Home » You Should Become A Member Just To Find Out Who David Thought Hannah Montana Was And Help Us Figure Out What Movie He Thought “Ronin” Was

You Should Become A Member Just To Find Out Who David Thought Hannah Montana Was And Help Us Figure Out What Movie He Thought “Ronin” Was

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It’s so, so, so, so good. It is worth becoming a member just to read it. Trust me. Just trust me.

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Rafael
Rafael
23 days ago

Must admit that I too thought Alexis Texas was from the Hannah Montana show. Checked Ms. Texas on Google, and might save the links so, ah, I could avoid clicking on them in the future.
That being said, thanks for clarifying some of the puns, they don’t always land the first time for me, since I’m not a native speaker 🙂

Highland Green Miata
Highland Green Miata
23 days ago

It’s not Ronin, it’s Running Scared. It’s not DiNiro, it’s Billy Crystal. And Gregory Hines. And a malaise era car chase in Chicago…with a nun…and a priest. And Jimmy Smits. And the El tracks. Watch here https://youtu.be/a1Sr3GwdtRs?si=ByO8l_Ne4D-zPZWa (no Alexis Texas or Rickroll, I promise!)

Mr. Asa
Mr. Asa
22 days ago

(no Alexis Texas or Rickroll, I promise!)

I mean, why do I wanna watch it if that’s the case?

Mr Sarcastic
Mr Sarcastic
24 days ago

Or David is thinking Taxi Driver, a 1976 movie where a messed up Travis Bickell played by Deniro drives a Taxi around NYC developes an infatuation with a 14 year old prostitute played by Jodie Foster and plans to win her love by shooting the president.

OCS-BN
OCS-BN
24 days ago

I have to admit that I learned a lot in today’s Tales from the Slack.

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
24 days ago

Oh Disney… What have you become?
Once just the harbinger of playful animated stories where all the parental figures die leaving the hero of the story to fend for themselves against a constant onslaught of stereotypically dark skinned villains. Now a ….
Never mind. You do you Disney.

Hanna Montana…
I’m sure Lexus Texas is in the works at their studios, so long as the bean counters think it will make money.

Yup, Disney porn is right around the corner. Should we choose to live long enough to see it.

Mr Sarcastic
Mr Sarcastic
24 days ago

Hold it isn’t Miley Cyress the adult portion actress alter ego of Hannah Montana?

Martin English
Martin English
24 days ago

You’re betting on the Lexus Texas ?

I call with the Mitsubishi Pajero and raise with the Isuzu Big Horn. For those not familiar with Spanish, Pajero basically means self-gratification.

Mortalcombatant
Mortalcombatant
24 days ago
Reply to  Martin English

That’s why they called it Montero in Americas.

Nsane In The MembraNe
Nsane In The MembraNe
24 days ago

This thread reminds me of my developmental psychology class in college when we were learning about sexuality. At one point our professor, who was definitely a babe, turned to the entire lecture hall and asked everyone who’d masturbated before to raise their hand. Some giggling ensued, some people raised their hands rather enthusiastically, but a good 3/4s of the room sat silent.

She then laughed and said that statistically speaking nearly the entire room likely had and that lots of folks were too bashful to acknowledge it in a public forum like that, which led to further discussion. Anyway, I feel like her reading through this thread.

Suuuuuuuuure, commentariat! Almost none of you have any idea who Alexis Texas is. Right. Totally!

Last edited 24 days ago by Nsane In The MembraNe
JerryLH3
JerryLH3
24 days ago

Jenna Jameson, Chasey Laine (thanks to that one Bloodhound Gang song), I would have gotten right away. I did not recognize Alexis Texas at first read. But if you asked me to really think about the type of profession that obvious stage name might have, I think I would have got there.

Mr Sarcastic
Mr Sarcastic
24 days ago

I know me some Porn, never heard of Alexis Texas. Given amount of points and points actresses I can only assume most who know Alexus Texas actually read the articles.

AlterId
AlterId
22 days ago

I’m no prude, but Lexus Texas does not drive in the same lane (hell, the same carriageway) of Pornography Boulevard as I. I don’t think David has that excuse, though.

Last edited 22 days ago by AlterId
CSRoad
CSRoad
24 days ago

Come on guys this is just further evidence David Tracy is using a rather limited chatbot to get himself time off.

Mr Sarcastic
Mr Sarcastic
24 days ago
Reply to  CSRoad

I read David Tracy is using a rather limited chat box to get himself off.

CSRoad
CSRoad
24 days ago
Reply to  Mr Sarcastic

He’s typing one handed now?

Mr Sarcastic
Mr Sarcastic
24 days ago
Reply to  CSRoad

Or perhaps being creative in his digit for typing? Go to sleep with that as your last thought. LOL

The Artist Formerly Known as the Uncouth Sloth
The Artist Formerly Known as the Uncouth Sloth
22 days ago
Reply to  Mr Sarcastic

He has no need for such tawdriness. HE HAS A FRIEND NOW!

Mr Sarcastic
Mr Sarcastic
22 days ago

Well I am not privy to or making assumptions of Dave’s wonderful new companion.

Jonathan Hendry
Jonathan Hendry
25 days ago

I always get Ronin and HEAT mixed up.

Chronometric
Chronometric
25 days ago

I DIDN’T MAKE THIS UP.
Hannah Montana was originally going to be Alexis Texas.
https://www.cbr.com/hannah-montana-originally-called-alexis-texas/

Now gimme my COTD. ????

Last edited 25 days ago by Chronometric
David Tracy
David Tracy
25 days ago
Reply to  Chronometric

Robbed!

Chronometric
Chronometric
24 days ago
Reply to  David Tracy

Well thanks for the nomination anyway. I’ll always cherish it, along with my malaise era Audi S8.

Mr Sarcastic
Mr Sarcastic
24 days ago
Reply to  Chronometric

I love how your source ends with calling this story bogus!

Amorphis
Amorphis
25 days ago

I have also never heard of Alexis Texas
though I have seen Ronin, many many times. I had a huge crush on Natascha McElhone, not to mention a man-crush on Jean Reno

Matt Sexton
Matt Sexton
25 days ago

Completely separately from all these shenanigans (I too had never heard of Ms. Texas) since you briefly mentioned it, Midnight Run is my favorite movie of all time. If you’ve not seen it I highly recommend. It’s very nearly perfect.

Last edited 25 days ago by Matt Sexton
LTDScott
LTDScott
25 days ago

Huh. I am…. uh, the target demographic for Alexis Texas, and am familiar with the other stars you mentioned, but this is the first I’ve heard of her. Apparently I’ve been missing this reference the whole time too.

The French Connection cannot be full of Malaise Era cars because it was filmed before the Malaise Era. I know there’s not a set definition for that, but according to Murilee Martin who coined the term, it started in 1975, whereas the Malaise Motors group starts at 1972. Either way, both are after 1971 when The French Connection was filmed.

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
25 days ago

If you know who Alexis Texas is, you don’t need me to explain it. If you don’t know, I would not recommend googling it.

I blame everyone who made this joke about the Lexus TX. I didn’t know until then, haha.

Also, how did Lexus themselves not Google that?! It’s right there. Companies either need someone so old-internet that nothing with SafeSearch off can even phase them or someone who’s just horniness incarnate to run potential model names by beforehand.

Last edited 25 days ago by Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
25 days ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

{ clicks to see Matt’s other references }

“A Lexus TX Is Coming”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA oh my gosh

Tim Cougar
Tim Cougar
25 days ago

I have never heard of Alexis Texas.

The Artist Formerly Known as the Uncouth Sloth
The Artist Formerly Known as the Uncouth Sloth
22 days ago
Reply to  Tim Cougar

wasn’t she an exhaust port enthusiast?

Shop-Teacher
Shop-Teacher
25 days ago

I think your French Connection theory is probably correct. I have a possible alternative though. In the movie The Score, which is a heist movie, DeNiro drives a malaise era Chrysler a bit. Although it is set in Montreal, and there are no car chases.

MATTinMKE
MATTinMKE
25 days ago

Ah DT. The gift that keeps on giving.

As for DeNero movies, how about Taxi Driver? Or Goodfellas?

Dar Khorse
Dar Khorse
25 days ago
Reply to  MATTinMKE

Taxi Driver is De Niro’s best film, IMHO and one of the best films ever.

MATTinMKE
MATTinMKE
25 days ago
Reply to  Dar Khorse

One of the best ever is a strong statement, but I agree it’s a damn fine film.

Data
Data
25 days ago
Reply to  MATTinMKE

Is DeNero the Romulan who blows up Vulcan and gave us the Kelvin timeline?

MATTinMKE
MATTinMKE
25 days ago
Reply to  Data

I don’t remember that from Goodfellas, so maybe it was in The Intern?

A. Barth
A. Barth
24 days ago
Reply to  Data

He’s de guy who allegedly fiddled while Rome burned.

Taco Shackleford
Taco Shackleford
24 days ago
Reply to  MATTinMKE

My thought was he’s mixing Taxi Driver, and Ronin.

Data
Data
25 days ago

I’m going to vote for Seven and Ronin. What’s in the Box? What’s in the case? It’s either a light bulb or Marcellus soul. Maybe a new battery for the Leaf.

Mr. Frick
Mr. Frick
25 days ago

I think he conflated French Connection with Ronin. Seen them both a bunch of times. And it is French Connection and Ronin was in Fance.

MaximillianMeen
MaximillianMeen
25 days ago

First off, I am a bit saddened to learn a simple reference to an adult entertainer got a COTD scrubbed. I know you are trying to be inclusive and female-friendly around here, but I thought modern feminism included acknowledging adult entertainers as independent women allowed to use their bodies as they choose, without judgement?

As for “Ronin”, “French Connection” was my first thought, but did “Serpico” have any car chases? That was a 70s movie with Pacino that took place in New York. I can’t see even David confusing 90s LA in “Heat” with malaise era NYC, especially since he lives there now.

Last edited 25 days ago by MaximillianMeen
David Tracy
David Tracy
25 days ago
Reply to  Matt Hardigree

^. I thought it was funnier when I thought that was actually Hannah Montana’s alter ego. As it sits, I don’t really find it funny.

Also, maybe it WAS Serpico!

DadBod
DadBod
22 days ago

“I thought modern feminism included acknowledging adult entertainers as independent women allowed to use their bodies as they choose, without judgement”
Dude this is a fairy tale take on the industry. It’s tied up with human trafficking, addiction, and consent is questionable. For every empowered free-thinking sex worker you have a bajillion women suffering from abuse.

MaximillianMeen
MaximillianMeen
22 days ago
Reply to  DadBod

The anti-slut-shaming is towards the performers, not the industry. No doubt human trafficking is a serious problem.

But I think Ms. Texas is performing willingly and, at 38 yrs old, has a higher net worth (est. $4M) than me at 57 with 35 yrs in high tech.

DadBod
DadBod
22 days ago

Fair enough. I’m on a hair trigger with this shit. As a father of teenage girls, porn ain’t what it used to be.

MaximillianMeen
MaximillianMeen
21 days ago
Reply to  DadBod

Father of a 17 yo daughter here. I understand. I’m ready to go Liam Neeson on anyone who messes with her.

Mechjaz
Mechjaz
25 days ago

Don’t sweat it, DT. All my Lexus’ live in Texas.

A. Barth
A. Barth
25 days ago

So THAT’s what happened. 😮

I saw the COTD comment and then the retraction/edit and didn’t understand what was happening, thinking maybe DT didn’t want to exert undue editorial influence on the COTD process.

FWIW I had no idea who Ms. Texas was/is, either, but Lexus (collectively) appears to be an even bigger dope than I am in this regard.

David Tracy
David Tracy
25 days ago
Reply to  A. Barth

Yeah, I removed it when I realize I’d misunderstood it!

A. Barth
A. Barth
25 days ago
Reply to  David Tracy

At least neither of us named a new flagship vehicle after her 🙂

The Pigeon
The Pigeon
25 days ago

I think he was thinking of Donnie Brasco, but that was Al Pacino and Johnny Depp.

A. Barth
A. Barth
25 days ago
Reply to  The Pigeon

There are no car chases in DB, though, fuhgeddaboutit.

The Pigeon
The Pigeon
24 days ago
Reply to  A. Barth

I’m thinking he put together every type of mob movie in his head and made some amalgam. Like when everyone thought Shazam starring Sinbad was a thing.

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