Sorry, I don’t mean to dunk on Altima owners here, or the Altima itself. Nothing wrong with driving an Altima of any vintage. That said, Big Altima Energy has been a thing for a good long while now, and even if the model association isn’t truly deserved, the specific energy being attributed to it is certainly real, and predates the Altima itself. We have all encountered the type, as well encapsulated in the Reddit post below: “BAE means being as trashy as possible, as overly confident as possible, and as egotistical as possible while not having a reason to.”
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I think the additional detail in a reply to the post is apt:
An Altima driver doesn’t care that their front bumper is missing. That RAM that was tailgating them? Well, the Altima brake checked them and speed off to “teach them a lesson.” They’ll gladly weave in an out of traffic whilst scrolling on their phone […] If you are in the way they won’t mind collecting another dent. All that matters to them is getting to their destination ASAP, and as long as the car is still running, they’ll do it again.
Yep, that’s Big Altima Energy, alright. And I think the other cars called out for oozing BAE above are well picked, but they certainly aren’t the only ones, which brings us to today’s Ask:
What Not-Altimas Have The Biggest Altima Energy?
It’s easy to call out the various ten-plus-year-old sports/muscle/hot-hatchs favored by the yoofs as having BAE, but I think that’s a different kind of bravado. That said, I do get big BAE (yes, “big big Altima energy) from any well-clapped-out S197 Mustang still on its stock wheels, and the V6 models are probably going to be even more sketchy, driver-behaviour-wise, than the GTs. See also Chargers of the same vintage, but less frequently Camaros and Challengers. Don’t ask me why, that’s just the vibe I get.
The Bishop called out the Chevy Cruze, which I would not have thought of, but yeah, that tracks. It even looks sorta like a second-gen Altima if you squint hard, like really hard, and the Cruze’s grille is smashed up as seen here.
Let’s hear from you. What cars fill up your rearview mirror with Big Altima Energy (and existential dread, one assumes)?
Top graphic image: Nissan
Sentras and Versas, because they’re just smaller Altimas
3-series BMWs; Audi A/S4s had a moment; Honda CRX.
The 3rd generation Mercedes C class is suspiciously absent here
to me its a tie between anything that can trace a lineage to “SRT” and entry level KIA’s
My new indicator of pickup truck douchery is lights in the wheel wells of lifted trucks, since these shine on poor wheel and tire choices. The dumbest thing since the Carolina Squat.
Let’s not forget the tall traffic cones in the bed as macho decor.
dont get me started. all the high school kids and recent dropouts/graduates with extra change in their pockets are doing this where i live, and then they put PA speakers under the truck to blare whatever they are listening too inside the truck at max treble out of what sounds like a coffee can. it echoes long after they are out of site miles down the road. i wish their parents had hugged them more so they didnt have such “look at me” tendencies.
The Altima coupes (2007-2013) were among the most beautiful cars of this century.
https://carbuzz.com/cheap-nissan-coupe-is-reliable-and-unique/
I agree! Underrated and overlooked, and quite fast with the V6, although not much of a handler, at least stock.
Definitely Cybertrucks and Rams.
Any truck with wide chrome wheels and rubberband tires.
Midsize SUVs, especially Toyotas lately. They always seem to be distracted and in a hurry.
My fave: Duallies with rubber band tires and massive tacky chrome wheels.
I’ll be surprised if it hasn’t already been mentioned yet, but I think the ultmate BAE vehicle is the Cybertruck. It says I don’t care about your “sense make-ing” and “comfort” I want people to gawk as I pass them.
One of the most important BAE tells I’ve noticed is bubbled window tint and an always-on spare wheel.
Most frequently seen on 7th Gen Chevy Malibu, 8th-9th Gen Chevy Impala, 3rd Gen Grand Cherokee, 1st Gen Range Rover Sport.
I’m not really on board with the BMW BAE theory…
The BMW BAE theory applies more to M models on their 4th or 5th owner, or any beat to hell BMW with Pep Boys aftermarket wheels and a bubbling tint job.
Good time to repost this gem: https://www.instagram.com/pe_el47/reel/C554l1-Okfb/
Dodge Charger V6, Buick Park Avenue, Buick Regal, 4-cyl Camaro. ANY Mitsubishi.
I see a lot of mentions of the Nissan Rogue, but I feel like three quarters of those are driven by recently arrived, hyper cautious thirty-year old women who just got their first license. Maybe that’s just a Queens phenomenon.
I would like to add a correction to “All that matters to them is getting to their destination ASAP” – they do not care an iota about when they get wherever they’re headed, as witnessed by their willingness to stop and argue or follow someone if they are upset. The only thing that matters is driving faster than all others, even if they’re lost and possibly heading in the wrong direction.
Dodge Chargers.
Nissan Versa?
Versa drivers are menaces
Black on black jeep grand Cherokees. I see one, I know its gonna be trouble
2016-2021 Honda Civic (Si and Type R excluded). Bonus points for hatchbacks with AutoZone garbage pretending to be a Type R.
Ford Mustang (whether Ecoboost, V6, or 5.0) non-convertible when I lived in Florida.
I nominate the Ram 2500. It’s BAE’s alcoholic uncle that stumbles through its bald mud-terrains and played-out ball joints while purchasing “herbal male enhancement” from the men’s restroom of a TA convenience store
Newer gen Jetta and the sub-15k Audi A3/A4 around here (same car, kinda?) I like to get into the throttle too, but not in BAE style.
8th gen Chevy Impala (2000-2005).
Every one I have seen on the road in recent years is clapped out, weaving through traffic at 15+mph faster than the other cars.
The heir-apparent is obviously the Rogue, aka the Talltima. Honorable mention to the myriad basic crapcan Hyundais and KIAs from a decade or so ago.
IMHO, the days of BMWs being the douche canoes of choice are really rather over, that crown now being split between Audi on the high end and Infiniti at the lower end.
As Hamster once said “Audis are driven exclusively by cocks”.
“IMHO, the days of BMWs being the douche canoes of choice are really rather over”
The endless parade of straight-piped 318i/320i that roll through my (gentrification in progress) residential neighborhood at all hours of day suggest otherwise.
But yeah, Infiniti absolutely harnesses BAE through shared lax financing and harsh depreciation.
Those don’t exist on this side of the pond. Here there are a hundred loud piped Infinitis and Audis for every idiot in a cheap 335i. And more idiots in WRXs and Mustangs than any of them.
They’ve mostly phased out, but there was time when a lot of little-car, big-in-your-face driving around these parts was carried out by a selection of Harlequin-paneled trailer-park bound Pontiac Sunfires.
Nissan Rogue, the talltima… Chevrolet Impala (last two gen) seem to be the official car of smoking weed while driving around me (tied with Charger/Challenger), the random contractor in the 2008 ish Dodge Caravan running around on bald partially flat tires and damaged mirrors.
older tesla model 3s, every single lifted/squatted/tire spaced pickup. And I do mean every single one of them, I’ve never seen one not drive like an absolute douchebag. Honorable mention to nissan rogue, aka talltima