One of my wife’s favorite stories is about the time when someone stole her Pontiac Bonneville, and apparently, it was such a pile of crap that the thief eventually returned the vehicle in the same condition it was stolen in. I had a somewhat relatable experience earlier this year, when a porch pirate stole my FCP Euro shipment, opened the box, and found that they had committed a pretty big crime just to get BMW E61 coolant hoses. They were kind enough to return my hoses undamaged!
Anyway, Adrian has written about how the Autopian SsangYong Rodius will no longer be legal to drive on September 20, so he’s begging someone, anyone, to please buy it so he doesn’t have to worry about hating it anymore. IRegertNothing, Esq.:
High crime area, doors unlocked, keys on the driver’s seat. Let nature take its course from there. As a bonus you could start a pool where we bet on how long it will take before someone actually steals it.
D-dub:
“I left my Rodius unlocked with the keys in my garage, and someone broke in and left another one next to it!”
Arch Duke Maxyenko:
Just put a brick on the accelerator and let it drive itself to America.
Taco Shackleford:
I will trade you a book about submarines or naval ships for the spoiler on the Rodius. Just the spoiler, I want nothing else.
Adrian Clarke:
No deal. You take the whole thing. I know what I got.
This feels like a variation on the “gas cap for a Yugo” joke, and I love it.
Canopysaurus:
Alas the poor Rodius,
Its aspect’s nothing short of odious.
Too get rid of this blight,
Has become Adrian’s plight,
Please buy, it’s truly commodious.
Some of the marks of the Autopian are our willingness to talk about the important topics of poop. Brian wrote about how this year’s annual Saab convention turned into a poop disaster. Rippstik:
When you’re shifting into first and you hear something burst.
Diarrhea.
Diarrhea.
The NSX Was Only in Development for 4 Years:
I’m not sure how, but I blame GM.
JurassicComanche25:
If you’re having gut problems, I feel bad for you, son. I’ve got 99 toilets, and paper in none.
For those of you who aren’t into profanity, this will be the end of the road for you. Have a great night!
For the rest of you fellow adults with the sense of humor of a teenager: Jason wrote about how here’s an off-brand tire out there called Fuckstone, and yeah, somehow it’s a real thing! LTDScott:
New, from the makers of Dickass brakes…
Vanillasludge:
Fuckstones, meet the Fuckstones, they’re the modern stone age family…
Top Dead Center:
Whatever you drive, drive a Fuckstone…
JJ:
There’s a simple reason they haven’t sued: Firestone is the imposter, profiting off Fuckstone’s legendary commitment to quality and craftsmanship.
Balloondoggle:
Will there eventually be a Fuckstone blimp? Might as well see if you can piss off Goodyear, too.
Cody:
That would be their sister company “Goodfuck”.
Have a great evening, everyone!
Brakes don’t need to smart to work properly?
Just making sure since I just upgraded my car’s brakes to Bimbos
My dad once accidently left his bike outside after going for a ride one evening. The thing was in such bad shape that someone stole it, got to the end of the driveway and realized it had virtually no brakes and wobbled like mad and left it leaning against the armour stone wall by the sidewalk. He woke up in a panic realizing he had left it outside, figured it was long gone then found it when he left for work in the morning.
And just a couple of years later he got a new bike.
It sounds like IRegertNothing, Esq. is advocating the Lewis Grizzard approach with the Rodius. In one of his books, he told the story of the worst car he ever owned, a brown Chevy Vega that he said racked up more miles going up and down on the mechanic’s lift than forward and backward on the road. He hated it so much, he started leaving the keys in it hoping it would get stolen.
One day he happened to catch someone in the act of stealing it.
It wouldn’t start.
He offered the thief a jump.
The thief politely declined and ran away. Dammit, so close. LOL
I once co-owned a truly terrible BMW 320 (matte black, no grille, binbag instead of a rear window) and in an attempt to get rid of it the other owner left it in a Tesco car park in Coventry, all four doors open and the keys in the ignition.
Two hours later he came back to find someone had shut the doors.