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I still vividly remember the time I puked on my mom.
It happened at Landover Mall. I was maybe 5 or 6 at the time, and Mom, Dad, brother, and me had come up from Southern Maryland in our ’73 Gran Torino wagon for back to school shopping at Sears, Hecht’s, and Woodies. We stopped to get soft pretzels at Hot Sam and I very much wanted an orange soda. Then we sat down next to one of the fountains and ate our pretzels.
Well, I drank about half that orange soda and decided I didn’t want it any more. Mom was adamant that I had insisted on getting that orange soda (practically throwing a tantrum, according to her), so, dammit, I was going to finish it. I then told her that my stomach hurt. In that moment, she chose not to believe me. (It sounds harsh in today’s world, but this is how Gen-X was raised.)
The time had come to mosey on about the mall, so there I was, orange soda in hand, walking down the concourse with the fam, taking tiny sip after tiny sip. It wasn’t helping; that bottle never seemed to get any emptier. Finally, my stomach ache was so bad that I didn’t want to walk any more.
Mom finally believed me and we tossed the now maybe one-third full bottle in the trash. She and my dad took turns carrying me while the other carried the shopping bags. During one of Mom’s turns, I launched a marmalade-hued torrent of regurgitated soda and pretzel chunks down her back.
It’s at this point that I should share that Mom was wearing a (now formerly) white, knit top.
In the end, it all worked out. Mom found a quiet place to sit with me by one of the planters so nobody could see her extemporaneously orange-dyed outfit while my dad rushed off to Hecht’s with my brother to buy her a change of clothes.
I’d like to think she learned an important parenting lesson that day.
As for me, well, to this day, some 50-odd years later, I still won’t touch another orange soda.
I’m going to defend the co-sleeping. We tried to keep the kids in their rooms, but they crossed the house multiple times at night screaming and crying looking for mommy and daddy. It would take 30-60 minutes to wind the kiddo down, and get them asleep in their bed again. Then we would need to wind ourselves down to get back to sleep again. Only to repeat a few hours later. No one was sleeping well and this went on for months. With them in our room, everyone sleeps through the night. No private mommy and daddy time were happening with either scenario so we chose sleep.
DT – Congrats. You’re a real Dad now, baptized as only kids can. Welcome to the club.
Vomit is the one I can barely handle.
My worst experience was one of my kids having a complete runny diaper blowout while were were on Mackinac Island for the day. It took everything I had in the diaper bag to clean him up, and I just threw the clothes away and had to buy a touristy t-shirt that was too big for him to wear the rest of the day until we could take the ferry back to the mainland at the end of the day to get a change of clothes.
We just had likely the same bug tear through our house. One of our kids’ friends was over and vomited all over our kitchen floor out of the blue. Come to find out her grandma who she was staying with was puking every 45 minutes. And then we learned her parents who had left town for a birthday trip were trapped in their AirBnb puking all day.
We did our very best to clean up and prevent it spreading, but I don’t know if there was any chance. Within a day all four of us were just as sick. Fortunately my kids are older now and can make it to a bowl/toilet/trash can, so other than the surprise friend throw-up we didn’t have to clean up any more vomit.
Oh man. This is so bad! The worst puke story I’ve had with my kids was when we were driving my old 88 Oldsmobile 3 hours to give it to my great aunt who had fallen on hard times and her car had broken down. We were moving out of state and downsizing and after a month of trying to sell it I said screw it and asked if she wanted it.
We were maybe halfway there when my 2 year old who was in the backseat told me he wasn’t feeling good. Not 30 seconds later he exploded all over himself. In the car, that we were about to give away. Crap. We jumped off the freeway, my wife following in the other car very confused and stopped at the nearest walmart. Pulled him out, and miraculously, thanks to how massive car seats are anymore the puke had not gotten a single drop in in the car. Pulled the seat, bought him new clothes and thew the nasty seat in the trunk of the other car, put him in the other carseat in our car, and it was all good. Still very memorable though haha
“Whoa oh! We’re halfway there…
Whoa oh! Vomit on a chair!” (car seat)
It was a Journey that’s for sure.
You mean it was a “Bon Jovi?”
My wife and I actually saw Journey in concert recently and they were awesome
Sigh. My bad. I knew I should’ve looked it up to verify before posting but I was (insert excuse that sounds somewhat plausible and justifiable).
No problem at all!
Barf Jovi?
Well that’s not State Farm.
This reminds me of the story my dad told me of when he was playing “airplane” with me when I was a baby, laying on the couch and holding me up above him. According to him, I proceeded to vomit directly into his open mouth. Fun times, I’m sure
I had just bought a new 2006 Charger Daytona R/T and had only been driving it for 3 months. Took my daughter to a fair where she was running around with her cousins eating who knows what. On the way home I hear the words no parent wants to hear, “Dad, I don’t feel so good…” Before she could get the window down as there was no place to pull over, she vomited all over the passenger side rear door, filling the map pocket. When I got home, the Mrs. and I tried to get everything cleaned up, but the next morning, that smell still permeated the interior of the car. When I called a detailer to get it professionally cleaned, they asked what kind of car I had. I told them and they asked, “Isn’t that like a brand new car?” I explaned the events of the previous night, and they made room in their schedule, “Get it here as fast as you can and we’ll get it taken care of.” They did an amazing job. FWIW, there were three instances of her voming in my vehicles over the years, and prepare yourself for that day. Fortunately, the Charger incident was the last one.
I have a friend who ordered a new car. When it arrived at the dealer, only his wife could pick it up that afternoon. The first ride home, their daughter vomited in the car, probably because of the new-car-smell. So when my friend got to drive for the first time in his brand new car, it was already a vomited-in car.
Parental rite of passage: to be covered in vomit, feces or urine of your child at some time.
Or all at the same time! Having a stomach bug at the same time as a child can be rough. Especially when all they want to do is leak fluids while holding you and you are too weak to get off the bathroom floor… That was a rough night…
Yeah, that sucks.
Wow. Add that to your list of parenting merit badges. Wear it proud.
Parenting is not rocket science.
Is far esay to send a ship to outer space.Voyager 1 is still kicking, and I bet some people involved with it divorced or had their kids saying that they hate them.
You are doing well David, these things happens. You tried your best to make everyone happy, specially your significant other. With all things in our daily lifes, balance work, hobbies, a heathy marriage and parenting is hard, and some times we underestimate events or ignore signals of bad things about to happen.
In my experience with 2 kids: never, ever, underestimate vomit and diarrhea. If it happens, never add more food, just make the kid drink lots of water. They may complain, but will make them feel better soon, or at least make the next episodes more manageable.
Given the circumstances, this would have been way funnier had David been shopping at Ralph’s while Delmar was ralphing.
Well, at least it’s nice to see DT’s family members smiling in the photos.
We were exceptionally lucky with illnesses with our first child. She was two years old before our luck finally ran out, and an illness made her vomit. But when that luck did run out, she vomited INTO mouth.
Got bad news for you, it doesn’t end just being the parent, grandparents get it too, so something to look forward to! Took my two to Disneyland during a visit. It had been a long day and we’re all tired, so I end up carrying the youngest on my side. Then I feel the warm soaking of my pants as the child had basically passed out and pissed, which is a great band name by the way.
Yikes. When I read stuff like this, I am thankful for my repellent personality that has proven to be a highly effective form of birth control.
Hope y’all are feeling better.
DT, I have four kids and a wife.
Everyone in my house – EVERYONE, including my wife – has peed, pooped, or vomited ON me.
I have not peed, pooped, or vomited on any of them. Such is Dad life.
“EVERYONE, including my wife…”
Don’t worry, no kink shaming here. It’s a safe space.
Yup. Dads. But we’re still the “fun” parent, so there’s that.
There are people who pay for this kind of thing, so you may consider yourself lucky.
Babies, AmIRite?
I doubt anyone who’s a parent would have been judging you, because something similar has happened to them at least once per child.
My parents took us to Disney World when we were young and my father thought a revolving restaurant would be a great idea. All of us got nauseas (it moved slow, but must have been just enough to screw with our inner ears) except my father and my youngest sister threw up all over my mother while she was holding her as we were leaving. Disney was so efficient that I think people were cleaning it before she even finished. Luckily, there was a gift shop right there, so my mother replaced her ruined shirt, though it was some big goofy Mickey shirt that she felt looked ridiculous. I don’t remember and I doubt I ever did, but if I had any thought that I might have wanted kids some day, it was surely snuffed out with that event.
I wonder if that’s a common occurance at that restaurant?
I think it must have been with how quickly they were on it and I can’t imagine we’re that weird that we’re the only ones who got nauseas. It seemed like a cool idea on paper to have the scenery change as people eat and they must have thought it moved so slow that it wouldn’t bother anyone, but that wasn’t the case.
All cast members at Disney Resorts are that quick on any code v. That’s just their deal. Not saying it wasn’t common at the revolving restaurant. I don’t know for sure. But I would bet $$$ they’d have responded similarly in any of their restaurants.
I’m exceedingly lucky that I never wore any puke through my daughter’s baby stage.
We co-slept with ours until about 4-6 months.
But I was working nights, so it actually worked out well. I’d come home and wifey would slide away from the baby, I’d slide back into her spot and fall asleep.
She’d take the time to have a shower, make coffee, have breakfast, then come retrieve the smallz about an hour later.
David, this goes against the expectations we’re given as parents in this day and age, but keep the kids out of your bedroom. It should be a sanctuary for you and Elise (not her real name). This may mean either or both of you sleeping in a cot in Delmar (not his real name)’s room for possibly years. Once you have the kids sleeping in your bed, they will never leave.
This is very serious advice from a divorced father of three.
I could not agree with this advice more. Do not co sleep!
I quite enjoy it actually, but it does get a bit tiring for Elise, as he does wake up often in the night. So we’re working on it.
I don’t get why people want to cosleep. Once the baby sleeps through the night ~3 months they go sleep in their own room.
Because kids cosleeping are a convenient shield against undesired intimacy.
If the rotation of “not in front of the kid”, “I’m too tired”, ” I have a headache”, etc goes on it’s a sign the honeymoon is over.
.
Yeah, I can’t agree more with this. My kids are older elementary schoolers now, and go to sleep easily and comfortably in their own beds every night.
We have friends who say they just really liked having their baby or toddler sleeping right there with them, and I’ll admit that sometimes I see the appeal because I really love my kids and like any parent I wish I had savored those younger days more.
But then they tell me about how their 10 year old is still sleeping in their bed and they never get any time alone as parents (not even just to talk late at night without kids around) and I’m so glad that we didn’t co-sleep.
Just wait until little Delmar (NHRN) is old enough for pre-school and so on. Then all those kids get to share their germs and spread them far and wide.
Perhaps a stroller so the parent is maybe out of projectile vomiting, etc. range? I wouldn’t be surprised if someone makes a Jeep themed one.
Go fund me for a David Tracy Jeep stroller, barf bags included?
One of my kids puked on my head at Newark airport once. It wasn’t the worst thing that’s ever happened to me there.
Newark is the gas station toilet of American airports.
And I 100% believe you too, lol.
“This is member-only content.”
Never been so relieved.