Okay so today’s Cold Start is going to be rushed because I have to get on a train in 15 minutes (and I really need to poop before that) so we can get into Manhattan where I will get to drive a car whose presence in America I sort of inspired. Really! Remember when we wrote about Wink, the company importing little Changli-like vehicles into America? Well I’m going to get to drive one and see what it’s like, today.
It’s not the one at the top, I don’t think, but I really like the funny, expressive Jeep-like face on that one. It looks a little pensive and unsure, and I want to give it a snack and tell it everything’s going to be fine, just fine. Something about the indicators making it look like it has an uncertain look in the eyes. I think instead I’m driving the one that resembles a shrunken Mini. This one:
This should be fun! But I need to go! In both contexts!
I would have been 20 minutes late for that train.
A shrunken Mini. Is it called the Oxymoron?
No. I once went to a Mini convention (by accident) and there were many examples of shortened original Minis there. Imagine a Mini with the back seat space chopped out.
Maybe this is just a car that’s actually mini.
Did you remember to bring the chainsaw?
I performed some quick and dirty therapy on those headlights. Now our wink jeep looks much happier.
Looks like it is going to cry.
“ Something about the indicators making it look like it has an uncertain look in the eyes”
But the eyes are the windscreen Jason. A big single eye with a wiper jammed in it, nothing more obviously anthropomophic than that.
Don’t make me report you to Disney again.
Having to poop at a train or bus station is IMO one of the worst places to have to do it. But still better than on the train or bus. Although one of the key advantages of the latter two are that you never have to worry about causing a clog.
Budgeting one’s time on a bus- how close am I to my destination? How far would I have to walk to a public facility that’s open if I take the next stop? All of this is more math than I ever thought I would have to use as an adult.
I once made that calculus and held out for the bus station. The one on the back of the bus was thoroughly filthy and not suitable for a sitdown job. So I make it into the crowded Mens’ room at the bus station while doing the awkward crab shuffle with the turtle’s head trying to have a peek at the back of my underwear, only to discover that there were no doors on the cubicles.
Awkward barely begins to describe that ordeal. It’s not as if I had any better options by that time.
As a traveling sales rep with IBS, I used to have a very good handle on where all the good, clean, semi-secluded public bathrooms were in my territory, but the early days of COVID were a nightmare when everything was closed off, and then the government goes and bans loperamide in easy to use bottles. Now, my territory’s so damn big, I have no idea, all I can say is the one at back of Walmarts used to be pretty reliable, but now those are all as universally disgusting as the ones at the front
Lots of people live in Walmart parking lots these days. Couple that with reductions in staff as cost cutting measures, and that is a recipe for what you are describing. To me, public restrooms are about the only thing Walmart is good for, because I am not giving them my money if I can avoid it, and I’d rather cost them money in some small way if at all possible.
Yes! Screw Walmart. I think they are Commies.
I hope you’re joking because they are probably the furthest thing from Commies. They are hard core Capitalists that would kill their own family for a 0.1% profit increase.
“As a traveling sales rep with IBS” – sorry, but that sounds a lot like a recurring SNL character.
I’m surprised no one thought of that.
While I don’t have IBS, I do eat like a horse and have a fast metabolism, and thus have endured no shortage of awkward emergency situations regarding this subject. I’m always on the lookout for a public restroom in the vicinity, because I know the need will arise multiple times per day.
With a ’90s-style theme song and slide show intro
I’m sorry your territory doesn’t have Bi-Mart.
How does Bi-Mart’s facilities compare to a Bucees?
I never thought this would be a thing, with IBS I can see it being helpful. Flush Toilet Finder is the quickest, simplest way of finding a public bathroom or restroom. Simply open the app and it will display the nearest toilets to you. It’s free, no in-app purchases and has over 200,000 bathrooms in its database!
Count this among the apps I wish existed about 10 years ago. No real details, but let’s just say you don’t want to have IBS, and be in Paris after 6pm on a holiday.
Loperamide (aka Imodium) only being available in those impossible to open blister packs is such a shitty (ha!) symptom of the way our country approaches drug policy. If you take enough of them, apparently it can…not exactly get you high, but sort of take the edge off of opiate withdrawal. So rather than a safe and sane opiate policy, we make it really hard for anyone without strong, nimble hands to control their diarrhea.
Thank you for coming to my TEDBrown talk.
Big box home improvement stores became my go-to during Covid. Or grocery stores. Both seemed to be less used than WM and typically a lot cleaner.
Having just returned from a train-and-bus trek from Chicago to the Catskills, train bathrooms are fine, but bus bathrooms should be avoided at all costs.
What is a smaller MINI called? The original smaller MINI was a Mini. Nissan already has a Micra. Maybe a Miniette?
Tata Nano has you covered.
Pico. Then you can make a “hot” performance model called the Pico De Gallo.
MINI Metro? Or, MINI Cooper Metro? (since all their models sold in North America have to have Cooper in their name, Olds Cutlass-style)
The problem with that name is that a Mini Metro is bigger than a Mini. At least it came with a full complement of surrendering and/or car-washing robots, I guess? Mine was the MG version which lacked the “Mini” part of the name so I always had to wash it myself…
Smaller than the current MINIs though
Extra-Mini or XM
(Borrowing from the clothing industry standards)
Micron. Although a certain memory manufacturer might take exception. Bonus for the electronic related ‘on’ in the name.
So is this the Cold Start or the Morning Dump because I’m confused.
It was a missed opportunity to be both in the same article. It would have been glorious. Especially if written during the performance of Jason’s Morning Glory.
I’m pretty sure it means the morning dump will be delivered in the next 15 mins
Or is it a Cold Dump? Or Dump Start?
I’m so confused.
The Wink Jeep looks like it is having and existential crisis, sorta like Marvin the Paranoid Android.
If it could talk it would tell Torch, “This will all end in tears, I just know it”
Don’t you mean Marvin the perpetually depressed robot? or am I mis-cross referencing?
Anyway, Nobody messes wit me boy Douglass Adams!!
“Wink: hey, it’s transportation!”
‘Hey, its transportation .. Wink’
Something tells me that someone played a big con on Torch, and he’s traveling all that way to drive a hot pink barbie corvette power wheels.
I don’t think you need to trick him into that. He’d be a willing participant.
I’m pretty sure that top picture is a Cozy Coupe with the eyes peeled off and some grille stickers added.
For everyone’s benefit, leave the chainsaw at home.
(( Mental image of Torch on public transportation, casually holding a bloody chainsaw ))
The Jeep-like one has the same expression Jason is going to have after overindulging at the Gray’s Papaya.
<George Takei voice>
</George Takei voice>
This car is experience existential dread. Looking at this car is like looking into my own soul.
That little Jeep-like thing really needs the ability to rotate the indicator/headlight units. Like, if you stomp on the accelerator, they should rotate so it looks like angry eyebrows.
Braking hard? The apologetic look shown to indicate “Oh crap!”
Enjoying a brisk drive on a curvy road? Flip ’em 180 so it looks happy!
Any other suggestions?
The eyes should have retractable covers so they can close completely when the car is charging, i.e. when it’s asleep.
“Enjoying a brisk drive on a curvy road”
I’m not sure its capable of that.
I figured the brisk drive emote would be one of these:
(never mind, the emotes didn’t populate)
Or maybe ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Ha! Good save.