Happy Friday, Autopians! For today’s festivities, I have a question for you: How do you feel about playing in the dirt? That’s what I’m going to do this weekend, at an amateur rallycross meetup. Your mission for the day is to revisit our week’s winners and decide which one is the best choice for such shenanigans.
But to do that, we need a fourth contender, and in our second tight race of the week, it’s the Dodge Ram 1500. Its slightly more modern platform and less mangled interior seem to have given it the edge over its Dakota competition. The only qualm most of you had about the Ram was its automatic transmission, from a durability standpoint. It’s a valid concern, but at well over 200,000 miles, it has probably been rebuilt or replaced already.
I have to look at these as someone who already has a great truck. Which one would make a better replacement, if some terrible fate were to befall my big green machine? Honestly, it’s hard to say. The Dakota would seem like the obvious choice, since it’s a stickshift and a long-bed like my truck, but I do like the looks of that Ram, rust notwithstanding. I’d have to drive them both and see which one felt more like home.
I imagine many of our readers are at least familiar with the wonderful corner of the internet known as Opposite Lock. It started out as an off-topic sub-blog back at the old orange place, but has since struck out on its own, and become a thriving community of car-loving weirdos. Every spring, for a couple (?) years now, one member has hosted Oppocross, a weekend-long rallycross get-together in central Michigan. No competition, no pressure, just enthusiasts driving crappy old cars around a dirt track. Since I’m now only a couple of hours away, I finally get to attend this year.
There are a handful of “community cars” bought with donations that anyone can drive, but a lot of people bring their own cars as well, sometimes specially prepared for rallycross. I don’t know that I’ll ever be in a position to have a car for such purposes – though I’d be a lot more interested in that than another interminable “classic project car” – but I can definitely see the appeal. I’m driving my truck up, but I don’t plan to drive it hard; it will at most see a couple of gentle laps to get some action photos.
Your task, for today, is to imagine that you are shopping for a cheap car for fun driving events like Oppocross, and you’ve narrowed it down to these four possibilities. I’ll give you what I think the pros and cons of each one are, and then you can decide.
1988 Chevrolet Cavalier RS Coupe
The case for it: Old J-cars are particularly good in the snow, so I imagine they’d do well on dirt, too. And the “never say die” durability of it should work in its favor. It doesn’t have to run well; it just has to keep running. I bet it would look cool going sideways around a curve, too.
The case against it: This is a pretty nice survivor Cavalier, almost too nice to thrash around and get all dirty. It also has an unspecified coolant leak that will need repair, and the cooling system is already a bit of an Achilles heel on the J platform. Overheating would spoil the fun in short order.
1992 Ford Tempo GLS
The case for it: It’s the only manual transmission of the bunch, which adds a little more fun and control to the mix. It also has a little more power for its size than the Cavalier or the Honda. And the absurdity of a rally Ford Tempo is too good to pass up.
The case against it: This one is awfully nice to beat up, too. And those stupid automatic belts seem like a liability for any kind of serious driving like that. I guess you could take them out and install some real seat belts.
1996 Honda Accord EX
The case for it: It’s already kind of ruined, and it already has a salvage title. And it’s a tough car with good parts support. The crazy color would stand out, too; you could become known for a car like this. I think you’d have to take the window tint off, though.
The case against it: It’s getting up there in mileage, and nothing lasts forever, not even a Honda Accord.
2001 Dodge Ram 1500
The case for it: Since it’s a truck, it has a ton of ground clearance, even being 2WD. That can come in handy any time you’re off the pavement. And it’s the only rear-wheel-drive vehicle here, which makes it a little trickier to master, but more fun once you get good with it.
The case against it: Not much, except for the potential transmission issues. It’s kind of big and ponderous, too, so it might not be as much fun to throw around as the smaller cars.
I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to this weekend. I don’t get as many chances as I’d like to drive for the sheer pleasure of driving. Lots of people fantasize about getting to drive a Ferrari or something, and yeah, that would be cool, but I’d rather put a cheap car through its paces and not have to worry so much about it than tiptoe around in a car that cost as much as my house. I guess it’s just how I’m wired. And you all must enjoy cheap cars too, or you wouldn’t be reading this. So if you had your choice of one of these cars, just to have some fun with on a dirt course laid out in a field, which one would it be?
I like Accords. I’ve owned two. This one, I would RX it as is (maybe some different tires) and if it survives reasonably intact, get it repainted and replace the stupid rear light clusters.
I’ve driven all those except the Dodge. Tempo was very slow, even with manual. Chevy not much better, and both it and the Tempo handled badly at sedate speeds. That gen Accord was advanced for its time with good handling and refinement (despite aweful repaint).
The real answer is all of them. But forced to choose. The best one would be the Tempo, but it is a little too nice, so I’ll have the Accord.
Pink Pig Accord anyone?
The Tempo,because its manual and I would take great joy in crashing it up. I would use the Dodge to tow it up there.
On one hand, I’m confident with RWD on a loose surface (in a modestly-powered vehicle), and the Ram would be a good time. Plus, it’s already a stand-out blue.
On the other hand, though, the Accord would be a fun point-and-squirt experience, the wheels could probably be sold to fund a set of old steelies and several-year-old-but-uncracked snow tires, and it has a salvage title and greater cosmetic challenges than the other three. Plus, it’s already a stand-out pink, at least the parts of it that won’t break off on-course anyway.
I think the fun answer is to dolly-tow the Honda there with the Dodge, using it as an escape pod if the Dodge’s transmission explodes… and if you’re David, driving it only long enough to get the parts to fix the Dodge so you can really kill the Honda, on the dirt and/or subsequently with fire.
RWD on dirt for the win, I’ve done more than my fair share of that and would smoke most of the field.
Honestly, I love that Tempo, that combo has to be rare as hen’s teeth, and fuck you six ways to Sunday if you want to destroy it. No way in hell I would abuse it like that.
I find it telling that people would destroy a nice Tempo over a rusty Dodge.
In the early 90’s, my Yugo was destroyed by a Mercury Topaz (UPS truck stopped, I stopped, Topaz didn’t). The idea of beating a Topaz, or the Ford equivalent, to death, by rallycrossing it holds a definite appeal.
I’d go with the Honda, keep the dark tint so mysterious driver and I’d ring every last mile out of it on the track and bum a ride home as it was towed once more to the salvage yard never to return.
I actually have RallyCrossed a $750 Cavalier Coupe (1991). It was great fun in an “I have no idea what my wheels are doing” sort of way. Surprisingly good manual transmission. Blew the engine a couple of weeks later. Definitely got my $750 out of it
To borrow a phrase (almost) from the late great Carrie Fisher, surrender to the pink.
For me it comes down to the ruined accord and the rusty Dodge.
My vote goes to the rusty Dodge Truck because there are too many pickup trucks out there and I’m sure a rallycross even will kill any of these.
And that rusty Dodge makes for a lousy daily driver given recent fuel prices.
Strictly for rallycross, I’m taking the Pepto Honda.
But in reality, I’m skipping the rallycross and taking the Holy Grail Tempo.
Honda for sure. And I think you made the case for it perfectly.
But for a regular second chance showdown, I’d take the Tempo. It’s in decent shape, has a V6 and 5-speed, and I’m sure it would draw some weird looks at Cars&Coffee.
I’d lose the bra for sure. I’d like to lose the stripes too, but I suspect they’d be a nightmare to remove after all these years. On the other hand, the paint under them probably hasn’t faded, so… ghost flames! 😉
Honda if it’s dry, Dodge if it’s wet and muddy. I agree that while the other two choices aren’t really classics, they’re too nice for this use case.
As usual, I always pick the best of the bunch which is that beautiful blue Dodge Ram; plus it still works for the rally scenario since it would be really fun for that and as mentioned it has more ground clearance