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All Lights On, All The Time: Cold Start

Cs Thema Alllights
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There’s a recurring theme in car brochures that you see occasionally, and it’s one I like because of its subtle improbability. It’s the Every Light On conceit, where if there’s a car in the picture with some manner of light, every one of those lights needs to be on, no matter how improbable such a situation would be. This 1984 Lancia Thema brochure is a great example of this, as you can see up there where those two Business Buddies make their way from helicopter to Lancia, ready to continue businessing hard, this time speeding along the ground instead of over it.

In that picture up there, you see the Thema, with no one in it, with every single taillight section illuminated. For this to be possible, that car would have to have its lights on, brake engaged, hazards on (with the pic taken at just the right time to catch them on, not off), and be in reverse. With no one inside it. Somehow. Oh and I think the rear foglamps are on, too.

Vidframe Min Top
Vidframe Min Bottom

Cs Thema Alllights2

Happily, the Lancia people kept the full Christmas-lights-in-a-disco theme going on the interior, as you can see every single warning light illuminated, along with all the little lights in the HVAC system that would only ever be lit one at a time per bank of controls. If you’re ever sitting in a car where the dash looks like this, get the hell out, because that thing is going to blow.

 

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AC2DE
AC2DE
7 months ago

The “let’s turn on *all* the exterior lights when we stop the engine or remotely unlock the doors” of modern vehicles looks like this to me. I can’t count how many times I’ve stopped walking to or from my vehicle and waited for a non-existent driver to back out of a parking space. Even though I didn’t wait very long, usually, it can be hard to tell at night when the vehicle in question has darn-near-illegal tint on it.

Here’s the central point of my rant, manufacturers: Lights have meaning! Don’t go and turn on the same combination that would be seen at night, preparing to reverse from a parking spot. Please?

McLovin
McLovin
7 months ago

Story checks out. Back in the day my quite new Thema would only pick up FM radio with the suspension in sport setting.

AlfaWhiz
AlfaWhiz
7 months ago

Yes, much like everyday reality for those cars. Also, all lights BUT the indicators blinking when signaling a turn, or random lights blinking alternatively. Makes perfect sense to have this on the brochure, with all the warning lights conveniently illuminated on the dashboard, foreshadowing a not so distant future.

Last edited 7 months ago by AlfaWhiz
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