Home » Here’s A New Thing To Be Creeped Out By: Cold Start

Here’s A New Thing To Be Creeped Out By: Cold Start

Cs Dummy 1
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Maybe it’s got something to do with that Uncanny Valley I’ve heard so much about and bought some time-shares in, or maybe it’s just some other bit of human nature, but whatever it is I can’t deny that old ventriloquist dummies and similar sorta-real vintage dolls creep me the fudge out. If you feel you’re immune to such creepiness, then I’d invite you to browse these images of these sorts of dolls and dummies in vintage pedal cars, as seen in a pictorial in the 1974 Volume 12, number 1 edition of Automobile Quarterly.

I love Automobile Quarterly, and respect their willingness to cover things like pedal cars as they did in Court van Rooten’s excellent article, Putting the Kids on Wheels, but whomever’s idea it was to stick ventriloquist dummies into the pedal cars for the pictorial part was one savage, cruel mothertruster.

Vidframe Min Top
Vidframe Min Bottom

I mean, just look at them. Look at that one up top, into the strange, dead eyes of that dummy and tell me that little freak isn’t going to ride squeakily up to your bed in that pedal car one night and try to extract your soul out of your nostrils, because you know that’s his devious little plan.

Or how about this one:

Cs Dummy 2

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You know she’ll rotate her head slowly to look at you and say some shit like “let’s play…forever!” in some high, squeaky voice, and if you’re even remotely human, you’ll flood your pants with piping-hot fear-urine.

Cs Dummy 3

Gaaaah! I do not trust this fucker. No way. That sawdust-filled bastard is sizing you up, calculating every bit of value he can get by kidnapping you and selling you for gods knows what to gods knows who. I think that particular dummy is known as Mortimer Snerd, one of the famous Edgar Bergen’s unholy homunculi, and seems to have some sort of idiot persona:

Yeah, I don’t trust that dummy one bit. Of course, Bergen was best known for his use of this wealthy-looking dummy named Charlie McCarthy, who also makes an appearance here:

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Cs Dummy 4

Yeah, he’s creepy too, but he looks more like he’ll pay some goons to work you over instead of doing the deed himself.

Cs Dummy 5

Then we have this peculiar two-page spread of a large Mr.Magoo doll, jowls and all, in a large pedal car. And for some reason, Mr.Magoo is wearing a GE-branded sweater? Did GE ever work with Magoo?

In case you’re unfamiliar with Mr.Magoo, he was a character in a ’50s-era cartoon about an old rich guy with terrible vision, and that near-blindness forms the basis of pretty much everything that happens to him, which usually revolves around him getting into situations that almost get him or the people around him killed.

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He also seems to have been a vintage car enthusiast, as you can see here:

How is this man licensed to drive? And those roller coasters and railroads need to drastically improve their safety and security systems.

I do like that this pedal car article includes this bit:

Cs Dummy 6

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They let some kids try them out, and the best part is the graph of the acceleration curve up there. Is the jaggedness of that curve related to the cycle of the pedals being depressed?

Anyway, sorry to creep you out so vigorously this morning, but I had to see these, so, you know, you have to also. Them’s the rules.

 

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Banana Stand Money
Banana Stand Money
28 days ago

Don’t stop being such a delightful weirdo, Torch. This is one of the main reason’s I’m a subscriber!!

Freelivin2713
Freelivin2713
29 days ago

This was so damn hilarious!
“YA BIG DUMMY!!!” -Fred Sanford

Black Peter
Black Peter
29 days ago

What is this, a graph for ants?
Why can’t we get expanded images back, seemed like it was a thing a few weeks ago

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
29 days ago

“How is this man licensed to drive?”

Because ‘MURICA!

Lizardman in a human suit
Lizardman in a human suit
29 days ago

Well, thanks Torch. I was gonna take a nap, and decided to read some Autopian. We’ll now that ain’t gonna happen. In fact, I’m off to the store to stock up on caffeine pills. I don’t think I should sleep for a few days

Jakob K's Garage
Jakob K's Garage
29 days ago

Oh man, Charly McCarthy looks like Robert Blake in Lost Highway! (shivers)

PlatinumZJ
PlatinumZJ
29 days ago

Oh wow, it can’t possibly be creepier than time-out dolls!

**reads article**

…And now my computer seems to be haunted.

Crank Shaft
Crank Shaft
29 days ago

Mission Accomplished! I was indeed instantly creeped out by the Top Shot.

(Pedant says: by which to be creeped out)

Collegiate Autodidact
Collegiate Autodidact
29 days ago

Dunno about those ventriloquist dummies being so creepy (they indubitably are creepy! Especially in such a context as this) when compared to those annoyingly ubiquitous timeout dolls at American Graffiti-type car shows. There’s just something inherently creepy about boomers finding humor in seeing scenarios of little kids being punished. Good grief. Which is scarier, a possessed Mortimer Snerd piloting an American Bantam-like replica pedal car or grown adults chuckling at the punishment of little children? I’ll take the former scenario, even if Snerd is furiously pedaling towards me at full speed, over the latter scenario any day of the week, ha.

Andrea Petersen
Andrea Petersen
29 days ago

*Laughs in goth* Nah, weird old dolls are just normal home décor!

Freelivin2713
Freelivin2713
29 days ago

Yeah, I wonder if Adrian has some of these?

Urban Runabout
Urban Runabout
29 days ago

I fondly remember the bright red VW Beetle pedal car that was purchased for me from Sears for my 4th Birthday in 1969.
Why did I choose a Beetle rather than a Firetruck or whatever?
Because I had just seen “The Love Bug” at the theatre that spring!

(If I could attach photos of myself driving around the house and harassing the dog with the car, I’d post them here)

Last edited 29 days ago by Urban Runabout
Toecutter
Toecutter
29 days ago

You should also consider this image of Bob Stuart’s home-built adult pedal car, the Carcycle X4:

https://imgur.com/JPbwM0T

That looks like a cross between Peewee Herman and Total Recall’s Johnny Cab!

This vehicle is also described in the following article:

https://microship.com/bob-stuart/

Of course, I look like a rolling creepshow riding my homebuilt electric velomobile around dressed like Edward Scissorhands, but I don’t have any photos of me doing that.

Here’s a delightful song to complete the vibe:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zfLU3Mv_O9w

Andy Individual
Andy Individual
29 days ago
Reply to  Toecutter

How does Edward Scissorhands drive? Especially with modern touch screen controls?

Toecutter
Toecutter
29 days ago
Andy Individual
Andy Individual
29 days ago
Reply to  Toecutter

I’m SO glad that didn’t feature haptic controls.

AverageCupOfTea
AverageCupOfTea
29 days ago

I hope to see another post about pedal cars, vintage and new.

Hugh Crawford
Hugh Crawford
29 days ago

Putting all those pictures of you in that Berkley interspersed with the pictures of dummies in pedal cars is a clever touch.

Chronometric
Chronometric
29 days ago

dead eyes, no soul
pedal car, it’s how i roll
aren’t i cute just sitting there?
see you soon in your nightmare

DriveSheSaid
DriveSheSaid
29 days ago
ES
ES
29 days ago
Reply to  DriveSheSaid

and yet this film version of wheelers isn’t as disturbing as much as the drawn version in the original books. (no i’m not that old, but when i was a kid, my dad thought used bookstores were free child care.)

Taargus Taargus
Taargus Taargus
29 days ago

R.L. Stein taught me at a very young age, to never trust a ventriloquist dummy.

As for Mr. Magoo, I somehow brought this up a few days ago on here for some reason, but I’ll say it again, Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol is an underrated Christmas special.

JerryLH3
JerryLH3
29 days ago

Coming across these at a car show would be infinitely worse than the stupid time out dolls. I would probably turn around and walk the other way.

IRegertNothing, Esq.
IRegertNothing, Esq.
29 days ago
Reply to  JerryLH3

Walk? You’d better run, because those creepy little bastards will be following you while whisper-singing children’s songs.

Drew
Drew
29 days ago

Running doesn’t help. No matter how fast you run, they’re always either right behind you or suddenly ahead of you.

Canopysaurus
Canopysaurus
29 days ago

Mr. Magoo did make commercials for GE light bulbs and they sponsored his Mr . Magoo’s Christmas Carol special, too.

Chronometric
Chronometric
29 days ago

How does a vantriloquist dummy operate a pedal car?

Canopysaurus
Canopysaurus
29 days ago
Reply to  Chronometric

They can’t and they don’t really talk, either.

Drew
Drew
29 days ago
Reply to  Canopysaurus

That’s what “ventriloquists” want you to believe. There’s no such thing as ventriloquism, just spooky haunted dolls that make those poor saps perform with them.

Hugh Crawford
Hugh Crawford
29 days ago
Reply to  Drew

Ask Candice Bergen.

Andy Individual
Andy Individual
29 days ago
Reply to  Chronometric

They aren’t so much in the car as the car is in them.

Trenton Abernathy
Trenton Abernathy
29 days ago

Powered by VTEC (Very Tiny, Extra Creepy)

Freelivin2713
Freelivin2713
28 days ago

“Just wait til that VTEC kicks in, YO!”

StillNotATony
StillNotATony
29 days ago

If I see any of these pedal cars out in the wild being piloted by these creepy dolls, I am running them over with my car.

No hesitation.

I have SEEN THIS MOVIE, and I am taking ZERO CHANCES.

James Mason
James Mason
29 days ago
Reply to  StillNotATony

Soon: Driver runs over child with advanced progeria in pedal car outside DFW airport.

StillNotATony
StillNotATony
29 days ago
Reply to  James Mason

I’ve seen that movie, too (Akira).

Still no hesitation.

Carbon Fiber Sasquatch
Carbon Fiber Sasquatch
29 days ago
Reply to  StillNotATony

Tetsuo vs. the Conjuring universe would be an interesting movie, I’d watch it

Lew Schiller
Lew Schiller
29 days ago
Reply to  StillNotATony

I see Telly Savalas in the lead role mowing down Talking Tina

MATTinMKE
MATTinMKE
29 days ago
Reply to  Lew Schiller

Who loves you baby! CRASH!

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