Every week, car journalists around the world take press releases and translate them into content that you want to read. If you’ve never read an automaker’s press release before, they’re usually filled to the brim with buzzwords and perhaps too much enthusiasm. Though, I don’t have much room to talk. I’m probably a greater cheerleader for Smart than Smart USA was. Look, what I’m saying is, you don’t want to turn a modern press release into a drinking game because there’s only so much “disrupt” and “dynanism” your liver will be able to take. Oh, and some of these press releases get long; I’m talking a dozen or two pages here.
This morning, Jason showed us that press releases weren’t always this way. In the past, they were short, dry, and to the point. Sometimes, the automaker didn’t even bother to “punch up” its own vehicle!
Do you know what’s better than a press release filled with buzzwords or one that’s super dry? A fun press release. Take it away, COTD winner Sid Bridge!
As someone who does PR for a living, allow me to speculate what that press release looked like before legal and compliance got their hands on it:
VOLKSWAGEN DEBUTS LIFESAVING NEW INNOVATIVE TAILLIGHTS ON ICONIC GREATEST BEETLE EVER
Beetle taillight has already saved numerous lives
ENGLEWOOD CLIFFS, NJ — Sept 23, 1961 — The entire universe stood silent for what seemed like an eternity as two beacons of red light pierced the darkness. Volkswagen debuted the brighter, safer new taillights for the Volkswagen Beetle to a stunned crowd on Wednesday, with audible gasps permeating an entire city block as the stunned masses had never anticipated such a groundbreaking update to their favorite son of automobiles.
“These new taillights came to us after a visit to Mount Olympus,” said Volkswagen General Director Heinrich Nordhoff, “Zeus had peered at the back of the vaunted Beetle and threw lightning bolts at both taillight housings, enlarging them into a level prominence that had yet to be beheld on vehicular rear lighting.”
The taillights use an innovative plastic casing, covering over Volkswagen’s propriety “light bulb” technology, providing the best possible illumination to whatever may find itself behind a Beetle.
“I have already asked that my 1958 Beetle be ejected off of a high cliff with due immediacy,” said actor Cary Grant, in attendance at the Beetle’s debut, “This is the only rear illumination worthy of my greatness.”
Aside from the monumental taillight advancement, the rest of the Beetle still looks exactly like those that came off the assembly line 15 years ago.
Volkswagen is a carmaker that exclusively makes happy cars, with a long history in the industry of peacefully putting people on the road in every country throughout the known world. We would also never present anything but accurate results regarding our vehicle emissions. For more information, please contact Volkswagen USA.
###
Honorable mentions go to this thread created by Mr. Asa:
Torch, are you saying you like big lights and you cannot lie?
Alt Schule
Do these new taillights make my ass look big?
Cuzn Ed
“No, dear! It looks exactly the same as it has for 15 years!”
I have to thank all of you for helping to make these comments so fun to read. So many sites have comment sections filled to the brim with complaining, fights, or worse. We seem to be one of the few places where the fun doesn’t end in the final sentence of an article. Thank you and have a great evening.
Those are some pert taillights, I must say.
Here is the press release from when my grandfather started importing vws into the uk https://images.app.goo.gl/AwYghBttCQyN3vkD9
“Worse” being lewd taillight commentary, of course. Not judging, of course, just clarifying for any concerned parents who might want to protect their kids.
“So many sites have comment sections filled to the brim with complaining, fights, or worse.”
Gobless your comedic style Sid Bridge.
That was well written… and funny.
And in some cases the fun starts at the end of the last sentence of an article. JK
And often some really good information!