“I shouldn’t have done that,” is a sentence I’ve uttered too many times to count. Usually, I do something that sounds like it could have been a good idea when I thought of it, but then the execution is so disastrous that I wonder why I’m even permitted to have a driver’s license or something resembling good things in life. Yep, I’ve done some terribly boneheaded things behind the wheel, and I want to know that I’m not alone. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve done behind the wheel?
This week, I’m starting a multi-part series about how picking up my new-to-me 1997 Honda Life went catastrophically wrong after just one small goof-up. Then, I compounded my misery with one more bad decision. Then, a severe storm sank a knife into my bruised heart just for good measure.
I’m still feeling extremely bad and stupid over this, and to try to bring myself comfort, I’ve tried to remind myself that I’m only human and there have been other times I made small mistakes that snowballed into something much larger.
One of my most recent boneheaded moves was when I took our Ski-Klasse Mercedes-Benz E-Class project on the Gambler 500. We built that car to be the ultimate snow car, but we also thought it might be fun to take off-roading, too. Thus, Ski-Klasse ended up at 4Fest, where I deleted the vehicle’s muffler on a dirt track. Then, I drove it down to Tennessee, where I tested out Ski-Klasse’s strengthened front-end structure by banging it down off-road trails.
It was during this Gambler 500 rally that I bit off more than I could chew. I saw a mud hole and watched as far more capable vehicles got beaten up getting through it. But I thought it wasn’t going to be a big deal. I figured I’d just enter the hole with more speed and rely on the car’s beefy front end to get the vehicle through. It was going to be the ultimate test to show just how much of a beast that we turned Ski-Klasse into.
I was half correct. The strengthened front end did its job. I didn’t so much bounce through the hole like the earlier 4x4s did, but beat the mud into submission. What I didn’t account for was how the rest of the car was going to take the hit. The left rear hydraulic shock blew on impact, sending hydraulic fluid gushing out at a rapid rate and rendering the car nearly inoperable. My Gambler 500 run was done only a couple of hours in. I then spent the rest of the weekend trying and repeatedly failing to fix the dead suspension. Ultimately, I was rescued by the wacky racers of the 24 Hours of Lemons.
Adding insult to injury was how the wagon’s right rear window regulator failed, which was followed by the window shattering when I hit a particularly bad pothole with the car’s broken suspension. People on Instagram then called me an “it” when I posted videos detailing just how silly and bad things got. It was just a horrible weekend all around. Oh, and then I screwed up again only a few months later when I took Ski-Klasse drifting in a snowy parking lot and got it stuck on a snow pile. Yeah, Ski-Klasse wasn’t exactly great in snow, either.
Other dumb times include when I accidentally ran one of my Smarts low on oil for hundreds of miles, when I left my credit card on my car’s roof, when I tried to ride an unfamiliar scooter 700 miles home, when I accidentally broke one of my Smarts’ parking pawls, and when I caught two minivans on fire.
Yet, I don’t consider any of those antics to be my dumbest times behind the wheel anymore. You’ll have to stick around to read that later. For now, make me feel a bit better about myself and tell me, What’s the dumbest thing you’ve done behind the wheel?
I once got a 2011 GMC Sierra caught on some railroad tracks with a stuck rear differential while trying to cross them offroad, due to insufficient ground clearance. A random stranger pulled it off via tow cable.
I’ve also had a 1994 Suzuki Sidekick 4-door up on two wheels during hard cornering.
Recently, I might also add taking my 80 lb(or thereabouts) electric recumbent trike onto the highway at 70 mph with no body shell, no harness, wearing a bicycle helmet, and only a bucket seat and my hands on the steering bars keeping me on the vehicle, but it has no steering wheel. Doing donuts and tearing ass down the street with it is so much fun though. Plus I can turn everything off and pedal it on the sidewalk like the “bicycle” it is.
Here’s what the rear wheel spins to unloaded:
https://i.imgur.com/5jBfRKC.jpg
Do golf carts count? Offroading them around a certain golf course in high school was quite fun, getting high centered, airborne, running into each other, until the marshal took them away, but we somehow didn’t roll them.
Not behind the wheel, but in front of it- I briefly skitched off the front of a car, at low speed, while on a longboard in college. That was possibly the stupidest thing I’ve done around a vehicle.
Towing sleds on a snowy road, after dark, back in high school probably wasn’t the smartest thing either, but we at least had the front of 3 sledders with a forward facing headlamp, and I was on the back with a rear facing headlamp for cars to see us, but I fell off at one point.
Oh man! A couple instances come to mind.
High School. Driving my friend’s 2-door S10 Jimmy offroad. We were running around in the mud, when I decide to hit the mud puddle across at speed. I felt the front hunker down, and then saw sky, and then we landed. Luckily nothing broke.
College. Driving my 2-Door 4wd Tacoma. We had this long curve at the university that we called the CCU Speedway. It was blizzarding pretty good, so the snow drifting was prime. I decided (during peak early hours) that I would drift the entire curve. I didn’t see the oncoming traffic or kids spreading grit in a Gator. I slid the truck between the Gator and oncoming car and nearly soiled myself. Glad I didn’t hit/kill anyone there.
Also College. Drove up this mountain pass when it was drizzling. Mountain pass had a speed limit of 10-15mph and sharp curves with some steep drop offs. Little did I know that further up the mountains, the drizzle became the densest fog I had driven through. Couldn’t see the lines in the road. Thought I would surely go off the mountain.
I crashed my ’97 Suzuki Bandit in my office parking garage bad enough to break a couple ribs.
I was home for Christmas break my senior year of college. My brothers and I decided to go to Target just as it started snowing, we bought a few presents, stopped at Taco Bell and were on our way home with 1-2 inches of snow on the roadways and more coming down every minute. I was driving the 1994 Chrysler LHS we shared, going the speed limit but for some dumb I gave the wheel a shake to see how slippery the road was… I quickly realized it was far more slippery than I thought as my back-end swung out. I overcorrected, and in slow motion, the car spun the other way and starting sliding backwards, down the embankment, across a bike path and then down another small embankment coming to rest perfectly right between 2 trees at the edge of a wetland. I lucked out and aside from my pride, the only damage was a bent muffler/exhaust… oh, that and the first tow guy’s winch cable that snapped when he tried pulling it out.
I was coaxed into helping my ex’s grandfather pull a stump in a 1995 GMC Sierra. the 35 inch wheels and 4WD did an admirable job getting traction until the stock corporate 10 bolt rear gear ring decided to loose a tooth or two.
Dumbest recent thing? Getting too spicy in my new (to me) 2014 Subaru BRZ on a nice, curving San Diego freeway onramp. Curve is on camber, so normally not a big deal to accelerate all the way through onto the highway. It had rained in SD that evening, though, and I didn’t bother to take into account the crappy tires I had on the BRZ. So…on throttle into the corner, lost the rear end, hit a guardrail with the right front of the car at more than freeway speed, and got spun across 3 lanes of traffic at the 5/163 NB interchange. IYKYK. Oh, and I ended up facing the wrong direction.
So very lucky I didn’t find another car during this incredibly stupid maneuver.
I do know, and you were very fortunate. For those who don’t it’s a long left hand sweeper that can be taken at high speed, but the usual problem at that spot that it’s blind on the other end and traffic is usually stacked up. You rip blithely though the turn with ease and suddenly BRAKE LIGHTS! I had a bit of a code brown there once myself and have had to severely curb my jollies at that spot. On the north side of the county, the 5S to 78E cloverleaf is tailor made for shenanigans when you can outmaneuver the traffic.
I currently own two cars. One has a totally smashed-in front end, badly repaired by a cut rate body shop. It drinks about a jug of coolant a week, the rad is cracked and it just pukes it everywhere. The other one is in perfect condition except for a wheel bearing issue that’s keeping it from passing inspection that I keep telling myself I can fix. I think those are both dumb things…
Behind the wheel? Tried to do a logging road in a 1990 Thunderbird in the dead of winter. Made it fine on the way out. On the way back I stopped on a hill, then ended up sliding all the way down- at ever-increasing speed- until plopping into the ditch that was thankfully full of wet snow that stopped me without any damage to the car. That could easily have been nasty, though. Especially if a logging truck came around the corner.
Growing up in the PNW, my Dad impressed upon me that logging trucks always have the right of way on the forest roads. I ran my little Datsun 720 right up a hill once to avoid a loaded log truck coming down from a landing. Those guys don’t play around.
I was lucky enough to never encounter a logging truck head-on in my time living up north- I was absolutely one of those people who would constantly use the logging roads as shortcuts when getting around. And do absolutely, incredibly irresponsible speeds on them… I probably shouldn’t say how fast but it was bad enough that I once hit a pothole so hard my car’s radio fell out of the dash and landed in the passenger footwell.
I had a 1981 Brown/Copper Datsun Maxima as my first car. It was the late 90s and the brake pads were worn down so much that the rotors were being eaten away every time I needed to slow down. It was dangerous to drive in that condition but I was a very stupid kid and couldn’t afford to repair it. It was an automatic and my fix was to shift into neutral well in advance of any stop.
The problem with that is that I would often overshoot it and push the shifter past neutral and into reverse at 40+ mph. That would brick everything and I’d have to panic start it up again.
71 Mustang with a 351C but drum brakes all around. stupidly did the kid thing and opened it up on a straight run out in the country, but badly misjudged the brake fade and/or overall capability. thankfully nobody was coming when I floated through the 4 way stop in neutral with both feet pushing those brakes to the floor.
Set cruise on car climbed out of sunroof sat on roof and steered with feet at 80 km/hr
I ran a red light at 114mph in a 1960 Chevy El Camino with no seatbelts.
In traffic, with my best bud in the passenger seat.
As we blasted through the intersection, I shouted “Oh thank God there’s no cops!!!”
My buddy, Tim, pointed to a 7-11 parking lot and said “There’s a cop.”
We were going so fast, I could just glance over and see the police cruiser in the 7-11. No idea if it was occupied or not, but he didn’t chase us.
That was REEEEEEEALLY dumb.
As a yute on a dual-purpose (enduro) motorcycle, I took off with great enthusiasm into an unfamiliar environment…
and a ditch jumped out and grabbed the front wheel. The bike stopped immediately. I did not. (Thanks a lot, Newton)
I flew over the bars, breaking both lever perches with the backs of my hands and putting a dent in the tank with my foot.
The second dumb thing I did that day was limp the bike home with no hand controls (so no clutch) and a broken triple clamp. Penance, I suppose.
Dumbest thing you’ve ever done:
Several years back, we had an ice storm; initially decided to stay home, or at least delay departure a few hours. BUT then I saw cars driving on the street past the house and thought ‘How bad could it be?’
I had two choices: 1992 Chevy K1500 and my ‘new’ car, 2004 Subaru Forester.
Decided to take the old truck, thinking ‘if it gets wrecked, it is older and less valuable, and will survive the damage better.’
The driveway from where both were parked slopes up steeply for about 3 car lengths to the street. Gingerly eased the truck up the icy driveway; got about 3/4 of the way before upward progress stopped and became downward slide – right into the Subaru. Significant damage to both vehicles.
I’ve clung to the roof of a vehicle driven by an irresponsible high schooler and I played pedestrian chicken with my good friend as the “chicken” and me behind the wheel of a Ford E-350 van. Both of these events were completely, totally, impossibly stupid and I hate that I did either of them. Luckily no injuries on either occasion but both could have had life changing consequences.
I once arrived at work early, which was a left turn into a downhill parking lot, then another left (basically a 180). Since nobody else was there, I gave the e-brake a little yank mid-corner before realizing the parking lot had been repaved the day before AND it had rained a little that morning.
At least nobody was there to see my car skid about 30′ backwards and come to a stop without hitting anything.
During high school, I overhauled the engine on my super cool Plymouth Duster 340.
I neglected to read the part where the right bank and left bank of pistons were not even the same part number, never marked them, and just randomly put them back in the cylinders.
This created a doomsday scenario.
One week later, I thought it was a good idea to race a Corvette on the freeway with my freshly overhauled green engine. It blew up spectacularly and put a hole in the side of the block.
Had to borrow dad’s new car to get to prom. He was sympathetic, but put an end to my muscle car dreams and made me sell the car instead of finding a new motor and starting over.
He was a wise man.
Gave my V6 Stratus the beans while turning left at a busy intersection during a pretty heavy rain. This was many years ago when I was (at least in my mind) a Driving God. The laws of physics dictated that I wound up backward in the middle of the intersection. Divine providence dictated that I didn’t injure myself, anybody else or my car.
You killed a W210 by taking it off road? You know they’ll just kill themselves during normal driving, right? No need for all that extra work 🙂
My dumbest things are pretty tame. When I was new to wrenching, I thought I would save some time by jacking up all four corners of a short-wheelbase car with an unforgiving suspension. Fourth corner went up in the air, opposite corner jackstand fell over (thankfully I had placed the removed wheel under the frame rail, which saved the brakes and possibly the control arms).
Dang, hope you can salvage whatever issues with the Honda.
I think for me my dumbest was trying to engine swap an Isuzu diesel into the previous generation Chevy Luv, ruining both.
I had an ’84 Isuzu P’up diesel longbed, mechanically solid, frame wise not, we lived on the other side of a long gravel road and parts would fall off on the way to work, so I was looking for a good solution. From the cab forward it was in ok shape it was mainly the rear frame and bed that needed to be replaced, but I didn’t go that route.
I went and purchased an entire ’78 Chevy Luv from the junkyard, that was in pristine condition and just needed a new engine. I tried to swap, literally shade tree style with a come-a-long on a branch, the diesel from the P’up to the Luv.
The P’up had a much larger radiator that wouldn’t fit so I used the Luvs, had to get a shorter driveshaft, also the dash wiring, so much as it was, was all different. In the end I got it running but not well, it ended up overheating from the smaller radiator. I was defeated and just consigned the whole thing back to the junk yard and got a used Pontiac Sunbird with a leaky valve cover as my penance.
If I had it to do over I’d probably have gotten an S10 body to swap it into, all would’ve fit fine, or just got a bed and frame, could’ve turned it into a short bed. And that poor Luv really shouldn’t have been at the junk yard, was in such great shape, I feel like that would’ve been the one to actually keep.
Does this category include stupid cop interaction Alex?
Cause I want to buy a vowel or something.
TBH I have threatened to do a Menendez Brothers hit on one probably 1,000 times.
Of course it was my Dad. Such a shit head.Total lunatic douche bag.
But when I was 15 got thrown into Juvie for 2 days.
An 8 year old kid was also in the cell with me.
He had burned down his parents home while they slept. No shit.
Realized then killing the old man was not worth the effort.
Some folks ain’t worth the effort or hassle of doing so.
But when I got out realized that doing about 25 neutral drops in his car till the trans and rear end were blown out somehow made it all better.
OTOH.
The other day I had to travel about 25 miles to a neighboring town. Through a couple turd sized towns where the city is supported by traffic tickets, speeding are the cash cows.
I swear to God I must have seen or felt 50 cops round trip. Including a few I knew.
Something must have kicked in the PTSD after about 3 of them in a mile or so.
I began to flip everyone one of them the bird, bigly. After about a dozen I felt so much better that took hands off the wheel and used both hands when possible.
It must have been free donut day at Krispy Kreme that day because not a single cop reacted or even hit their brakes. Except one. He followed me to about a mile from my house, then bailed.
This is a true story.
Sometimes you can get away with shit.
America! What a country!
Anyone who doesn’t say “driven a car without a Jatco Xtronic CVT” is not being entirely truthful.
I like to think of my life in two chapters…my dark days and my post-gear days. Praised be the Jatco Xtronic CVT, and may we all ride into Valhalla shiny and without gears.
Nice try, NSA agent masquerading as Mercedes
Fortunately the statute of limitations has long ago expired on mine.
I bought a car sight unseen.
As a driver? Trusting 4 college juniors to give me clear and accurate directions after they did a bar crawl. (I will add I was a sober high school senior)
The one that should have gotten me killed or badly injured. 17yo me, newly licensed and thinking I am superman behind the wheel of my ’82 Subaru, is belting up a state highway in Maine in intermittently foggy conditions. Passing a line of cars (!) oncoming traffic looms out of the fog. I end up in the opposite ditch, sliding sideways at about 70mph. By some miracle, I didn’t hit anybody head-on, there was nothing on the shoulder or in the ditch to hit, and the car didn’t flip. Just packed the wheels full of dirt that I had to dig out with the ice scraper.
There were a number of times I probably should have died in that car in my first year of driving, but that was by far the dumbest. Though thought of then-me behind the wheel of a modern car with 2-3X the power doesn’t bear thinking about.
I’ve reserved my dumbest vehicle activities to motorcycles. Broken bones, I’ve had a few…