Home » A Love Letter For A Dead GM Brand Hits Differently Than One For Toyota: COTD

A Love Letter For A Dead GM Brand Hits Differently Than One For Toyota: COTD

1968 Oldsmobile Sports1
ADVERTISEMENT

Some car enthusiasts love their rides so much, they send the brand a letter about how much they adore their car. I love Smart so much I named myself after its parent company. Rob loves his Toyota 4Runner so much that he wrote an essay about it and sent it to colleges and Toyota. Perhaps as endearing as the letters themselves are how automakers respond to their biggest fans.

For me, Smart USA considered making my story into an ad campaign, and in the end, I’d get a free car. That was torpedoed when Mercedes-Benz USA took over distribution from Penske Automotive Group. In more recent times, a PR person at U-Haul sent me merch and a lengthy handwritten to thank me for being such a big U-Haul fan.

Vidframe Min Top
Vidframe Min Bottom

But, what if you love a brand that’s been dead and gone for a long time? Sid Bridge offers an amusing fictional tale:

Just trying to imagine if I tried this today:

Dear GM,

I just wanted to write to express my love for my 1968 Oldsmobile, a faithful companion to me for the last 23 years. With every turn of the key, the roar of it’s big block V8 makes me happier than you can imagine. I look forward to many more miles and many more years with my 4-4-2.

-Sid

Dear Sid,

My name is Frank. It’s my job to read all of these letters and send replies. This is the first Oldsmobile letter I’ve gotten since I took this job. I’m sure my predecessor had a few, but I can’t ask him because he fell asleep with a cigar in his mouth and now we don’t have a break room or Marshall anymore. I’m going to miss Marshall. He always had Starlight mints.

Anyway, what were we talking about? Oh yes. Your Oldsmobile. I shared your letter with my immediate supervisor and received a reprimand for mentioning a dead brand in front of him. My bonus just went down by 15%, so I’m a little salty right now, but I can’t blame that on you, in spite of your inability to let go of the past and see any of the great new offerings from General Motors. Seriously, man. We have a Chevy Equinox that makes more factory horsepower than those Oldsmobiles did.

But I’m assuming you really wrote hoping for some free Oldsmobile swag. We don’t have any. The brand’s been dead for almost two decades. The best I can do is enclosed in this envelope. I’m sending you a cute little business card that turns into a sponge. It says “Safelite” on it because that’s who I got it from. I’m also including my most treasured possession, the charred remains of Marshall’s cigar. He sure picked the best cigars to smoke while immolating himself in our break room.

I do hope you continue to enjoy your Oldsmobile. I’m still driving a Chevy Trax with 180,000 miles on it and a rattle in the dashboard that not one genius in this office can figure out. It just keeps rattling and rattling way, even as my ex-wife drives around in the Toyota Highlander that I’m still paying for while giving road head to the f**king contractor who remodeled our bathroom.

Good day, sir.

That’s it, that just takes all of COTD today. You rock, Sid! Have a great evening, everyone.

(Top image: Oldsmobile)

ADVERTISEMENT
Share on facebook
Facebook
Share on whatsapp
WhatsApp
Share on twitter
Twitter
Share on linkedin
LinkedIn
Share on reddit
Reddit
Subscribe
Notify of
14 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Scott
Scott
11 months ago

Regrettably, I declined an offer of road head once, having just reread John Irving’s ‘World According to Garp’ and that bit where Garp’s wife accidentally bites off her boyfriend’s wang when Garp’s car hits hers, after coasting into the driveway behind her with it’s lights and engine off.

I’m not positive, but I think I was driving an ’84 (Rabbit) GTI at the time. There’s not a heck of a lot of room in the driver’s lap AFAICR, even if I was a lot skinnier back then. It was uncharacteristic of my then-GF to make such an offer, but sweet nonetheless, hence my regret decades later.

You live and learn, hopefully. 😉

Myk El
Myk El
11 months ago

My first car was an Oldsmobile. Second car was a Plymouth. I now have a Pontiac. I’m making my way through dead American brands that existed in my lifetime alphabetically starting with O. I think that means Saturn is next for me. LW300 wagon seems up my alley if I can find one in good shape.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
11 months ago
Reply to  Myk El

Let us know how it works out when you get to Tucker.

Myk El
Myk El
11 months ago
Reply to  Cheap Bastard

Fortunately I put in the “existed in my lifetime” caveat because Tucker was dead before I was born. As was Packard who I skipped. Otherwise there’s a metric crap ton of short lived brands out there….

Sid Bridge
Sid Bridge
11 months ago

Aw. You guys rock.
Made my day, Mercedes.

Erik Hancock
Erik Hancock
11 months ago
Reply to  Sid Bridge

It was an epic story Sid – comedy, tragedy, sex, and a big block V8. You’re an early contender for Comment of the Year, in my book.

April Chadwick
April Chadwick
11 months ago

funniest thing I ever read on Autopian

Daniel Williams
Daniel Williams
11 months ago

I miss my Alero.

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
11 months ago

Oldsmobile FTW!

Diana Slyter
Diana Slyter
11 months ago

Dear Corvair Owner:

Thank you for your interest in our mid engine Corvette. Unfortunately we cannot accept your $200 Corvair Owner loyalty credit in part payment nor can we acknowledge the existence of that coupon or the Corvair. Have you considered our Chevrolet Bolt?

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
11 months ago

Dear Stellantis,

I just wanted to write to express my appreciation for my Dodge, now colloquially known as the “Detroit Diplomat” in certain automotive enthusiast circles.
I bought it new, more than forty years ago.
Back when meth wasn’t a thing yet. Before I lost most my teeth biting down too hard on these invisible sandwiches I’m always chewing on….

Last edited 11 months ago by Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Jack Trade
Jack Trade
11 months ago

I like to imagine the Pontiac guy is still alive, still has a mullet, and would reply to correspondence with a lot of “hell yeahs!” and references to Van Halen songs. Might even send you a backlit PONTIAC sign with one of the bulbs burned out.

Data
Data
11 months ago
Reply to  Jack Trade

Ride Pontiac Ride!

10001010
10001010
11 months ago

I wanna know more about Marshall, any backstory there?

14
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x