Home » You’ll Never Guess How We Lost An Hour Of Our Morning This Week: Tales From The Slack

You’ll Never Guess How We Lost An Hour Of Our Morning This Week: Tales From The Slack

Hail Caesar Ts
ADVERTISEMENT

Thank you for reading The Autopian! If you’re seeing this text it means this content is for official members only. If you want to experience this automotive goodness, please consider supporting us by becoming a member. Thank you very much!

Share on facebook
Facebook
Share on whatsapp
WhatsApp
Share on twitter
Twitter
Share on linkedin
LinkedIn
Share on reddit
Reddit
Subscribe
Notify of
102 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Parsko
Parsko
4 months ago

Celery salt on hot wieners.

https://www.olneyvillenewyorksystem.com/

Last edited 4 months ago by Parsko
Shop-Teacher
Shop-Teacher
4 months ago

Ants on a log, or GTFAC!

David Tracy
David Tracy
4 months ago

Boiled celery improves all soups.

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
4 months ago
Reply to  David Tracy

Said everyone cooking soup behind The Iron Curtain between 1945 and 1991.

Last edited 4 months ago by Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
4 months ago

Agafa: Who wants some goat shin soup?

Garbiil: Depends on what’s in it.

Agafa: Boiled sinew and chopped turnips. Same as always.

Garbiil: Are there any spices in the broth?

Agafa: Heavens no. We haven’t had any spices since… well.. you know.

Garbiil: I’ll just go ahead and starve thanks.

Agafa: I guess I could boil some celery and toss it in. We are celebrating Victory Day after all.

Garbiil: In that case, since we’re celebrating, I’ll take two bowls.

Agafa: Nope. Just one bowl. That’s all you’re allowed.

Garbiil: Mmm celery…

D M
D M
4 months ago

Between this and the currywurst vs schnitzel debate, I’m convinced most folks in the comments have no taste buds.

1) Ketchup is never acceptable on sausage. NEVER.
1b) adding curry powder to non curry things rarely works. No, your chicken salad isn’t an exception.

2) celery is only palatable in mirepoix, Trinity or similar as an aromatic (diced small and cooked to death to kill the raw flavor and mask the stringy-ness)
2a) Raw celery tastes like rotten ass and
2b) celery seed is the devil’s semen. Concentrated raw celery nastiness. Even long cooking does nothing to alleviate the putrescence.

Andrea Petersen
Andrea Petersen
4 months ago
Reply to  D M

I race with a guy who believes ketchup should be illegal on hot dogs for anyone over 18. To the point that he put stickers on the ketchup bottles stating this in very “government” language. I enjoy using ketchup on hotdogs in his direct line of sight

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
4 months ago

LOL.

Where does he stand on mayonnaise? I just like mayonnaise. If mayonnaise is out and none of the other toppings seem like they’d clash…the mayo is probably going on my hot dog.

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
4 months ago
Reply to  D M

Hard disagree on curry. Curry all the things, especially currywurst and curried chicken salad. It’s so good!

I’m with you on raw celery, though. Cook that nasty weed and it’s useful. Don’t cook it, and it has about the same crunch as roaches do when I step on them. Ghastly. The worst.

Andrea Petersen
Andrea Petersen
4 months ago

Celery is best naked. Not in a tomato-based horror beverage, not with disgusting slimy ranch on it, not chopped up in a salad, not with peanut butter on it which will inevitably be annoying. Just as a stand alone stacking vegetable.

Jesus Chrysler drives a Dodge
Jesus Chrysler drives a Dodge
4 months ago

Non-sequitur here, but WTF is with the auto-play video every time I load your site? If I want to view content through a gunslit sandwiched between an ad and visual noise-vomit, I’ll head over to Jalopnik.

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
4 months ago

Temporary goof, IIRC. I haven’t seen it today.

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
4 months ago

Given how active these comments are, I gotta ask.

Where does the Autopian’s staff stand on “Is pizza a meal?”

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
4 months ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

“Is pizza a meal?”

Yes. Sometimes three meals.

(so long as nobody opens that piping hot pizza box in my car)

That’s how you get
I don’t even want to say it…

Last edited 4 months ago by Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
4 months ago

Never open the box in the car. Never.

Shop-Teacher
Shop-Teacher
4 months ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

It is THE meal.

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
4 months ago
Reply to  Shop-Teacher

I did have it for dinner yesterday.

Shop-Teacher
Shop-Teacher
4 months ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

My daughter and I had pizza for lunch at Rockford Speedway on Sunday. And then we had the leftovers for dinner in the truck on the way home.

Steve Lee
Steve Lee
4 months ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

Did somebody mention pizza as a meal?
https://www.threads.net/@spleeeeeeee/post/Cxa4GN3ujAL

Iwannadrive637
Iwannadrive637
4 months ago

Since we’re taking votes: I like raw celery and raw spinach. Cooking celery takes away the snap, and cooking spinach turns it into a witches vomit. I swear, the smell alone can peel wallpaper. The only good thing about pickles is they helped make an excellent “Andy Griffith Show” episode.

OrigamiSensei
OrigamiSensei
4 months ago

Good heavens, raisins on celery? Next thing you’ll be putting it in your potato salad. Philistines! (insert Game of Thrones “SHAME, SHAME” gif here)

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
4 months ago
Reply to  OrigamiSensei

Here here!
Claussen pickles and finely diced red onions or shallots should be the only things adding crunch to potato salad.

TOSSABL
TOSSABL
4 months ago

On the celery greens, there’s a fair percentage of the population with a particular gene which causes us to taste certain things differently. Cilantro is the test: if you taste it somewhat like soap, you have that active gene. I love broccoli, spinach, collard greens, etc, but I have that active gene, so celery greens taste faintly of soap. Personally, I’m pro celery stalk: great road trip food: easy, cheap, not too messy, and can help keep me awake—but I cain’t be havin’ with no greens

So, y’all are welcome to the greens I trim from mine!

Paul B
Paul B
4 months ago

Has anyone ever wondered why a bar had a bottle of clam juice around?

Almost as risky as ordering a drink that uses cream in a dive bar.

TOSSABL
TOSSABL
4 months ago
Reply to  Paul B

People have been using it in Red Eyes for decades, so it’s in a fair few bars

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
4 months ago

How do you raw make celery less enjoyable?
Add raisins.

MATTinMKE
MATTinMKE
4 months ago

Preach.

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
4 months ago
Reply to  MATTinMKE

I don’t think you fully comprehend the meaning of that word in this particular circumstance.

I could go full on preacher about the hell bakers that use raisins should be doomed to.

I won’t. This is not the place for such vehemence.

I’m team chocolate chip on this particular subject.

Mr Sarcastic
Mr Sarcastic
4 months ago

I hope all your writers are paid a good celery. Cream cheese or nacho cheese. Is a good celery dip. And what would we do without celery and ranch to cool down the heat of our three mile island chicken wings?
Also I am sure I have had this drink in the US but called something else. You never forget that first sip of unexpected clam juice

Last edited 4 months ago by Mr Sarcastic
Wezel Boy
Wezel Boy
4 months ago

I’m pro-celery. It’s an important ingredient in mirepoix. And the peanut butter thing. And chicken or tuna salad. It’s crunchy!

Dar Khorse
Dar Khorse
4 months ago

I‘m with ya Central Market Matthew (and Jason): celery with real peanut butter (nothing but peanuts, oil and a dash of salt – not the spoiled spackling paste that Adrian is undoubtedly referring to) is delicious.
And do yourself a favor and add finely chopped celery greens, celery hearts and maybe some ground celery seeds next time you make a tuna salad and try to tell me that it doesn’t make it 10 times better.

Also, Peter Viera’s brilliant comeback to Adrian is the funniest thing I’ve read all week and I don’t want it to go uncommented on:

Adrian: “Fucking celery”
Peter: “Weird status update, but OK”
(just noticed this is featured in the topshot – excellent)

Last edited 4 months ago by Dar Khorse
Stephen Walter Gossin
Stephen Walter Gossin
4 months ago
Reply to  Dar Khorse

Peter is hilarious. But when-you-least-expect-it-and-you-have-to-think-about-it-to-get-it type of funny.

The dude nearly makes me spit out my coffee at least once a day.

Marc Fuhrman
Marc Fuhrman
4 months ago

Huh, I always thought a Caesar was like a Bloody Mary but with tequila rather than vodka. TIL.
And I got to agree with Jason and Matt about celery. A celery stick with some peanut butter and raisins is a tasty, healthy snack and using the leafy green bits works great with soups or borsch.

AssMatt
AssMatt
4 months ago
Reply to  Marc Fuhrman

Bloody Marias! Great for those of us who don’t like vodka.

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
4 months ago
Reply to  AssMatt

Old English and tomato juice?Bloody Monkeys. Great for those of us that like to live…
in a tent down by the drainage ditch.

TXJeepGuy
TXJeepGuy
4 months ago

I’ll stick to Mountain Dew and Crab Juice

Drew
Drew
4 months ago
Reply to  TXJeepGuy

Blech..Ewww…..I’ll take the crab juice.

A. Barth
A. Barth
4 months ago
Reply to  TXJeepGuy

Khlav khalash?

Carl Nichols
Carl Nichols
4 months ago

We called the peanut butter one with raisins “ants on a log”. Seems more fun.

Drew
Drew
4 months ago
Reply to  Carl Nichols

I totally breezed by the name and read it as ants on a log. I’ve never heard it just called raisins on a log.

Shop-Teacher
Shop-Teacher
4 months ago
Reply to  Carl Nichols

Yes. This is the proper name. And also the only proper use for celery.

Mrbrown89
Mrbrown89
4 months ago

celery and olives are the only two food ingredients I do not like in any shape or form. I can tell if a dish has celery or olives just tasting it, even if I don’t see it. Raisins are close but I can stand them just a few of them

Another rant, who decided to use matcha on desserts? Happy friday haha

A. Barth
A. Barth
4 months ago
Reply to  Mrbrown89

I do not like olives on pizza.

I am meh toward the green olives with the pimiento (aka piece of pepper) inside.

I will eat a bowl of Kalamata olives as a snack. Go figure.

Mr Sarcastic
Mr Sarcastic
4 months ago
Reply to  A. Barth

In Arizona they put a stuffed olive in your draft beer. You eat when done and it eliminates the yeasty after taste of the beer.

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
4 months ago
Reply to  Mr Sarcastic

Man, I get annoyed when I get a stupid lemon/orange slice I didn’t ask for as a garnish. An olive IN the beer is beyond the pale. (I also really, really don’t like olives.)

I guess this is a regional thing some people like, but once again, I’m begging servers to just ask first! Just ask. Some of us want to taste the beer, not citrus/olive.

Last edited 4 months ago by Stef Schrader
Mr Sarcastic
Mr Sarcastic
4 months ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

I agree ???? I usually hate unasked for garnish. But in the desert heat drinking beer that is a diuretic I actually got to appreciate the stuffed olives. Now no longer in Arizona have never asked for it and don’t miss it.

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
4 months ago
Reply to  Mr Sarcastic

That makes sense, though. Heat’s brutal.

Here, I just ask for water (and more water, and more water, and more water, and more water, and I have to pee, so lemme finish this beer, ah, order me another one and more water). That water’s a good place to squeeze the lemon into if one shows up anyway.

A. Barth
A. Barth
4 months ago
Reply to  Mr Sarcastic

😮

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
4 months ago
Reply to  Mrbrown89

Oh, matcha. It’s an okay tea, but not a flavor I’m super fond of. All the matcha deserts that I’ve tried are just unappetizing to me, though. I don’t get the appeal.

I’m convinced that the green color just looks good for Instagram. Like macarons or those bizarrely stacked bloody maries—these look spectacular! But they’re either a terrible texture (former…and maybe latter if you’re a fellow tomato-and-celery-hater) or unwieldy to actually eat/drink (latter).

Last edited 4 months ago by Stef Schrader
Icouldntfindaclevername
Icouldntfindaclevername
4 months ago

So a Caesar = Clamato
Celery is a very versatile veggy. Need it for a lot of cooking. Any remember Mirepoix?
Also I grew up having peanut butter on celery as a snack LOL

NebraskaStig
NebraskaStig
4 months ago

Jason is referring to the classic kid snack from the 80s (probably before then) “ants on a log” – peanut butter filled celery stalk with raisins in the peanut butter to hold them in place. My 3YO loves this snack

Dalton
Dalton
4 months ago

I like pickles

  • Adrian Clarke
Mr Sarcastic
Mr Sarcastic
4 months ago
Reply to  Dalton

You can’t say that. Sweet or dill? Gherkin or spear? Does that include relish? How about cakes the base of pickles? Is a pickle base a real form of musical instrument?

MATTinMKE
MATTinMKE
4 months ago
Reply to  Mr Sarcastic

Agree. Specifics please.

Personally, I like sweet pickles and sweet pickle relish. No dill. I love olives of all kinds, and will sit down with a can of black olives and polish it off in one sitcom.

Celery can fuck right off.

Mr Sarcastic
Mr Sarcastic
4 months ago
Reply to  MATTinMKE

Allright Allright picture a Matthew Maghonahey meme. (Dude needs an easier last name to spell)

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
4 months ago
Reply to  Mr Sarcastic

My favorite instrument is mayonnaise, good sir!

Also, I hate sweet pickles so much. Sweet pickle relish has its uses (hello, deviled eggs), but sweet pickles on their own are the absolute worst, especially when they go unlabelled. I expect a tangy, tart, crunchy pickle only to get a mouthful of sickly sweet nonsense. No thank you.

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
4 months ago
Reply to  Mr Sarcastic

Either, we don’t really get a choice here in the UK but I think ours come down more on the side of dill. Whole gherkins or sliced lengthways, as long as I can put that fucker in a sandwich. Or straight in my mouth.

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
4 months ago

Is Adrian the only one here with functional tastebuds? He’s right about both celery and peanut butter.

Also, ranch dressing is the devil’s piss. Gross in every respect.

TXJeepGuy
TXJeepGuy
4 months ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

Texan card revoked

Goof
Goof
4 months ago
Reply to  TXJeepGuy

Is it? Hidden Valley Ranch was produced in Santa Barbara, CA. Originally a lot of the packets were fulfilled via MAIL ORDER.

Ranch is fundamentally very Californian, though the recipe for his ranch dressing was created by Steve Henson (founder of Hidden Valley Ranch) when he was working as a contractor in Alaska.

Great history on ranch dressing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCyygfqKylg

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
4 months ago
Reply to  TXJeepGuy

As Goof noted, ranch dressing is a foul imports from elsewhere.

Texas existed long before people started slopping that vile glorp all over their food.

A. Barth
A. Barth
4 months ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

The devil needs to see a urologist, stat 😮

Peanut butter is good as long as it’s not the sugar-laden commercial stuff aimed at kids. Two ingredients are permissible in proper peanut butter; peanuts and salt.

10001010
10001010
4 months ago
Reply to  A. Barth

I do not like peanut butter and I do not like chocolate but I will eat my own weight in Reese’s peanut butter cups. Apparently the combination is acceptable.

Celery is gross and hairy though.

MATTinMKE
MATTinMKE
4 months ago
Reply to  A. Barth

Totally LOLd at this one. Thanks Barth!

A. Barth
A. Barth
4 months ago
Reply to  MATTinMKE

I’m here to help 🙂

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
4 months ago
Reply to  A. Barth

Peanuts are just such a mid nut. I don’t hate them—peanut sauce at Asian restaurants and pad thai are pretty tasty—but I don’t want them in butter form, either. The hyperprocessed stuff is pretty gross, though. I’m pretty sure it could double as bearing grease in a pinch, provided you opt for smooth.

Also, if you want a sweet spread, Nutella is right there, folks.

Last edited 4 months ago by Stef Schrader
A. Barth
A. Barth
4 months ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

That’s fair. I pack bearings with Red ‘n’ Tacky grease and it is comparable in texture to some of the more egregious PB offerings.

And the Nutella is indeed right there, meaning “in my pantry” 😀 It’s good stuff.

Marc Fuhrman
Marc Fuhrman
4 months ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

To be fair, a peanut isn’t really a nut. It’s a type of legume, so it’s more like soybeans or chickpeas and the like. A lot of of those type seeds don’t have a whole lot of flavor.

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
4 months ago
Reply to  Marc Fuhrman

Yep. I wonder if this is where boiled peanuts came from? Allow me to offend the south further by noting how gross boiled peanuts are. Ew. Not a fan.

Freelivin1327
Freelivin1327
4 months ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

…also anyone who puts ranch on pizza (which is blasphemous) is disgusting and deeply disturbed

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
4 months ago
Reply to  Freelivin1327

Hear, hear. Ranch is one of those sauces that covers up anything it touches, too. That’s one of the things I really, really don’t get. If you don’t like pizza, maybe eat something else? Surely dipping bread into ranch as a vehicle for { vomits } that sauce is simpler, less expensive and achieves the same end?

Freelivin1327
Freelivin1327
4 months ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

Yup, also not sure but just have to clarify that pizza w/ ranch is disgusting and not pizza itself…I love pizza and would be confused if someone didn’t like pizza ha ha

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
4 months ago
Reply to  Freelivin1327

I gotta be careful with pizza. No other food gives me the farts quite as much. So, I’m empathetic to any pizza haters, even if it’s the least offensive food I can think of.

Mr Sarcastic
Mr Sarcastic
4 months ago
Reply to  Freelivin1327

No it is acceptable on a Buffalo chicken pizza which is acceptable when drunk.

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
4 months ago
Reply to  Mr Sarcastic

Blue cheese actually tastes good, though, provided it’s a quality version with big ol’ cheese chunks. I’d opt for crumbles or a drizzle on a pizza instead of like, dipping the whole thing in, though. The other flavors on a buffalo chicken pizza are yummy, and I want to taste them.

The absolute war crimes that SOBER Baylor girls did with ranch dressing on food is something that’s permanently burnt into my brain. How? Why? Who hurt them??? I don’t understand???!?!?!

Last edited 4 months ago by Stef Schrader
Mr Sarcastic
Mr Sarcastic
4 months ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

I agree Bleu cheese from the train tunnel made at Clemson University is the epitome of proper blue cheese. But I would never waste that as salad dressing. But a dry left over pizza the next day dipping in anything is better than dry pizza. People remember to properly seal your left over pizza.

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
4 months ago
Reply to  Freelivin1327

Yup. What kind of maniacal weirdo would put ranch on pizza?
The pizza should be dipped into the ranch dressing.

Drew
Drew
4 months ago

That image is from “Letterkenny,” which is the best show you’re not watching right now.

To be fair (to be faaaiirr), the number of times I’ve seen people reference it here would suggest a number of us might watch it even while we’re checking in here.

The Artist Formerly Known as the Uncouth Sloth
The Artist Formerly Known as the Uncouth Sloth
4 months ago
Reply to  Drew

Well, I’m surprised we’re not watching it right now

A. Barth
A. Barth
4 months ago
Reply to  Drew

And that’s what we appreciates about ya

OverlandingSprinter
OverlandingSprinter
4 months ago
Reply to  Drew

That image is from “Letterkenny,” which is the best show you’re not watching right now.

Hard no. Am watching. Even weirder show than “Corner Gas.”

A. Barth
A. Barth
4 months ago

EAT AT THE RUBY
AND GET GAS

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
4 months ago
Reply to  A. Barth

This sounds fart jokey, and thus, relevant to my interests.

GO ON.

A. Barth
A. Barth
4 months ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

Quick summary: Corner Gas took place in a fictional small town in rural/farming Saskatchewan. Corner Gas is the name of the gas station, which is co-located with a small restaurant called the Ruby. The two shop owners shared a roadside sign (the kind with the removable letters) and were trying to come up with clever/funny ads that would mention both businesses. 🙂

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
4 months ago
Reply to  A. Barth

hell yeah

Mr Sarcastic
Mr Sarcastic
4 months ago
Reply to  A. Barth

Yes, I am an American but I seem to remember this show. I really miss the Red Green Show. But corner gas it was about a rural truck stop and had a hot brunette that later played Robin Chibotsky in How I Met Your Mother? It was a good show.

Freelivin1327
Freelivin1327
4 months ago
Reply to  Mr Sarcastic

Yeah, love Red Green; especially all the funny car hack scenes!

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
4 months ago
Reply to  Drew

Heck, I found out about it when a Jalopnik commenter saw me use “hard no” in a blog and asked if I watched the show. I’ve been hooked ever since, haha.

Remember when I wrote for a website? Puffalump Farms remembers. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to sit around and wait for my bones to turn to dust.

Mr Sarcastic
Mr Sarcastic
4 months ago
Reply to  Drew

Okay what is letterkenney what channel and what time. I admit I don’t know jack about this.

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
4 months ago
Reply to  Mr Sarcastic

IDK if it’s on regular cable, but we usually stream it via Hulu.

Mr Sarcastic
Mr Sarcastic
4 months ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

Okay thanks but no help.

MATTinMKE
MATTinMKE
4 months ago
Reply to  Mr Sarcastic

You can find some episodes on YouTube. It’s good stuff.

OverlandingSprinter
OverlandingSprinter
4 months ago
Reply to  Mr Sarcastic

There’s an internet technology called BitTorrent a person could, hypothetically speaking, use to download digital content not available in one’s jurisdiction because no local provider purchased rights to stream this content.

I share here for informational purposes.

Mr Sarcastic
Mr Sarcastic
4 months ago

Thanks

Beer-light Guidance
Beer-light Guidance
4 months ago
Reply to  Drew

That’s actually how the market Caesars ya know.

102
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x