One of the perks of being a car journalist is that you often find yourself flying places. This is great because you’re still working, but you get to experience places you’ve never been to. I would have never gone to Germany or France last year if it were not for this lovely career. It also means that you can witness some shenanigans. What’s the most hilarious thing you’ve seen while traveling?
The best bit of hilarity that comes to my mind is when I flew to France last year for an Audi event. I had never left American soil before, and I had no idea what to expect. As a teenager and young adult, I had heard all sorts of silly stereotypes about France, like the abundance of cigarettes and baguettes. As a car enthusiast, I heard about the plentiful Citroën 2CVs and Renault Twingos.
I was shocked to find out that, at least for the region of France that I was in, some of it had a semblance of truth. Pretty much every third or so person I encountered out there had cigarettes on their person or were actively smoking. I then loved to see all of the classic French cars that weird car people love here in America. But I lost it when I saw a first-generation Renault Twingo with four guys in it, and all of them were smoking.
To be clear, this wasn’t bad at all. I loved experiencing something so completely different. I also adored seeing how locals drove, and I even had a great time with the French version of the TSA. I still giggle when an agent found a kind of object in my bag and called it “le massage gun.”
I have to imagine the American equivalent of this would be when a tourist sees that America really is addicted to massive pickup trucks and that a large drink is absurdly huge.
The next memorable thing was probably when I flew out to Las Vegas earlier this year for an Indian Motorcycle event and caught the Vegas Sphere watching flights take off. Oh, to have the curiosity of a giant yellow ball.
This morning, Jason posted this photo in our Slack chat.
This is aboard an American Airlines flight. I admit, I’d probably sit in my seat, chuckling the whole time. There’s something so delightful about this sign. It’s remarkably crappy, like a flight attendant wrote it down on masking tape between flights. Yet, it’s still perfectly functional and does its job.
How about you? What’s the most hilarious thing you’ve seen on the road, while flying, or perhaps in another country?
Someone trying to take a box of Franzia wine through TSA. The person tried to claim that it was carry-on luggage.
A really long time ago we were travelling in our camper somewhere in the southwest or west of the US and we passed a billboard that read:
This sign don’t say nuthin!
By the time our brains had wrapped around what we had seen, here is another one that read:
This sign STILL don’t say nuthin!
I was too young to have a camera handy nor quick enough to ask my parents to stop so we could take a picture.
My first job was working for the Cambridge office of a much larger software company located in Princeton, NJ during the 70s. I had to visit the main office fairly frequently, so I’d take the Eastern Airlines Shuttle from BOS to LGA, and train LGA to Princeton. The Shuttle was a strange beast, no reservations, no tickets. I’d take the subway to the airport, walk to the Shuttle gate and wait in line for the next flight, normally one per hour. When the flight shows up (usually a Lockheed Electra turboprop), people go down the ramp and take whatever seat is available until the plane is full or no one is waiting. If the first plane was full, they’d wheel up another at the adjacent gate. If one was truly lucky, you’d get an old Lockheed Super Constellation with four turbo-compound radials that made the sweetest sound.
Anyway, plane takes off, once in level flight, a flight attendant would come down the aisle pushing a cash register on a cart, cash, check, or credit card, it was like $25 early on. And, of course, just about everyone would light up for the short flight.
I was on a 12 hour flight, and about an hour in someone in front of me managed to drop their phone in a little crevasse between the floorboard and the interior trim. The flight attendants were pretty sure it ended up in the cargo bay with the luggage, but wouldn’t be able to know for certain until after we’d landed and all the luggage pulled out.
She was kinda rude and demanding to the people she was traveling with prior to that point, and of course it got worse after the phone incident. I guess I’m a terrible person for finding it funny, though I did feel bad for those traveling with her.
A couple other humorous time involving myself:
I was taking a taxi in Vegas and the taxi driver was warning me to be cautious of taxi drivers who would intentionally go the long way to a destination, all while pulling the same move himself.
Once, after New Years in New Orleans, I had an Uber drive get out of his car and get into a shouting match with someone in a Mercedes after the Mercedes driver proceeded through a four way stop before it was his turn. The Mercedes driver kept saying he was a lawyer, and the Uber driver clearly didn’t care as they both kept shouting back and forth at each other. My wife and thanked our driver and promptly ran across the street to our destination while the two continued arguing.
Four guys in a small car, you say…
https://youtu.be/ZqP3rVdxviE
The alternately funny and scary was going from Joplin Missouri to Kansas City to fly out to our wedding and the journey back. On the way up, my VW Jettta’s rebuilt alternator seizes, amid a biblical deluge of a rainstorm, and we finally arrive at our hotel at 2:00 am in a tow truck. When we got back we had the car towed and repaired in KC, which gave us,time to pick up the bag that was on a later flight. Then on the way back to Joplin the oil drain plug falls out. We hitch a ride in an old Corolla driven by two tweakers and a kitten with no door panels,and a litter box in the back. We got to an auto parts store and back without being murdered and with a temporary rubber drain plug we made it home.
Remembered another one, I was driving through Atlanta shortly after a truck full of chickens rolled over and they all fled the coop. Wasn’t sure what was going on at first but when we got to the area of the road that wasn’t closed off we saw about 20 police officers running up and down the road trying to herd these chickens away from the road as apparently their natural instinct is to jump in front of every moving car. We all started laughing immediately because the police seemed no match to a speeding chicken. I was going to link to this, it was circa 2005, however I see that this is almost a yearly occurrence there.
One of the old family classics was in Paris growing up, we were trying to figure out where we were on a map while walking around-
Dad: can anyone see a street sign on the side of a building?
Mom: Du-something (trying unsuccessfully to figure out French pronunciation)
Dad: I’m trying, can you see a street name?
Mom: Du-something
Dad: I said, I’m trying…
Meanwhile my sister and I are just cracking up.
On a west Texas highway in the left lane, a Saturn driver strumming his guitar, with the body of the guitar between his ribcage and the steering wheel, and his left hand/neck of the guitar out the open window.
On the same cross-country trip (well, Beaumont to LA) I also saw two A-10 Warthogs playing tag over I-10 (my favorite military aircraft) and I also saw the Milky Way nice and clear outside of El Paso.
Sunday morning, I-81 in VA, man reading Bible open on his steering wheel, going 70 mph.
This started getting funny towards the end only because I couldn’t imagine how many more things could go bad. I had a flight that was supposed to be Greenville SC to Atlanta to Paris to Munich. Due to weather in Atlanta my first plane doesn’t take off until my after my next leg does. When I get to Atlanta they rebook me on a Brussels to Munich flight. Plane makes it to Brussels after the one to Munich takes off, so they rebook me on a Frankfurt to Munich route. When I get to Frankfurt there’s 22 minutes til the next plane so Lufthansa made damn sure I wasn’t going to miss this one and had a golf cart at the gate waiting for me to take me to the other terminal. I finally make it to Munich at 11 AM instead of PM the night before. Somehow in all of these rebookings I skipped customs and ended up on flights that were supposed to be domestic only and leaving the airport was surprised you just walk out without going through customs. On my return flight I end up spending about 30 minutes with their version of TSA trying to figure out how I’m trying to get an exit stamp on my passport without having an entry one and what the right procedure is. Fortunately I kept all my tickets for both the flights I did take and didn’t.
This one’s more bizarre than humorous, but here goes:
I’m driving up Route 195 just after dawn, heading from the college town of Pullman to catch a flight at the Spokane airport. It’s a hilly drive with a lot of curves, and my friend is asleep in the passenger seat of her T100 pickup. The light is all deep shadows and low morning sun.
We round a bend and a man sprints up onto the highway about 500 yards ahead on the right. He is dressed entirely in black athletic wear: ball cap, sunglasses, sweatshirt, shorts and shoes. Once in our lane, he aims a black-and-silver bolt action rifle at something to the left, fires off a round, and runs in the direction of the shot he took, all in the time it took me to start laying on the brakes.
My passenger slept until we got to the airport and I chose not to tell her about it.
I’ve driven those hills a few times to visit friends at Wazzu. It’s an unfortunately perfect spot for a cop to hide out and catch people since you pretty much can’t see them until it’s too late.
My contribution is the entertainment value of riding in an Uber in a city with crazy traffic. 2 examples:
My wife and I were on an Alaskan Airlines flight about 7 years ago, and there was a dude who got on the flight who was acting kinda weird (drunk) and his own friend seemed to be avoiding him, for reasons that make sense now.
So, I’m in an aisle seat, drunk dude is in the aisle seat one row in front and across the aisle from me. His “friend” was in the same row as him, but all the way on the window side.
Drunk dude kept trying to get his friends attention, being annoying and drunk about it. Friend was actively ignoring him, had headphones on, looking away, etc..
Finally, a random woman in their same row starts saying things like “hey, I think you can stop now, i don’t think he can hear you, I don’t think he wants to talk, etc…”
Drunk dude took the woman’s comments poorly, and started harassing her. Not in a loud shouting way, but in a very creepy quiet way. Staring at her, mouthing words, giving the “death stare”. Finally, the drunk dude started saying things that I’m not going to repeat on here and also started doing hand motions with his mouth resembling..well… you get it, at her.
MEANWHILE… I’m losing it, gripping my armrests, doing a cost/benefit analysis in my head. My wife is telling me “don’t get on a no fly list please”. I wanted to punch a hole through this shrimp’s face, he was not an intimidating person.
Finally we land, and keep in mind we are at the front section of this 737, so a lot of people behind can view all of this take place. While deboarding, drunk dude makes a point to stop the woman he was harassing, said something to her with a shit eating grin (didn’t hear it). Then this gal winds up, and slaps this man across the face so damn hard. He looks at an entire group of passengers like “oh you all saw that right?” like he was a victim here.
Then the entire plane just starts ripping into this dude, an entire airplane’s worth of people. I yelled something in his face, reaaaal close too.
We get off the plane, I find the woman and give her my contact details and said i’d be happy to go to court to explain my view on the events. I told her he deserved it.
The most hilarious things I’ve ever seen traveling have not been so much “what” but “who”
There was the time aboard the Ryndam on an Alaskan cruise with my family around 2011 or ’12 that a certain lady was in the Ocean Bar every evening swooning and gushing and buying drinks for the male lounge singer.
She was Miss America 1962.
He was gay (and had a thing for me)
When I was stationed outside Tokyo in the early 90’s – I was to meet an American friend in a certain subway station. I do not recall the circumstances or why we thought this was a good idea, as subway stations there are absolutely massive and thronging with people. So when it came time, I found myself amongst a sea of Japanese people going to and fro – most of them shorter than I – and then it very suddenly became quite easy to spot my friend as he was over 6′ tall and literally stood out amongst the throng simply due to his height.
Okay – One more cruise story:
Returning to New York aboard the new Noordam from her Inaugural Cruise in 2006. As we approached the gangway for our final disembarkation – there was a little old lady ahead of us dragging an enormous and apparently quite heavy wheeled suitcase towards the lobby and gangway. The Hotel Manager suddenly appeared alongside the Security Officer amidst the regular cruise staff who were checking people out and saying goodbyes. He approached the lady, asking if she needed assistance with her large bag as two security officers gently removed it from her and carried it over to one of the security tables. As she protested, the officers unzipped the bag and the Chief of Security started rummaging through it – removing numerous pieces of the line’s china, silverware, glassware, bud vases, table napkins and towels from her bag and placing each piece on a tray that a steward was holding next to the Hotel Manager. Her ever softer protests were replaced by the Hotel Manager saying things like “How did this ever wind up in there?”, “Oh, you won’t be needing these”, and finally “No wonder it was so heavy for you!” as the mostly-empty and much lighter bag was zipped up returned to the rather glum and embarrassed lady – with smiles and waves from the senior staff members, and a chorus of “Goodbye! Come cruise with us again!”
I had a boss answer a customs agent as “I’m here for a very important meeting with AECL or is it AECM, not the ones that make nuclear bombs.” in a very strong French accent.
We see him again for 4 hours when he appeared cussing like mad and trying to figure out how to get the belt back on his pants. Traveling with him was ALWAYS a trip.
Arrived in the Freiburg tourist info office in pre-internet days. We ask how far is the hostel is, and they say, oh, about 15 minutes. So we start walking…
It was 15 minutes by car… an hour plus with luggage…
About 25 years ago I was flying out of Detroit coming back from a job interview. We were waiting to board a little 10 row turbo prop and I was watching them prep the plane from the gate window. I see one guy looking at the tire inspecting a small puddle of fluid, he looks at it for a while and calls another guy over. They both stare at it for a while, shine some flashlights up into the landing gear bay. I see a few shoulder shrugs and a third guy comes over, older guy. He just sticks his finger in the puddle and tastes the liquid. He shakes his head and walks away. A minute later we are told our flight is cancelled due to a mechanical issue. That event has always made me think of the tacit knowledge exists in the world that is often un-noticed and underappreciated by those that benefit from it.
Not two hours ago I was sending my sons out to get hair cuts in our 2004 Odyssey when I noticed a wet spot from whence they left, it was water. I think. It didn’t taste like anything so I assume water.
Most of my travel stories are the opposite of funny, especially when flying.
The only instance that comes to mind was when I flew back home after Christmas. My Aunt Mary gave me a multi-tool shaped like a hammer that was hollow. In my youth and stupidity, I left it in my carry-on. When I went through security, the TSA guy became suspicious – I guess they think everything could be an IED. The guy took it from me…and threw it in the trash right next to his station.
So, um, if that actually was an explosive, you’d be in danger, buddy. I chuckled to myself and went to the gate. I still sent Aunt Mary a thank you card, she none the wiser.
I forgot a leatherman in my laptop bag and went on a 5 destination work trip. TSA only finally discovered it on the 6th flight returning home and I had to throw it away.
I was stopped in a Madrid train security line for a knife in my bag. I actually had two, a fixed-blade Morakniv and a folding/locking Opinel, that I carry on trips to use in hotels, trains, wherever we might need to cut food. It’s no big deal on a plane since they’re in a checked bag…bigger deal on a train where that doesn’t exist.
Well, fuck. A security woman comes over and I open the bag and show her the Opinel (mistake) that was in an eyeglass case. It was clearly longer than the allowed max, so I threw it away, and she walked off…not noticing the bright turquoise, completely un-hidden Morakniv in its sheath. I zipped the bag up and off we went.
I obviously then realized I should have tossed the $8 one from Amazon, and kept the $30 one I picked up in Uzes, France on a trip.
On the way back from Cordoba to Madrid, no one spotted a thing.
Still pissed about that one.
Very early flight to Miami from a Central American country.
Guy in the immigration has an issue with my passport; a tiny corner of the transparent film covering the main page has lifted and he thinks it’s fake… He tells me to go to his boss’ office to sort it out… BUT… it’s early in the morning, so boss comes until 9 am, so I miss my flight and have to take the one the next day…
BUT that day there’s a total solar eclipse in said Central American country that I was bummed that I was going to miss, so everything turned out great!
I’ve seen three total eclipses now, and hope to see the next one next year in Spain…
I dragged a bunch of friends and family to see the April 8 24 eclipse and it was better than my high hopes were.All involved agreed.
Total solar eclipses are breathtakingly awesome, hard to explain properly how seeing one in person is so different from pictures. 4 for 6 so far on my tries at seeing totality (clouded out in China and Texas).
I have two and can’t decide between them.
Flying through Charlotte right after they lifted the travel Ban. Sudden chaos as some guy cussing at the top of his lungs and calling everyone Nazis. Then two large African American cops appear frog-marching a fat white dude (not wearing a mask) through as he screams about violations of his liberty, etc. Suddenly, everything changed and he became polite. “Hey, my pants are falling down, please guys let me pull up my pants.” The cops switched into double time to frog march this pleading man away. What struck me as funny is how quickly the dude switched from being completely out of control irate to being so polite and nice once his pants started slipping.Flying out of Frankfurt. Showed up to watch someone try to drive a tiny rental with no concept of it being a manual. Just kept grabbing the gearshift and pulling it as hard as he could towards the R. Then he argued with the attendant about getting a discount when upgraded for free to a nice Mercedes with an automatic because the bigger car would get worse gas mileage. All while continuing to complain about the broken car and trying to jam the car into R with the engine running and the clutch not pressed. Making it better is that their shared language was English, but neither was a native speaker. Watching a German’s blood pressure soar each time that Indian guy tried to jam the car into Reverse was popcorn worthy.
Going through security at the airport wearing a Greatest American Hero shirt (https://www.teepublic.com/t-shirt/43542408-greatest-american-hero-original-vintage-shield) and the TSA asks me “is that a Green Lantern shirt?”
When I was a kid, my mother made me a Jaws costume. I had a shark mask that looked like the movie poster. Mom made me a gray onsie with a dorsal fin and JAWS in 6″ blue glitter letters across the chest.
As I was in Chick-fil-A reveling in my post trick-or-treat haul, an old woman walked up to me and asked “Are you a ghost?”
She ruined my Halloween.
Myself and two other freshly minted and relocated engineers from the hinterland of Saskatchewan drive down to NYC to see our first pro baseball game and experience the big city. The stadium was in the Bronx and en route we got lost. We were getting low on gas and pulled into a station to fill up. An attendant dashed up to the car and I handed him a twenty and asked him to fill it up. He promptly dashed off down the street and cut into an ally. Another attendant- a real one arrived at the window and asked what we needed. We explained what had just happened and he told us that happened all the time. The local kids watched for tourist cars and pulled the scam we had just experienced.
My wife and I honeymooned in Thailand. We flew into Bangkok and took a taxi and a boat to Phuket.
The drive was 5 or 6 hours IIRC and on the drive we were regularly passed by crazy people blasting along on modified 50-100 cc scooters, sometimes four up. There were some obvious accidents along the way with scooters, people, ambulances and police cars strewn all over the highway. There were all the ubiquitous tuttuts and over decorated trucks. Quite an experience.
The last one was in the Dominican Republic a group of I assume baggage handlers gathered on the side of the runway having beers and sharing some large smoky cigars. There were a couple of skinny cows meandering around the runway as well as we taxied by. Surreal!
Nothing really to add. Just wanted to point out that the destination point for a honeymoon might mean you found a keeper.
Going on 25 years. All going well so far.
The billboard on I 65 north in bourbon country Kentucy. Forgot which exit but it was on top of a big hill visible before you got off.
“Tattoos. Done while you wait. Exit now”
No name of the business, no phone number, no graphics. Just that, big black letters on a yellow background. It was there for years in the 90s, always had to look for that when we drove up to Ohio as kids.
I’m trying to figure out another way of getting a tattoo besides ‘waiting.’ I can’t just leave my arm at the place and pick it up later. 🙂
Was passing throughWilliston ND and pulled into a burger place for a bite. Next door was a drive through liquor store which was advertising that you could stock up on ammo on the way through. Coming from Saskatchewan, it was an eye opener as liquor was only dispensed from govt run outlets and guns and ammo were fairly tightly regulated compared to this.
Shocking! Just unacceptable. You can’t have a Billboard group in the South without a Church and a Strip club being involved. Kentucky, you are going lose your “part of the South” license with having only a Tattoo billboard displayed for an exit.
Doing a guys weekend with a friend in Seattle. We decided to go to Vancouver. He’s driving, and when we get to the boarder, Canadian boarder guards run our names through their system. He’s flagged and taken away for some reason. 2 hours later they let him go and denied us entry. He had a DUI in the past so he can’t come in. We drive back to his place. He looks at flights, and there’s one last flight that night. So we catch the flight. We get to customs and they let him in because he’s not driving. So we head over to the rental car area and he rents a car…That was a fun 3 day trip.
Way more to the weekend story but I don’t want to incriminate myself 🙂
Checking in for a flight and on the next desk there was someone who had planned to carry on their loaded spear gun. They denied that the spear gun could be disassembled (apparently the spear could not be removed from the gun — which I thought a little odd).
A police officer was called to dissuade this passenger from his plan.
This occurred long after 9/11.
On board a flight back from Japan shortly after 911 the cabin attendants where not providing knives with our meals because of the risks in case of hijacking. Nice stainless forks were issued. Somewhat dissonant was the sense I had.
I had a similar experience: flying out of DFW: the restaurant had only plastic knives and forks, because of security, but sitting in first class on the plane, they gave me a metal (albeit blunt) fork and knife.
As my wife can attest, a butter knife can do some real damage when wielded by a drugged-out crazy woman!
No, not my wife, her neighbor at the time who stabbed her druggie BF. Wife called the landlord the next day and said, “I am leaving. You WILL allow me to break my lease, you will NOT force me to pay a penalty, and you WILL return my deposit.” She paid for the rest of that month and GTFO.