You know how everyone is complaining that the modern truck market seems to be criminally ignoring the candy and confectionary worlds? Remember that big public outcry when it was announced that the upcoming new Ram Rampage compact truck would have no official candy tie-in, despite months of rumors of a partnership with Sour Patch Kids? I think there was a riot at a dealership, even, where a truck was flipped on its side and the windows of the dealership were covered in half-masticated sour gummy children.
The candy-truck synergy is too powerful a force to ignore, which is why it’s been so baffling that major carmakers and confectioners have been reluctant to enter into partnerships. This has, as you likely know, forced the creation of a thriving if dangerous underground of bootleg truck-candy customization. Remember when police in Los Angeles raided a series of illegal truck-candy customization shops and confiscated all those Zagnut-enhanced F-150s? That was bonkers!
Well, I’m happy to say that finally one bold truck maker and one brave candy-maker have teamed up to give the people what they so desperately want: a candy-themed truck, in this case a Slate pickup truck with Smarties™ candy wafer enhancements.
What sort of enhancements, you ask, mildly annoyed? Well, I’m mildly happy to tell you! From what I can tell, mostly color wraps, which have been carefully and scientifically designed to perfectly match the primary Smarties™ color-flavors:
These seem to be a pretty accurate re-creation of the colors of Smarties™, and even manage to convey a bit of that chalkiness inherent in those little discs. They’re still less chalky than Necco Wafers which make the Cliffs of Dover seem downright chalk-deprived, or those candy hearts, which were once famously, maybe even fictionally, revealed to be made of bone meal and earwig honey.
There are also associated Smarties™ decals for the trucks available, along with some custom interior and exterior badging and a special Smarties™-themed key fob holder, which may be made of actual Smarties™, since I’m not sure they can spoil, at least not in any meaningful way.
It seems there was an actual event that Slate hosted to launch this historic partnership, an event that, significantly, I was not invited to, despite my many years of championing good, cheap electric pickup trucks and candy discs that can, when a hole is properly drilled, be used as a good (if brittle) non-conductive washer.
Okay, goofballery aside, I have to ask: who the fuck is this for? I mean, I’m all for fun partnerships between brands, and I like what I’ve seen of Slate’s trucks so far, and am quite eager to see them hitting the market for real soon, but I really can’t wrap my head around this one.
Who came to whom first? Was there someone at Smarties™ who is really into electric trucks? Or was it the other way, and someone at Slate is a devotee of the candy, possibly even sporting multiple Smartie™ candy bracelets, anklets, and armlets?
I’ll be really curious to see the take rate on these Smarties™-branded trucks. Maybe there are people who really want to give free advertising to one of America’s oldest candy brands? And one of the few women-led candy companies? Maybe that’s a thing?
Perhaps this bold partnership will open the floodgates to more candy-and-snack-based automotive partnership themes. I feel like Slim Jim is an ideal property to partner with other truck companies, and I’d certainly consider a tasteful off-white-and-brown Almond Joy theme for my next motor vehicle, for example. Or a brown-and-lighter-brown Reece’s Cup theme, or even a vibrant, colorful Starburst theme? The possibilities are limitless, or at least within the limits of what confectioners are willing to do when it comes to working with carmakers.
The point is, if you’ve been hesitant to buy an electric truck because of the lack of chalky disc-shaped candy promotional tie-ins, this is a fantastic time to be alive.
(Top Image: Slate/Smarties)
Tomorrow’s headline: “Slate hit with a cease and desist by Daimler over the use of the word ‘smart’ in ‘Smarties’.”
Or another way to think of it, wouldn’t this tie-in be better with Smart cars?
Ok, which Stellantis product should get the Rocher Edition, covered in obnoxious reflective gold wrap?
Years ago, cleaning staff was cleaning the Youth Lounge at my church. They found a baggie with white powder in the sofa cushions!! OMG THE KIDS ARE DOING COKE!
An emergency meeting was called. Someone tasted the powder. It was smarties dust.
My guess is that the cost to do the design is outweighed by the promotional value for both companies, and the expected take rate is zero. It makes Slate fun and in the public eye, it puts Smarties at least temporarily back in the minds of adults, and any actual sales of the decorated truck would be just icing on the cake.
Don’t dis Necco Wafers! Don’t care for the black ones, but they were useful as nickel substitutes in Illinois Tollway coin hoppers back in the day.
I think putting a Smarties decal on the back of your truck could lead to road rage in some places.
Especially north of the Border where Smarties are very different.
I won’t stand for the sidelining of Necco wafers.
Dull grey clove flavor or GTFO. I’m old-timey.
I’d also settle for the piss-yellow horehound that comes in those old west looking bags
Bleugh.
Such faded colours, such lusterless shades. Perhaps acceptable for the undiscerning candy consumer who would otherwise shovel plain white dextrose into their gullet in search of the lab-rat level reward of high blood glucose, but for those who chase the rainbow, this is but a mere imitation of real colour.
These are Smarties:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smarties
Rich, vivid, bold colours. Worthy of application to vehicles that brighten our days.
One step at a time.. I feel like these colors are maybe gateway drugs to get Americans into harder colors? Who am I kidding, every one of these is far too bold for your average American.
Probably a dumb question. Are smarties in the US a different product than what is sold in the rest of the world?
Also, the Cheetos coloured truck from the other day looked better. /s
Yes, Nestle makes those candy coated chocolates for most of the world. I’m not sure American Smarties reaches outside of North America. Sometimes you see them in the American section of a grocery store for an insane price.
They are rebranded as Rockets for Canada, due to Nestlé owning the Smarties trademark basically everywhere outside the US
Those are called Rockets, goddammit. THESE are Smarties.
I will not stand for such heresey.
Your milk bag is untied
Good. I’d be concerned seeing one tied in the first place. It’s not a satchel.
Rockets is the alternative Canadian name used for American Smarties due to Smarties Candy Company only owning the trademark in the US. The chocolate Smarties were kept out of the US via an alliance between Mars and Rowntree, whereby Rowntree gained the right to produce and distribute Mars products in several Commonwealth countries in exchange for not marketing their Smarties in the US, where they would have competed with M&Ms. But that also meant that Rowntree never bothered to file for a US trademark
It’s funny, cause we still have M&Ms up here as well.
Smarties are the kid’s choice, cause they’re inherently nut-free compared to M&Ms. Making them the safe choice for school lunches.
The deal gave Rowntree the right to make certain Mars products for Canada, but it didn’t restrict Mars from selling other products there that weren’t covered by it
Oh man I have such a hankering for Rowntree’s Pastilles now. Damn you.
American mass market candies is such trash compared to them Brits’.
Showcasing American manufacturing? Plus they are from and made in NJ so NYC fronk full of smarties is sort of logical? Necco wafers do you put them in Boston where they have their name and from and manufactured for a 150 years or ohio where they are made now. I would love to see a cowtail or Carmel cream with Goetze in Baltimore or DC area.
It’s really cheap gurella marketing for both brands.
Strawberry is green.
-Weird.
Green is strawberry. Even weirder.
Come to think of it, strawberries spend a lot of time being that light green color. Once they turn to red, then they get picked and eaten.
Ok, this is actually a pretty good idea. I’m having a hard time picking my favorite
It might just be because I’m still waking up, but I can’t figure out of this is a Torch article or a Torch article.
Yeah, tough call.
Torch evidence:
“What sort of enhancements, you ask, mildly annoyed?”
“who the fuck is this for?”
Veiled reference to not just Futurama, but Beetlejuice
On the other hand, he didn’t play up the readers’ sexiness or mention clams.
They should definitely include some sort of Smarties dispenser. Seems like a no brainer.
That would be the PEZ cross over. Which, now that you mention it, would be a lot of fun!
It did occur to me that there could be some conflict here with PEZ. But they could safely dispense whole rolls without any conflict? Besides who eats one Smarty (Smartie? Smarti?)?
I love the color options, but I don’t need any of the branding.
Not gonna lie, the cherry and pineapple colors both look fantastic
I think lost in the silliness of this cross-promoting mashup is a very serious issue:
The green Smarties have been strawberry this whole time?!?!
That’s what they want you to think.
That was my second thought. My first thought was surprise that there are different flavors in the first place. Smarties are probably my favorite candy – you are what you eat, after all – and I had no idea there was anything differentiating the colors other than the colors themselves.
Fun colors on a fun cheap truck, bring it. (I prefer Reese’s Peanut Butter cups but all that brown wouldn’t be as much fun.)