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Get that baby out of your bed asap. I know it’s hard but you need to separate the baby’s world from Mommy and Daddy’s world in bed.
If birth control was an article!
Thanks for the laughs, get well soon!
Bun-Bun (a stuffed Thumper from Bambi) took several daughter-lobbed barf grenades one night, bravely saving several other stuffed animals with his sacrifice. The funeral held before he was lowered into a garbage bag was short but emotional.
Holy crap! I hope you can laugh about this now; I know I can :). But I’m sure that was horrible. Thanks for sharing.
Edit: I’m sorry you all got sick. I’m just laughing at the picture you painted of mashed potato head.
I had 2 kids, never got my head puked on like that. Holy puking puke, man! I did the shoulder thing a couple times. I bet that may be your last. Honestly a great story for the future, though. If I was in the store, I would have been laughing to myself and happy it wasn’t me. Sorry it was you, though. I’m a horrible person.
This happened to me the first (and last) time I tried wearing a baby carrier backpack. — hot kid puke straight down the inside of my shirt. I was a stroller-pusher from that day forward.
Me too. Those strollers just unfold in one movement now too. So much easier.
Living in SoCal and being very Erewhon-adjacent (but don’t shop there), I just assumed that, yup, $56 for one smoothie sounds about right. I was legit surprised that it was only $19.
I guess the face-spa is necessary to keep up that happy bright yellow complexion.
Weird semi-related advice: Don’t feed your kids blueberries when they’re sick unless you want a scare. They come back up a deep deep blood red. Guess who fucking flipped out thinking my kid was vomiting up a gallon of blood. Turns out they had just eaten 12oz of blueberries.
Delmar definitely has his mother’s face!
Uncanny resemblance really.
Roasted beets can also throw a scare into you (or anyone else who changes the kid’s diapers). The beets provide both volume and color, which greatly alarmed the day care people.
I was about to say, way to get your kids to eat beets, but then remembered that when they were babies (until around… 2 and a half?) they would eat literally anything.
Also applies to adults who drink a beet-based juice that’s available at the mini-kitchen at work and don’t realize the color survives all the way through.
Enough people hit the on-site medical office that they ended up sending a mass e-mail to reassure everyone.
Wow, article trifecta: nowhere anagram store, mothers day sperm art, and head to toe public vomit. What? Oh, they’re supposed to be balloons? Oh well, two out of three ain’t bad, right?
Actually it’s an anagram of “Nohwere”.
I’m sure you will clean the house thoroughly, but if it’s norovirus that bug can last on surfaces for 2 weeks. It’s so sturdy and then the whole family gets it just from visiting an infected house too soon after the they had the virus
Didn’t Torch mention being out west this morning? I hope it’s not too late to keep him from getting sick himself and then infecting his whole flight back to North Carolina.
Won’t you be immune to it once you fight it off? It’s why you don’t get re-sick from your toothbrush.
For a while at least.
I walked into an Erewhon once, as one does when one is driving a Rolls-Royce convertible.
Walked out without buying anything.
Did I mention the Rolls-Royce was rented?
Maybe a front pack so Delmar is in front of you facing out rather than putting your back at risk for future eruptions?
Very useful – David could aim him right at that annoying person blocking the store aisle with their cart while they’re diddling with their phone.
Welcome to the club. How do you even pronounce that store’s name?
It’s the word “nowhere” backwards. I don’t know why it’s named that or what it’s supposed to mean, but something about it doesn’t feel entirely benevolent.
No, it isn’t. Nowhere backwards would be Erehwon, not Erewhon.
Also it was explained in an earlier comment (literary reference).
E.x.p.e.n.s.i.v.e.
Wow, he must have seen a Cybertruck toy in the store and puked…after eating leftover shower spaghetti at home
well now I know the origins of The Autopian Member File: We’re Designing A Stain-Proof Shirt
Bottle that vomit and sell it in Erewhon as a high-priced free-range smoothie, some Kardashian will buy it.
Did his head spin around at least?
Bring me an old Jeep and a young Jeep!
All part of being a parent. It’s not parenthood without a few good projectile vomiting incidents and diaper blowouts.
Also, the problem sounds more like a bug than anything particular you fed Delmar. There was a wicked norovirus going around a couple months ago.
The most heinous part of the story is a $19 smoothie. That makes ME want to vomit.
For that price, the smoothie should be two shots of 30 year old Scotch.
Jesus Lord God Almighty damn! After your child vomited you fed him Mexican food?
Gotta burn them bugs out with capsaicin; this is basic biology, Carol.
(/s in case it’s not obvious)
Seriously. You’re supposed to give him tequila.
Dude! This is what crackers and 7-up are for!
Ah yes, the perpetual vomit incident. We all go through it at least once. For my wife and I, it was on vacation. My daughter vomited through the webbing on the side of the pack and play, all the way across the room to land on the side of the nightstand (just the beginning) and I was all Ron Burgundy, “How did you do that? Heck, I’m not even mad, that’s amazing.” To make it car related, at the time I had my ’04 Astro Van leftover from touring musician days.
Wow that’s a late-model Astro.
Why is that store’s name an anagram for nowhere?
because they think they’re clever
They are. They charge $19 for smoothies.
It’s a deliberate reference to the Samuel Butler novel of the same name.
Well. I can see why kids are so popular.
Please tell us you visited Erewhon while wearing your dirtiest, grossest mechanic’s overalls.
It’s buried in there, but I caught the phrase “silk Hawaiian shirt”
Serves me right for skimming while I’m supposed to be working. I guess that means David’s nicest Hawaiian shirt is now his nicest shop rag.
Oh no, that will wash right out!
Not long after I joined the Air Force (which is at least military-adjacent), someone said to me that it must be a hard life. I thought for a second and said no, not really: Uncle Sam puts a roof over your head, feeds you, provides health care, gives you an allowance. You’re not going to get rich but (at the time, anyway) it was pretty difficult to get fired. You described it better than I did.
You are now Herr Kartoffelkopf 🙂
Did I know you were in the Air Force?!
I think so, though it’s probably been a year or two since we talked about it. You’ve been a little busy so I won’t blame you for not committing it to memory 😀
Helps explain why we get along.
😀
As a parent, yea that sounds about right, and it wont be the last time.
Wow, that sucks but some day this will be a funny story to tell Delmar’s friends.
And first love interest.
That one time at Erewhon.. is why I’m an only child