long as the car is still running, they’ll do it again.
Yep, that’s Big Altima Energy, alright. And I think the other cars called out for oozing BAE above are well picked, but they certainly aren’t the only ones, which brings us to today’s Ask:
What Not-Altimas Have The Biggest Altima Energy?
It’s easy to call out the various ten-plus-year-old sports/muscle/hot-hatchs favored by the yoofs as having BAE, but I think that’s a different kind of bravado. That said, I do get big BAE (yes, “big big Altima energy) from any well-clapped-out S197 Mustang still on its stock wheels, and the V6 models are probably going to be even more sketchy, driver-behaviour-wise, than the GTs. See also Chargers of the same vintage, but less frequently Camaros and Challengers. Don’t ask me why, that’s just the vibe I get.
The Bishop called out the Chevy Cruze, which I would not have thought of, but yeah, that tracks. It even looks sorta like a second-gen Altima if you squint hard, like really hard, and the Cruze’s grille is smashed up as seen here.
Let’s hear from you. What cars fill up your rearview mirror with Big Altima Energy (and existential dread, one assumes)?
Top graphic image: Nissan
A] The few remaining Pontiac cars on the road
B] There’s a sub-genre of used up, clapped out, 4th owner BMWs around these parts that have BAE that make Altima drivers look normal.
Any Teenage kid in a small rural town with a Pontiac from the 90’s (especially if its supercharged).
1st gen Infiniti G from a buy here pay here lot and stick on mods.
Camry or Corolla with heavy visual mods and “wiring is my passion” stereos.
Chrysler Pacificas and for whatever reason R53 Mini’s are absolute demons where I live
Pretty much any truck of any age with low profile mud tires on deep dish wheels. Lifted, lowered, squatted, doesn’t matter.
Don’t confuse LDE for BAE.
I dunno, I’d throw in H2’s and Chrysler 300’s
Dodge Journey, actually most older American cars from the 90s to the early 2010s
I kind of think the older CR-V’s have a chance to make the list. they are highly likely to hit 250K miles with not a huge amount of maintenance and they fit the overall style and shape of what is currently popular. and they are finally getting cheap.
Jeep Compass or Patriot.
Any Charger regardless of powerplant.
Nah, new expensive ones don’t have that energy. The first few generations with sticker packages and aftermarket wheels sure do tho
It’s gotten to the point where I get genuinely excited to see a first gen one that’s been well-maintained, not questionably modded, etc.
They’re gone, all destroyed in the hood like 8th gen Rivs
Kia Optima/Hyundai Sonata. Fresh Theta engines from corporate sent them right back into the wilderness, bumpers and wheels be damned.
The logical answer would be Talltimas (Nissan Rogues)
the CVT will kill the chance for these to make it into the category.
It’s a little-known fact that the CVT will run forever as long as you keep it over 80 miles an hour.
On 3 mismatch donuts of course, it harmonizes the belt for optimal performance
OPTIMA
It’s funny, I’m left AF and just bought a Ram 1500. I joke with a buddy about flying some left wing flags off the tailgate.
That said, I get it. Personally, I think diesel pickup owners are way worse, they’ve made an engine their entire personality and want everyone to know it, but I think there’s something about driving ANY fullsize truck in general. There IS a certain “get out of my way” energy that takes over a bit when driving one.
I tend to see a lot of first gen Chrysler LX cars that seem to have BAE. they always seem to have a combo of questionable mods and unrepaired body damage.
The number of 4 door white F150 pickups with the 5.0 or 3.5 turbo motor out their is massive. The 5.0 should get most of those trucks to 200K miles without too many expensive repairs, but the prices have not fully dropped just yet. though I do see plenty of the Jelly bean 4.6 early 2000’s versions doing altima stuff a lot lately.
My right AF brain can’t compute with someone who is left AF driving a Ram 1500.
Sleeper cell.
My left AF husband owns an F350 and 250, owns many guns, and can grow a beard in like 2 hours.
But he wouldn’t be caught dead in a Ram, lol.
Have you seen the “General Grant” blue and white “10” ’69 Dodge Charger on the YouTubes? It’s such a great tribute car.
Yes! I follow him on IG as well.
These days it’s Hyundai Sonatas. They seem to run you off the road as effectively as Altimas did
And they’re always white with half the paint peeled off.
The Kia Optima always seems to fly under the radar in Altima discussions
My best guess is they’re the BMW flavor of BME, but just can’t afford it.
Old dirty scuffed up 4th owner Model 3s. The Altima for basement dwelling Elon stans. ALWAYS has body damage.
An ugly matte wrap is mandatory as well
Bonus if it has an obvious wrinkle or bad enough scrapes to show the paint underneath
Chrysler 300’s have huge Altima energy, perhaps more than Chargers. But I think the vehicle that I see casually committing the most SAD’s (Shocking Acts of Driving) is the F-150.
Non-Evo Mitsubishi Lancers.
lol such a penalty box car. Remember the “Ralliart” version? Embarassing
I used to work with a Ralliart Lancer owner who claimed it was an Evo. I was very embarrassed for him.
I remember on OPPO there was a guy who called himself “His Stigness” or something, and he drove a base model mercedes with an automatic. Embarassing.
The Mitsubishi MIrage Kind of has this energy even the brand new ones. However they don’t get you anywhere fast generally, lol
You want to know a future BAE chaos machine? The Buick Encore. Right now they are driven carefully and slowly by their elderly first owners. Who will be driving them after those elderly owners no longer can? Their grandchildren. We cannot possibly be prepared for when these innocuous little egg crossovers are being driven at 10/10ths by Kaeghly and Breihden while they scroll through Tik Tok or whatever platform kids are using in a few years.
They’ll be making a hell of a comeback, or, as you might call it, an Encore.
COTD.
I think this would be fine if the motors were longer lasting. the Turbos in those are notorious for failing early.
But will those engines explode in time? These things will have something like 10,000 miles in 5 years before the kids inherit them. We’ll need GM’s shittiest engineering to save us.
GM: ‘I’m on it”
GM’s bean counters *cough cough cost analysts*: we’re way ahead of you, buddy
This whole exchange is pure gold!!!
Not the heroes we wanted, but….
This has already begun happening with the Equinox and Traverse where I live. They went from rolling roadblocks to some of the scariest things on the road.
I see a lot of Pre-AFM/DFM Suburbans and Tahoes doing Altima things, though they also lack exhaust and often are tailgating an Altima
Related, for the current model Suburban, I’ve definitively noticed the RST versions (the performance Suburban I guess?) being driven terribly. Which is even more frightening given how large these things are.
I was about to say V6 Chargers, but the article already called it. I’d like to add the Tesla Model 3.
The Early ones for sure, but only the 3.5’s and perhaps some early 3.6 units run long enough to fit the bill. the 2.7’s are all dead.
See above, but 100%. Official clapped out conveyance of broke 23 year old alt-right reddit gremlins
Ram’s and Chrysler Sebring’s
Almost any midsize sedan at this point. The Malibu, Impala, Sonata, whatever Kia’s entry is called. Accords tend to escape for the most part. Camry’s are hit or miss. Some people see the spoiler, blackout graphics and styling and take it a bit too seriously.
Camry’s are often just Dented out Back, but the driving with head in a phone or sitting at a green light watching tik toks is strong with that milf crowd.
The Mazda6 (which I own) even succumbs to it, despite its relative rarity compared to the mainstream models. I’ve seen some beat ass Mazda6s roaming around.
What I was going to say too. Sonatas/Optimas have been in the category but final-gen Malibus have been common for this lately, and prior-gen Camrys increasingly so. I think it’s a rental car to affordable used car pipeline which is why Accords tend to be less common since Honda’s fleet sales are lower.
Malibu vs Altima.
Do you want to look like a state employee on official business, or like somebody who gets surprise visits from one?
Maxima and Sentra
Ah yes, the Fullsize-tima and the Small-tima
Also the Tall-tima, the Rogue.
There are also the Haul-timas (the Frontier).
Y’alltima (Quest)
Nissan should follow this naming scheme from now on. Everything is a sub-category of Altima, like AMC did with Ramblers.
Kia Soul. Those drivers saw that Kia was recalling their Soul, and figure they have nothing to lose.
Joking aside, any car sold new to folks with less than great credit scores is a future BAE car. Nissan, Mitsubishi, FCA. You get the idea.