Imagine a Fabergé egg. Now, imagine yourself opening up that ornate egg, and inside, nestled within the delicate metalwork and cut crystal, sits a rusty bolt, wrapped in a rag that seems to have been used to soak up a combination of 10W-40 and what just may be urine. This is a close analogy for what is about to happen, at least for David Tracy and myself, when we show up at the most elegant and important car show in the Known Universe, the Pebble Beach Concurs D’Elegance. Our partner Beau Boeckmann will be going as well, but he, you know, fits. David and I, as longtime Garbage People, don’t, but we’re still going to have a blast.
I actually have been to Pebble Beach car week before, the first time a long time ago when I was still a civilian, and then again when I worked with Jalopnik, so I’ve witnessed the splendor firsthand, and have at least some vague idea what to expect.
David, though, hasn’t ever been to an event like this, being more used to impromptu car shows in Walmart parking lots, eating slices of the cheapest available pizza that’s been dropped onto the asphalt at least once. I’m hoping he feels incredibly awkward and uncomfortable in every situation he’s in while up there, making incredibly wealthy owners alarmed by offering to JB Weld priceless Voisin fenders or shoving his greasy fingers onto seats made of incredibly rare narwhal leather, just because that’ll be more fun to watch.
Really, though, I’m excited to go back to Pebble Beach because there’s just nothing quite like it, anywhere. Yes, the people that show their cars there are incredibly wealthy, but the truth is they’re also real gearheads and the cars you see at Pebble are not just status-flossing boring rich guy stuff: there’s genuinely, remarkably interesting cars there.
Here, watch their promo video:
Fascinating one-offs, proud and sad lone survivors of long-extinct marques, bold technical experiments, unhinged styling fever dreams, cars with stories and history and emotion and legend saturating them. It’s not about the money or the bonkers clothes or the status, if you’re doing it right. It’s just a dense, saturated dose of the highest quality raw, uncut Automobile, and I’ll do my best to show all of you what it’s like.
David and I will be seeing as much as we can, and doing our best to convey all the good stuff to you, all our Autopians who we wish we could have with us, but we’ll be your eyes. And ears, and, where applicable, noses. We’ll go to the Historics, where people flog century-old racecars around a track with ruthless abandon. I once saw a piston shoot out of the block of a 1912 Dusenberg. They’re not playing around.
Oh, I’m also going to be a judge for the Mopar category of the blood-thinningly exclusive Concurs D’Lemons, so we’ll make sure to show you that, too.
I don’t know yet exactly what’s going to happen, but I do know that we’re going, we’ll be driving into the whole thing something that Beau is not telling us about yet, and who the hell knows what else.
But you’ll be with us, and that’s what matters.
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Are you sending anyone to the Performance Racing Industry trade show in December? It isn’t the “normal” scene around here, but what exactly counts as normal, anyway? Heck, I saw Blasphemi (of Roadkill fame, or is it notoriety…) there a couple of years ago.
Or . . . not enough rust ON the Jeeps?
That video: Gaaaah! A giant baby! Oh, it’s just a tiny car.
“…I’m also going to be a judge for the Mopar category of the blood-thinningly exclusive Concurs D’Lemons…”
You’ve hit the big time! Please pass along my regards to Alan, as I can’t make it this year.
Hello, me big dumb spambot! I’d like to talk to you about your car’s extended warranty, maybe over a nice muscatel? Then back to my server rack, where we can make sweet sweet bot love? Man, this is a great car website! Mmmm-mmmm-MMMMM so good!
Oh no! the bot is self aware!
Does that just make it a troll?
See you guys at Lemons.
Say hello to Fancy Kristin for us!
Or hire Fancy Kristin for us.
Just keep David out of the auctions, OK? Once he sees someone paying 9 figures for a car, he will start to figure out how many rusty jeeps he could have bought with that much money and his head might explode.
So, are you all going to show up in a Beetle with a Rolls-Royce grille? Bill Harrah’s Jerrari would be fitting, but maybe too exclusive.
I would highly recommend against letting David bathe in any of the area lakes on the way there. There are alligators.
We don’t get many alligators in central California.
Wouldn’t want the poor creatures getting tetanus, after all.
Are any of yinz going to be at the Woodward Dream Cruise?
Weeee maybe we’ll bump into each other. Going to go on Thursday to see the concourse cars leave for their tour around Big Sur and the German car exhibition, may come back later in the week.
If you get run over by a red 2013 Audi TT RS that’s me ????
I think you need to give David an assignment to find something legitimately in need of repair on at least 5 cars there. Saying “this car needs more rust” or “this chrome is to shiny” doesn’t count, I want him to find something that needs actual wrenching. Good luck!
David is going to get arrested when someone finds his oil-drenched body laying under their pristine Rolls-Royce 40/50 trying to score undercarriage shots.
“God,that’s almost as bad as my jeep!”
Looking forward to the reports. While you’re out there it could be a great opportunity to get into the real estate market, as property values will obviously be dropping.
Looking forward to the unintentionally-awkward video content! Always feels like Torch leans into the weird and DT doesn’t know or care because he’s so excited just to be “there” (junkyard to Koenigsegg). Autopain at its finest!
You can’t do worse than my friend and I at the Avila Beach Concours d’ Elegance about 10 years ago. We stayed late and were asked to help load the World’s Fastest Indian (the actual one) and one of Nigel Mansell’s Lotus 95T John Player Special (as I remember). I slipped and almost dropped the former since it was raining, then damaged the front wing of the latter pushing it into the trailer.
It amuses me that Concours was attacked by spell check in both the first and second to last paragraph.
I conquer with your assessment.
I’m kinda expecting David to be complaining that there aren’t enough Jeeps.
Wait, no Jeeps?!
Or … not enough rusty Jeeps.