How Lincoln Could Eat The G-Wagen’s Lunch With A Bronco-Based Lux SUV

If nothing else here at the Autopian, we aim to please our readers. Even if I disagree, as a humble servant, I must obey your commands, so I’m doing that now.

The story in question involves a certain vehicle that is rumored to be in development as we speak: a Bronco-based, high-end Lincoln off-roader. Many speculated that this meant Ford’s luxury division was planning on making a Mercedes G-Wagen competitor, as unlikely and ill-advised as that seemed.

A little over a week ago, I used logic and the obvious needs and wants of the car market to give you what I thought made more sense: a Maverick-platformed Lincoln as an affordable, profitable, and probably more practical product for everyone. Based on the majority of the comments, it looks like what I had in mind was not what you had in mind.

Silly as the idea seems to me, an industrial-looking Ford SUV turned into a red-blooded American rival for the Benz favored by Kardashians and kingpins alike appeared to be the preferred tack. Who am I to not fulfill your wishes?

Like Wearing Tactical Gear To Shop At Target

At the risk of subjecting myself to the ire of our David Tracy, an honest confession needs to be made: I really don’t like Jeep Wranglers. Sure, if I was out in Moab or something maybe I’d find renting one for a few hours to be amusing, but I find these things to be among the most absurd daily drivers ever to be offered to the public. I was once offered one as an “upgrade” at Enterprise and refused since I would be driving over five hours. “Yeah,” laughed the counter guy, “don’t do that.”

Wranglers certainly look good, and I would assume that much of the popularity must be about this appearance since the driving dynamics on the street could be surpassed by, well, almost anything else the owners could stick their dashboard rubber ducks on.

The Mercedes G-Wagen is in a bit of the same situation, just at a more stratospheric price point. There’s not really any justification for driving something designed to emulate the civilian version of a military vehicle released in 1979. To be honest, it wasn’t advanced looking when it was introduced nearly fifty years ago, and it slavishly kept that look when totally redesigned for 2018. The G-Wagen exists today primarily as a “lifestyle” object that broadcasts your status to the world, or perceived status to those who pick up ancient examples at Buy Here Pay Here lots.

I can’t deny the cool factor, or the fact that it’s possibly the last Mercedes product that adheres to the old Benz axiom of making the best cost-no-object we-don’t-care-if-you-hate-it product regardless of focus groups and marketing departments. I really miss the old “this is what you get and this is what you will pay” Mercedes-Benz of the eighties that would kick the likes of a twentysomething me out of a showroom. That just made me want to buy one even more.

Which brings us back to the idea of a luxury Bronco. At least in versions without the absurdly wide knobby tires, the Ford competitor to the Wrangler arguably provides a better on-road driving experience. And off pavement, the Bronco can still keep pace with the World War II-style Jeep, a rather moot point when you understand that’s a capability that the vast majority of owners will never even come close to utilizing.

Once again, I’ve already made this clear, and you don’t care. You want your Bronco G-Wagen, and I can absolutely make that happen.

Looking Like The Real G

The many, many Photoshop comps of possibly Lincoln Broncos I’ve seen simply put a Lincoln face onto the existing Ford. These rather lazy attempts don’t go far enough to make this luxury SUV justifiable. First, if the goal is to copy the G-Wagen, then that’s precisely what we need to do; not an Ineos Grenadier facsimile but something close enough that the kind of buyer we’re trying to lure will undeniably see the connection. Let’s get started on what I’ll call the Lincoln Namib, named for the African desert.

First, the option of a removable roof will go away; a boxy fixed steel top with limited tumblehome (tapering in of the side windows) would be on all models. Squared-off wheel arches subconsciously evoke cars like the G-Wagen and Land Rover Discovery, and frame out chubby but not-too-chubby tires to keep noise levels down. A big Lincoln grille would be framed by a lot of body-colored surface and flows into the hood with a raised bump over the engine. You’ll also note that there’s a recessed area that follows around the car below the beltline that locates the taillights/rear side markers, door handles, and terminates into the headlamps. Here’s an animation between the Lincoln and the 60th Anniversary Edition of the latest Bronco:

I did add some black trim between the side windows on the B and C pillars to help distinguish the Lincoln from the likes of Wranglers and G-Wagens. Besides, it cleans up the look, just like the greyed-out rocker panels (which might be an option for those that insist on all-body-color flanks).

In the back, the Bronco’s lift-up glass over the side-opening tailgate will give way to a single-piece door as on the G-Wagen. Remember, there’s no need to split it since that roof is never coming off. I’ve taken off the Bronco’s “snorkel” third brake light since it won’t be needed with a fixed roof. Also note the rear door handle in the taillight “heckblende” area that I painted a matching red.

Once again, an animation of the Bronco with the new Lincoln version. I kept the wheels essentially the same since a.) I liked them and b.) changing up the wheels is an easy way to make the thing look different, and I wanted to prove that I wasn’t cheating:

It sort of looks Mitsubishi Montero-like in some ways, which isn’t exactly a bad thing. I think almost anyone would see that it’s G-Wagen ripoff, but there’s enough unique personality for the Lincoln Namib to stand on its own.

Where The Magic Happens

Inside, the Bronco’s not badly outfitted for a Jeep Wrangler competitor with a bit more car-like feel inside, but for the Lincoln Namib, we’ll need to trick it out much more with fine leathers and brushed steel.

At least for upper-level models, I propose big, tufty seats including separate rear thrones that could adjust a multitude of ways. A center console could provide storage (even cooling for beverages) as well as climate and seat heating/cooling/massage control from a touch screen. You’ll also notice individual video screens on the front seat backs.

A bench seat in back could be offered, and like the Bronco, the rear seats can fold flat to allow you to carry larger cargo. There’s the same sized cargo hold behind the second row as on the Bronco, of course, but carpeted instead of with rubber mats. Remember, it’s far less likely that it will contain climbing gear and beer coolers than it will scones for the Junior League’s Downton Abbey-themed party or other “ladies that lunch” crap. Yeah, I know, but that’s who’s gonna be driving this thing.

Bragging Rights, Not Drag Racing Fights

Almost any of the Bronco’s engines would have ample enough power to motivate the Lincoln Namib. Certainly, the 418-horsepower, 3-liter EcoBoost V6 would be plenty, but with this type of vehicle, the logic of “plenty is enough” is out the window. The top G-Wagen has a V8 under the hood pumping out 585 horses, and there’s no way such a call to arms could be avoided by the Lincoln upstart.

Honestly, it wouldn’t be tough to provide a similar level of power with Ford V8s. It turns out that such motors will fit into the latest Bronco’s engine compartment as well if not better than that EcoBoost V6. A number of conversion companies offer kits to do it, including one called RTR Vehicles that puts the 7.3-liter Godzilla under your Bronco’s hood. Producing 430 horsepower, it’s down from the top G-Wagen mill but no doubt some massaging could improve those figures.

Like I said, though, it’s less about the actual power than the ability to say your luxury ute has at least eight cylinders under the hood. Ford could certainly do that with the Lincoln Namib, and for a fraction of the money that Mercedes needs for their AMG motor.

It’s Still Stupid, But I Get It

I hope the end result of this exercise is the extra-premium, off-road-ready Lincoln SUV the Maverick-deniers hoped for. I still stand by my earlier opinion that a boxy, over-engined, balloon-tire’d military vehicle makes about as much sense for the typical suburban owner as, well, I can’t think of a sillier metaphor than taking a locking-diff G-Wagen to Whole Foods. Still, this site is all about the absurd, and a Lincoln Bronco is actually a little less insane than some of the things I’ve seen here – many of which I’ve drawn up myself. The more I worked on this fancy Bronco, the more I actually wanted one. Even at my estimated MSRP of around $115,000 with all the stuff on the one I’ve shown, you’d be undercutting the G-Wagen’s price by tens of thousands and getting a rather close facsimile.

Top graphic base image: Ford