Home » Guess What I’m Driving Today: Cold Start

Guess What I’m Driving Today: Cold Start

Cs Wink1
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Okay so today’s Cold Start is going to be rushed because I have to get on a train in 15 minutes (and I really need to poop before that) so we can get into Manhattan where I will get to drive a car whose presence in America I sort of inspired. Really! Remember when we wrote about Wink, the company importing little Changli-like vehicles into America? Well I’m going to get to drive one and see what it’s like, today.

It’s not the one at the top, I don’t think, but I really like the funny, expressive Jeep-like face on that one. It looks a little pensive and unsure, and I want to give it a snack and tell it everything’s going to be fine, just fine. Something about the indicators making it look like it has an uncertain look in the eyes. I think instead I’m driving the one that resembles a shrunken Mini. This one:

Vidframe Min Top
Vidframe Min Bottom

Cs Wink2

This should be fun! But I need to go! In both contexts!

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Dolsh
Dolsh
10 months ago

I have to get on a train in 15 minutes (and I really need to poop before that) 

I would have been 20 minutes late for that train.

Iwannadrive637
Iwannadrive637
10 months ago

A shrunken Mini. Is it called the Oxymoron?

Bison78
Bison78
10 months ago
Reply to  Iwannadrive637

A shrunken Mini. Is it called the Oxymoron?

No. I once went to a Mini convention (by accident) and there were many examples of shortened original Minis there. Imagine a Mini with the back seat space chopped out.

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
10 months ago
Reply to  Iwannadrive637

Maybe this is just a car that’s actually mini.

Col Lingus
Col Lingus
10 months ago

Did you remember to bring the chainsaw?

Amberturnsignalsarebetter
Amberturnsignalsarebetter
10 months ago
Last edited 10 months ago by Amberturnsignalsarebetter
BigThingsComin
BigThingsComin
10 months ago

Looks like it is going to cry.

Dsa Lkjh
Dsa Lkjh
10 months ago

“ Something about the indicators making it look like it has an uncertain look in the eyes”

But the eyes are the windscreen Jason. A big single eye with a wiper jammed in it, nothing more obviously anthropomophic than that.

Don’t make me report you to Disney again.

Toecutter
Toecutter
10 months ago

Having to poop at a train or bus station is IMO one of the worst places to have to do it. But still better than on the train or bus. Although one of the key advantages of the latter two are that you never have to worry about causing a clog.

NewBalanceExtraWide
NewBalanceExtraWide
10 months ago
Reply to  Toecutter

Budgeting one’s time on a bus- how close am I to my destination? How far would I have to walk to a public facility that’s open if I take the next stop? All of this is more math than I ever thought I would have to use as an adult.

Toecutter
Toecutter
10 months ago

I once made that calculus and held out for the bus station. The one on the back of the bus was thoroughly filthy and not suitable for a sitdown job. So I make it into the crowded Mens’ room at the bus station while doing the awkward crab shuffle with the turtle’s head trying to have a peek at the back of my underwear, only to discover that there were no doors on the cubicles.

Awkward barely begins to describe that ordeal. It’s not as if I had any better options by that time.

Last edited 10 months ago by Toecutter
Ranwhenparked
Ranwhenparked
10 months ago
Reply to  Toecutter

As a traveling sales rep with IBS, I used to have a very good handle on where all the good, clean, semi-secluded public bathrooms were in my territory, but the early days of COVID were a nightmare when everything was closed off, and then the government goes and bans loperamide in easy to use bottles. Now, my territory’s so damn big, I have no idea, all I can say is the one at back of Walmarts used to be pretty reliable, but now those are all as universally disgusting as the ones at the front

Toecutter
Toecutter
10 months ago
Reply to  Ranwhenparked

Lots of people live in Walmart parking lots these days. Couple that with reductions in staff as cost cutting measures, and that is a recipe for what you are describing. To me, public restrooms are about the only thing Walmart is good for, because I am not giving them my money if I can avoid it, and I’d rather cost them money in some small way if at all possible.

Col Lingus
Col Lingus
10 months ago
Reply to  Toecutter

Yes! Screw Walmart. I think they are Commies.

Chris with bad opinions
Chris with bad opinions
10 months ago
Reply to  Col Lingus

I hope you’re joking because they are probably the furthest thing from Commies. They are hard core Capitalists that would kill their own family for a 0.1% profit increase.

Vetatur Fumare
Vetatur Fumare
10 months ago
Reply to  Ranwhenparked

As a traveling sales rep with IBS” – sorry, but that sounds a lot like a recurring SNL character.

Toecutter
Toecutter
10 months ago
Reply to  Vetatur Fumare

I’m surprised no one thought of that.

While I don’t have IBS, I do eat like a horse and have a fast metabolism, and thus have endured no shortage of awkward emergency situations regarding this subject. I’m always on the lookout for a public restroom in the vicinity, because I know the need will arise multiple times per day.

Ranwhenparked
Ranwhenparked
10 months ago
Reply to  Vetatur Fumare

With a ’90s-style theme song and slide show intro

Gubbin
Gubbin
10 months ago
Reply to  Ranwhenparked

I’m sorry your territory doesn’t have Bi-Mart.

Toecutter
Toecutter
10 months ago
Reply to  Gubbin

How does Bi-Mart’s facilities compare to a Bucees?

Arrest-me Red
Arrest-me Red
10 months ago
Reply to  Ranwhenparked

I never thought this would be a thing, with IBS I can see it being helpful. Flush Toilet Finder is the quickest, simplest way of finding a public bathroom or restroom. Simply open the app and it will display the nearest toilets to you. It’s free, no in-app purchases and has over 200,000 bathrooms in its database!

Dolsh
Dolsh
10 months ago
Reply to  Arrest-me Red

Count this among the apps I wish existed about 10 years ago. No real details, but let’s just say you don’t want to have IBS, and be in Paris after 6pm on a holiday.

LongCoolLincoln
LongCoolLincoln
10 months ago
Reply to  Ranwhenparked

Loperamide (aka Imodium) only being available in those impossible to open blister packs is such a shitty (ha!) symptom of the way our country approaches drug policy. If you take enough of them, apparently it can…not exactly get you high, but sort of take the edge off of opiate withdrawal. So rather than a safe and sane opiate policy, we make it really hard for anyone without strong, nimble hands to control their diarrhea.

Thank you for coming to my TEDBrown talk.

Last edited 10 months ago by LongCoolLincoln
FloridaNative
FloridaNative
10 months ago
Reply to  Ranwhenparked

Big box home improvement stores became my go-to during Covid. Or grocery stores. Both seemed to be less used than WM and typically a lot cleaner.

Chris Stevenson
Chris Stevenson
10 months ago
Reply to  Toecutter

Having just returned from a train-and-bus trek from Chicago to the Catskills, train bathrooms are fine, but bus bathrooms should be avoided at all costs.

Chronometric
Chronometric
10 months ago

What is a smaller MINI called? The original smaller MINI was a Mini. Nissan already has a Micra. Maybe a Miniette?

Sensual Bugling Elk
Sensual Bugling Elk
10 months ago
Reply to  Chronometric

Tata Nano has you covered.

Mark Tucker
Mark Tucker
10 months ago
Reply to  Chronometric

Pico. Then you can make a “hot” performance model called the Pico De Gallo.

Ranwhenparked
Ranwhenparked
10 months ago
Reply to  Chronometric

MINI Metro? Or, MINI Cooper Metro? (since all their models sold in North America have to have Cooper in their name, Olds Cutlass-style)

Mike Harrell
Mike Harrell
10 months ago
Reply to  Ranwhenparked

The problem with that name is that a Mini Metro is bigger than a Mini. At least it came with a full complement of surrendering and/or car-washing robots, I guess? Mine was the MG version which lacked the “Mini” part of the name so I always had to wash it myself…

https://www.ouestfrance-auto.com/sites/default/files/styles/620x420lock/public/1981-mini-metro.jpg

Ranwhenparked
Ranwhenparked
10 months ago
Reply to  Mike Harrell

Smaller than the current MINIs though

DysLexus
DysLexus
10 months ago
Reply to  Chronometric

Extra-Mini or XM
(Borrowing from the clothing industry standards)

Crank Shaft
Crank Shaft
10 months ago
Reply to  Chronometric

Micron. Although a certain memory manufacturer might take exception. Bonus for the electronic related ‘on’ in the name.

Last edited 10 months ago by Crank Shaft
Joshua Williams
Joshua Williams
10 months ago
Reply to  Chronometric

Mini Minor

10001010
10001010
10 months ago

I have to get on a train in 15 minutes (and I really need to poop before that)

So is this the Cold Start or the Morning Dump because I’m confused.

Toecutter
Toecutter
10 months ago
Reply to  10001010

It was a missed opportunity to be both in the same article. It would have been glorious. Especially if written during the performance of Jason’s Morning Glory.

Amberturnsignalsarebetter
Amberturnsignalsarebetter
10 months ago
Reply to  10001010

I’m pretty sure it means the morning dump will be delivered in the next 15 mins

DysLexus
DysLexus
10 months ago
Reply to  10001010

Or is it a Cold Dump? Or Dump Start?
I’m so confused.

DubblewhopperInDubblejeopardy
DubblewhopperInDubblejeopardy
10 months ago

The Wink Jeep looks like it is having and existential crisis, sorta like Marvin the Paranoid Android.

Outofstep
Outofstep
10 months ago

If it could talk it would tell Torch, “This will all end in tears, I just know it”

Hoonicus
Hoonicus
10 months ago

Don’t you mean Marvin the perpetually depressed robot? or am I mis-cross referencing?
Anyway, Nobody messes wit me boy Douglass Adams!!

Man With A Reliable Jeep
Man With A Reliable Jeep
10 months ago

“Wink: hey, it’s transportation!”

Dale Mitchell
Dale Mitchell
10 months ago

Better:
‘Hey, its transportation .. Wink’

Grey alien in a beige sedan
Grey alien in a beige sedan
10 months ago

Something tells me that someone played a big con on Torch, and he’s traveling all that way to drive a hot pink barbie corvette power wheels.

Last edited 10 months ago by Grey alien in a beige sedan
Drew
Drew
10 months ago

I don’t think you need to trick him into that. He’d be a willing participant.

Beer-light Guidance
Beer-light Guidance
10 months ago

I’m pretty sure that top picture is a Cozy Coupe with the eyes peeled off and some grille stickers added.

Last edited 10 months ago by Beer-light Guidance
SAABstory
SAABstory
10 months ago

For everyone’s benefit, leave the chainsaw at home.

Dale Mitchell
Dale Mitchell
10 months ago
Reply to  SAABstory

(( Mental image of Torch on public transportation, casually holding a bloody chainsaw ))

Interrobang‽
Interrobang‽
10 months ago

The Jeep-like one has the same expression Jason is going to have after overindulging at the Gray’s Papaya.

Toecutter
Toecutter
10 months ago
Reply to  Interrobang‽

<George Takei voice>
OH MY!
</George Takei voice>

Pupmeow
Pupmeow
10 months ago

This car is experience existential dread. Looking at this car is like looking into my own soul.

StillNotATony
StillNotATony
10 months ago

That little Jeep-like thing really needs the ability to rotate the indicator/headlight units. Like, if you stomp on the accelerator, they should rotate so it looks like angry eyebrows.

Cruising? Flat.

Braking hard? The apologetic look shown to indicate “Oh crap!”

Enjoying a brisk drive on a curvy road? Flip ’em 180 so it looks happy!

Any other suggestions?

A. Barth
A. Barth
10 months ago
Reply to  StillNotATony

The eyes should have retractable covers so they can close completely when the car is charging, i.e. when it’s asleep.

Ncbrit
Ncbrit
10 months ago
Reply to  StillNotATony

Enjoying a brisk drive on a curvy road”

I’m not sure its capable of that.

Man With A Reliable Jeep
Man With A Reliable Jeep
10 months ago
Reply to  Ncbrit

I figured the brisk drive emote would be one of these:

(never mind, the emotes didn’t populate)

Last edited 10 months ago by Man With A Reliable Jeep
Mocamino
Mocamino
10 months ago

Or maybe ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Man With A Reliable Jeep
Man With A Reliable Jeep
10 months ago
Reply to  Mocamino

Ha! Good save.

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